Every time I see the two straight lines of the scars on my wrist reminds me of my regrets and blessings at the same time.
If you're curious, here's the full story .
Just when you think that you are the writer of your own story, but it is you being the story written.
I thought I was the painter but it turns out that I was the canvas.
March 2019, when I subconsciously put my life at stake. Things were no longer under control so frustrations and rage took over.
I have always been so focused on life. I was a good student, I never dropped a subject, I never used the money for my tuition fee to be spent on such vices, I never engaged myself in a romantic relationship as my parents told me. I battled my ass off for the course I never loved in the first place, I immediately took a job after finishing school which is to give back the sacrifices my parents have made to me.
Growing up, all those things led me to treat life as a competition. I witnessed how my relatives are living comfortably in their lives and building their careers. Then there's me looking at them, asking myself how about me?
I've always been good to people, I never hurt anyone. Then I ask God, "Why did you deprive me of the things I want to do and become?" Is this how you reward me for being a good follower? I go to church regularly but why is this all happening to me?".
It seems like my life has no direction. I'm stuck in a room full of darkness where light is nowhere to be found. I have the fear of being missed out. I compared my life to my classmates in high school and my friends in college. They have achieved so much in their lives and I'm here self-pitying. The pressure of being the eldest sinks in. It makes me question the decision I made in my life hoping that things would turn out differently if only I did otherwise.
Then, I was drowned by my negativities. My inner demons took over and controlled my thoughts of attempting. I was completely controlled by it. God forbid and my aunt noticed the life and death situation happening in the kitchen.
Days and weeks went by and I have come to my senses how selfish I was to take my own life when I have a family who has been so supportive to me. The realizations came in and I just cried looking back on the actions I took.
Well, I'm a living testimony of second chances. Just when you thought that God forsakes you, that's when he proves you wrong and do the work. He provides, you just have to trust the process.
From then on, I began to learn that life is a story told about you, not one that you tell. We always don't get what we want and things don't always go according to our plans.
We are all gonna die, that's for sure. Life is temporary so we should erase insecurity, greed, and arrogance. Why not live better, cherish everything positively, and just follow where life takes you. Remember, it is Him who is the painter and us being the canvas. Maybe he is still on the verge of putting colors to your life.
Trust the process.
As for me, the greatest gift I have ever received is my redemption from what I've been through. The end is not in sight yet. I may encounter a lot of challenges in the future but I know for myself that I'm stronger than ever because he gave me another chance to fight my battles throughout my life.
Gifts are not measured by its monetary value instead, it is measured by how it gives impact to your life. Invaluable gifts like love and life lessons will surely transform you into a better version of yourself.
We all have our own struggles and we have different levels of pain tolerances so we should just spread good vibes and not hate. 2020 has been a tough year. Let's forget all the negativities and always keep in mind that there are stars above which are bound to guide our ways.
You are a work in progress. You have a purpose.
******
Oh well, that turned out to be emotional. So to set the mood lighter, here's a piano cover of The Journey by Lea Salonga:
My sister made a cool set up for this video so I had to give credit to her. I hope you guys appreciate the cover.
Fun fact: it was after the incident when I became interested in playing the keyboard/piano. I used to play the guitar but since my right hand could no longer do it, I managed to learn the keyboard/piano instead. This is my therapy to recover ever since. ❤
Check out my other piano covers:
10,000 Reasons (Bless The Lord)
I'm pleased to inform you that this article serves as my official entry for @Eirolfeam2 's $1 Question giveaway. Sis, you always bring out the best of our capabilities. :)
So if you guys want to know more about the giveaway, check out this link:
https://read.cash/@Eirolfeam2/celebrate-my-21st-birthday-with-me-16e0f52a
You've been tough and it's good that now you know what you should be doing. I wish you good luck in the contest!