Changers Of Worlds
When we are young, we might fantasize about living a life that has meaning of some sort, whether it be realistic or not, whether it is important or not - at least most of us, dream of being world changers of some kind. We want to have a life that matters and while we might not always have a good sense of what actually might matter in this world, it doesn't stop us wanting it. However, what does stop us for the most part, is ourselves.
Too often, we are our own worst enemies, but we don't necessarily realize it, because each decision we make *feels right* at the time of making it. We always think in that moment, we are doing the best we can and even if we know we are making far less than ideal decisions, under the circumstances, what else can we do?
It is interesting as I know many people who take the comfortable approach, the path of least resistance and while this is always the easiest thing to do in the moment, it leads to a degradation of conditions, which means the "easiest thing" gets *harder and harder.*
One of the lies of culture of over the last few decades is the "love yourself as you are" shill, as what it does is encourages us to accept ourselves, no matter how we feel or how we behave. No matter if we are feeling terrible and acting badly, the easiest way to handle it is to accept ourselves as is and when we do this in every moment, we are continually accepting a degrading form of ourselves, a body with increasing pain, mental and emotional states that are suffering - and our behaviors react and, we behave *badly.*
But, we can take the path of least resistance and accept our behavior, because we can always justify our position through the lens of our conditions, without acknowledging the part we played in being exactly where we are today. Even though we have *actively* taken the easiest routes through life and they have compounded to degrade our conditions and our ability to cope with them, we are still able to play the victim.
But that dream-filled child wasn't wrong, we did change the world, it is just that rather than direct our ship to use our potential in the positive, we have used it to limit and reduce ourselves, as well as our opportunities and the surroundings and people we affect. Every movement we make has an effect on our world and literally changes it, but it doesn't mean that it is positive.
Some of the biggest influencers on my life, were not people I look up to, yet they had an effect on me. Yet at the time, they likely believed like we all, that under the circumstances, they were doing the best they could.
The life of least resistance is literally *death,* as in that state, no movement is necessary at all, no decision-making, it is all one hundred percent passive. Yet, people in general don't want to take it quite that easy. However, every thing we learn is done through a spectrum of challenge and discomfort, whether we choose it for ourselves or it is thrust upon us. while every complex skill is made up of a skill cluster of some sort, when we take the least resistant road, we put our focus on the bits that we like and avoid the bits that we don't, leaving our skill level limited.
It is constantly skipping leg day and we become unbalanced, less capable and our body, mind and emotions start to fall out of alignments, creating more precarious and uncertain condition, increasing stress and forcing us to make decisions in degrading conditions, with less capable tools. But, we will make those decisions again using the easiest path, feeling victimized by the world, and *loving ourselves more for it.*
The amount of people I know who "love themselves" as victims of circumstance is high, but I wonder, what does it take to wake up, look in the mirror and say, "I look like shit, I feel like shit and I act like shit" and realize that it wasn't circumstances that got them there, it was a road of comfort.
We often don't think the hard road we walk is comfortable of course, because it is difficult and hurts like fuck and because we are walking it and suffering it, we feel we are putting in the hard yards. but because we keep taking the easy path, the path gets more painful and we feel even more victimized and say "I did the hard work and look where it got me".
No, walking a hard path is not the hard road. Accepting your own poor conditioning is not the hard road. Loving yourself no matter how you behave or who you hurt, is not the hard road. It is the path of least resistance, it is the comfortable decision in the moment, it is the road to the world we have today - one where not only is the environment struggling to survive, but we are too, and we caused the former because it was the easy choice at the time.
We are all changers of worlds - our own and each others.
We are all victims of our worst enemy - ourselves.
The Dark Battlefield (Poems #8)
The Dark Battlefield
Can you hear the horns blow calling for
the slain hordes to rise?
Out of the grey mist it hangs in the air
like a dead weight,
The lifeless breath of a losing flag in all
these dead mens' eyes,
Those still hoping they aren't the new
legion of Hell try to cheat fate.
The ravens taunt the crows and strip
flesh from exposed bones,
They're like black locusts devouring that
which was home grown,
The young sons of poor mother's still
wailing in sorrowful tones,
That their teenage boys were to be given
arms and sent out alone.
The tragedy is they hadn't trained nor led
a life beyond their farm,
This time they were the lambs being led to the inevitable slaughter,
Was their any doubt at all they'd be
massacred or come to harm?
Blood flowed from their wounds to cover
fields like running water.
Will they even get buried or have the
funeral that they deserve?
As a lone priest in dark robes passes swinging incense on a chain,
Stops by the fallen praying that their innocent souls he might preserve,
But he's but one man and the demons
have swept away all that remain.
Ash pours from the sky as bonfires blaze
with a sickly vile smell,
Robbers walk the shadows checking
pockets and fingers by torch glow,
Rich possessions mean nothing to the
dead you can obviously tell,
For the Ferryman won't need to be bribed
to take them where they go.
With his scythe Death creeps from one
last breath to the next,
Slicing the throats and hopes of maimed
survivors clinging on,
They have no salvation as their cause was
false and deeply hexed,
For Black Arts had been used before ever
the battle had begun.
This is an ancient Dark Battleground
where good souls fell,
And were swept up into the Devil's
service without remorse,
Lashed and chained to be trained in
obedience oh so well,
To fight again in the coming end battle
led by Four Horsemen of course.
The Colours Of My Dreams (Poems #7)
The Colours Of My Dreams
As I lay me down to sleep,
I pray my dreams will creep up on me and be vividly real,
To show me things,
to reveal the brightest colours I know,
For in that sleeping state I go to a world
never monochrome,
How I hate my life and home.
My reality's a dull grey at work,
That makes me feel such a jerk for
hanging on for year on year,
Giving them blood, sweat, tear and yet
never moving up or on,
All the passion for it has gone,
It's all kinds of Shades Of Grey but not
even in that playful way.
In my friendships it's so clinical,
Kinda like when my bin is full,
I can't be bothered to empty stuff for it
seems too hard and tough,
So instead of dropping dead weight I
hover reluctantly and I hesitate,
It ain't so black 'n white you know
Letting the dead wood finally go.
But in my dreams oh the release,
it's like a glorious sleeping disease filling
my vision with rich colour,
Making them sing and be fuller,
Giving them energy and power and
making me love every hour,
Sleep's release for my active mind,
My escapist bolt hole you will find.
Eyes closed I see yellow and red,
Fills my active imagination in bed,
Lights like fireflies are still swirling so
pretty they have my toes curling,
I can be with who I want and see
whatever I wish where I like to be,
There I'm not buried under the soil all
falling heavily in on me with toil.
Colour me in my beautiful blanket,
I couldn't even begin to then plan it as it
just happens so right magically,
My vivid dreams on a colour spree,
Shooting all with their criminal lie for I
know it's all in my mind's eye,
They're fantasies I learn will feed me,
As I live in my dreams far more really.
Travel Destination Unknown (Poems #6)
Travel Destination Unknown
Here we are in our little VW van which is
like the Tardis inside it holds a lot,
Don't worry that we may not get to you
our driver hasn't yet once forgot,
You're on our list for picking up there's
plenty of others here already aboard,
Can't wait to have you join us as nobody
will be lost or ever ignored.
Bring your passport and a few changes of
clothes but not the whole wardrobe,
You'll find we're travelling far and wide
bring a passport for we ride the globe,
There's lots of different languages and
ages too but we're all young at heart,
The main reason we want you along is
you've longed to explore from the start.
Don't about a carbon footprint worry
when it's shared by hundreds it's okay,
One little van along old roads we just
hope that the suspension lasts the day,
And when there's things we like to see
we're forever stopping to have a rest,
You're with friends in here and the
shared cost of fuel is what makes it best.
We're driving along roads and highways
or as often on dusty forgotten tracks,
Don't worry about problems as we've got
hundreds who've all got our backs,
And the driver doubles as a tour guide and he speaks every language there is,
He claimed he's God but we're not really
sure but he's adamant in this.
He calls the van "Life's Pick Up Truck"
and always seems to know where to be,
We're all on a great adventure and you
won't believe the lovely sights you see,
I died and went to Heaven but I'm happy
I've never quite got there as yet,
I'm having too much fun in the van with
people I will never want to forget.
A Precarious Situation (Poems #5)
A Precarious Situation
You're balanced on the edge of Life
hoping you don't fall away,
Not sure you can survive the next few
minutes let alone the rest of the day,
Worn out, feeling beaten about and might
even resort to having to pray.
Take a moment to count to ten and
breathe it will help you,
Calm yourself so shut your eyes and shut
the world out as you do,
Slow and steady, breathe in deep hold
ready, then out as you let it through.
Give your brain oxygen and your game
time to right itself first,
After and your you can react with a slower,
heartbeat that's not so fit to burst,
Keep focussed or calm, don't spread
alarm, for a neat solution have a thirst.
You're a boulder teetering on a cliff edge
and ready to roll,
So prop yourself or lean on others and
make that the immediate goal,
Don't try to be clever, in stress it works
hardly ever,
had as you'll dig a bigger hole.
As realise that you lasted that half
hour give yourself a pat on the back,
Maybe the next or the one after that may
get you back on track,
Smile at your success, you're not such a
mess, relax you're not under attack.
Bully (Poems #4)
Bully
People think that bullying stops after
leave school,
But if you believe that then you're an
optimistic fool,
For little bullies grow up and rarely drop
the trait,
To make a bigger mess of life that is
their pending fate.
All that angst or unresolved issues are
still there waiting,
Unless shown love or the error of their
ways it's unabating,
So we need to stamp it out and teach the
bullies right,
That extends to social media abuse on
any website.
Bullying is harassment or threat and
even physical abuse,
Some can't keep their mouths or fists
under control they let loose,
And feel it's better for them to have rid of the pent up emotion,
Explode with calculated or thoughtless
word or act like an exploding sun.
Well hurray for them if they are less
fraught for its shedding,
But what about the poor recipient whos's
been dreading,
The abuse? it's so selfish the bully thinks
only of their own need,
We need to help them see early on how to
change and sow that seed.
So bullies I offer you my pity and would
change your tired act,
I'd make you recognise the hurt or
damage you cause by lack of tact,
The pain and suffering that ensues and
make you own the cause,
Because you see the bully in me puts the
blame mostly as yours.
I know there's more to it than that and
you probably need aid,
Who knows the many ways that all these
bullies can be made,
Now more than ever with lots of easy
vices or immense peer pressure,
We need to all stay vigilant and teach or
help bullies find a cure.
Your Secret's Out (Poems #3)
Your Secret's Out
Shhhhh it's like staric on the radio a low
humming just under audio range,
They're all looking at you and nobody
with make eye contact, that's strange,
You hear soft sniggers and some even
openly use your name as if in disgust,You
guess at last your secret is out but how,
what, why are you really fussed?
You knew this moment would eventually
come as silence never lasts,
You had a good run of it and beat for a
while the gossip mongerers' forecast,
They've been baying for blood ever since they got scent of a whif of scandal,
Some people live for.stirring the pot or
biting off more than they can handle.
Yes they love the thrill of spreading news
and having a little guessing game,
There's nothing better to them than
implicating everyone else by name,
Until something sticks or someone clicks and all falls gradually into place,
Oh they'll talk about you behind your
back but will never tell it to your face.
The secret you were once so ashamed of
does it feel half as bad as it once did?
Have you come to terms with it or do you
still wish it was buried and hid?
Little sniggers, disapproving looks, will it
all just blow over or ever go far away?
Who's the breach? Are they in reach? Or
will you shrug it off to say fair play?
We've all got our little secrets but it's
whopping deceit or lies will find us out,
Don't be thinking you'll get away with it
for you'll be caught, have no doubt,
Prepare your alibis early or invest in a
backup plan for when that time comes,
Can you hear the whispers? what price
for misdemeanors or repeating felons?
Black Cat Superstitions (Poems #2)
Black Cat Superstitions
Oh feline friend or foe
Which way do you go?
For if you're in my path
I really need to know.
Fingers crossed in case
To counteract disgrace,
To cancel out bad luck
and keep me in my place.
Your ears twitch wildly
- Don't toy so with me,
I'm not a mouse at all
So quit acting irrationally.
And just as I step to leave
You think you'll deceive,
As you come my way now Darn my luck,
I can't believe!
Is that a bad omen for sure?
Will I regret it all the more?
You ran in front of my way and off to
further explore.
If I was in Japan that'd be good,
Or in Germany as I understood
It depends on your direction,
Right to left may cost me blood.
In Scotland if you're at my door
I'd be all happiness galore,
For it means I'm due money
At least so says their folklore.
Superstitious nonsense or not?
Just hold back from this spot,
Let me pass first then decide
Hedge my bets it may not be rot!
Good pussycat stay still
That's it you know my will,
Hold on don't ...O.M.G no!
It's like you wish me ill.
Will it negate it if I cross you back?
Stay on my side puss so black,
Almost past... don't run off,
That's my life thrown out of whack!
Alone In The Corner (Poems #1)
Hello, how are you? our summer are already over and the school days has already started so it will be a bit difficult for me to make articles now. So it came to my mind that what I will do now is I will first share with you my poems that I made last summer. I hope you like it.
Alone In The Corner
Alone in the corner this kid just sat,
He wasn't budging so what d'ya think of
that?
I guess he was thinking or hiding, I guess
we'll never know,
Cos the next day he's disappeared,
but where the hell did he go?
His step dad isn't that concerned he says
was a troubled child,
Mom's still on a high I guess we'll know
her view when not so wild,
Turns out there's no siblings and nobody
can find a friend,
Asked around at school, they say those he
had were pretend.
There's a photo posted on flyers stuck
around the neighbourhood,
Volunteers on a search of the parks and
the local wood,
Police have contacted other relatives
started a big campaign, Did anybody chat
to the kid and was he in some kind of
pain?
It's a big world for a little kid to get lost in these days,
Slipped through enough gaps he knows
the ways,
How will he survive on nothing but the
charity of kind hearted souls,
Could he even recognise one as his life
has been full of holes?
There's this kid sat on a bench looking at
the wall,
Nobody is bothering him, in fact nobody
ever sees him at all,
And I know he'd appreciate the
sentiment if you asked what's wrong?
But truth is no-one even tries he's been
sat there all day long.
Disruption, Dao And Digital Nations
One of the problems we are seeing in the world at the moment is that while we have been encouraged to build systems where we have a voice, that voice has become a powerful center, that at some point, stops representing the people who make up its power. for example, we have seen over the last week in Australia where trade workers who were mandated to get vaccinated, rose up to protest the *unions* to which they belong - the same group that has been tasked with protecting its members. This is quite an interesting development in the world.
While I am far from a union expert, in general, the idea is that so a group of workers are protected from employers, employees would band together to form a group and as the active value adding component of the business, for example on an assembly line, they have power. This then extended further to move across industries, so that the employee group was represented in many companies simultaneously, giving a lot more power. However, as we know, power wants more power and for quite a long time, unions have looked to extend their power, even if it is not in the best interest of the people they are *paid to represent.* They have become governments in and of themselves and have taken the same path as all centralized government structures, a quest for more power.
The rise of DAO
What is interesting is that unlike the past, groups no longer need a central point to organize, or at least not one that is prone to power creep. Now, there are not only the communication channels to discuss, but increasingly, the organization can be governed in a different manner, using a Decentralized Autonomous Organization (DAO), using smart contracts. This means that in the future, unions can exist and hold power, but the union itself is led by its members, rather than a spokesperson for its members. The DAO will apply its code precisely to all involved and it is still able to be altered depending on the will of its members.
This kind of organization is going to become increasingly popular across many usecases, but it could lead into a very different economic future. Essentially, a nation state is bound by its laws, meaning that in a very practical sense, the boundaries of the nation itself are legally protected, at least from within. However, that also means that everyone within the nation is bound to those same laws, even if they are not uniformly applied to all citizens.
However, as I have been told many times in my life, "if you don't like it, leave", meaning that if I don't like the local laws, I am free to leave. The problem is, *I am not free to leave* since in order to get out of the country, I have to fulfill the very demands that I may be protesting. For example, How do I get out of Finland and to Australia, if I am unvaccinated? This means that I am now living in a situation where my ability to move has been limited, unless I do the very thing I don't agree with. This is how dictatorships work.
Vote with the feet
What a lot of countries full of immigrants tend to forget is that they are simultaneously a country full of emigrants, meaning in order to move into somewhere new, they had to leave somewhere. Normally, this movement is in order to find a better life of some kind and often, it is to escape an oppressive regime that is threatening to limit the ability to be "free" (on the surface level) to do things that people want to do. However, once travel is restricted, there is not much that can be done.
A lot of the restriction on movement is done so not only on the people, but controlled through the economy, meaning that people do not want to lose all that they have worked for by walking away. However, sometimes it is the only thing left to do, which is why so many immigrants have nothing when they arrive and have to start again from scratch. Yet, many of them over generations do actually do okay, because they are the kinds of people who have had reason to escape and the brains to do so.
The reason to escape is often that they hold wealth that the controlling government wants for themselves and t least in the past, wealth doesn't travel well when it is tied to physical things like property or gold, or conceptual things like fiat currencies, as money can be "stopped at the border" too. However, we are entering into an age where wealth is far more mobile and borderless, meaning that it can travel essentially anywhere in the world. This means that in order to stop people moving, they *literally* have to stop them from moving through the borders. Something that has been currently managed by restricting travel.
Borderless Nations
However, this is changing too, as once the organizations start moving into decentralized environments, the very borders that were protected by centralized law get more porous as wealth travels in and out without having to be subject to the local laws, but are still subject to the laws of the DAO. The laws of the DAO are uniformly imposed, but also subject to the will of the people who use it and all of them could be opt-in systems, much like Hive where no one is forced to join, nor stay.
This means that the value of the DAO is dependent on participation, which is why we often think of transactions as an indicator of value on a blockchain, as it hints at usage. However, transactions aren't a very good indicator of value, unless those transactions are connected to value adding process, which is why the *tokenization of everything* is going to be a vital part of the future economy. At the moment, wealth can be created without doing anything of value at all, but once value has an actual algorithm behind it made up of millions of data streams, things change. So rather than having over-financialized markets, all activity is trackable as a value-adding event of some kind.
Proof of Worth
This means that in order for something to hold value, it is going to have to prove it has value rather than just give the impression of value. For example, Amazon as a business and service has value, but Jeff Bezos can use his money to create more money without adding value by using other financial instruments, like tax evasion. However, this is only possible because of the way the money works and if he was to for example have his wealth calculated in Bitcoin instead, that changes everything.
Technically, his 200B dollars can buy about 5,000,000 bitcoin, but in practice, it can't as 25% of the Bitcoin network of holders aren't going to sell to him for the current price. What this means is that he would have to ladder in and it will push the Bitcoin price to astronomical levels. Not only this, what is the value of Amazon itself in Bitcoin, if it and all of its activity was tracked in Bitcoin? *Far less than one would think* because in order to hold that value, it would have to hold that Bitcoin and because prices will be astronomically high, they wouldn't have much. However, if this was to happen just at the Amazon level, all the people who have Bitcoin now would be *extremely wealthy,* making Tesla and Microsystems absolutely enormously wealthy, since they hold a lot already.
Options in and options out
But, where this fundamentally changes things isn't in the remarking of wealth, but in the mobility of wealth at all levels of the economy. Not only do the DAOs create global organizations, in time they connect up and organize to create digital states of decentralized users, who might not even be part of the entire state, as they are only using a fraction of the network options. This means that when this happens, people are able to vote with their feet through their usage, opting in and out as they choose, not tied by the boundaries of centralized governments, yet still engaging in and following *governance* structures.
The difference in this at the localized state level means that people are both incentivized to look after their daily lives, but also incentivized to act at a global level too, which happens today, but all of the control is in the hands of a few and the benefits flow into those same hands. Once everyone is a usecase owner, the value flows from the users and into the user base itself, still incentivizing innovation and development in an attempt to prove value to the network and capture some of it for the individual.
You can't see it?
The reason this is hard to visualize for many people is that we have been conditioned to what we have today and all of our experience is fundamentally different to what the future could be. this means that we get the feeling that things can't change, which is perfect for those who benefit from things the way they are now, which includes, governments, institutions, corporations and unions - at the expense of the people that they were originally tasked to empower.
To empower people requires dispersion of power across the network, yet centralized power will never do this, as to do so, is to render itself irrelevant and literally kill itself. Some people see governments like parents, but they are the worst kinds of parents there can be. They raise their children to be dependent on them, needy and incapable of providing for themselves, instead of empowering their children to the point where the parent is no longer needed for anything more than a hug and a chat.
The Will of All
However, it is impossible for us all to provide everything we all need as individuals, as individuals. But we don't need to, as long as we build decentralized organization that service all of the areas that are important to us, we will be able to operate much like we do today, with far more efficiency and control over our lives, while still being far more efficient, effective and convenient. A lot of what we do is based on convenience, but has the last year and a half been convenient for you?
Once evaluation of value is accurately discernible, trackable and applicable - the entire economy shifts on its axis to become far more representative of how we actually live our lives and over time, this leads to improvements in our life as rather than a single voice that feels it has very little say in the direction of the world, everything we do becomes our voice, a vote for what we use and what we want, rather than against what we don't.
By no way is this future guaranteed to work ideally, but the benefit of attempting it through decentralized mechanisms is that the world becomes ours again, rather than just in the hands of the nepotistic few. We support the people and groups who can prove they add value and those that don't, don't get support. The more we use these tools, the more we learn and the more skilled we become at innovating in ways that serve us, rather than degrade us for the profit of the few.
The Spice Of Life!
September 25, 2021. Saturday.
Don't we all have that one really colourful friend whose very presence brightens our day? In my case the free spirit is a curly, dark headed bundle of enthusiasm who could've been a gypsy. I have learned a lot from her. How to simplify. Why there is always a reason to celebrate. How to see the silver lining and not the cloud. How to feed kings from a paupers pantry. And, while I have never travelled to beautiful India, I have learned to love this unique country because my friend who has travelled and worked in India for over two decades, has made it almost tangible.
While India is one of the most ancient civilizations today it exports about 70% of the spices used around the world. Part of the attraction that my India loving friend offers her tour groups is authentic cooking classes and hands on printing with various locals. She has fueled my imagination with vibrant details of the forts, the markets, the rural villages and the beautiful people. She loves sharing and all these magnificent photos are attributed to her, and her tour company India Face2Face.
Pottery is one of the most iconic of Indian art as well as their heritage. Khurja being known as the Ceramics City. I discovered just how many wonderful arts are essential to the livelihood of so many in India. Such as 84 year old Goa local potter, Maria Teresa, who creates such masterpieces.
Aparently many fashion and interior designers are attracted to the unique Indian style. I was told of the great adventures into the small by-lanes of cities guided by the sound of the looms to discover wonderful traditional silk brocade weavers. You can understand why there is such a large export market of international designers getting their fabrics from incredibly talented artisans.
Initially her tours were private as she scoured the beautiful India and began importing. Mostly exquisite handmade fabrics and rugs. I learned about the different styles of embroidery unique to a State. Such as Kashmir embroidery which is a unique handmade form of art.
Then there is Zardozi embroidery. This word is made up of two Persian terms, Zar meaning gold and Dozi meaning embroidery. Initially, the embroidery was done with pure silver and real gold and used to embellish the attire of Kings and Royals in India. However, today, craftmen make use of a combination of copperwire, with gold and silver polish and silkthread used on beautiful wedding sari's.
The Dhurrie rugs are flat-weaved rugs with origins in ancient India. They are rustic style rugs with a strong and tight weave which has no pile or backing, hence they are reversible. Most Dhurrie rugs are handmade from cotton, wool, jute or silk. They make beautiful cushions, great decorative floor carpets or throws.
Of course amidst all her enthusiastic retelling of her adventures my India loving friend would stop and I knew her personal sales pitch was coming; "A trip to India is truly life-changing, colourful, vibrant and challenges the way you view the world. Come. Come. Madam Gee" She would smile sweetly; "I would love to share with you the hidden gems of India that I have discovered over the past 23 years. You also love the flavours of this extraordinary culture...."
She does tailor made cooking, crafting, shopping tours. For the adventurous who are prepared to get their hands dirty and their feet unsandalled this is a unique way to experience a country. I love having her in my kitchen. She can really make delicious dishes out of scraps. She is a nomadic masterchef. Her life and outlook is as spicy as the exotic aromas of India. She is full of vitality. But it is also special to sit quietly with her over a cup of chai.
It always amazed me that she could stay away from home for so long. Doing back to back tours and still squeezing in personal time to explore new terrain. Although whenever I see the extraordinary photos and hear the equally intriguing stories it makes sense. So we pour another cup of chai and she tells about the hair raising trip into the mountains and the tea plantations as well as the history of India and coffee.
Many of the rural villagers worked to harvest the coffee and sift out impurities in order for the coffee to be exported. So many farms long abandoned now form the coffee forest.
Sadly those, like my nomadic friend, lost their business with the current world events. Many of these businesses promoted eco-tourism particularly in rural areas. Due to the ridiculous regulations and outrageous import cost she can also no longer bring in the beautiful rugs, fabric and clothing from India.
But back to beautiful memories and this time very ancient archeology. Stepwells can be found all over India. These are essential water cisterns used in desert cities, like Jodhpur, to retain rain water, a valuable resource of life. Stepwells are remarkable both for their engineering, and architecture.
For generations, across the world tribal people can be identified through their colourful and homespun or grown garments. The embroidery and motifs identifying the wearers social status, age, marital status and even ethnic identity. The skillful art is still practiced from generation to generation in many of India's tribal communities.
Knowing how much I love all things goatie, my cheeky friend even tried to lure me to India with videos of the tree climbing goats. And these beautiful Changthangi Goats. The Changpa are a tribe of nomads way up in the mountains, and they rear a special breed of goats that yield the world's finest cashmere hair.
My nomadic friend says that India is ***Unforgetable, Unique*** and ***Touches ones heart like few places do***. When I listen to her enthralling exploits and watch her slideshows I can believe it. And it feels as though, like the children in the wardrobe stepping into Narnia, I am transported to the land of colourful spice and beautiful foreign woman, camels on the greatest salt desert, tea plantations and cheerfully head bobbing tour guides.
India without a doubt is the perfect place. It offers such a vibrant variety, to be explored on train, moped or boat. Visit the pottery, embroidery, spice or wood carving markets. There is no doubt one could never tire of this incredible country.
"Come. Come. Madam Gee. Join me and I will take you to the best kept secrets like Jaipur, Jodhpur, Pushkar, Udaipur and Jaiselmer. Your taste buds will be tickled. Your senses will be tantalized and your camera will be exhausted! And for you; all, cheap, ***cheap***!!!"
Ever the tour guide, my exotic friend, was constantly trying to convince me to join her on one of her month long tours through India. I love hearing about the glorious forts and the quaint villages. The different cities, the Gold, Pink and Blue City. The vast stretches of desert and equally beautiful mountains and lakes.
Of course, my artist's eye is as fascinated by the beautiful faces. My backpack would have both camera and sketchpad. Although how does a photo or a painting capture the life and hope of each person. How much better to live simply. How much more real and to be valued. India truly does offer a wonderful array of flavours. And equal amount of food for thought.
If it were still in my much younger, backpacking and carefree days I would've boarded that plane without a backward glance. Now.................. I settle for listening to her spicy tales of adventure. And savour the colourful tour, through her hundreds of beautiful photographs.
Living Food
Micro greens and salad sprouts are a craze picking up popularity around the world. Because a few day old sprout has maximum energy and nutrition it is an incredible food to include in your diet. In fact the best form of food is ***living food***!! You can sprout pretty much any seed, grain or legume. It makes a nutrient dense snack and healthy, living part of a meal. Although the sprouts I'm referring to are not found in neat packaging in the veggie aisles of a supermarket or matching bottles on the kitchen windowsill. These trays of living green are grown specifically for ***animals***.
Farmer Buckaroo has often commented that our animals eat better than him. In the case of our investment in the Bio-Boost Grow Box this may have been the case - if it weren't for the fact that we were desperate to produce food for our starving animals. It was early in the drought but along with other farmers, we were desperate to save the lives of our homesteads - and provide food for our hungry livestock. When we first discovered this incredible Grow Box we were very excited at the concept and the simplicity.
Of course simplicity and ease are not necessarily the same. Running the Grow Box was extremely time consuming and a huge responsiblity. Every day the bathtub (an actual retired human bathtub) is filled with grains and water. Our preference was barley, oats and rye although we sometimes could only get corn in bulk. In the morning the soaked grains are rinsed and then layered in the clean trays. The misters are set on a timer to lightly but thoroughly spray water over the sprouts every 45 minutes day and night. Within two days a thick carpet has formed. By the fourth day the sprouted mat has to be cut with knives for breakfast or supper.
The Bio-Boost Grow Box works exactly as homegrown kitchen sprouts. Just on a *very* ***very*** large scale. Enough to feed 300 sheep. In our case, at the time we needed to feed about 100 sheep with lambs, my 60 goats and our one milk cow, Molly. The Grow Box is divided down the left and right into sets of shelves that are vertically divided into 7. So you can run two weeks altogether.
What this meant for us was that from overnight soaking to feeding the animals it was 4 days in summer (6 in winter) and our animals had a nutrient dense food. 50kg of grains converted into 300kg of living food. At 6 days the sprouted grains are at their maximum nutritional value (after that they devalue). Of course we would rotate the shelving to prevent mold as we mostly grew in 4 day cycles before feeding the sprouts to the livestock.
Because of our extreme temperatures the Grow Box has both infra-red lighting as well as a cooling system. It is a fine balance regulating the temperature and the humidity. The trays as well as the shelving has to be kept very well clean, almost sterile, to prevent bad bacteria which would inhibit growth. Rot sets in very quickly if one is not attentive. This is the only downside; that while the Grow Box is perfect for sprouting grains, it is also the ideal condition for fungal growth. However managed correctly this should not be a problem.
In an article explaining the advantages versus disadvantages of closed system fodder, Professor Brand (Directorate of Animal Sciences at the Western Cape agriculture department at Elsenburg and the Department of Animal Sciences at Stellenbosch University) explains the value of the sprout: "The total amount of protein in the seed before germination equals the total amount of protein after germination. Changes in the nutrients in the grains do occur..."
"...Starches are converted into sugars and fibres (in the cell walls) during the germination process and specific vitamins accumulate during the growth process. Moisture and enzyme activity increases. The enzymes then break starches down into sugars, proteins into amino acids and fats into fatty acids. The relevant amount of fibre in cell walls – cellulose and hemicellulose – also increases, vitamins are synthesised, and certain anti-nutrient factors are destroyed."
It didn't take long for our sheep and goats to realize that instead of going hungry they were now being fed green chocolate! They would line up at the same time every day waiting for their buffet. Immediately following the flood we had a crisis with lambing ewes rejecting their babies.
Suddenly there was bountiful food again and our animals flourished. Running the Grow Box took commitment and extra work but the benefits were incredible. Seeing the excellent condition of our livestock despite the drought, the farmers in our valley started researching the Bio-Boost Grow Box.
Sadly many farms and their animals did not survive the long drought. But now with the blessing of returned rain the Grow Box has been retired. Although we still grow our amazing nutrient-dense sprouts for the humans. Living food truly is the best form of food to eat - whether you are two or four legged creature.
Fudged It
The year I graduated in Highschool I was given the unflattering nickname "Fudge Lady". I don't like nicknames. And after a year of cooking dozens of batches of fudge ***E.V.E.R.Y***. day, I also did not like fudge. The nickname didn't stick - thankfully - but my dislike of fudge did. Until, years later, I started making all manner of delicious treats for my children. Treats that tasted like the usual sugar loaded commercial variety but with very inventive healthy ingredients. Fudge was one of the treats.
It horrifies me to remember that in my 365 days of fudge makingnot only did I use margarine, sugar and condensed milk but I also used aluminum utensils and ... a ***microwave***. Let's not get into all the health hazards involved in those fudged up days. Until recently I had not glanced in fudges direction. I have also travelled far down the health road and understand how harmful those original ingredients and cooking methods are. Although fudge and I are still not the most intimate of cooking companions, I love this recipe and the goodness in every sweet bite.
Half of the challenge of making a healthy alternative to a well known treat is in replicating the taste and texture. I like that the average person can't guess the ingredients and is pleasantly surprised at the taste. The secret ingredient in this fudge is a spice I really love. Cardamon. Another spice that needs to be added in small quantites is nutmeg. Apart from their delicious flavour both spices have incredible properties. They're amazing for digestive complaints, as well as being anti-viral, anti-bacterial and a natural expectorant. I prefer whole spices and grind what I need as I need it. For the fudge I had to crush the cardamon pods and carefully grind the seeds with my pestle and mortar. The combined aromas are wonderful! It takes me back to the spice markets.....
Another Middle Eastern flavour that features a lot in my baking is chickpeas. This legume is a wonderful wholesome form of protein and I like adding it into my family's diet. Who would've thought that the texture and colour of chickpeas would make such a scrumptious treat! Combined with chickpea flour, butter gives fudge that rich taste and is a good fat to eat - in moderation. Long gone are the margarine days. While I may occasionally cheat with sugar there's no way you'll catch me near margarine.
***So let's make Fudge!!!***
FUDGE RECIPE:
3/4 cup melted butter
1 1/2 cup chickpea flour
1/4 cup honey or maple syrup
2 tablespoons almond nut butter
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon cardamon powder (about 8 crushed pods)
1/4 teaspoon nutmeg powder
Make sure that your spices are ground and you have an oiled and lined pyrex dish ready. Over a low heat melt (but do not cook) the butter. Once melted stir the chickpea flour into the melted butter and continue stirring. Maintian the low heat, for about 10 minutes. Make sure that the pot does not catch. You want a golden fudge, but not browned.
Once the golden dough forms a ball and smells cooked, turn off the heat. Add the remaining ingredients and stir thoroughly. I've replaced the almond nut butter with peanut butter before and it makes a really yummy fudge.
Press your warm fudge dough into your prepared and lined pyrex container. Pop into the freezer for an hour - not longer. Leaving the fudge too long in the freezer will make it more brittle and difficult to cut.
Cut your fudge. I find a bread knife works best. Sometimes it helps to heat the knife. Although it stays firm it is best to store the fudge in the fridge. Unless you need to feed the sweet tooth then it probably won't last too long - inside or outside the fridge! For a real spoil I spread a layer of our special chocolate (watch this space for that amazing recipe!) on the fudge just before cutting.
Apparently the first fudge was made a century ago. American bakers fudged a batch of caramels (here in South Africa caramels are what we call toffee). Clearly the fudged caramels were not so disasterous. Nearly 100 years later and they are still a favoured treat - at least to those who have not made thousands of pieces of fudge.
As far as this healthier recipe goes: I definitely ***fudged it!***
Home Is The Best Classroom
You don't need to live on a homestead or even have a back yard to grow your own herbs and salad greens. When I lived and worked in England it was usually in apartments with only windows to the outside. I always had pots of herbs growing in the sunny window sills. These I used liberally in salads or in my cooking. My first home had a postcard size verandah (patio) on which I had slightly bigger pots of herbs. The best discovery was growing sunflower salad. To this day sunflower sprouts is one of my favourite mini gardens to grow ***and eat***.
Sunflowers are incredible. This Sunflower Salad is a special educational tool for children. Not only are sunflowers beautiful to look at but they are an invaluable source of food. The seeds can be enjoyed by both animals and people as well as be sprouted to make delicious salad. Sunflower sprouts are like eating a bowl of sunshine!
You don't need green fingers or much space to eat fresh and healthy. Just a selection of seeds and grains, water, shallow gardening trays and some river sand. Of course, my secret ingredient; my enthusiastic little BuckarooBabies who want to ***understand*** and ***eat*** and ***do*** everything. It encourages me to make that extra effort. Children learn through play. And they learn best when something excites them. Home is the best classroom. Homesteading is the best school.
Overnight soak 1.5 cups of unhulled sunflower seeds. These will fill a tray of about 50cm x 25cm (and about 8cm deep) I dissolve a teaspoon of himalayan salt in the water before adding the sunflower seeds. It revitalises the water and gives the little sunflower seeds a boost. In the morning rinse the sunflower seeds and leave them to stand for another day. In this time the growing begins. You can get your tray ready by covering the base (where the holes are) with a few layers of newspaper. Then half to 3/4 fill the tray with clean river sand. After rinsing the sunflower seeds again on the second day spread them on the river sand. They should make a rather dense layer. Spread a thin layer of river sand over the exposed sunflower seeds. Water them being careful not to flood them.
Keep them well watered and within 2 to 3 days you will have the beautiful green heads popping up, wearing their sunflower hats! It is important that the tray of sunflower seeds gets some sun but also shade. And they must be kept wet. Not drowing, just damp. Depending on your season and climate the sunflower sprouts should be ready to harvest within a week of planting. The little plant is at its maximum nutritional potential in that first week. It is important not to harvest them after they are leggy and have a number of leaves. You want them tender and still full of goodness.
While our sunflower seeds are growing let's prepare the rest of this tasty summer dish! Our favourite salad dressing is this zesty tahini sauce. I like to grind my own sesame seeds to make tahini but it is not always possible. My measurements are usually in dashes and pinches and guesstimates.
Sunshine salad dressing:
1 cup tahini
1/2 cup water
1 lemon juiced (or 2 to 3 tablespoons of apple cider vinegar - with the mother preferably)
2 to 3 tablespoons of olive oil.
A generous pinch of salt
A dash of cayenne
A dash of ground cumin seeds
A garlic clove or two
A few dates soaked in hot water to soften.
Measure out 1 cup of tahini. Add 1/3 - 1/2 cup water depending on how thick or runny you want your salad dressing. Mix until smooth. Blend in the dates and olive oil plus lemon. You'll notice it thickens. Add all your spices and crushed garlic. Refrigerate. To fill the growing family and hard working Farmer Buckaroo I add a generous portion of roasted vegetables. Today I was pressed for time and so I simply chopped up a sweet butternut and roasted it in a pan, with coconut oil, smoked paprika and some of our freshly harvested garlic.
When you are ready to eat your sunshine salad use a pair of scissors and snip the lovely sunflower sprouts off at the base, near the bed of river sand. You may need an invaluable little assistant for this part! You can add other herbs or salad greens. For today's sunshine salad I picked rocket (arugula) as our garden is exploding with this peppery herb. Rinse well and dry.
Pile the greens on your plate. Add the roasted veggies and garlic. Of course what is a salad without avo. I also tossed in olives, walnuts and some pomegranates (or sultanas). Liberally drizzle your zesty tahini salad dressing and .... voila! My children have grown up toddling around the gardens and taking bites out of veggies still on the plants. So eating salad is not a struggle for me - the struggle is in having enough for myself! Even my carnivorous husband loves the sunshine salad. It is delicious. It is easy. It is packed full of flavour and nutrition! Happy homeschooling and homesteading everyone!
How To : Make A Shampoo Bars
Today's world have become almost obsessively compulsive about bathing and washing both hair and body. Soap and shampoo have a rather interesting history. The path to the bathtub was apparently rather a dirty one for our ancestors. The more wealthy were able to pay regular visits to public bath houses. Although it seems a bath house was more of a social event than a reason for cleaning up! I can't establish how recently private homes have used shampoo bars but it seems that initially a hair soap was used which later became a liquid shampoo. Now in the recent years shampoo bars are making a big come-back. And they are fabulous! To make and to use.
For those of you who didn't run away screaming at the thought of .... ***gasp*** .... making shampoo .... please be encouraged. Soap or shampoo making really isn't as scary as it appears! And it is rewarding. I've been making soap for years. In the more recent years I added shampoo - which is very much like soap, just for washing hair. When I started making soap it did seem terrifying, but, like riding a bicycle, it is easy once you know how. And take the necessary precautions! While so many are concerned about what goes into your body have you ever considered what you put on your body? Or what you coat your hair with? The chemical variety of store bought hair treatments also has a long term affect on our brain - which I'm not going to go into now - needless to say I stay away from anything not absolutely natural.
Cleopatra is said to have bathed in milk. Having made soap and shampoo with my goats wonderful milk, I can certainly understand why! Shampoo, like soap, is meant to nourish and not merely clean. The process of conventional shampoos strips the natural oils. Combining goats milk with plant oils makes a really moisturising shampoo. So much so that many people who use the shampoo bar no longer find it necessary to rinse with conditioner.
***BUT LET'S GET STARTED!!***
Preparation and the correct equipment is essential. Work outside or at least in an area with plenty of ventilation. You'll need a thermometer, a wooden or plastic spoon, spatula and a stick blender. Protective gear is very important because you will be working with lye. Gloves and goggles. Preferably old work clothes or an apron. And the containers you mix your liquid and oil must be plastic (although to melt the oil a regular pot will do).
***SHAMPOO BAR RECIPE:***
700g Organic Goats Milk (frozen)
700g Extra Virgin Olive oil
700g Coconut Oil
300g Sweet Almond Oil
300g Castor Oil
300g Lye
100g Argan Oil
20ml Rose Geranium Essential Oil
20ml Neroli Essential Oil
Essential oils give a wonderful scent to both shampoo bar and hair. Of course, they have their own healing properties so a number of blends can be used in shampoo. Argan oil is gaining in popularity in hair care products and I love the softness it adds to hair. Honey in either soaps or shampoo helps with the alkalinity in the bar. This recipe is my favourite.
To get started you need to weigh out your plant oils. Preferably measure out your goats milk and freeze it well in advance. The reaction of lye to liquid is such that it heats to incredible temperatures and would curdle the goats milk. I freeze the goats milk whenever I have excess so that I can make soap or shampoo on a whim. Which is an hilarious thought as our homestead doesn't generally allow for whimsical behaviour.
***Step ONE:***
Remember there will be fumes as the lye mixes with the liquid! **Do not breath them in**!
Place the frozen goats milk in a big plastic container (I use a 10litre bucket) and allow it to slightly thaw. It should look like crushed ice. It must not melt! With your safety goggles and gloves on very slowly add the lye to the frozen goats milk. Stirring the entire time. Don't get too close as the fumes are quite overpowering. I add a couple spoons of the lye at a time and stir until dissolved then add the next few spoons. It can take about 15 minutes. The milk will at this rate defrost and heat up quite quickly. You'll also notice the caramelization of the lactase as the chemical reaction occurs. The goats milk becomes a beautiful yellow colour. You need it to drop to 29 C. This can take a couple hours (depending on the weather). Leave it outside to breath (and out of danger). Remember to stir occasionally - every 15 minutes at least or it can still curdle or burn.
***Step TWO:***
While the goats milk mix is cooling to 29 C. Melt your extra virgin olive, coconut and castor oils. I do this in a large pot and then pour the oil into a second large bucket. You'll need to get the oils dropped to 29 C as well. *Remember! You can cool or warm the oils but do not try to heat the goats milk.* Lye is volatile and needs to be handled with extreme caution!
***Step THREE:***
Make sure your melted oils are also in a plastic bucket. Do all the other preparation. The soap containers must be clean. If wood or glass then they must be lined with parchment paper. Prepare your safe area with towels and blankets where your shampoo will saponify for 24 hours.
For smaller quantities of shampoo a silicon loaf pan or little silicon muffin trays works perfectly! I make nearly 10kg of shampoo at a time so I have two hinged wooden soap trays which I line with parchment paper. You also need a couple towels and a blanket to tuck your shampoo up for its initial 24 hour saponification.
***Step FOUR:***
This part comes with a WARNING!!!!!!
**DO NOT ADD OIL TO LYE**
SLOWLY ADD THE GOATS MILK AND LYE TO THE OILS. NEVER THE OTHER WAY AROUND
**DO NOT ADD OIL TO LYE!!!!**
To quote Soap Queen "A popular rhyme to help you remember the order is: “It’s smarter to add lye to water! Add water to lye and you may die!” It’s definitely an extreme rhyme, but it can be helpful in the beginning!"
Get started with a wooden spoon. While stirring the oil mix ***slowly*** add the goats milk and lye mix to the oil . Then use your stick blender to mix. It takes a few minutes for the cloudy mix to thicken. This is where timing is important as you now need to add the argan oil and essential oils as the shampoo is about to trace. What trace means is that the oils and liquid have emulsified and will not separate. In the initial blending your mix will be cloudy but it suddenly thickens and you can actually trace lines across the surface of the shampoo. This is seen in the following photo:
***Step FIVE:***
If you add your extras too early it interferes in the emulsification process. Too late and you will have the saponification happening in the bucket which means a big blob of soap. As the shampoo reaches trace you can quickly add in your essential oils. Preferably use a wooden spoon to thoroughly mix them in as a stick blender is too fast at this stage - unless you know what you are doing :)
Don't stop to reward yourself with a cup of tea now because at this stage the shampoo is setting really quickly. Work carefully but quickly. Any splashes need to be washed immediately and thoroughly.
***Step SIX:***
Carefully pour out your soap. Then cover with a plastic lid, tray or paper before wrapping up in towels and blankets. During this 24 hour process the saponification takes place. It does so at a surprisingly high temperature.
***Step SEVEN:***
After the 24 hours you can safely unwrap the blankies and take out your hardened shampoo. At this point I cut my shampoo bars. You can handle the shampoo but be sure to wash your hands and equipment well as there is still a strong lye presence. You can see this by the slight white ash.
***Step EIGHT:***
Hurry up and wait!!
There is a cold process and a hot process to making soap. My preference is the cold process. What this means though is that you cannot use your shampoo until it is cured. Soap makers generally wait 4 - 6 weeks. I prefer 8 weeks. In that time the saponification is completed and you will have a harder soap or in this case, shampoo bar. Although different oils make a harder or softer shampoo as well as a foamy lather or not.
When I discovered that the word ***Shampoo*** comes from the Indian word that is used for flatbread I was rather puzzled. But when you realize that hair was originally pampered by a head massage with fragranced oils *then it makes perfect sense*! While a shampoo bar and your own hands scrubbing your locks clean is not exactly a pampering it really leaves your hair feeling luxurious. Plus I love the satisfaction of making my own products and finding they work better than the store bought - without any harmful residue!
Fundational Childhood
It doesn't take a genius to understand that it is vital to buy educational toys so that your child can play with the box! I have spent a lot of money on all sorts of wonderful boxes for my children to spend delightful hours in! But having these amazing toys allows my childrens parents to relive their childhoods. I have to admit there are some pretty amazing educational toys that I have had to relinquish to a child once the box adventure ended and the toy remained.
While to a parent a box is to be discarded the same box to a child presents hours of adventure to imaginary and exciting destinations. The basics of life, which we take for granted, a child will spend delighted hours studying and testing. What an adult may take for granted as a means to an end will captivate a child's interest and investigation.
My kids as toddlers were all fascinated with gates. Who would've thought that a gate could give so much pleasure. Living on a homestead the children quickly learn to love animals. The problem being that an enthusiastic toddler is easily trained by innocent looking and opportunistic animals to merrily open gates.
Albert Einstein said: "Play is the highest form of research" And how much we adults should never forget the fun element to living. To truly appreciate life and experience wonder in the mundane one need only be in the presence of children. Having a small child always with you in the daily routine can be tedious but that little brain is working hard to file away all the information. Life certainly is a greater teacher than any fancy school and curriculum. My children amaze me by their understanding, compassion and ability.
Children connect all the elements of their life as they play. Their remarkable little brains are making all the connections and storing away information that is critical for their developing personality. Play is essential for creativity. It is also how they learn to interact with the world around them.
While, yes, I am excited that my eldest is excited about showing us his ABC and how much 1 and 1 adds up to, it is so much more important that they learn when they are ready. And that it is always ***FUN***. When education becomes a chore what is the point? If learning does not stimulate joy then why pursue it? To all you adults out there. Don't forget the wild abandoned joy of ***living***!! Don't allow society to box you. And don't steal the joy of life from a child because you think they need to conform to be like everybody else. When we are all unique and long to be unique why settle for fitting in to a one-size-fits-all mold.
When disapproving grandparents or neighbours frown on the dirty little fingers in the food preparation or the tools that have become toys then I whip off my shoes, let down my hair and grab a few empty boxes.....Perhaps we should learn from a little child and play with cardboard boxes.
Being Cut Down To Size
Witnessing the remarkable recovery of nature following devastation, never ceases to amaze me. I've seen a mountainside ravaged by wildfire one year and the following year be a more magnificent show of proteas and fynbos than ever before. In my early (and ignorant) homesteading years I enthusiastically hacked a fruit tree to a skeleton of its former self. It took that poor plum tree two years to recover from my amateur efforts. And yet in the subsequent seasons it bore more prolifically than any of its neighbours who had evaded (who knows how) my enthusiastic pruning.
Our small olive grove has just been pruned for the first time. Ever. ***By professionals***. We learned a lot. The olive trees are grateful. The goats are grateful. The chickens are grateful. The bugs are not.
Olive trees were our first homesteading investment and purchase. We bought 40 saplings between one and two years old. We planted them. We watered them. We gave them plenty compost. We gave them time to grow big and strong. We waited. And waited. ***And waited***.....
When it seemed like the young olive trees would begin fruiting a terrible wind destroyed all the baby olive blossoms. Next, BuckarooSenior - who thinks wielding a secateur automatically qualifies you - chopped here and there. The olive trees resembled a Picasso. Which, as an artist, even I find - shall we say - *painful*. We continued to water and compost. We also continued to buy our olives elsewhere. Recently heard about this fascinating woman and her pruning team.
She came in and tenderly worked her way through our olive grove. Instructing the young people as the pile of olive branches grew. And grew. And **GREW**
Trying not to get in the way the BuckarooFamily hovered in the winter sun with our equally excited chickens. Once you get over the shock of them cutting ***so much*** you can soon appreciate the similarity between a tree needing to be pruned....and a person.
The reality is that we are all like diamonds in the rough. The beauty only really sparkles once your edges have been thoroughly smoothed. And often in a not too gentle manner. Of course, to stick with the olive tree analogy, we humans need the hardship of a severe pruning to really bear fruit. We may not like it. At all. We may not think it is necessary. Or nice. Neither did the olive trees, I'm sure.
The olive trees may in all likelihood miss a season but when they do bear .... ***how beautifully and bountifully they will bear fruit!!!*** It would be so much less painful if this were not the case. But it is the nature of man. And tree.
Back in paradise the olive trees may be feeling rather naked without their huge coat. But everyone else on the homestead is appreciating the pruning. We'll mill the dried leaves to use as a dewormer. Both for humans and animals. Because there are are so many leaves it'll probably get added into the chickens nests. Speaking of chickens they are loving the open spaces and the little bugs that have fled from their diminished homes. Let's not forget my beloved goats. They were due for an immune boost and dewormer. We dragged armloads of branches into their night enclosure and the goats have been blissfully nibbling ever since.
Of course the mountainside where the little olive grove flourishes is beautiful. Perfect for a picnic. And childhood games. We are excited about the future fruit that will drip in their healthy beauty from those branches. This season we still enjoy the olives we bought and processed from another farm. ***But next year......***
Pizza
Who doesn't love Italian? Pizza. Pasta. Gelato. Tiramisu. A piping hot Cafe! While I love savouring the cuisine unique to different cultures, Italian is by far one of my favourites. When I lived in the UK my first trip to Europe was to Italy. Of course. We had barely landed when we went searching for our first ***real pizza*** - compliments of Italy! I was bitterly disappointed. The thing about copying something that is not originally yours, is that you make it according to your own interpretation. Most English speaking countries are used to a thick base pizza (cringe) loaded with toppings. However, back in Italy, pizza is thin crusted and the topping is minimal.
While we were in Italy we visited Pompeii. Some of the most fascinating excavations are of the original bakeries or restaurants. They would've been considered more of an eating house. Like our modern day take-aways. While pizza ovens looked a lot like we know them today - I was fascinated by their "Pizza House". I couldn't quite figure out - and nobody could answer my question - as to how these serving pizza counters (with the sunk serving dishes) served a pizza. But they must've been popular because pizza still retains its legacy around the world as a popular food of choice.
Back home we also love pizza. But our homesteading version. We make everything from scratch. The delicious cheese (compliments of my goats), tomato paste, onions, all the wonderful herbs and veggies to roast for the topping, plus our freshly milled flour. And my secret ingredient; ground coriander!!
As long as I have plenty of olives, a fresh batch of tomato paste and cheese - a lot of cheese - then the other toppings are merely a matter of preference and what is available in the garden. We love roasted eggplant with garlic. Spinach is also yummy but it must be the baby leaves so that they don't lose moisture and make a soggy pizza. I always add herbs and avo, but only once the pizza is cooked as you don't want to cook them.
***Let's whip up Pizza!!***
***PIZZA DOUGH:***
1 cup brown flour (per pizza)
2/3 cup water
1/3 cup olive oil
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon ground coriander
A dash of cayenne pepper
Based on how many people you want to feed - and how many pizzas you need to make - you'll double or triple the size of the batch. Measure out your flour, salt, cayenne and coriander. Pour in the olive oil and slowly drizzle in the water as you stir the flour. I use a fork. You need to reach a sticky consistency. Easy and moist to handle but not a gooey mess. Add more or less water to make sure your pizza dough is perfect!
Do a casual knead of the dough for a minute just to make sure there are no dry bits. Then roll into balls. The number of balls are dependent on the number of cups of flour. In our case this recipe is for only one pizza. For a fast snack we also love the pizza base simply cooked with extra ground coriander, cinnamon and a teaspoon of honey. Served with herbal tea this makes a wonderful and filling sweet treat that is almost as fast to make as it is to eat!
This is a wonderful homeschooling tool as the children love rolling out the dough almost as much as they love to gobble up the results of their baking. Put your frying pan on a medium to low heat. Lightly dry fry one side of your pizza.
Before cooking the other side you need to add the toppings. In order to do so remove the pizza base once lightly browned ***on one side only***, but not cooked. While you dress up your pizza lightly brown the next pizza base.
Add the toppings to the lightly browned side and then carefully slid your pizza back into the pan, on a medium heat. Make sure the still uncooked side faces down so that it can cook. I pop a lid on top as it helps melt the cheese and cook the toppings. Once you smell that delicious pizza remove the lid and allow it to cook another minute or two before removing from the pan.
While the first pizza was cooking you should have had plenty of time to prepare the second. Because this is not oven baked pizza it is important to lightly brown one side of the pizza which will hold the toppings. Once the pizza is off the heat I add the fresh herbs and a generous serving of avo and black pepper.
Once I slice up the pizza I am always amazed at how fast it disappears! While the ancient Italians may be horrified at my version of pizza, the Buckaroo Clan are not! I am expected to whip up pizza at least every week. As long as the crust is thin and the cheese is generous how can you go wrong?
Spring Memories Of Holland
Tulips. Wooden clogs. Fat windmills. Bicycles. Gouda. Dykes. Stroopwaffel. These all conjure up special memories of Holland. They are icons that represent all things Dutch. While we have just celebrated a snow capped Spring in South Africa there are all sorts of amusing memes going around about bikini wearing snowmen picking daisies. And my mind wanders back to my bicyle ride through the tulip fields of Holland.
Although tulips are very much a part of Dutch history, they were originally imported from Turkey in the 1600's. Western Europe became fascinated with them and soon Holland were growing and selling the rare tulip for ridiculously high prices. I was fascinated to learn that this rather expensive symbol of Holland was actually eaten during the Wars when there were food shortages.
Of course, after my first trip there, I subsequently have other memories always associated with Holland. I very quickly learned that a "coffee shop" was actually a place where cannabis was legally sold and consumed. Whenever I travelled I half expected to be handed a joint when I asked for coffee.
As a child with my nose perpetually in a book I remember the story of the little Dutch boy who saved Holland by keeping his finger in the dyke. All night he sat in the freezing cold plugging up the leak which prevented the country flooding. Today Holland is still a system of dykes and water ways and surge barriers.
Although we drove by car to Holland, in my younger globe trotting days, while there we travelled by bicycle and across water. Water is a novel but popular way to travel. The Dutch, out of necessity, have become famous for flood management, shipbuilding and water protection.
Living, at the time in England, it is easy to drive over to Europe. A slow drive takes you very quickly from the white cliffs of Dover, a short channel crossing, skirting France and Belgium - an essential stop for delicious pastries from the famous French patisseries with a strong caffe on the side, then the equally important stop for real Belgium chocolat' (drinking and eating) - to arrive by lunch time in Holland. Time to park the car and hire some bicycles. Because it was tulip season!
The tulips were magnificent and any other sightseeing stop was usually surrounded by rows of brightly coloured tulips. We sampled a lot of cheese and visited a lot of cheese markets. Actually we sampled a ***L.O.T*** of cheese. I love cheese - it's no secret that's why I have goats. And what the Dutch have to offer is superb. Did you know that cheeses are not named after their birthplace but rather the markets where they are traded? I found that fascinating. So the Gouda market was made famous by the cheese it sold, going right back to the 12th century!
I'm taking a trip down the tulip lined memory lane of the beautiful Netherlands. We visited the many small tulip markets, we cycled the miles and miles of tulip fields and we wandered the famous Keukenhof.
This magnificent botanical park is the largest in the world. It isn't far from Amsterdam and so we cycled there as well. There are said to be more than 7 million flowers in the exquisite Keukenhof gardens. The landscaped gardens span 32 hectares and they truly are breathtaking.
Coming from South Africa where Afrikaans is a daughter language of Old Dutch it is interesting visiting Holland and Belgium. Talking, or listening carefully, you can understand quite a bit. Once we left Holland we didn't need to speak the language to come away loaded with sweet stroopwafels, delicious Dutch cheeses and armloads of tulips bought from the lovely little markets. Holland is a place to make memories.
Necessity Feeds Art
"Necessity is the mother of invention". And the mother of hungry children will create opportunity in order to feed her family. I have been humbled by the creativity and imagination of many rural communities who have built businesses out of the necessity to feed their little ones. Combine imagination, creativity and necessity and you give have a cultural experience for those with money to spend. Although an upmarket market it is quite an ironical contrast to the simple origins.
The once tiny and quaint seaside Knysna offers a meeting of many cultures. Visiting the market and surrounding shops is quite an eye opener. The idea behind these projects is to train rural women - very often single mothers with huge families (including other peoples children). The training is extensive and very comprehensive. Some women later work from the shop. Others return to their rural community to build their own business. Some go further afield, often paying it forward, by teaching others a craft in order to make an income to look after their families. It is truly an active community project.
What an incredible community project aimed at educating the rural women. I was really impressed by this community minded project. You can see that great pride and attention to detail is on display. Inside one of the stores we were allowed us to peep in on the hard working women behind the sewing machines.
The art work - for truly that is what is on display - varies in both product and finish. Some items are very elaborate and delicate while you find the more rustic and culturally authentic displayed with as much fanfare.
The tools of their trade as well as the supplies are often made with the bare essentials that they can find as well as afford. The creativity and pride in their work is impressive!
The Knysna Market is more like an exotic outdoor gallery. Apart from the popular African themed murals and tablecloths you can also find beautiful wood carvings, clay pottery and jewellery as well as musical instruments and hand woven baskets.
As a mother who has used my creativity to build a business I can truly identify with the hearts motivation of the unseen women that put so much effort into the Knysna market. Plato wrote rightly “our need will be the real creator”.
In this day and age of change, I wonder how many others are not being motivated by necessity. A market truly expresses so much of a country's culture. The daisy lined meander down memory lane ends in philosophical lands.
“A man should hear a little music, read a little poetry, and see a fine picture every day of his life, in order that worldly cares may not obliterate the sense of the beautiful which God has implanted in the human soul.”
― Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
Twins Born To Great Grandmother
Life will always survive. Living in the country we have experienced the apparently impossible. More often than not. Homesteading takes you on the rollercoaster of life ..... and death. Homesteading shows you the bittersweet realities of survival. But one must take the tears of sorrow along with the tears of joy especially as the joy far exceeds the heartbreak.
Two weeks ago my beloved Emma, goatie mother and grandmother .... and great grandmother many times over, gave birth to twins. The following week she died.
Emma was, by far, my favourite goat. Despite having built the flock of Saanen to 60. Despite the dozens and dozens of goats I have raised, and loved, and parted with, Emma knew she was special. She has been on this homesteading journey with us right from the beginning. She was the first and she remained the favourite. She was everything goat dairies look for. She was a constantly excellent milker as well as a good, and prolifically bearing, mother!
Her first home removed her horns (a practice I abhor). She was my only hornless goat although we teased her that she had the biggest imaginary horns of all goats. Every Spring, when she kids she flashes those imaginary horns in the direction of anything that could possibly pose a threat to her babies. However she never flashed her head in my direction. I could never decide if she viewed me as her mother or one of her kids.
Emma and I have been inseparable around the homestead for nearly a decade. Every day, after milking, I would have to convince her to pretend that she was a goat for the day so that she could actually go out to graze with the rest of the flock. She would voice her indignation but saunter off. Often during my day in the dairy Emma would saunter back in again. Sampling the goats milk soap or complaining about the packaging of the goats milk cheeses.
The health as well as age of many animals is determined by the number and condition of their teeth. Over the past couple years I have watched in dispair as Emma's teeth have slowly worn away and fallen out. We have kept her from the goatie buck as she has aged. But this year I realized that Emma was born to be a mother. She is the best goat mother I have known. And so earlier this year she went on honeymoon with the goatie toyboy. Goats, like most humans, flourish during pregnancy. But following the birth they lose condition rapidly. If you were to have had the conversation with Emma she would have no regrets. Losing her life in order to give birth to her precious babies was all she would've understood about Life.
Earlier this year we buried our beautiful Great Dane. It took the BuckarooBabies a while to comprehend that she was gone. And now, we are having those same conversations about Emma. Death is so final. And yet it is such a foreign concept to children. To most adults too. Life was never meant to survive losing so many loved ones. Emma and Dana were so much a part of our homestead. The love and unity between created beings so beautiful that it is painful to imagine life without them. Goat and Dog would play together and I often found them in what appeared to be deep conversation. They are buried side by side and soon a tree will be planted above them.
Life will always survive. Emma has left so many sweet memories. She also left two precious little goatie kids who will be raised believing they are humans disguised as goats. Emma birthed so many beautiful goatie girls, one of her daughter's and granddaughter's milk is now raising the new generation.
There is a gaping hole left by Emma's absence. And yet through the tears we see her frolicking twins. And so life continues .....
Beekeeping
As the days warm up the air pulsates with thousands of little swarming bees. Our homestead literally vibrates with millions of beating wings and the scouting bee parties. The anticipation of the people is equal to that of the bee colony moving into their new home. It has been many years since we have had the blessing of bees. Our hives have stood empty for 7 years. Recently we took the Supers out to repair them in the hopes of using them to build up hives, once they were again full of bees. With the long drought over every part of Creation celebrates. Without warning the first strong bee colony moved into a Super. This is not ideal as a Super (or Superstructure) is specifically built for the honey once a swarm is established in the hive. Before we could move the bees into their actual hive, a second swarm arrived and quickly took up residence in another Super.
Bee suits were dusted off and pulled on. Assistance was called in. Because I'm not so much interested in the beekeeping side as I am taking photos of the bees - the Husband, of course, can't work bees alone. To keep bees calm a smoker is used to mask the smell of the danger pheromone they release. We usually put pine needles in the smoker so it is not at all harmful to the bees although it gets them buzzing.
Each bee's entire life revolves around the strength and survival of their hive. If they feel their colony is threatened they will sting - and thereby lose their life. The smoke masks any possibility of danger or fear but keeps them focused on staying together, and protecting their queen. We work quickly so that they aren't unnecessarily disturbed. After gently smoking the colony it is easier to see what is going on without the bees wanting to attack or leave. It is also forces them to clump together. And we can quickly move them into a hive.
We were totally blown away by the beautiful wax sheets the bees have already pulled in such a short space of time. It is important to move the beeswax so they can continue their work (without starting over) although the edges had to be trimmed in order to fit. Once the first, and newest bee hive was moved we focused on the second. This one arrived a couple weeks before the last. We were delighted to find their beautiful wax comb full of honey. Not only is it early in the honey-flow season but it is the first honey produced on our homestead in seven years!! And it tastes wonderful!!!
DID YOU NOW?!!!
The hardworking little honey bee only lives 5 or 6 weeks as opposed to her queen who lives 3 or 4 years. In winter however the honey bees live a couple months. Either way, winter or summer, on average the little bee makes only about half a teaspoon of honey in her short but invaluable lifetime. It certainly makes honey that much more to be appreciated.
DID YOU KNOW?!!!
That a bee has two stomachs?!! Despite many years of bee keeping and savouring their liquid gold it is only recently I learned this little nugget. Ever wondered how she processes all that pollen without mixing her food and the honey? Bees have two stomachs! One for food. The other to store all the nectar she's collecting from the flowers, which will be safely transported back to the hive.
Ask my beekeeping family how much of a help I am; and they will be very quick to tell you that I and my camera are in a world of our own while the bees are being worked. The dynamics of this remarkable insect community intrigues me. We can learn so much from the honey bee.
DID YOU KNOW?!!!!
The only males in Bee Kingdom are the drones! Their sole purpose is procreation. No, they are not the bodyguards of the queen. They are her harem! You can easily distinguish the hard working girlie bees from the drones as drones are slightly bigger, and they don't have a sting. They are only tolerated for the purpose of growing the queen's colony.
The two new swarms are very strong. We gave them a couple days to settle and then, at night, when they are all inside, we moved them into the neighbour's field. When you move a hive it has to be no less than 5km or they return to the initial place they had chosen. This poses a problem for us as it is right near the homes and animals. So they had to be moved far - in this case 10km down the valley. In her daily collecting of pollen each little bee can fly up to 5km in distance to feed her colony!
Bees are an invaluable part of our life and have been an essential part of our homesteading happiness. Within hours of relocating the first two hives a third one has arrived! It promises to be a wonderful season. Honey is a powerful natural medicine. Ancient cultures paid honour to the incredible little bee and her liquid gold - old manuscripts and rock art from India to Spain to old Babylonian records testify to the wonderful bee. The ancient Egyptians used honey for embalming, even burying jars of the sweet liquid with their royalty. It saddens me that so few in this day and age understand or preserve the life of the honey bee. We would do well to grasp just how much our survival is linked to each little bee.
Someone And Somebody
September 13, 2021. Monday.
Someone. Somebody. Two different words with the same meaning as they say. TSK! Too literal. Well, let me tell you the real difference behind these two distinct words. I am sure that you’ve never asked yourself regarding this matter. Too bad for you. Joke! Alright, let’s start this quest.
Let me tell you a story of two different people named Someone and Somebody. OOPS! Before I forget, don’t you dare cry unless you have realized something in the end because if you do? That’s your loss.
Long, longer, longest time ago, there was a person named Someone. Someone is poor. Someone has no friends. Someone was dumped by a boy who just played with her feelings. Someone was in pain during that time. Someone always begs for love. She asks her family to love her but they don’t. She asked another person to love her but that person doesn’t want to. Someone is always alone. Nobody wants to be with a pity girl like her. Someone loves to sit in the corner of the room. Someone was an outcast. Nobody could accept someone who means nothing. Someone is no one to them. Someone realized one day that she was too different that no one would ever dare to love her. She wants to fit in their world but many would push her away. Someone cried a lot in her life. Someone has fears that she’s afraid of facing. She would die for sure if it happens. Someone has so many regrets for she gave her time to things unnecessary and unworthy. Someone looks at herself as the ugliest person who has no space in the world. Someone is weak. No, weaker. Someone is just someone.
Now, here comes Somebody. Somebody is rich. Somebody has few but true friends. Somebody was dumped by a boy who played with her heart. Somebody was in pain that time. But she forgives. Somebody never begged for love. Somebody never asked her family to love her for she knows that she was made out of love. She never asked others to love her for she knows that love is given and not being begged for. She never asked them to love her but many people volunteers to love someone as worthy as her. Somebody was never alone. She knows that even if the world leaves her behind, God is there to walk with her journey to life. Many people would love to be with her because of her optimistic spirit. Somebody loves to sit anywhere because she knows the space is for free. Somebody was never an outcast for she knows how to dwell with different people. She never asked for acceptance but many treated her as if she’s everything. Somebody is special to them. Somebody realized one day that she has to be different to know who truly loves her despite her imperfections. She never aimed to fit in another’s world but many opened their doors for her to freely come and go. Somebody cried a lot in her life. Tears of both pain and joy. Somebody has fears that she isn’t afraid of facing. She knows it would define her living purpose. Somebody regretted nothing in her life for she knows that those stuffs helped her become better. They were all worth having for. Somebody looks at herself as the prettiest child of God with humility. Somebody is strong. No, stronger. Somebody is somebody.
But here’s the thing. Somebody is present. Someone is past. They say they’re the same right? Well then, I guess grammar is a universal truth. For Somebody was once Someone. There are limitations in this world but nobody could dictate when can someone transform into Somebody. We hold our own destiny. Learn from the past and make the most of your present. Life is too short to remain in history. Don’t worry of being someone. Remember, the constant thing is change. Ladies and gentlemen, Somebody is me. I was once someone. And this is the story of my life.
Confusion
Elijah slowly opened his eyes. His mind was spinning and he was confused on his location. As his eyes focused on the darkened room, he realized where he was. He was in the same place as when he talked to Noah. When he was cold and dark. Remembering all the things he said sent chills down Elijah's spine. He looked around and he saw nothing but the dark room. Not a figure in sight. He sighed and slowly walked through the void. The only sound were his footsteps as he continued through the room. It seemed endless, but he didn't grow tired from the walking.
"In here again huh?" he heard a voice from behind him. Dark Noah was behind him, his face held a vicious smirk.
"What do you want?" Elijah asked him, and his smirk turned into a venomous smile. He began to pace back and forth as he looked at Elijah.
"I want you to tell me why you can't see reality." Noah coldly said, staring into Elijah's eyes. The cold glare made Elijah's skin crawl.
"What do you mean?" Elijah asked hesitantly.
"Wow. You really are ignorant. Allow me to put this into a phrase of which you can understand. Why can't you look around you, at all the people around you, and not feel guilty about what you well know is going to happen to them? You know eventually that your precious Natsuki is going to die. You know that eventually your family will die. And because they are around you, it'll all be your-" Noah said before Elijah cut him off.
"Fault? It'll all be my fault that they'll die. Maybe you're not the one facing reality. Because reality check, everyone's gonna die eventually. And it's not gonna be my fault. I can have friends. I can have a family. All these words that you're spewing out is toxic. You're nothing but my head trying to convince me that I'm a selfish asshole. Well you know what? I don't give a shit! Call me what you want Noah, you're not gonna get to my head." Elijah snapped at Noah which caused him to only smile more.
"Oh? So you think I'm not real? Now you're starting to face reality. Open your eyes Elijah. You're in a world of lies. A world where you'll hate yourself. And I'm only helping with that." Noah said with his cold smile still spread on his face. Elijah felt another cold shiver spread across his body.
"What the fuck happened to you? You used to be nice and happy! Now you're a complete asshole!" Elijah yelled at Noah who continued to smile.
"May I repeat the same words as my drear old friend Kishiki. You know why." Noah said which made Elijah give a look of confusion.
"Kishiki?" Elijah asked which made Noah smile even bigger.
"Kishiki is the name of the creature that's been following you. Continuously it's becoming more....I'd say fond of you. However I cannot allow that." Noah said which made Elijah even more confused.
"What...do you mean by that?" Elijah hesitantly asked. Noah sighed.
"You really don't get it. I'm not going to explain exactly what everything means. Kishiki has more work to do with making you realize what everything means. But for now I leave you with the one answer that you've been told before. It's in the mind." Noah said and then faded away. Elijah looked around the room in search for Noah, but soon he awoke from his nightmare.
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"Hey Eli!" Damion said as Elijah opened his eyes. The blinds were slightly open from his window making a ray of sun shine into his eyes. Elijah squinted his eyes and covered the window with his hand.
"Hey." Elijah tiredly replied with a yawn.
"You look exhausted....you sleep at all?" Damion asked as he sat on Elijah's bed.
"Yeah, just not that great." Elijah said rubbing his eyes. He slowly raised his torso up from the bed and looked around the blurry room.
"Well we gotta go to school so..." Damion said and Elijah looked at the time. "6:47" the clock read.
Elijah rolled out of bed and soon got ready. Instead of his normal black hoodie, he wore a black Tokyo Ghoul hoodie with black baggy jeans. Damion again borrowed something of Elijah's and they headed downstairs for school.
They reached outside to find Natsuki waiting for them on the steps.
"Um...how long have you been here?" Elijah asked and Natsuki jumped from her sitting position.
"Oh....um....about like....fifteen minutes. I'm sorry, I should've knocked." Natsuki said nervously as she looked at both Damion and Elijah.
"So I'm guessing everything went well?" Natsuki asked with a smile spreading across her face.
"Yeah. Everything's good." Damion said smiling.
"But for some reason Natalie made me write a list of things I like.....I'm really confused." Damion said looking down as they began to walk down the sidewalk.
"She's most likely gonna get you a bunch of shit to put in your room, but if she decorates it, then boy are you in for a surprise." Elijah said which made Damion raise an eyebrow.
"What kind of surprise?" Damion asked. Elijah let out a smirk.
"A surprise of which you're eye will twitch when you see her decorating skills." Elijah laughed as he talked to Damion, but he let out a frown.
"I'm scared now." Damion said looking down.
"Oh trust me. You should be." Elijah said then let out another laugh.
_____________________________________________________________
They entered the packed school and went their separate ways to their lockers. Elijah reached his, but out of the corner of his eye, he saw Dylan watching him from the edge of a hallway. Elijah jumped and looked in that direction, but he wasn't there. Relieved, Elijah went back to his locker.
"Look at the damage done." Elijah heard a voice echo from the side of him which made his skin crawl. He slowly turned his head to see Dylan without half his head. His face completely torn apart. Elijah wanted to scream, but he closed his eyes, trying to convince himself it wasn't real.
"He's in the hospital. Just like Liam."Elijah said to himself, then he opened his eyes to see Dylan was no longer there. Elijah sighed in relief and went back to his locker for the third time to grab his things.
He slowly walked to his classroom and sat at his desk. He turned to look at the what was usually an empty seat, but Noah was sat at it with his feet on top of the desk. He was looking at his fingers and then he realized Elijah was staring at him.
"Um...." Elijah said to Noah who let out a cold smirk and set down his feet from the desk.
"Oh, so you can finally see me? How exciting!" Noah said in a dark manner.
"It's not exciting, it's disturbing." Elijah said which caused Noah to roll his eyes.
"Oh you're so fun to mess with. You see, I'm not actually here. I'm merely your mind playing tricks on you." Noah said while releasing a chilling smile.
"Oh would you fuck off already." Elijah said Noah who nodded and then disappeared.
"Elijah are you okay?" the teacher called out to him and the entire class looked at him.
"Yeah, I'm fine." Elijah said quietly, his heart racing from all the eyes staring at him. It felt like they were all right next to him and they were burning a whole through him with their eyes.
"We'll start the lesson....." the teacher started the boring school day.
_____________________________________________________________
"School suck for you too?" Damion asked as they walked down the hallway.
"Since when did school not suck?" Elijah asked in a playful manner which made Damion laugh.
"Welp, I've gotta get to my locker. See ya!" Damion said while walking past Elijah.
"Bye!" Elijah replied as he reached his locker. He remembered the last time he went to his locker, he saw messed up Dylan. However, the entire situation with Dylan confused him.
"Why isn't anyone doing anything about Dylan? He got his face bit off.....yet everyone's going about their days as if nothing happened. What's wrong with people nowadays?" Elijah questioned in his mind. Thoughts were circling in his mind. Mainly about what Noah had said in his dream.
"But for now I leave you with the one answer that you've been told before. It's in the mind." Elijah's head spun every time Noah's voice said it.
"What the hell does that mean? In the mind? It makes no sense!" Elijah yelled in his head. He grabbed his things and headed to his next class.
_____________________________________________________________
Elijah, Damion, and Natsuki decided to walk home together again. They had decided to walk in stead of ride the school bus to school since it's easier to talk to one another that way.
"....And so I ran outside with my bow and arrow in my hand shooting at the guards....." Damion was talking to Natsuki and Elijah, but Elijah wasn't listening. Noah's voice continued to repeat in his mind, yet he couldn't understand what he or Kishiki meant.
"Kishiki. That's an odd name....sounds like something from an anime." Elijah thought to himself as he walked along side of Damion with Natsuki on the other side.
"Right Eli?" Damion continued his conversation and elbowed Elijah in the shoulder and Elijah jumped from the sudden hit.
"Oh.....um.....sorry I....kinda spaced out." Elijah said nervously. Natsuki rolled her eyes.
"You and spacing out!" Natsuki said then she began to laugh.
"Yeah, what's up with you and that?" Damion asked with curiosity. Elijah shrugged.
"I don't know just........there's a lot on my mind." Elijah said quietly while putting his hands in the pockets of his hoodie.
"Well, I'm kinda scared from what you said earlier." Damion said.
"Oh, about mom's amazing decorating?" Elijah asked with a smile.
"Yeah.......I hope it's not bad." Damion said hesitantly.
"It will be." Elijah said with no remorse causing Damion to let out a frown.
Damion begun talking and Elijah was at first listening, before his attention was caught on something else.
"Ugh. How boring. Continuously blabbering about something so idiotic. Don't you agree?" Noah said from Elijah's side. Elijah rolled his eyes.
"I thought you only appeared in my dreams." Elijah bluntly said. A venomous smirk appeared on Noah's face.
"I did. Until I decided that you should see me not just when you're sleeping, but all the time." Noah said with a wink.
"I know you're not Noah, so why are you using his body?" Elijah asked. His mind was flooding with questions to ask Noah.
"Like I've said before, it's all in the mind." Noah said, failing to lose his chilling smirk. Elijah felt rage well up inside him. He wanted to punch Noah in the face. Rip him in half.
"What the fuck do you mean by 'In the mind'? It makes no sense! If it were supposedly, in the mind, I would've figured this out a long time ago! So what the hell!" Elijah screamed at Noah who's smile only became bigger and bolder.
"Maybe you're just too ignorant to realize the truth. That, or you're somehow blocking the truth, but you don't know it." Noah said, theorizing the possibilities aloud.
"Look, I just want to know what the hell is going on, why I'm being hunted by that....Kishiki thing, and why I'm getting these dream...memory thingies." Elijah snapped. His confusion made him feel like he was going in circles. The same questions appear, and the moment he thinks he has an answer, it's all messed up.
"Oh yeah, Kishiki has been giving you those in hopes you would realize something. But, it seems like you're still stubborn and you won't get it." Noah said. Elijah looked at him with even more confusion which caused Noah to sigh.
"You really don't get it. I could give you the answers and have this all stop, but with that, there could be a number of things that could happen. You could either lose your mind, be so confused that you kill yourself in hopes of the truth, or you could think of me as lying and go about your life......if you call it that." Noah explained with another smile spreading across his face.
"I just want to know what's going on? I mean....I'm talking to a figment of my mind. Isn't that insane enough? So if you tell me the answer, technically I could go even more insane.....but.....I don't get why? What's going on that's so bad that I'll get messed up because of it?" Elijah questioned Noah who continued to stare at him.
"I'm giving you the pieces. You just have to put them together." Noah said as he disappeared.
"Wait...what?" Elijah asked confusingly.
"Hey, what's going on?" Damion asked Elijah who was staring at a wall.
"Oh....um....nothing...it's nothing." Elijah said shaking his head. He walked back to the sidewalk and began walking down it.
"Dude are you okay?" Damion asked. Elijah looked at him and then looked down at the ground.
"Yeah....I just......" Elijah started then sighed.
"It's just that everything lately has been so confusing and I don't know why everything's happening. I feel like there's more to my life than this and I can't figure out what it is and how to reach it." Elijah said, spewing almost every thought in his head.
"More to your life? How?" Damion asked. Elijah shook his head.
"I don't know. I'm just really confused.......I mean.......I'm seeing my dead friend everywhere I go and he's not like he was when he was alive, and that creature who's apparently named Kishiki is supposedly trying to help me.......I'm just.......I don't know anymore!" Elijah tried to explain, but he stumbled more than not. His head ached in confusion. Damion looked down and shrugged.
"I wish I could help you, but I don't really know what's going on. I mean, you explained it, but I'm still not really getting it." Elijah sighed and looked down.
"It's fine. I'll just deal." Elijah said as they reached the door to their house.
The two entered the house to find no one but themselves. They walked up the stairs and into Elijah's room, when they heard someone follow them into the room.
"Hey!" Natalie said happily with paint on her shirt.
"Oh no mom, what did you do?" Elijah asked looking at Natalie. She gave a sarcastic look and smiled.
"What do you think? Doing Damion's room. I got the day off and I got a list of all the things he likes so I know what to do." Natalie continued to smile.
"Are you finished with it?" Damion asked with a raised eyebrow.
"Almost. Wanna come see?" Natalie said gesturing him to follow her.
"Totally!" Damion said following her into his new room. Elijah rolled his eyes and stayed in his room.
"Not one for looking at decorating?" Elijah heard a familiar voice echo behind him. The voice made caused his frustration to well up inside of him.
"What do you want Noah?" Elijah said rolling his eyes.
"What? Am I not good company?" Noah asked with a fake sad look. The irritation in Elijah grew even more. He looked at Noah with despise.
"No. You're not good company. I just want you to leave me alone to live my life without this shit storm that you've created with your stupid ass Kishiki." Elijah snapped bitterly. Noah looked taken aback, but he returned Elijah's response with a venomous smirk.
"You think this is my doing? Well aren't you in for a ride." Noah said with a chuckle. Elijah began to breath heavily from the rage.
"What do you mean by 'in for a ride'? Are you trying to torture me?" Elijah yelled at Noah. His smirk remained on his face as Elijah's face began to turn red.
"Like I said before. If I told you why you're going through this is, things won't work out for you.....then again, things aren't really working out for you right now anyway so.......it wouldn't change too much.....but I think it's too much to handle all at once without any evidence." Noah said saying aloud all his thoughts.
"What evidence? The only thing you're given me is those stupid dream things that make no sense." Elijah yelled at Noah again. He sighed and shook his head.
"They do make sense. And you know they make sense but you're being stubborn because you hate me." Noah said smiling at Elijah.
"I'm not being stubborn! You just appeared in my life and you fucked it up. I just want a normal life where I can live in peace. Where I can live without everyone around me dying or getting hurt and me living in fear of being close with anyone because of Kishiki or in other words you! I'm sick of this. Why can't I just have a normal life like everyone else!" Elijah said sitting down and putting his head in the palms of his hands.
"Well I'd love to cheer you up with good news but, sadly all I've got is bad news so.....I think I'm just gonna leave." Noah said standing up.
"You can't leave, you're my imagination." Elijah said with his face in his palms. His rage was melting into pain. A pain he was becoming used to, however it still tore him apart piece by piece.
"Funny how I could say the same thing." Noah said with a wink and faded away. Elijah laid on his back on top of his bed. Thoughts began to course through Elijah's head which caused him to be even more confused than before.
"What the fuck does he mean by 'I could say the same thing to you'? I shouldn't read too much into it. He's just my imagination, so it's probably just me making a smart and retarded remark. You see, there's a logical reason for everything!" Elijah thought to himself.
Damion came back into the room as white as a ghost.
"What?" Elijah asked Damion who was staring at him with his eyes as wide as saucers.
".......He's alive?"
Ps. This is the continuation of my horror series In The Mind.
Reset
September 11, 2021. Saturday.
***Memories are the biggest blessings that were given to humans.***
Memories became doors for many to remember for a lifetime someone that they have lost in time.
Memories of love, of moments, of peace, and of friendships.
Memories that were all molded by time.
***Even if nothing seems to last forever, memories have been there to remind us that even if it ends, the fact that once in our life "something" and "someone" happened, is enough to keep us going.***
However, while we treasure beautiful memories for a lifetime, we have been trying to close our doors to the lonely ones.
Memories of love that ended, of moments that we missed, of peace that we failed to achieve, and of friendships that we lost.
The pain, the regrets, and the sorrows that followed those memories became part of us.
The grief that came along those memories have been drawing lines. Lines that reminds us that it's over.
Some of us may have been blaming ourselves.
***"I could have told him how I really felt. It could have been me who's beside him"***
***"I could have done this for her before another man did"***
***"I could have taken care of mom before she died"***
***"I could have accepted my son before I lost him"***
***"I could have been stronger before I lost myself"***
Those words.
Those are the words that carry the most burdening feeling on us every single day.
It makes us feel so tired even if we did nothing particular for the day.
It makes us feel worthless even if we have been working so hard to move forward.
It makes us feel so lonely even if the skies have the most beautiful stars tonight.
It makes us feel how much we want to reset it.
The uncontrollable pain.
The heaviest sorrow.
The flooding tears.
The loudest cries.
We all want to reset them.
To reset and to forget.
Those painful memories that we want to erase forever. How we wish we can reset them all.
Reset them so we could have avoided the time we first met them.
Reset them so we can do what we have to do.
Reset them so we can take the steps to keep them.
Reset them so we can start a fresh start with them.
***In other words, we aren't actually trying to reset them to lose them. Rather, we lost them that we are trying to reset them to retrieve them.***
Why?
For those memories of pain, of loss, of regrets, are the memories that we get to build with the most precious people in our life.
A reset is a tool we are trying to use to be able to build the courage to tell them how we feel about them.
A reset is a tool we are trying to use to go back to the time when we had a fight with mom so we can at least say sorry for all the mean things we have uttered to her.
A reset is a tool we are trying to use to build more memories with dad so we can cope up with the short remaining time of his life.
A reset is a tool that we are trying to use to give ourselves the chance to speak and to be brave, instead of allowing those bullies to fuck us up.
***A reset is what we want to have, to compensate for the pains of the past.***
***A reset is what we aim, to give ourselves the second chance.***
However, it isn't our second chance.
Reset is just our own excuse to escape from the extent of this dying soul inside us.
Our second chance is right in front of us.
Our second chance is the future that is waiting for us.
Just like time, memories are treasures that we can never take back.
It will always remain on the pages of history.
***Memories will forever stay the same engraved moments in our hearts.***
The only way that we can compensate for everything that we took for granted is to take care of what we have right now.
***For whatever you have and whoever you are spending your life at this moment will someday become a memory.***
A memory that you are bound to remember, forever.
That's why we need to start sorting everything that is in our life in the present.
We have to start looking at how we are living our time and recognize what really matters to us.
That way, we won't be able to repeat the same mistakes and feel the same pain.
***Instead, this time, we are giving ourselves the chance to protect what is important to us and keep those that we don't want to lose.***
The true reset button is not the one that recovers the trashes on the bin.
Our reset button is the button in green, written on lighting bulbs, telling us to...
**R E S T A R T**.
The Silhouette From The Decade
September 10, 2021. Friday.
***"Hey!"***
A voice woke me up from a strange dream.
I found myself and catching my breath while my heart was pounding like crazy and sweat is flowing around my body.
It wasn't exactly a dream. I would rather call it a **nightmare**.
Usual and nothing new.
***"Hey!"***
I was startled upon hearing the voice. I looked for it around the room and saw a mere figure beside the music box I played the night before.
Her image is still so vague in my eyes. She has a long black hair that looks like little waves in the shores and a complete figure that looks very familiar to me.
**Nostalgic.**
***"Who are you? What do you want from me?"***
I asked her since her shadows seemed too dark to recognize.
***"How are you, Tin?"***
***"I'm fine, I guess? Atleast a little better than my yesterdays."***
*I gave her a fake laugh.*
*She responded a fake smile.*
***"Why are you smiling?", I asked.***
***"I'm happy seeing you doing fine. Seeing you alive."***
Then, I noticed how dark her image is. She doesn't look like a grim reaper. She looks more like a silhouette.
I was about to ask her who she is when I saw little raindrops flowing down her cheeks.
***Why?***
***Why is she crying?***
***"I thought you wouldn't make it. I thought you wouldn't live. I thought you would give up and break down into ashes as time and fate played fire with your life."***
**I was shocked.**
Shocked not in the dark figure before me but shocked because someone might actually know my darkest story.
***"Long ago, you found yourself in a blank place where you looked down from a cliff smiling. If you were not found that day... If you were not..."***
She was sobbing.
She's crying so hard.
Her tears left me in a silent agony as if I am looking at someone special dying.
**That day...**
The day she is talking about.
That was the day when my mind went blank and my heart went empty.
All I can think that day is oblivion.
The want of being forgotten in return for forgetting everything.
The want of a new beginning through life's most tragic ending.
The want of leaving the world in exchange for the world that left me hanging.
If I were not found that day...
If I were not held by some strangers that day...
**I could have died.**
***"I was watching you all this time. Following every step that you took in this journey. And in every path you take, I was there panting with you, breathing with you, crying with you, aching with you."***
My smile turned to frown.
All this time, I thought I was living this unfair life all alone.
Then right here, in front of me, is a figure saying she never left me.
***"Why are you following me? My life is a mess and I am nobody in this fucked up world. I am completely nothing! And while others have left me for the same reason, why are you here with me?"***
***"I stayed, for the same reason that others have left. You walked through your life without looking back. I was behind you all this time, but you never, not even once looked at me nor noticed my existence. Don't get me wrong. I understand. I completely do. Because I am an image you would want to erase forever."***
She gave me a smile despite her trembling lips and crying eyes.
*"Why would I want that? I mean if you are someone who stayed after all the wrong goings of my life, why on earth would I want to erase you? I don't think that's right."*
I answered her with a little smirk, trying to calm down this burning sensation in my chest.
***"You would not. I am the agony you would want to forget. I am the sadness you would want to erase from your memory. I am the memory you wish never existed."***
The dark figure, the vague image that I've been staring at for a while, slowly adopts the light from the moon that shined that night.
*Slowly...*
*The dark captured the light...*
*The silhouette turned into vivid colors...*
*Her image became brighter...*
*I saw her...*
**I recognize her...**
Her dark brown eyes, her long black hair, and her body- fragile, weak, and small.
I wanted to ask her all the questions that flooded my curiosity.
***"Ten years ago, we met for the first time. The days when you had your first nervous breakdown. You were twelve back then. It was because of me. I failed to lift you up. I failed to assist you in times when you're bombarded with the world's one-sided judgement. If only I was stronger back then, I could have held on to the courage you were trying to keep for yourself. If only I was stronger back then, you could have lived a different and better life. If only I was stronger back then, you won't need to suffer from all of this. If only I was stronger, those nightmares wouldn't have hunt you for this long..."***
And my own tears started to fall so hard.
Uncontrollably, the pain, the agony, the sadness, and all the negativity surround me that night.
My heart feels like its about to explode.
The sufferings and the sorrows I hid from the rest of the world were being exposed.
Someone cried for me...
Someone wept in my behalf...
**Someone carried my cross with me while I am busy carrying the cross of others.**
It was a hard battleground yet someone...
Someone tried to fight for me...
Someone blamed herself for all the things that went wrong...
**Someone bears the unbearable me...**
So I looked at her in the eyes and I have spoken the words I have been longing to say,
***"You may have been weak yet you are fragile and kind. You may have failed countless times but look, I am doing fine. It may have been hard sustaining life, but look at me again. I am still alive. Thank you for being weak, I have earned the courage to be strong. Thank you for breaking down in my behalf, I have learned the lesson that life must go on. Thank you for not holding on to me when I was not looking back, I have found myself in wondrous places and met wonderful people along the path. Thank you for staying and for being a remnant of my past that gave me lessons I can offer for my present life. Thank you for watching me even if you are just a lonesome memory. But I won't erase you. I never will. You are the memory that kept me living. You are the pain that taught me how to appreciate real happiness."***
And then I burst in to tears and I cried without holding back.
I held my heart as if it is begging me to survive.
**I looked at the mirror once more...**
**And I said goodbye.**
To the reflection of me...
To the past that strengthened me...
To the ME from a decade ago...
To the silhouette of my memory...
To the me living inside of me...
**To the me who held the story within...**
***"I am happy to see you alive and fine"***
To the girl within,
***Thank you for passing by...***
Insecurities Vs Self
September 9, 2021. Thursday.
**You are beautiful with God's Beauty** **(Luke 1:20)**
I told myself and everyone once that we/you should be true to others and be who you are not minding the says of others .
And to the people or women's like me that having insecurities to themselves and insecure to others, feeling not complete, blessed and not contented, and feels like no one likes you and loves you, always remember God is with us always and reminding us that we're born to be beautiful in his eyes even if we don't see him physically but spiritually .
And this time im sharing to you and i have tips base on my experiences on how to be live positive:
**1.** **Just be who you are** and don't let. others ruin your life. If you can live simply and appreciate what you have, acknowledge that everyone is different, and stop comparing yourself to others you will experience joy and happiness in everyday life.
**2.Just focus on your personal life** and to the people surrounds you. Live in the moment and just focus on what is happening in front of them and paying attention to the person they are with.
3**. Just don't mind others judgement and never compare yourself to others** because you know really who you are. The grass always seems to be greener on the other side but that does not mean it's actually greener. If you keep wishing, hoping, expecting something else and don't feel happy with what you already have you'll always feel miserable so it's better not to compare yourself to others because we have differences.
**4.Just think positive always** in life be a good example to others. You can choose to feel sad, annoyed and angry or stressed about the situation and turn it around and focus on the positive.
**5**.**Just always pray and think God** Because he's the reason why i'm still fighting and still continue to live and love. And if you have faith to him, all things will be possible. He's my weapon in every barriers or challenges i face everyday.
**6.** **Have an open mind**
It is also important because having a narrow mind can hurt you more than you think because we are naturally humans don't like being disapproved of. We don't like feeling wrong because it's makes us/me feel rejected and unaccepted. So have an open mind rather than narrow mind.
**7.** **Avoid overanalyzing** This is what a lot of us do Overanalyzing things from relationships , career and finances.
Overanalyzing is dwelling on the thought about something,thinking about it over and over. Most of the time we never actually get an answer, but a set of worries.
**8. Let go of your need to control**
Control makes you feel secure. But at the same time, with control you also lose freedom. However, when you feel more secure because you take control of it. You lose control of yourself and very likely of those you try to control. This is because you become dependent of having control.
**9. Be comfortable on your own skin** Everyone was born with a flow, No one is perfect .Accept yourself with what you're born with whether it to your background, skin, nose, eyes etc. You need to accept and love yourself.
**10. Drop the resentment within**
Most of the time you hold onto anger because you believe it. But the fact is you're actually hanging yourself up on something that's burning you within. When you hate someone, the fire is within your own mind.
If you're struggling to let go, start with meditation , even meditation is hard because you need to control yourself not to think about anything while meditating. But that's the key! Being able to control one's thoughts and focus and keep one's mind at peace
Stop worrying about things/future We worry because we're scared. However,worrying doesn't make anything better unless we stop worrying and start taking actions towards our goals. If you're worried about your health when you get old, then you should start eating healthy and exercising regularly. If you're worried about your finances, then you should start saving up for coming expenses.
That's all i know the tips on how to live positive even if we have insecurities to ourselves and other people. Because i'm one of the teenager who really experience that and now i'm sharing this all of you.
And i hope it can help you to survive or overcome this challenge.
Have a nice reading 😘
And God bless you always readers ❣
On My Birthday (September 8, 2021. Wednesday)
**"Everybody needs inspiration. Everybody needs a song."**
I got that line from Miley Cyrus' famous song When I Look At You.
Don't get me wrong. This is not a love story.
This is a story of the best birthday present I had in my life.
My inspiration and my song.
I started writing in read.cash not to express my feelings, not to impress people with my writing skills, not to inspire others, and not to be called a writer.
I started writing in read.cash for a very simple reason. To create my own journal. To save my life. And to preserve my soul. Why? It is a very long story.
And to tell you honestly, it isn't the story you would like to hear.
However, read.cash gave me a different ambiance.
It gave me an environment I never thought I could ever find.
The world for me is nothing but a dark room with loud voices.
The days in this world is only a transformation of time. And time became a death clock. Where I can't catch up,yet I would have to be or else nothing will happen.
And for me, if nothing happens then consider me dead.
In the pace of time, I could not survive.
In the pace of time, I could not live.
And life is the biggest agony to me. It was never fair and always cruel.
They say that to live is to suffer and to survive is to find meaning in the suffering.
Yet so far, I've only lived to suffer and suffering had always been meaningless.
That's how I lived my life for a very long time.
However, when I thought that God has forsaken me so much, a new circle found me in the midst of the blizzard.
I was lost in track yet they found me on time.
And the moment I opened my eyes, I found myself in the home of this read.cash Community.
I never thought that it would be my new beginning.
And then, I started reading the words of others. Since I was immuned with my own words, the words of other writers delivered a new sensation to me. It was amazingly warm. And I love it. It was like someone patted my heart for the first time and said, "You survived the first few years of this lifetime. You did a good job".
As time passed by, the dark world I used to live in had a glimpsed of twilight.
As the days passed, the sun was no longer a gunshot to my soul but a blink to my heart. Warming my body each and everyday, feeding my poor soul with happiness, clearing my mind with light I thought I could never have.
When the night comes, the cold breeze was no longer a chilling sensation in my heart but a summer time sadness I came to understand. The moon was no longer my cave from the world but my treasure. The night doesn't have to last any longer for it makes me look forward to the next days and further...
The stars in the sky seemed to shine brighter than it ever did. And like Jennifer Niven's words, the dark blue sky became "all the colors in one at full brightness".
The sufferings are there but are now lighter.
The thoughts of giving up started to fade and the real war of survival started to fire.
The numbness of my body was washed out by laughter's of voices I thought I could never understand. And now I do.
And the life that pushed me down is now pulling me back up to fight.
I still have those suicidal thoughts, I won't deny. But this time my mind found its own reasons to fight for life and overcome suicide.
read.cash is no longer just a journal of the broken soul, it became the home of thousand lost souls.
read.cash is no longer just a writing medium of frustrated writers, it became the world of the missing ones.
read.cash did not only gather all the talented hands, but gathered a family of inspiration even for hands who refuse to write out their hearts.
On my birthday, this became my greatest gift.
A home where I found another missing soul.
A home where I found another rejected heart.
A home where the world seems limitless.
A home where I started to cry.
A home where I started to have a glimpse of light.
A home where I belong.
A home I can finally call my own.
And I want to thank all the other writers of this community for opening your hearts to the world beyond our world.
To the void deeper than their void.
I was inspired.
I was brought to life.
And to all who continues to write, thank you for keeping up the fire and the light.
For the first time in my life I was able to face a faceless Great God
and I whispered,
"Oh God. I am glad to be alive."
Depression Does Not Kill
September 7, 2021. Tuesday.
Depression is a word that everybody think someone has gone forever and thinks you have lost yourself because of that word, but why don't we take it positive.
Depression is a long term sickness that you yourself have the right to heal and you are the only one can heal this sickness, you are the key to your locked mind and heart. You don't have to go through this pain.
Depression is defined a killer because you yourself accepting and keeping all the pain you have
experience in your life. But does depression can kill somebody? Does killing yourself is satisfying? Does hurting your love ones you feel at ease? To many questions right?
But can you answer all of that to all people who have suffered depression i know , i don't have the right to question you of what is happening to you or what you are feeling but the thing is and a question which always appear in my mind every time I heard someone have lost a love one because of depression.
Tears and sobs in the night when no one notices and angelic smile when everyone is watching, she has this talent that she can hide all of her suffering from other people, people sees the most beautiful angel but that angel has a deep scar that never heal until the right time.
Does that angelic smile will always hide the saddest person in the world?
Does that angelic smile will survive?
When will be that angelic smile hide the saddest person?
Does everybody have to experience depression? Does everyone have to cry silently because they feel no one is been there for them?
Does somebody have to feel alone?
I think no, no one deserves to feel all of this and no one is deserving to experience all of the pain they are suffering.
You can be the key for your survival of experiencing depression, you can survive to this depression if you have the confident to fight it and finish it and kill the depression which your biggest enemy in your life. Life is short but if you enjoyed it to the fullest you are complete.
Crying silently can ease your pain but not to satisfy you, why? Cause it is better if you cry it out loud and there is someone who will be there to listen and cry with you, don't you realize there are billions of people living in this world why do you always wanna be alone when there is someone out there for you and always.
Being alone is not sinful but being too alone that you yourself doesn't where, when or how did that feeling alone happened, you should not let your self felt that, always keep in your mind that you can't leave without a company or a friend to fight with you, yes you can be alone but in good purposes but if you choose to be alone like you don't want to talk to others and choose to be silent in the corner, don't mind the others.
You just have to express yourself find a other things to make you happy and distract you from being sad or being depress.
Yes you have a lot of problem going through to your life and it feels like your problem never leaves you and always bragging your life but it doesn't mean that you will not fight, you have to fight and believe that you will survive.
I have this friend of mine that she experience depression and she came to the point that she wanna kill her self and run away with her problems, but she found a friend to talk to and the support that her parents gave to her and the strength that God have given her. She survive because she with heartedly fight for the right to live and survive.
Sadness, feeling down, having a loss of interest or pleasure in daily activities she all experience this situations, she thought she will not make it, she can't survive and she loses the hope to fight for her life, she felt she lost everything but the real deal
is she was just manipulated by the killer depression and giving her the ideas that can make her suffer.
Yes experiencing depression is like a battle between the value of life vs the feeling you can get out of your situation. Yes having depression is a lot to take, a lot to sacrifice but sacrificing your life just to get out of your situation is not a good idea, God given you a beautiful life and a precious one so better enjoy and face all the problem and fight!
You are powerful and if you used your power you can beat the sickness that stoping you from enjoying.
Depression does not kill, depression is just a sickness that when people is affected they just lose their selves and not fighting but the thing is you can fight it, you can win that battle just trust your self and find a inspiration for you to survive, for you to win the fight.
Survive and fight for your self, fight for your family, be an inspiration to others that is going through a depression.
Thank you for reading and have a blast year to all of you.
Coping Up With Stress And Anxiety
September 6, 2021. Monday.
Have you ever fear of something about what might happen? Was there a point in your life when you thought no one else is in your side? Did you feel that you are having always a mischievous way of thinking? Did you have a trouble thinking about anything other than the present worry? If you have experienced and is experiencing all of these things, then you are fit to read this blog. Anxiety is being referred to the experiences mentioned above. When we define anxiety, it is the apprehensive and nervousness over an anticipated ill. In this blog, I will not be taking my own perspective about having anxiety, instead from someone who struggles anxiety everyday single day.
Anxiety is a very timely problem in the society. Those people who have anxiety usually say they can't sleep at night because their minds are thinking too much about what will happen. Some of them cries, totally devoid by sorrow and woe. According to World Health Organization (WHO) almost 75% of people in the world struggles with anxiety. This is very alarming to all of us and we should pay attention about this matter.
I have this closest friend, which I won't drop the name, who has a severe anxiety disorder. She told me that she always worry about what will happen to her to the extent she can't sleep at night. A very conclusive thing about her is that she is very happy. Happy to the point you can not say that there is something bothering her every time she is alone. That is why she prefer to be with us, his friends. There are many reasons why she is having the disorder. When anxiety attacks, she tends to have difficulty in breathing. She doesn't have the guts to tell everyone about the disorder because she if is afraid to be judged and to be understood not. Only a few people knows how hard for her to struggle anxiety. I'm one of them of course. I felt special actually because I am one of her closest friends that she is not afraid in sharing her problems, telling me once the anxiety attacks her and being not afraid to cry in front of me everytime she gets tired battling the disorder. I know it's hard for me to relate because I am not on her shoes. But as a friend, I will try my best to comfort her, together with our other closest friends, so that she will not feel isolated and instead of having sorrow and difficulty when anxiety attacks, she will be happy because we are proving her she is not alone fighting her disorder.
Many people are not able to understand how it is to have anxiety. They usually say they are just over reacting to the things they're up to but for me, I found anxiety disorder very compelling. I mean why do a lot of people are having this? Is this something they can't control? Or something they just think they have this disorder that is why they are suffering of this? Remember, our minds are capable on letting us experience the thought on what we have in our mind. So I did some research and I found out that those people who are vulnerable could have anxiety attack. Most of them are having a negative self-talk, where they always tell themselves that the worst will happen.
Stress is one of the motivator for anxiety disorder. If you are stress, you are like to be attacked by anxiety. My friend, who I am referring to, can attest to that. The environment that surrounds him give him sheer stress. Yes, that is very hard for someone which vulnerability is very evident. Hays.
Since anxiety disorder is very rampant, I will be including in this blog the four simple ways to fight anxiety. The first one is to take a time out. A time out on dealing with stuffs that is always bothering you. Make time for your self. It's not always bad to be alone. Sometimes, being alone could give you so many ways in overcoming your problems. In that moment, you can think straightly and can make decisions you will not be regretting for in the future. The next one is to get enough sleep. Lack of sleep is something we should have attention. When you lack of sleep, you tend to be more stressed. Our body needs to rest. Take some time to rest. Having enough sleep is very good in our body, I guess y'all know that. Third is to exercise daily to help you feel good. We are so prone on thinking that exercising is a very tiring thing to do but, for us to feel good, we have to have time to exercise. You can just have a 3-minute jog, lift some weights, do 10 squats and a many more. Just try. Lastly, is to let God control everything. We don't have to control things for us, God will do that. We just have to put in mind that God will do everything for us, that He has prepared something for us, that we should not worry for the future. Just trust him and everything will fall according to its accordance.
To all of you who are reading this and if you have an anxiety disorder, don’t be afraid to share your problems to your friends. I'm sure each one us has someone we could trust and could help us. Always remember, rely to God. Let us not forget the verse 1 Peter 5:7, that we will cast all our anxiety to God because He cares for us. Do not worry, everything will be okay. Anxiety is just ephemeral, it will just pass. One day, you won't be having that disorder anymore.
I hope you like this blog as much as I like it. It took me a hard time making this but I had so much fun. I am hoping too that somehow, you are enlightened about how anxiety attacks. And oh, about my friend? Yes, she is totally fine, not unless her anxiety attacks. But anyways, we are always there for her.
@An_gelina
