Because of my anxiety, being alone at most important time of the day is a struggle to me. I can handle myself alone in times I am working or doing something but there are just times when I need a company. Life is hard without anyone to call with but as I experience solitude most of the time, I got used to it.
This time, I eat my dinner alone and it's okay.
People where I live are like strangers to me. They're not my family because I am not currently at home these days. I am staying temporarily at my bf's place for some reasons. Being here resulted many of my realizations. I am comfortable in here but our home is where I feel belongingness. Nothing is better than we we felt at home. People here are nice to me but then I am always longing for my grandma's cooking, grandpa's jokes, my siblings' noises and even my pet's meowing and barking. (I'm not sure if there's a word such as meowing haha)
I just miss everything I have at home
This is also why I want to go back to childhood days. Real talk, I miss my grandma now big time than those times when I was still a kid. I don't know what's gotten into me for this sudden change of emotion. One thing I am sure now is, I feel incomplete without my family.
Well, who doesn't miss their family here, right? Sorry for being too emotional. I just missed crying. Haha!
So what's the reason why I eat my dinner alone? Well, this issue is not big though but still I wanted to share it. Why not?
It's been 2 days since my bf's little brother had a diarrhea. His mom gave him medicines and all that he used to drink when he has diarrhea. Since that kid is still 3 years old, his mom was worried and nervous what to do about it since they gave him all the medicine for kids to cure diarrhea. Unfortunately, nothing happened. Today, they decided to take him to a "quack doctor" since they are afraid to take him to the hospital because of today's situation.
My bf's mom, dad and his little brother went there so me and my bf were left in the house. We had a small argument because this afternoon, I told him to buy me spaghetti but he wanted me to go with him. I'm too lazy to go so I said, it's better not to have it than to go with him. What made me even more mad is when he said why I keep on searching for spaghetti that is not available in their place but when there's spaghetti cooked by his aunt, I only eat a little.
Can't he just go there and buy? I don't want an argument. I don't want to fight over food. As a result, I told him to not buy it or else I will throw it outside.
An hour later, my bf's mom called him asking him to go where they are because the car has stopped working. He asked me to go with him but I didn't answered so he just went there alone.
And as of this time, they're not yet at home. I can't wait for them to get back so I eat my dinner without them.
And it's fine with me.
Not until I remember my family when we eat together. 🥺 In here, it's just me and my bf who eat together. They don't practice here eating together that often.
That's why I miss those times being at home and eating together with my family. I miss my grandpa's joke while eating. He always says he would like us to him car so that he and grandma would just take a trip everyday. My grandma always says to us that we should not be in a hurry when it comes to marriage. We should enjoy ourselves being single and spoil ourselves with things we want. Those are always the kind of scenarios when we eat together.
Unlike here, it feels like it's not complete. I am not complaining because who am I to complain, right? I just miss home. That's all.
But I am a strong, independent woman that's why I eat my dinner alone and it's okay.
How about you there? Have you eaten your dinner? What's your dinner story? 😁
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At home, we don't eat at the same time most of the time. You cook your own food and eat whenever you want :D But now things are changing. Soon it will change again but that will take a long time before it happens. It's good that you have a great relationship in your home. Others are not that lucky for home to them is hell. Anyway, kudos to you for being independent. Kudos to your bf too for putting up with your tantrums :D I hope he will not get tired :D :D