Running my mouth and hoping to feel better

14th of March 2022

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I find it difficult to actually pick up my phone and have a conversation with people either via calls or texts. I've recently begun to find it boring. I mostly feel like I'm wasting my time while doing those things as I have a whole lot of work before me which needs to be completed within a short period of time. Apart from human relations and communication via calls or texts, I fins it strange that I have begun to lose interest in a lot of things. I have no idea if this is age related, but It's been like this for about six years now and it seems to be getting worse as time passes. I'm beginning to lose interest in a lot of things and I can hardly pinpoint one thing which I enjoy doing.

I realise recently that the only thing that interests me is conversations about business, money and more money. I've been on a journey of self improvement lately, been trying to improve my finance by every means possible provided it is legal. This is simply necessary as I'm not getting any younger and time passes me by so quickly. I mean I was born yesterday, and here I am today with marriage in view, plans to begin a family go through my mind daily, and at the same time the need for more money clouds my judgement. Yes, I'd say it clouds my judgement as I'm beginning to feel like I'm becoming obsessed with my increasing my finance more than anything else. I think it's becoming an addiction as well.

I should consider myself lucky... I mean, while others my age are probably obsessed with women and addicted to drugs, I'm addicted to money and the need to raise my finance. This obsession with money has made me lose interests in a lot of things. The problem with money which I have noticed with time is that no matter how much you have, it is never enough. You will always want more and more until you leave this plane of existence. You call it addiction but I call it financial security. There is nothing better than when you have more than enough and the coming generation wouldn't have to do nothing but enjoy themselves while spending as much money as they want till they probably get tired of life and choose to take themselves out of this mystery, or perhaps create a new purpose for themselves.

Right now all I want is to raise both my BCH and USDC portfolio as a means of preparing for the not too distant future. I've been going through the required stress, been having sleepless nights and restless days, doing a lot of research, investing when I can, and ensuring that opportunities do not pass me by. I guess the amount of stress I go through is enough to make me want to lose interest in every activities that I previously found interesting.

For instance, I no longer watch Anime like I used to, I'd barely have watched for just fifteen minutes when I'd begin to fall asleep and the next time I'd open my eyes would be two or three hours later. Listening to music is now boring, talking to people is a bit of a stress except it has to do with investments and finance. I don't understand but I think I've been going through so much stress these days that the feeling of fun, satisfaction and the need to enjoy myself no longer exists. All I do all day long is stare at my Laptop screen while reading those charts, monitoring my portfolio, raking note of stocks, writing articles, racing my new Pega which I bought for $341 while also taking note of VIS price as I'm beginning to feel like I'm in a loss. I almost forgot to mention that noise.cash is also one of those few things that I spend most of my time on.

In the end, all I'm doing tonight is rant, rant and rant. I know all I've said probably makes no sense. regardless of whether it makes sense or not, I think I actually feel better running my mouth and complaining about everything than keeping it within me. I wouldn't wanna die of hypertension by keeping too many things in and not expressing myself. This life is just too stressful and it's tiring sincerely..

I should mention that the heat is also a major reason for my frustration. The heat is killing me so much that I find it difficult to sleep at night. The afternoons are even worse as my body itches me all over, especially my face and my nose. I have poor heat resistance hence my face and nose begins to itch during high temperature!

Even if I lose interest in everything, I won't lose interest in life as I still intend to enjoy myself as much as possible and perhaps have a Kenyan girlfriend like @MarcDeMesel!