Bailed out of work. Do I need a psychiatrist or a Psychologist?

20th of May 2022

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So I bailed out of work today as planned. I slept super early last night as I was going through a lot of stress- headache has been my best friend for the past few weeks and I sometimes wish I could run away from work. The money is necessary init. Yeah, but my health is more important. What's the point of the money when you're already dead. You can't spend money in heaven, neither can it be spent in hell. Well, I'm not going to hell so I'd rather not talk about what happens there. I'm not willing to find out either.

I opened my eyes and it was a few minutes past 8am, no calls from work- I consider it a good thing considering that I haven't decided what the excuse is gonna be and how I'm gonna defend myself when Mr. Alex calls. Well, a call didn't come in until past 10am. I was under the sheets at that point and was waiting for breakfast in bed from 'you know who'.

I hesitated to pick the call initially and when I finally did, I had to sound like I was shivering and my voice was caught in the rampage. He asked why I wasn't at work and what was going on. Long story short- I lied. "I woke up sick, I can't even get out of bed. I think it's malaria". I didn't exactly say it like that but it's just an illustration. I made sure my voice was incoherent and had to fake a cough at some point. "Take your time. I think it's the weather that's making everyone sick these days. Take care of yourself", he said and kaboom... the rest was history.

I jumped out of bed shortly after and went to my in-house office where I jumped unto outsiders tv on Telegram and downloaded a horror movie which I'd use to keep myself busy, and perhaps draw inspiration from it for my next horror story on the platform where I get paid to write stories.

I'm glad I bailed from work for today because I need that rest. I have a striking headache and I have begun to forget things easily lately. The depression is a part of me already so I'd rather not talk about it. I even miss depression whenever it doesn't come for a week, I feel like a part of me is lost which I need to regain. Once it comes back, I feel at peace again knowing that 'my depression is back'. Do not tag me crazy. It's 'my depression'.

One moment I'm unto a task, and the next I suddenly forget what I was doing or what I want to do next. I'd have to wait for two to three minutes before my brain reboots. All a consequence of excess mental stress. I'm considering quitting my job but if I do, it will make me an idiot. I mean- now is the time I can work and gather what I can from doing a conventional job while also earning from online platforms like noise.cash, read.cash and some other which I'd rather not mention, while investing where necessary and blah blah.

Quitting will make me a loser. Unfortunately, my mental health is at stake and I need therapy as soon. The problem is- I sometimes feel like something is missing in my life even when I feel comfortable to a certain degree. Maybe rest is lacking, or human relation (I'd rather be alone than be friends with unintelligent wankers), or perhaps being tired of this country is what has begun to affect my health. The heat is another factor which influences my ability to think and causes me to forget things often due to my poor heat resistance.

Surprisingly, I don't sweat in the heat, I simply feel hot within and headache follows suit, then hallucinations- I see things that aren't there and blah blah.. maybe I'm developing mental issues and maybe it's not just the heat. I think it's not so bad provided I don't make it known and still manage to keep my cool on the outdoors. A person with mental issues wouldn't know it and wouldn't be able to

Right now, I have no idea what I need. Rest or therapy via a psychiatrist or a psychologist. I can't even tell the difference anymore. May be I'm not so smart and my intelligence is simply overrated