Join 75,783 users and earn money for participation

I forgot how to be happy

49 39 boost
Avatar for Marinov
Written by   144
1 month ago

I don't know what happened to my hormones why I am feeling so down lately. I am not even sure if my hormones have something to do with my mood swings. I just felt like I am lost these days and every person I would rely on doesn't really care about me. I know you have this feeling too sometimes when you think you don't matter to anyone. What's even making it worse is when the people who you consider as your closest and would think of you as someone important, would also turn their backs on you.

I am not counting of the times I helped them but I just find it so unfair. Let me quote a line from the movie I watched earlier. I forgot the title but I do remember the line.

The actor said, "Life isn't fair. Human world is unfair."

And then my pessimist side goes on again. I guess I viewed life that way as what the actor does. Life really is unfair. Some are happy and some are lonely. Other children are in a very good condition while the rest are sleeping on the cold street every night without the comfort of any sheet. Others eat their dinner nicely while the rest need to look for every garbage and see if there's something to eat. Some people are also living healthy while the rest are suffering from illness, even those young ones. Some are also working lightly but got high compensation than the rest who are working under the heat with much effort. Just like the farmers.

Can you not consider it unfair? Because for me this isn't even. Why can we just all be happy and live a life nicely. Why can't we all just have a family who loves us without any condition.

This morning, I received a message from my grandma. I don't know if I interpreted it well but her texts were like saying I should not get married because I still have a lot of responsibilities. She didn't said it that straight but the thought was very clear. My grandma loves me. I know that very well but sometimes, she just doesn't know she's been putting a lot of pressure on me since I was still studying. She's always saying that I should get a job as a teacher, only as a teacher because that's what she wants. And when I am a teacher, I would prioritize the construction of our home and provide them monthly allowance. I talked back to her because she's been counting the eggs already without knowing the chicken would hatch. I told her in a nice way to take it a little slow and to let things go in their own natural course. Everything takes time. I'm still 23 and I can't make it for now. But I didn't said I won't. I just want to give everything time.

The pressure has been the major reason of my anxiety. One time, the night after graduation in College, I again had panic attacks because I've been thinking a lot. I was thinking what my life would be after graduation and if I can pass the Licensure Examination for Teachers. Unknowingly, my body froze and I can't breath again. I tried hard to fight it but then my body can't. I was rushed to the hospital and checked and the doctor found out that there's no complication in my body. What I'm experiencing is a product of anxiety -- fear of the future.

The doctor advised my grandma to not put pressure on me but then my grandma just can't understand the concept of anxiety. She thinks that I'm over reacting and I can control what I am thinking. I made her understand but she can't because she won't and this has been one of our problems. She doesn't know that her dreams build my anxiety. I am not complaining because I am willing to create the dream for them it's just that I needed time for everything.

My grandma's texts got me into thinking again. Why she's always afraid of me not being able to sustain/help them. Am I just born to continue the dream they want but they weren't able to do so? Or am I just here because I was made to do whatever they want me too? I want to do things my way and I let them understand it already. I also hate that they're comparing me to everybody who's successful. I love grandma, my family but sometimes, I just don't understand them. Even if I already let them know what I feel, still the actions are the same. I know I shouldn't rant here but I do want to share everything I felt where I will not be judged.

But hey, don't let the negative vibes in here get to you. Just continue to be happy because you deserve it and I deserve it too. Hoping these emotional side of me ends.

Have a good evening lovelies!


Thank you so much guys for reading! You've been so kind to me since day one.

Thank you so much again for your time! To my sponsors, upvoters and to those who comments, I am sending you my warmest gratitude! Let's talk and get to know each other well.

Lead image is edited from Canva

All photos are taken from Unsplash.com

Ciao! ❤️

16
$ 10.61
$ 9.10 from @TheRandomRewarder
$ 1.00 from @JustMyRambles01
$ 0.10 from @ARTicLEE
+ 10
Avatar for Marinov
Written by   144
1 month ago
Enjoyed this article?  Earn Bitcoin Cash by sharing it! Explain
...and you will also help the author collect more tips.

Comments

How nice that you are using this platform to write what you feel and in a way to vent all those emotions that affect you and cause anxiety. Write, do not stop doing it, every time you feel the need to express your emotions, to unburden everything that oppresses your heart, do it through writing. If there is anything I can help you with, count on me.

$ 0.00
1 month ago

Laban lang ,lilipas din yan ,baka bukas ,maintindihan ka na nila🥰

$ 0.01
1 month ago

Baka nga sis, bukas. I'm still hopeful. Salamat ah

$ 0.00
1 month ago

Keep fighting po. Hindi ka man nila maintindihan ngayon in time po makikita nila yung ginagawa niyo for your family..

$ 0.01
1 month ago

I hope so. Thanks, friend. 🥰

$ 0.00
1 month ago

Please don't ever let anyone tell you how to live your life and what you must do, you really are so young (I feel like an older sister saying that to you 😂). I can understand your Grandma wants you to be successful, but what she is doing isn't fair on you. There is a lot of pressure and sometimes you need to take time for you and figure out what you want. The end of the day, your whole life is ahead of you and you need to decide your own dreams 🌸

Thank you for sharing such a beautiful article with us, it was straight from your heart, I really love to catch up with your works and it always gives me motivation when I read your articles. Sending loads of strength, hugs and positivity xx

$ 0.01
1 month ago

Thanks for being there always. ❤️ And I am glad you consider my work as something beautiful. As much as I want to do it my way, I still look back to my family and would always do as they say. That's why I am kinda upset with myself bcs I am not the person they wanted me to be. But I'll try to let them understand more that I have my own life too and achieving success takes time.

$ 0.00
1 month ago

Haysss Filipino culture no? Nakakapressure Yung Alam mo yon pagkagraduate mo ang dami nila nilulook forward.

$ 0.01
User's avatar Yen
1 month ago

Totoo kaya nga minsan naisip ko sana di nalang ako grumaduate. Sana nag aaral parin ako hanggang ngayon

$ 0.00
1 month ago

Naramdaman ko din dati Yan , Yung tipong hindi Lang ako marealtak nila Papa Kasi nung newly graduate ako lagi ako nagreresign sa work tapos sasabihin Wala daw ako tyaga . Di nila Alam dami ko din struggles. Pero mairaraos din Yung ganyang stage.

$ 0.00
User's avatar Yen
1 month ago

Fight and be strong at huwag kalimutan mag pray. Ganyan talaga Ang buhay minsan mahirap at malungkot Pero huwag pa stressed masyado.

$ 0.01
1 month ago

I will dear, pipilitin ko. Salamat ah ☺️

$ 0.00
1 month ago

I felt sad, I know few people who have the same situation as you. On them, they are the breadwinner and they are demanded to be single until financially stable. They are against it, but they can't do about it.

$ 0.01
1 month ago

True, sis. Parang ganyan din ako eh feel nila marami akong pera ni hindi man lang nagtatanong 🤣 naiinis na ako minsan pero pinapakalma ko sarili ko. Ang hirap talaga

$ 0.00
1 month ago

Kakalungkot pag ganyan.. Pero sbi nga lilipas din yan stay focused and positive 💪

$ 0.01
1 month ago

Lilipas din, soon. Kung sa bisaya, sasabihin namin 'puhon'. salamat friend.

$ 0.00
1 month ago

Mao nay usa sa toxic trait sa mga pinoy mamsh, kanang they thought nga utang na loob , good thing lang pud dili sad ing ana ahoa parents nga i pressure ko ba

$ 0.01
1 month ago

Kaajo mamsh. Maajo man imo parents kay mosabot man

$ 0.00
1 month ago

Very well understanding jud mamsh, mauwaw gani ko kay mao pay muhatag naho nuon na in fact ako na dapat unta for now muhatag nila.

$ 0.00
1 month ago

Owwss how nice ba diay mem. Sanaol ingana ang parents

$ 0.00
1 month ago

Mao lage mamsh nuh, saon lahi2 pud lage ug perspectives ning mga parents.

$ 0.00
1 month ago

Same goes for me... I am feeling bored and lazy these days.

$ 0.01
1 month ago

Right? I don't know but these days are kinda off and sad

$ 0.00
1 month ago

Nakafeel sad ko ug ing-ana mem. Di jud lalim ng ipressure ka. Mao ng naningkamot jud ko nga makakwarta-kwarta ko ginagmay para ug naa silay pangayuon like ambag sa magbirthday, makahatag ko. Taas raman gud ilang expectations natu labi na nga nakahiman ta. Maayo na lang pud sa akong side nakasabot-sabot ra pud sila. Ningpromise man pud ko nga bisan naa na koy anak, mutabang gihapon ko nila.

$ 0.01
1 month ago

Di jod lalim mem. Para nila wara na lge kay maon naandan sa mgaPinoy. And anak murag himuon na investment. Haysss! Majo untag parehas imo mem nga makasabot. Murag nahimo najod ni nahong mmk diri. Hahaha waman pod laing masuwat lge

$ 0.00
1 month ago

I hope everything will be okay soon. Laban lang bisan way kalaban

$ 0.01
1 month ago

Jems! Haha! Unta oy gikapoy na ko diri

$ 0.00
1 month ago

Yan ang mahirap ee. Yong di nila alam na sobra sobra na ung pinapatong nila sa balikat mo. Yong sobrang bigat na kaya minsan di na kinakaya, bumibigay na pati utak mo. Bakit di nila maisip un ano, paramg sarili lang nila ang iniisip nila. Saka, di man lang nila kino consider if gusto mo ba ung ginagawa mo. Like, go wala kaming paki sa gusto mo. You should do your part and all blablabla. Aish, may ganito pala talaga no. Sana makayanan mo pa. Don't think too much nalang. Ignore them muna then so what you can do for now, yong kaya mo lang. Wag mo masyadong balikatin lahat. Breath! And Fightuuuu 💖💗

$ 0.01
1 month ago

Yan na kasi nakasanayan ng mga Pinoy eh para yung mga anak ginagawang investment para makaahon sa hirap. Di naman masama yon kung willing lang din sanang mag hintay. Opo, I will try not to think much about it kasi ako rin yung kawawa. Basta I will take things my way and my pace. Thanks ms. Ruffa ❤️

$ 0.00
1 month ago

I understand your feelings, you know my mom told me a story about dad before that's what his parents and relatives always tell him not to get married yet, not to be serious with his girlfriend which is my mom because he has to finish his studies and then help his family, to re construct their house, to buy new things, car, etc.

My dad has been a lot of pressures, ending they didn't even enjoy their relationship with mom. They didn't have the chance to travel together because he is tipid tipid kasi daming demand nang pamilya and he always say to my mom

He is tired with too much pressure his family gave him, he is not the eldest but all his eldest sister are married already that time that is why he has been their hope. He has younger brother but walang kwenta kasi napakatamad pero ayos lang sa parents nya (my grannies) pero pag siya dami nila sinasabi.

Wag mo na lang pansinin lola mo, siguro she put a lot of hope in you na rin but don't add pressure on yourself. I hope you'll be fine.

$ 0.02
1 month ago

Nakakalungkot naman nangyari sa dad mo, Hart. I hope okay na ngayon. Ganyan talaga ibang pamilya eh kaya nga unfair talaga kasi yung ibang pamilya, wala, masaya lang. Yes, I will give more understanding to my grandma and hope she does the same too. Salamat ah

$ 0.00
1 month ago

Oo nga, eh. Cheer up ka lang po. Kaya mo yan. Btw, I wrote article inspired by your article, tag na lang po kita hehe story ni mama at papa ko.

$ 0.00
1 month ago

Oh sure, salamT ah. ☺️

$ 0.00
1 month ago

Don't get too hard to yourself girl, naranasan ko an rin yan kasi malaki any expectations ng family ko sa akin noon per dahil nakapag asawa ako after graduation,hindi ko sila natulungan.Naisip ko din,hindi naman siguro dapat tayo ino obliga na suportahan ang parents natin,pero as long as kaya natin,bakit hindi.Minsan kasi ,parang kailangan magbayad ng anak ng utang na loob gayong ang pagpapa aral ay isang reasponsibilidad ng magulang.Nagka anxiety na rin ako kaya ,kaya take it slowly.

$ 0.01
1 month ago

I am glad you've been through it all, friend. Ang hirap talaga eh no pag tayo ang nalagay sa sitwasyon na yan. Kaya nga eh, mga Pinoy talaga parang ang mga anak ang ginagawang investment. Ganun po ba? Salamat po sa advice. ❤️

$ 0.00
1 month ago

Sa iba siguro , pero hindi naman lahat ng magulang ganyan.Ito ang isang bagay na babaguhin ko pagdating sa mga anak ko.

$ 0.00
1 month ago

Ay oo hindi naman lahat. Tama po yan para hindi nil ma feel na nape pressure sila ksi hindi talaga maganda epekto

$ 0.00
1 month ago

Huggsssss... I hope you grandma will understand you and i also hope that she'll let go of you. It's hard when there is someone who is pressuring you to do something... Hope you'll feel better soon

$ 0.01
1 month ago

I also hope that way, Eylz. Salamat sis ah ❤️

$ 0.00
1 month ago

I can understand where you both are coming from. I try to understand my family as well. There's no use fighting over things if we can't come into an understanding. I just hope you guys can resolve this. I know it's hard but you have to do what you have to do for now and don't let the pressure get to you. Hopefully, you get to learn to understand each other.

$ 0.01
1 month ago

Hopefully because I don't like to be in distant with my family especially grandma. I hope they can understand that success takes time. Thanks for the advice, po. This is what I need right now.

$ 0.01
1 month ago

I can just say don't pressurise yourself it's difficult time for you but you've to fight so you'll see better and happy days ahead. It took me too much times and alot of things happened in my life i lost happines and now i know how to live happily being alone which is quite difficult and prayers for you!

$ 0.01
1 month ago

Thanks for the advice. I badly need this one. And just like you, I think it will take time to to get used to these things.

$ 0.00
1 month ago

When I was younger same as you, I also felt like being pressured although my parents don't do so. I guess it's normal for people when they reach that age where they can't decide of what would they become. Just go with the flow, as saying goes you have to dance with their tune.

$ 0.01
1 month ago

Yeah i always go with flow but the music sometimes went off beat. 🤧

$ 0.00
1 month ago

Find yourself and don't think much of your limit, sis. They all are mental things. Hugs!

$ 0.01
1 month ago

I will try, sis because I'm tired of this thinking too! Thanks 🥺❤️

$ 0.00
1 month ago

The typical Filipino fam. Don't worry, one day, they will understand everything you're going through. Just stay strong. Don't stress yourself too much. Though it's hard not to, especially because the people you expect to understand you are the same people who don't. Basta, just pray and be strong.

$ 0.01
1 month ago

Yes definitely, a typical Filipino fam which I considered as toxic one. Pero yan na kasi nakasanayan eh. Though I'm really so fed up with it, I will try to come through it all. And yes, I always pray to God and still hoping there's an ending to this suffering. Thanks po.

$ 0.00
1 month ago