Forgiving Doesn't Always Mean Forgetting

When someone has wronged you, do you forgive them by forgetting the things they've done? Or do you forgive them but keep their mistakes in your mind as your protection to limit your expectations from them?

When you got hurt, the only way to fully move on from that situation is to forgive the person. You forgive the person, not for them but to give yourself the inner peace that you needed. It is tough to forgive especially if that person caused you so much anguish and grief.

Others would say that forgiving is forgetting. How can you forgive the person if you won't forgive what they need? I mean, that's people-pleasing. Not forgetting the act of the person doesn't necessarily mean that you did not genuinely forgive the person.

It is some sort of building boundaries with the person who has wronged you because you're afraid of getting hurt again. I don't think it's a selfish move to not forget what they did. It's about protecting your peace.

I firmly believe that forgiveness is a gift. Everyone knows this exists but not everyone has the nerves to practice it. Probably a lot of people already practiced this but got abused and so they let go of it and be overwhelmed with anger. Letting go of the negative emotions takes a lot of courage and time to forgive the person.

Subconscious forgiveness

This is when you forgive the person and not dwell on the past by putting everything behind you and start to move on. The issues beforehand don't matter anymore as you don't let those situations slow you down.

Are you familiar with the song "The Past" by Ray Parker Jr., popularized by Jed Madela? The lyric goes like this, "I must forgive you, you must forgive me too. Cause there's no sense in going over and over, the same things as before. So let's not bring the past back anymore."

This is more of equalizing the situation by stating their individual mistakes in the relationship. It's about getting revenge on one another because of what they did to each other but they just choose to forgive and forget.

I can say that this one is an easier way of forgiving because both of them committed mistakes. If this happens, nobody should turn a blind eye to their mistakes. But somehow it makes me think that the relationship is on the verge of not breaking apart already because they chose not to be honest with each other and instead they cheated. Then again, at least they settled it down.

Emotional forgiveness

This is when radical love or kindness kicks in. When you have a forgiving heart, especially an emotional one, it's easy for you to forgive someone who has wronged you. Although it would take so much time and a wise decision to arrive at that aspect.

You come up to thinking where you hate the sin and not the sinner but it will take a lot of courage to process everything. It's going to be a challenge for us humans who mostly see things around justice.

So when you forgive, do you forget what the other person did, or do you keep the memories to yourself to protect yourself and limit expectations if it happens again?

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Thanks for reading.

Keep safe everyone!