Women need to start protecting themselves

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1 year ago

This month will be coming to an end very soon, it's just less than 3 days left before we enter May, are you excited? Probably not, it's just another month, right? Unless it's your birthday. See haven't had electricity for over a day now, it seems it got damaged after the heavy rainfall yesterday, but at least I still have enough battery and my powerbank isn't dead yet.

A few days ago, I was discussing with @Lhes about some of the customs and laws that govern a lot of the traditional (tribe) marriages in my country. She was talking about gender equality and I decided to pitch in with some of the things I have observed in my country (you can check out her article over here).

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Later in the evening on that same day, a piece of controversial news suddenly rocked the internet and was trending in my country; A very popular celebrity took in a second wife and nobody saw it coming! From the gist I heard, he got someone pregnant and he ended up marrying her. The first wife hasn't said anything yet but I know no woman in this modern time and age will be cool with the husband suddenly taking a new wife.

Now I am going to loop you guys into the thing I was discussing with Lhes the other day and it's about the traditional marriage system in my country and how it's built to favor men. Sometime last year, I came across a controversial thread on nairaland and it generated a lot of argument. Someone just came up and said:

And that was how the whole thing started. Back then, I didn't know much about the customs and laws governing most traditional marriages in Nigeria, so I followed the thread judiciously. A lot of counterarguments were brought up but after reading the arguments, I could see the point the thread creator was trying to make and which lots of people aren't seeing: women should always include court weddings as a safety measure.

My country is very serious when it comes to customs and traditions, so most of the time a person will always have to do a traditional wedding first before embarking on other types of wedding (church or court wedding). The traditional wedding has a lot of red flags when it comes to women's rights and it was built that way to favor the men because the woman is seen as the property of the man after he has paid her dowry (bride price).

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The traditional marriage isn't law-bidding and it creates an avenue for the men to go out there and cheat and come back home with a new wife and the first wife won't be able to do anything! She will only complain about it and even if she decides to leave, she goes with nothing, not even her children! And that's because, under the traditional laws, the man has custody of the children.

I am not saying it's the same for all tribes but from the ones I am familiar with, that's how it is. The funny thing is that, under civil law, Nigeria does not recognize polygamous union (except for states under Sharia law) but it's still practiced everywhere, and do you know why? Because marriages conducted under traditional laws are not covered in civil law, women who settle for that are taking a very high risk.

The risk of settling for only traditional marriage doesn't only come in the form of the man taking in another wife, the wife isn't entitled to any of the husband's property when he dies. There have been cases where a widow is driven from her home by the husband's relatives and she's left with nothing and she can do absolutely nothing about it!

Even church weddings don't have much power to counter traditional laws, the superior one is the court wedding and it's fully covered under civil law. With the court wedding, it's illegal for the man to take in another wife while he is still married. For him to do that, he has to divorce his current wife first and the divorce comes with him splitting his property into two and his wife will end up with half of it.

I have always known about the traditional marriage right from childhood but I didn't know it was this terrible for women, it robs them of most of their rights. It's only men that truly love their wife that will decide to treat her right but the ones that don't care can cheat and marry lots of wives because traditionally speaking, men don't cheat and that's because they are not compelled to take a vow or oath to stick to one woman which is done in the church or court wedding.

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church weddings give a woman more power in her marriage but sadly, some women don't know this. They are ignorant of the fact that they have more rights and can sue their husband when he abuses them. Some others know about the power they hold but they are afraid to use it because they don't want to end up with a broken home, so they turn a blind eye to whatever the husband is doing.

The bottom line of the whole argument was that women should always insist on a court wedding in addition to the traditional one so that they will be protected legally. Church weddings are cool as well but it tends to be abused easily and isn't on par with court wedding.

Most men are wary when it comes to court weddings because when a woman insists on it, it shows she knows her way around the laws and the man has to tread carefully or else he will end up regretting his actions. But should it even be this way? I mean using court weddings as a measure to keep the man in check, it shouldn't come down to that in the first place if the man truly loves his wife.


Disclaimer: most of the things I have said here are just from the traditional marriages I am familiar with and are not in any way saying it's the same all over the country. I am only talking about the ones I know and the ones I have heard, so forgive me if it's different in your region.

Thanks for reading πŸ’–πŸ’–πŸ’–

Thursday April 24, 2022

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Avatar for Kushyzee
1 year ago

Comments

The issue of Marriage has many K-legs, we just pray that we don't suffer trouble in our marriages. I didn't know this traditional effects too, infact I've believed that the traditional is far more recognized by the law compared to church wedding due to the way my people weigh it.

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1 year ago

Omo, they don't recognize anything in traditional marriage under civil law o. If you have an issue and you take it to a court, they can't help you because in the eyes of the law you're not married

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1 year ago

When law is on the line it's hard to defeat it. Women should be thinking wisely as well as for men before getting married, also get marry if you really are good and felt great not t the point that revelation wll come when ut us already on wedding day so be honest to each other.

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1 year ago

Fortunately a lot of women are beginning to think clearly and are now better protecting themselves using the law

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1 year ago

This is very scary. If marrying with a husband having another wives, well I would rather be alone. I remember in islam they allowed the man to have many wives, well I don't understand @kushyzee

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1 year ago

Yeah they do and that's because Islam have their own laws and anybody under that religion already know what they are getting into

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1 year ago

I agree with you. With the way we men are cheating shamelessly nowadays, i think making court wedding a compulsory thing for men they meet should be a norm.

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1 year ago

That's just it o. Although it won't stop any man from cheating but at least it will give the woman considerable rights when it comes to a divorce

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1 year ago

I don’t know if we have prenup arrangement in Nigeria but if we don’t maybe we should to help protect women

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1 year ago

We have a caricature type of prenup in Nigeria. It's valid but it's not exactly binding because there's no law that lays out the procedures for creating one, it just depends on the two people involved and what they agree to

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1 year ago

Wow I didn’t know we have that in nigeria but even if we did not a lot of people would go into it

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1 year ago

Thanks for this article, I really learnt alot.. most females nowadays must have the court documents to their wedding whether they know the law or not because society has taught us that it is a safety measure that needs to be applied..

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1 year ago

That's just it, it's better to be safe than sorry and to be on the safer side, get protected by the law

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1 year ago

This is explained well K! Hoping many women in your country would be aware on that. Not only to protect their selves but also her childrens. When it comes on properties, usually we had that "conjugal " term. Once married the wife automatically owns what the husband have and vice versa. Not unless there was a pre nuptial agreement.

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1 year ago

That conjugal term is included in my country's marriage Act and the wife has a right to the husband's properties when they divorce or in the event of death. But that term doesn't exist under traditional laws and the woman is bound to lose everything if something goes wrong

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1 year ago

I pity those women who married under traditional law, good thing if their husband has been good to them

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1 year ago

You hit the nail on the head. Court wedding gives the woman a legal standing and the right to fight her husband within the full weight of the law and it's power. Most people just want to get married without protecting themselves. This is why I love the whites... They draw up what is called Prenup. It's to protect whatever they have left just before they get into marriage. I think a lot of power has been given to the men and women should also be protected. I would also say that this goes both ways too.

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1 year ago

It goes both ways but in Nigeria it tilts mostly in the men's favour because the society is highly patriachal. It's even worst in the past but these days, we now have women who are knowledgeable in the marriage act and can better protect themselves

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1 year ago

I totally agree. Everything favours the men in this part of the world. Glad women are speaking up and then doing what's necessary too.

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1 year ago

It takes to have so much knowledge to write the way you did, Good job and boy oh boy I would be pissed... is an understatement. But you are right, women need to always register the marriage under court for future justice

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1 year ago

It's more than enough to get anybody pissed, and the funny thing is a lot of women don't know about those laws until it's too late. Many of them find out when they are already married. The really unfortunate ones find out when they are about to get divorced or when their husband die

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1 year ago

This is an interesting take and you're right too. It is fir reasons like this a lot of people are taking court marriages seriously

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1 year ago

Exactly o, nobody wants to be a victim when a marriage gets runined

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1 year ago

Oh... it's quite interesting, the laws I mean. I hope changes will be made to the traditional laws at least to be fair to wives.

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1 year ago

That will be very difficult to change the laws because it's tradition and have been in existence. It's possible but it will be difficult, the best option is for women to opt in for court marriages

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1 year ago

You did great with the explanation. Especially here in the North, court wedding are rarer than diamonds. Women should be sensitised on the advantages of court weddings to prevent this powerlessness.

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1 year ago

North own is just different, those ones aren't protected by the civil law because they have their own (Sharia law). Nigeria is a crazy country sha, two laws are existing side by side 🀦

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1 year ago

More than two sef haha. All of these laws cancel at the centre to give lawlessness. It is quantum physics πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

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1 year ago

I respect Yul edochie fa. Marrying a second wife is alot better than having side chicks like the way others do. Let his first wife just calm down 🀧

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1 year ago

If na you, will you calm down? πŸ˜‚ It's only the person wearing the shoes that knows where it itches πŸ˜‰

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1 year ago

I know it would be hard for her right now. But with time she will get used to it πŸ™ƒ

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1 year ago