Writing with an unsettled mind is the most difficult thing ever in the world of difficulties. I've been on the draft page for over three hours but I just can't get myself to come to closure. My mind is literally all over the place- thinking about this and that, trying to put things in place while also trying to gather momentum for everything I'm working on. It's been messy so far and the information I need is just not coming through. I mostly get only half and the rest is nothing but mumbles Infos. It's really tiring.
Nothing is more tiring than doing the same thing over and over in different ways but nothing seems to come out of it. It's frustrating. I was able to get info from the bank concerning my business model. The bank staffs were nice to a certain degree and were able to give me what I needed but there were some limitations attached which I'd rather not mention. Once again- purpose defeated and I just can't get anyway around it.
I already said it before, this country is designed to keep your finance at bay (keep you poor), and it's the truth. No matter how hard you try to break even, some restrictions will affect your business and you'd have no choice but to relax and cancel to begin again. I'm still trying to get more information but frustration is written all over me already. I feel the need to run my mouth once more so I can feel better. Where is @Theblackdoll when I need her? I guess I'd have to message her on Telegram today perhaps she'd be willing to listen to my rants. I need someone to talk to so I can clear my head and perhaps feel better because at the time of writing, I feel moving but frustration all over me.
I'm considering talking to my virtual moms as well- @JustMyRambles01 and @Pachuchay perhaps they could advice me regarding certain things bothering me which I you wouldn't mention here. I call them my virtual mom. Though I've never mentioned it to them before now, but they are two women I respect very much and would like to words of advice from, especially since I have no mom in real life. Oh, how I miss my mom- it's been five years yet I still see her in my dream almost every night almost like she never left. I'd rather not go further.
So, my mind is basically not at rest, work today seems boring. Everyone asks about my health and I'm simply giving the "I'm getting better" response without any emotion expressed. It's not my fault, I'm simply a frustrated man, and this frustration is beginning to lead to depression. My colleagues are glad to see me after a week but.. maybe I'm not so happy to see them. Don't judge me- I'm simply trying to exist.
Speaking of existence- I heard a woman committed suicide last night because she was tired of life. She had everything, or almost everything. But according to the news, she kept saying she was tired of life as she feels there's no point living. She sees life as vanity and all her wealth and lifestyle wasn't special any more. She was beginning to see life as pointless and was tired of living in the loop. She decided to end her life, and so she did.
I wouldn't blame her- I feel that way many times too. I want to end it but something keeps telling me not to. You may not are but our lives are meaningless in the long run- we die and anothe regeneration will come forth and repeat the same process. In the end, I can say that the purpose of man is to 'live' and not to 'exist'.
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