This is the moment when I look back to my most horrible events and most especially 2004. When I lost my dad and how I almost became homeless, I could fix my thoughts on how touching the story was and it gets me everytime. I only want to feel better, wanna grow and get rid of this pain, some of this frustration, some of this anger and hatred.
The truth is even if I tried to I wouldn't just fit in and let go of these memories. I tried to leave it at the basement of my heart but I'm too scared that every idle moment may bring it back and I don't want to face it. It's all because I missed the times we where both together when he would wrap me in his arms, smiled with the face of an angel and kissed my head. No one told me back then that living has it's own consequences and the realities of losing the ones whom you truly love.
But even in my state of confusion I know I have healed over these long years and I passed through all knowing fully well that I don't know much. I know how it feels to be trapped and to be free that the most beautiful moments is knowing he is resting in God's bosom.
The weight of the world now rests on my mother. To feel hate only to pray and experience it again the next day. But I've got to thank God that i made it this far to see the next phase of my life. This is a mother raising her sons and daughter alone, working late hours just to get us together even though she should be getting some sleep but was still fighting to see that I had something.
It struck my mind recently of how we almost lost everything, feeding became a problem, we knew it was about time to pack our stuff back to the village when a miracle happened.....we didn't know the person, but she knew us. And had to give us her apartment fully paid just so we could have a roof over our heads.
I've just had this feeling recently, and anytime it came I just thankGod for how things are now regardless of the struggles. We're still standing firm and much stronger. The journey was a new one for me, so I still feel this tragedies trapped in me.....I promised that I wouldn't but still yet I did. I know we may have had such moments in our lives, and maybe once in a year or certain months we remember such things.
So this is just a part of me that I still struggle with, back to 2004 my worst year ever. A year I had never prayed for such to happen, but in all these God still came through.
Thank you for reading.
Bye for now.
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06 SEPTEMBER 2021
Sorry about your Dad, it is surely the worst time for you. but despite the grievance and hardship that you felt it's amazing how you can still stand there. Trying your hardest to make ends meet, I salute you for that. I just hope that you continue being strong 💪🏿💙