He shine brightest
Date: May 17, 2022
Author: JustMaryel
I really hate myself in the sense that my brain can easily adapt to absurd stress which leads me to overthink things and worst it's like a slide show where I can really feel I was in the event. It's been two days that I suddenly wake up in the middle of the night and never sleep back until sunrise. First it was 1 o'clock to 3 o'clock and earlier 3 o'clock to 5 o'clock it makes me a zombie as my eyebags really show up their greatness if only I could sell or donate it I am super glad to do. I've been this due to something that stresses me out so hard though I want to share but I can't because I am afraid to be judge.
I want my family to notice my stress but it seems they don't care as they think I am totally fine. Honestly, I felt envious of those parents who ask their children how they are and the children can easily open up because they are comfortable and they know that their parents will understand first before saying something. I really envy those who are close with my family but I could feel the gap.The gap of perspective where you speak whatever you explain but end up nothing. In short, close minded.
I want them to notice my weary and to know I am still a human who get tired and need rest but whom I am to protest I am just a child specifically the youngest slash a voiceless and bird who is in the cage. Hating them is the last thing I do and saying this all is just a way to unload my deepest emotion. I mentioned many things about him, but I never tried to reveal his true identity, even his name, because I want to keep it all private to less judgment and critique others. Once they know, I am sure people will judge us because of our different status in life - being a degree holder soon and without a degree like in the story which a lot of can call me "Id!ot" for being that kind of guy but who they are to judge.
It makes my heart break into pieces knowing even my family think that way. They already stipulate our future will be, how ridiculous I am, or I am out of my mind choosing that person and at worst belittle him so much in front of me. It seems a nightmare because I never thought they could be like that. At the very moment, my admiration collapses and slowly changes my views towards them. I really thought they are one who will understand and take my side in this situation but sadly opposite happen.
I want to shout at them and say " the person whom you belittle is the person who rescued and saved my life when small voices invited me to come with them". They don't know what kind of happiness and peace that person gives to me. Yes, they are right he can't give me things I want and every craving I have but beyond that he can give me things that even money can't afford. The assurance, security, care, love and his soul invite me always to embrace him more. He once told me to find brighter and better people than him but how could I find out if in my eyesight he is the brightest among the rest.
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Lead image is mine edited in Canva.
JustMaryel sending you Love❤
It's really human's nature to judge easily and I am sorry that some people around you do that to the one you care about. I hope you will keep on regardless, not to prove them anything but for your own happiness. Perhaps one day, those who belittle him will change their perspective and understand you.