Join 79,066 users and earn money for participation

Charging...

19 46 boost
Avatar for Marinov
Written by   176
1 month ago

Everything has been draining my energy, my will to live and my motivation to keep going. I don't know what's the exact reason but I became sadder as days go by. It's not my intention to feel this way because who likes to be lonely? This feeling grow swiftly than I imagine. I thought I can fight this sadness if I talk to someone or if I bond with my closest friends. I did both but none made me feel better. It even made me feel worse for I feel like I'm the saddest when I am away with those people. I became dependent for a while. I know it's human nature to be sad sometimes for not everyday is Christmas.

Being sad will make us appreciate how it feels to be truly happy. However, if the feeling of being sad persists, that's when it goes beyond normal. Like in my case, I've been feeling down for almost 5 days. There's a lot of things running around my mind and I can't chase them one by one. It's so hard to keep up and I don't know where to start or what should I do first to eliminate what I feel. Have you also been lonely for a long time? How did you cope with it? Care to share?

What are the things that make me sad?

There are a lot but I will just share the ones that keep on popping.

First is the feeling of not being at home. Yes, I do live in a house that is way more nice and big than ours but I can't feel the atmosphere of what we called, "home." This house is big but it doesn't feel like home. Everyone in here are like mad everyday and I can't feel the bond of them, being a family. They seldom eat together unlike what we do at home. They talk like they're annoyed at all times. I am not used to this kind of set-up because my grandma and grandpa are both cheerful and they seldom get angry. We don't communicate in angry tone too!

For these reasons, I feel like I can't survive in the environment I wasn't used to. Oh, maybe I can survive but I will not be happy. I can't do what I want to do since I feel like I am being watched and it felt like I tiptoed every time I will go out of the room.

Even if our little home has a lot of holes and some would even call it "rat's home", I would still choose to live there because that's where I found happiness that other homes can't give. Though it's blazing hot there during noon time, and a lot of rain water drops from our roof when it's raining, I will still choose that home for my family is there.

I miss our home and this makes me sad.

I miss our home and I think going back there should be my first move.

Second, I worry about my future too much. Whenever I see that message of someone pops from a group chat saying that she/he has received a call from the Department of Education, I feel sad and nervous at the same time because I am anticipating to receive that call too. I want to be hired before this year ends. This is the second year that I applied for that job and I think this has been a long wait already. Well, I can still wait but I do want to start A.S.A.P because who doesn't, right? Starting early means earning already.

I can't erase in mind the possibility of not being hired this year and I feel like I can't fullfil the dream of my family because of that for they're rooting for me and waiting for me to be in the world of teaching. Some of my batch mates are in already and it's making me more restless.

Until when I should wait?

Third is being unable to let my family know about my situation - that I am not happy. I don't want them to think of me because I know grandma and grandpa have a lot of things to do in the farm. But even though they're tired and busy there, I can say that they are happy. Whenever I saw their posts on Facebook along with my sisters, I want to tell them that I miss them already and I want to be with them just like before. I wish to be with them whenever they drink beer at home and have a good time playing cards or having karaoke. I wish to be with them so I can see my dogs as well. I really miss dogs and cats and I am sure they feel the same. As of this moment, I know that a hug from my pets will lift me up automatically.

Fourth is that I want to avoid someone in here but I can't since she's living here too. I am not that mean. I can adjust to someone and go with their vibe but this one is so hard to please. She's always mad and she wants everything to be perfect. She would always complain that she's tired even though she's just doing the normal household chores like cooking rice, sweeping the front yard, and cleaning the mess her kid has made. Those are the three things she does everyday but she made me feel like I add her burdens. You know it's hard to live in a place if there's someone who doesn't feel your vibe though she's not saying it.

I know I should not mind her but it is hard since we see each other everyday.

She makes me sad because I feel like I did something wrong which displeased her.

These are the things that kept on running in my mind. They made me up all night that I lose sleep. They occupy my mind most of the time and I don't know if I should let them pay for the rent so they would go away. Urgh, if only I can.

I don't have a plan to write today, honestly. I don't know what got into me but there's something from behind me telling that I should start kicking or else I will lose the battle I created. If I don't write, I will not earn. If I will not earn, then I will feel more empty and useless.

That's why I realized that I should charge myself and regain my happy hormones. It will take days but I am pretty sure that I will be fully-charged soon. As much as possible, I should avoid writing my dramas here to cut the sadness so it won't spread in the platform.

I'm taking my time to recharge.

Charging...


Thank you so much again for your time! To my generous sponsors, upvoters and to those who comment, I am sending you my warmest gratitude! Let's talk and get to know each other well.

Shout-out to @Janz for the sponsorship renewal. Daghang salamat mamsh. 💚

Lead image edited from Canva

Ciao! ❤️

18
$ 9.09
$ 8.18 from @TheRandomRewarder
$ 0.10 from @Murakamii.7
$ 0.10 from @Princessbusayo
+ 16
Avatar for Marinov
Written by   176
1 month ago
Enjoyed this article?  Earn Bitcoin Cash by sharing it! Explain
...and you will also help the author collect more tips.

Comments

Everything will be fine soon. Praying for you💛

$ 0.00
1 month ago

Happy hormones.. I guess i need to recharge myself as well..mukhang nag sasubside na kc. Hndi mailabas 😅

$ 0.00
1 month ago

Don't worry to much for future. It will happen. Just focus on present dear.

$ 0.00
1 month ago

Keep charging your self mate. Hehe, from which brand of charger you are charging yourself? 😅 Anyways these ups and downs are parts of life.

$ 0.00
1 month ago

Ang hirap nung kapag nagtatanong family mo kung kamusta ka tapos sagot mo okay ka lang kahit Hindi Naman tlga okay.

$ 0.00
User's avatar Yen
1 month ago

I am glad you choose to charge yourself up. I want you to always have faith that everything would be okay especially getting the job you desired so much. Just keep your faith active.

$ 0.00
1 month ago

Yeah, stopping by to give a deep thought about the future goals you're yet to grab is a lively acts to the body system. I know it might appear sad when you ponder over all this issue but in order way round, it's boosting the system not to give up. Thank God you are recharging⛽⛽⛽

$ 0.00
1 month ago

Take time to revitalize your energy sis, you are quite in a difficult situation but I hope things will get better for you soon

$ 0.00
1 month ago

Time to detox. Just breath and let yourself go. Pray more often than you do about your future, do your best and leave the rest for God almighty. Find someone to talk to,(not necessarily grandma or Grandpa). We always need someone to listen. I hope you get better soon.

$ 0.00
1 month ago

Sabi nila sis kapag hindi mona alam gagawin mo sa buhay umuwi ka lang sa inyo, sa pamilya mo. Magiging okay kana, what if try mo kaya muna umuwi? Pwede na yata mag byahe ngayon.

Yung laging galit bigyan mo lang pera baba it yan HAHAHAHA

$ 0.00
1 month ago

Just take your time,everything will just fall into place,very common words but it's all true sis,if you need to charge then let yourself to have it.We all feel tired sometimes .

$ 0.00
1 month ago

I feel you jud anang mingawon sa atong bay mem. Ingon ana sad ko before. Kanang makakompara bitaw ka sa imong naandan nga living style. Lisud kaayu iadjust. Nakasuway na sad ko anang gikumusta ka sa imong pamilya unya mutubag ka nga ok raman, pero ang tinuod ningtubod na diay imong luha.tsk,tsk paita. Pero antus lang gamay mem, hunahunaa na lang nga mahuman ra na. It's just part of the chapters of your life. You will be okay. Fighting 💪

$ 0.00
1 month ago

worrying is normal. we worry because we don't know the future.... although it is a cliche, we must life one day at a time

$ 0.00
1 month ago

Yeah be sad Teacher but always be happy too hehe. Well, we were just human and being sad is an expression that we had feelings LOL. Me too I was sad yet I choose to be happy via watching funny things, that's makes me charged hehe

$ 0.00
1 month ago

Hala, paita ba pud aning sitwasyona mamsh uie. Mao jud na'y nakapait, maayo man tuod ang gipuy.an ang namuyo pu'y way ayu. Sakto jud mamsh. Mas simple, mas malipayon. Balik nalang adto mamsh..

Ayaw palabi sa kaguol jud. Ako bitaw, maguol man ko pero siyempre dili man jud lagi makamaajo nato nga maguol na laman sa kanunay..

About pud sa rankings mamsh. Parehas ta, pero syempre, HOPEFUL kaayo ko na makasud jud pag-abot sa saktong time nga ihatag na sa Ginoo ang atung Gipangayo..😇 Worth it maghuwat basta Ginoo na ang mubuhat para mahitabo na..☺️

$ 0.00
1 month ago

Kaya nga Sis, sinasabi ko na napaka lakas ng loob mo para mag stay parin diyan. Emotional and Mental aspects mo ng napapahamak sa situation mo e. Pero just keep on praying lang Sis, sana maka-alis ka na diyan.

$ 0.00
1 month ago

Do what you have to do to make yourself better. The situation at home right now concerns me and saddens me that I can't do anything. It's frustrating. Then there's this pandemic. We all have reasons why we feel what we feel but at the end of the day it is up to us how to react to it. Prayers always help. Reading the good book helps for there is comfort in there. Change of perspective is needed all the time. Focus on what you can do and the positive things in life even if how insignificant you think they are.

$ 0.00
1 month ago

I feel you sis. Ganyan na ganyan din ako these days, almost 1 month na pero wala parin huhu. Pero sige lang, let's continue on fighting! We can do this!

$ 0.00
1 month ago

when i was the same as your age, i worried a lot of things almost same as you. I am a licensed teacher too but i did not ever teched. but i don't regret the opportunity that have passed or i ignored regarding teaching.

until one day i stop thinking a lot of things mostly about the future. then my life becomes easier. no worries, no sadness just let it flow. you will only get older if you think alot of all those things you mentioned. cheer up. life is good. there is more to live than this.

$ 0.00
1 month ago