How Do I Move On From This Break-up?
"Now I finally know what a heartbreak feels like".
So how do I even start with this one? I can't exactly describe the emotions I feel right now. I'm still in the stage of processing things over, and realize from time to time that is it really over?
It's been more than a week since I initiated the breakup. Weeks or months before I finally decided to give up, I have been so bothered by how the relationship was going. It wasn't the relationship I used to live with each day anymore.
The early years of the relationship were smooth and harmonious. I would say harmonious because back in the days, even if we had misunderstandings, we managed to handle issues together with open communication.
The honeymoon stage, as it is. It is a phase in the relationship when you are both oozing with love, attention, and passion. It was when you are always looking forward to every message he or she sends, the "I love you"-s and "I miss you"-s that never goes a day without them.
It was an ideal kind of relationship that we had. I was not really demanding of his time and attention, so he was with me too. We both respected our private lives, we never even knew each other's passwords on our social media accounts. We were both so understanding with each other. It was never a toxic relationship that you could think of. It was magical.
To give you an overview of how he is as a person, I would say that he's the kindest guy I have ever met. I have nothing bad to say against him. He's good with people. He's family-oriented. He's a loving son. He values his friends so much. He's well-loved with the people around him. He has this great humor that never fails to make me laugh always. He's also a good kisser. His hugs and kisses gave me the security and comfort that I needed.
However, the relationship grew colder when his family went through many challenges last year. His father died due to a heart attack. It was very sudden and untimely. I wasn't there to comfort him or be with him during the time being because of health risks, Covid cases were still at their peak. His mom went through a surgery last February for her gallstone removal. Financially, and physically, he has to step up and be the head of the family. Emotional pressure and expectations were piling up for him.
Since I can't be there physically, I checked up on him regularly to make him feel that he can count on me during difficult times. There was a time when he seemed to be so distant from me and I asked him what was going on. He said that he doesn't wanna share the burden with me because I have my own battles too.
I reassured him that he should tell me what was the matter so I can help him. Just like how he reassured me when I needed him before. We have resolved the issues before and everything seemed to be taken care of.
We haven't seen each other since March 2021. So that makes more than a year of not seeing each other. We managed to stay together despite time and distance issues. I totally understood why we can't see often because he has to take care of his family. Meanwhile, on my side too, I can't casually go for a trip to Davao because no one else would take care of grandma, or at least they'll miss my presence in the house.
The situation could have been handled if either of us was willing to compromise. We talked about seeing each other soon though, and I looked forward to that. I waited for that to happen but he got very busy recently because of the basketball leagues he handled and his work too. That's when the communication started to fade.
Time, priorities, and communication became the core issues of why we don't talk anymore often. I asked him if we could talk even just for a while because he's gotten colder. I reached out to him many times and I extended my patience even more to understand him. I only asked for his vacant time but I guess, everything was taken for granted.
Whenever I open up about how I feel about the relationship, he just keeps on saying sorry for how selfish he became out of his time and lack of effort. I totally understood him though. It's just that, he doesn't truly express his thoughts towards me that's why I have questions to him left unanswered, and even now that we already broke up, those questions were not addressed.
That left me feeling guilty about why I broke up with him instead of staying in the relationship supposedly. I could have held on a little longer but I got tired of fighting for the relationship to work. It seemed to me that I was the only one making the effort and he was avoiding confrontations. If I held on a little longer, will the situation get better?
I could have given him time to explain his side but the heaviness I felt inside is something I could no longer control. Napagod ako, naubos ako. I wonder what were the reasons why he went cold to me. Is it about my choice of pursuing music? Or my choice of not having sex until we wed? Or something that I lack of?
These questions pouring me every day are making me so hard to move on from the relationship. If I may be asked, I would totally understand him. I'm open to discussions, not necessarily getting back together. I still have strong feelings for him, I am still emotionally attached to him, and 4 years of being in a relationship is not easy to let go of.
I just wished to hear his explanations well because to me, he never explained his side well making me guess or question what went wrong. But I shouldn't approach him first because that would give him the idea of complacency again.
I believe that a proper closure where things get fully addressed and handled will set me free. That way, I will move on with peace in my heart full of learning from the relationship I was with him before. It was an amazing relationship, I would say in general. I'm grateful for this experience. It is a chapter of my life I'd forever be grateful for. It taught me a lot of things about life.
So yeah, that's pretty much it. At least a huge load was taken off my heart after expressing here. I wonder how he's coping up these days but I wish him well.
To myself, I wish you well too. I'm proud of who you have become and I'm sure you are going to get this through.
So, it is time to delete photos related to him na ba?
Thanks for reading.
Keep safe everyone!
Ate, grabe before ako mag type ng icocomment ko eh andami ko ring takeaways dito sa story mo. Nakakalungkot to. Para akong naunuod ng asianovela na hindi happy ang ending.
Based on what I really understand lang, may side talaga na nagkulang sa communication. Masasabi ko na katulad din ako nung ex mo ate pero ung kinaibahan lang, kinimkim tlaga ni partner mo ung problem sa sarili niya, ako naman, napilit ko ishare sa partner ko kasi nga partner kami. If may issues dapat alam din ng partner mo para alam nyo kung paano ireresolve ng dalawa.
Second red flag is ung time eh. Jusko, ldr na kayo dapat nga lagi pa sya nag hahanap ng oras to make a call kahit 30 minutes?
But still, I believe na kapag may lumalaban pa sa relasyon para isave, malay nyo maging okay pa ate. Lahat naman ng relasyon may red flag eh. Ang kelangan lang is maayos un pag nakipag communicate ng maayos both sides.
For now, I highly suggest na sabihin mo lang lahat ng gusto mo sabihin sakanya, just like leaving a long message. Then hiatus ka na. Try mo ate if sa reply nya na un eh mararamdaman mong ma guilt din sya. Kung wala, or kung gusto nya na din kumawala sa rship, edi thank you, next na. charot, pero ayun, seperate ways na lang na walang bitterness. Atleast, sa 4 yrs and 6 months nyo, may mga pieces don na puro happy memories.