What we will become is determined when we are born?
Our role in life begins the moment we are born. This first role, given to us by our mothers, fathers or very close relatives, sticks to us so much that we never leave that role as long as we live, even if the movies change or the scenarios are written differently. Then we call it "destiny".
Of course, I don't remember much when I was born. I have a mother who loves joy from the heart. The day I was born, she hugged me, embraced me and embraced me so much that this world that I had never known could not frighten me. Then neighbors and friends stepped in.
I've been from lap to lap. Each of them loved, caressed, kissed me. They organized a big birthday on the day I turned one year old. They dressed me in long blue dresses and put crowns on my head. They threw me into the air, and then they held me tight. Each of them taught something different, I tickled, I laughed a lot.
That's why it's easy to love everything. I was always sure that I would be loved anyway, I looked at life with this confidence and this hope. The world did not scare me. I have been brave. I trusted life, I have been able to do the most unlikely thing, think in the extreme, experience both pain and joy deeply.
This is how my life started, so I was able to continue like this. There is a famous saying, "Where the front wheel goes, so does the rear wheel".
If a baby has opened his eyes to a world where he/she is not loved, cared for, and has no reliable owner, then he/she will have to work hard, get very sad and get tired in order to illuminate this dark world. It will not be easy to live with joy and peace, to be brave, to be successful, to enjoy this success in this world that is not ready to love, accept and embrace it quickly.
Luck is an important factor in life. Where, when and whose child we are born into is our most important luck or misfortune. Even children born to the same mother and father in the same environment do not have equal chances. Whether we are the first child, the last, a girl or a boy affects this situation a lot.
The mood, financial situation, environmental conditions of the parents at that time, each of them are factors that affect this chance. A loving, caring mother is always the biggest chance. Whatever role we played in the first few years we were born, we often continue to play the same role tirelessly for the rest of our lives.
Most parents want children who are quiet, calm, don't keep them busy all the time, play with their toys, don't cry often, eat what's put in front of them, sit at their mother's knees wherever they go, study right after school, don't ask too many questions, don't spill, don't talk.
When these children grow up and become adults, they remain in this role. They will most likely finish school on time, find a suitable job, live and complete their lives as respectful to their superiors, in harmony with the environment, aware of their responsibilities to their family, who speak less, are contented with what is available, cannot go further than being a chief in the place where they work, and do not want more. Great loves, great happiness, great projects, great achievements are not for these people.
They always stand in the middle, vote for centrist parties, take no risks in anything, even drink coffee with cappuccino. Even if they can't be the head of the house because they are very adaptable to life, if they have a job such as civil service, military service or academics, they can be successful here, they can become professors, generals or managers because of their strict adherence to rules, respect for everyone, and who do not like to mix with meat and milk.
There are children who are never adopted by their mothers. They climb to their mothers, to love me, take care of me, take care of me. The more she climbs, the more the mother pushes, the more the mother pushes, the more the child clings to the mother. These kids cry for everything. Life is foreign to them, scary and always full of dangers. In this dark world, they do not have a trusted owner to protect them.
He/she can't even start school, he/she always wants their mother with them, while the other children are running around, they stand aside and cry in horror. It is now certain what role life will give them. These people always feel lonely for the rest of their lives. Especially since they have a constant fear of abandonment in their love relationships, they make concessions to the other party, always become "more loving", and in the end what they fear comes to them and they are abandoned.
There are also children who have suffered injustice from the day they were born and whose sense of justice has been damaged. Maybe their food is given on time, they are protected from the cold, dirt and rust, but they grow up without the love and priority they really need. They can never be the most important, the most loved, the most deserving of attention.
When they are little, they engage in a great struggle with life. They go after the things they want but can't win, they keep silent for this cause, they can't even cry for this cause and they bury their anger very deep. When these children grow up, they will be fair, honest, tactful and tactful.
They want to apply the justice that is not applied to them to the whole world, they pursue perfection in everything, they take the responsibilities of all their relatives like a robot, they give life to life without thinking about what life demands from them. When they say let's be very logical, very realistic, life flows in front of them.
There are many other roles, large and small, that are very different from each other and are distributed to each of us in life. These roles are determined by the relationships we have with our parents or with those who have taken their place and raised us. If we have become parents, it is now our turn to distribute roles.
If we don't want life to take us on the road drawn by the front wheel, we should step away from ourselves and try to see what our role is in life first. If we want to change something, we must first know what to change.
What does it mean to connect with someone?
It makes you weaker than you can imagine in that sweet world..
What is the bond that strongly binds one person to another? Can we see and understand a human being at first glance, like a ball of steel that looks like silk?
did we know what we were connecting to
when they asked us why we were attached to someone, we said 'because she's beautiful', or 'handsome, smart, strong, talented'; we were listing the reasons we accepted as valid for a person to be loved.
but maybe we were attached to weaknesses, weaknesses, distortions.
While we were always trying to describe 'connection' as a flight towards the heights, perhaps commitment was a surrender to the dark abysses of death, madness, doubt, selfishness, and corruption.
When we get attached, don't we always find a 'pitiful' side that others don't see, a vulnerability that will always arouse compassion in us even to those who hurt us the most?
No matter how strong, smart, beautiful and talented the people we are attached to may appear to others, weren't we worried that something bad would happen to them because of their naivety, childhood and weakness and weren't we trying to protect them?
no matter how weak and helpless our attachment to a person makes us
No matter how much it hurts us, don't we still sense a weaker and more helpless side to the person we are attached to than our own?
Isn't this what we usually intuited true?
I think strong bonds are strengthened by the great weaknesses in those we are attached to.
There is always a little pity in the great loves and great devotions, even when they upset us, betray us, we worry for them despite the deep sorrow that we think it is because of their weakness and we are worried for them. We fear what will happen.
While others see their brightest side, we see their darkest side.
The strange whirlpool created by that radiance and that pitch-black darkness draws us in; we come to their shine and get lost in their loneliness.
before I connect to someone
I'm afraid that I will suffer
once we get attached, we start to fear 'I wonder if he will suffer'; While our own sufferings seem tolerable to us, while we feel like we can endure any pain, we fear that they will not be able to bear any pain and that they will be crushed under their own pain.
Why is a person attached to another person?
Do we ourselves know why we are connected?
we find smart reasons for our feelings, but the real reason is hidden in the boxes where the mind does not penetrate.
Why do the weaknesses in those hidden boxes attract us?
our own weakness? Or does the one who is attached sees himself stronger than the one he is attached to, does he believe that the person he is attached to cannot withstand what he suffers; While attachment seems like a weakness, does the person who is attached feel his/her own strength in this commitment?
A beautiful strong weakness draws us in the darkness like an abyss of luminous blackness, it's not easy to take your eyes off once you bend over and look.
We cling to the dark, but to the bright and flaming ones.
such bright darkness can only be found in death, in depth, in betrayal and solitude.
and while others admire their brilliance, we pity the darkness and are enslaved.
connecting for him separates us from other people.
In a garden where others gather and eat the fruits, we indulge ourselves in the intoxication of drinking the delicious and burning drinks obtained from the spoilage of those fruits, with the pleasure of discovering that drink and separating from the crowds.
When asked 'why do we get attached to a person', we say 'because we like drinks more than fruits'.
Everyone's emotions are different
We have dreams that we cannot fit into ourselves. However, it is our childhood that makes those dreams bigger. We cannot fit what comes out of ourselves into our world. Dreams are destroyed, smaller ones are built instead. But a destroyed love leaves so much pain behind that you can't reach out and put a single brick in its place.
There are traces behind. And the scars are as deep as you remember. If everything is a game of love, it's up to the rest to watch the departures. It falls from our name step by step. And every step he takes is not going, but ending. Not the end of love, but the fact that everything else is a lie destroys one.
However, you have avoided even appearing stronger than him in front of him, just so that he does not seem weak. Nobody can believe that you are this good, they don't want to see it. And the unbelief of some truths turns them into a lie. That's why they go mostly. Because they see themselves as right, in the shadow of what they can't see...
The best and only answer I can give to the question of what is a good relationship is "we".
To sleep in a single bed without the slightest discomfort, to laugh, to laugh and to be able to laugh, is to be silly sometimes.
Missing more and more with every second that passes without him is often paying attention and running on the stairs saying he has come to the doors that he did not knock. It should say what's good for you..
but I can't say, I won't say.. because I learned to be us first.. I learned not to question by saying that if it's good for us, it's good for me anyway.. even if he looks at you with someone else in mind, I learned to respond with love, to say that of course I will come back after every departure... and all of these with you. learned; I matured by holding your hand, covering you and crying for what you did..
And I can't go from you even if I wanted to, I can't leave us and go anywhere, do you understand? Maybe I'll give up after a while, for diyosuny it will be 2 years, but in case it will be 4 years, but it will pass.. maybe it will pass, but it will be very difficult.. do you remember the kitten example I gave you? The cat sent from home by its owner..
maybe the cat was forced to go by himself, he was hungry and thirsty and he realized that he could not live any longer, that the house was not a home for him, he threw himself out of the door opened by the owner.. the outside is filthy, terrible and he is alone. it meows silently under the windows but nobody hears it because the windows are closed, the shutters are closed.. the cat just meows..
I wish I was hungry I wish I didn't have water but I would sleep in his lap I would walk around his feet he says I said I... and I couldn't do it outside just like that stupid little kitten I couldn't do anything but be sad more and knock on my home door again..
I learned that my owner was looking for new cats at night, I heard the cats meow from under the windows.. I was always sad, I always cried.. I cried a lot, I was very sad.. and every time I get the news of a new cat, I get upset.. I know it's been too long.. come now, come almost, what are you doing, come now and Let these useless people around me go..
I am not happy in this house when you are not there. Our house is very empty when you are not there. I know you're not, don't say you are.. come on now.. come right away.. come quickly and the weather will get cold, I know.. come on darling, knock that damn door now.. I miss you..
After a Breakup-Sadness and fear...
Somewhere in the middle of your chest will hurt...
You will realize that your house is too narrow to fit you inside...
You will run out into the street...
The streets will also be narrow....
Just like your body is tight for your heart...
Neither the blue of the sea will open your heart, nor the sparkling sky...
Too big to carry yourself, too big to disappear at the same time
you will shrink...
Someone's always going to tell you something....
"Health is important."
"Life is good."
"Forget it, everything is forgotten."
You will not hear any...
You will be unable to see around with your tears.
You will love it as much as you want...
You will always want to talk about it...
If they say, "The cure for death has been found" or "Tomorrow, the apocalypse will break", shake your head.
"What did you say?" You will not ask...
You will want to be alone...
And getting lost among the crowds...
Both will not be enough.
You will think about your past... Almost minute by minute... But the bad ones
by jumping...
You will want to go through the places you passed with him....
go places...
This will not do you any good... But you will do it on purpose.
If someone told you that they could rip the pain out of you, you would run away...
To experience that pain, even though you actually want to get rid of it
you will resist.
You will want to spend the rest of your life thinking about him...
You will hate those who claim otherwise.
Making everyone look like him...
You won't be able to put anyone in her place.
Nothing will distract you...
You will take shelter in drugs... It makes you dizzy for a few hours, but never does it.
one that doesn't make you forget... that only makes you watch from behind the frosted glass for a while...
All the songs will feel like they were written for you... Your throat
you will get stuck, you won't be able to listen...
Sleeping is hard, waking up will be easy...
You will look forward to the morning... Sometimes you will say, "The sun never rises".
Neither the nights nor the days will comfort you...
You can't want to die and die...
Maybe hug someone who comes in front of you desperately in case the nail pulls the nail out.
You will want it... In vain... Even the thought of it will be intolerable...
You will have dreams, you want them to come true... Every leap
When you wake up you will realize that you are saying his name...
You will wait for the phone to ring... Knowing that you will not call...
When it rings, your heart will come to your mouth... You will speak with tears.
with the seekers...
Your heart will break....
Your soul will burn....
You will swear never to love again.
You won't feel like doing anything about life...
You will yearn to hear his voice once again... Over and over
hate yourself for not appreciating the days he calls
you will...
You will want to leave the city you live in... Someday with him somewhere
hope of meeting... This hope will keep you from going...
You will live in ebb and flow...
If you call it living...
Do you agree to all this?
Are you ready to finally die and be resurrected?
Then you can fall in love.
I Can't Live Without You... Really?
I can't live without him, we complement each other, I'm incomplete without him, I can't imagine a world without him... These expressions, which we all hear or say personally in our daily life, sound like sympathetic and romantic words of love, may not actually be that innocent.
From 'I'm nothing without you' you're either with me or nobody's! These sentences can be the seats of a dangerous seesaw with suicide on one end and murder on the other.
A person can hardly survive alone when all is well. Let's think about the evolutionary development system, imagine that you are a healthy hunter-gatherer. You know which plant is poisonous and which is non-poisonous, and you have the muscle development maturity to hunt small land animals or fish, but imagine you broke your foot, or simply caught a cold and are very weak, if you don't live in a commune that is your death sentence.
For this reason, man, by nature, does not tolerate loneliness. Because a crowded community is a shelter, a safe harbor where the individual can meet his physical needs in every condition and situation.
For this reason, we want to have others around us in order to survive, the feeling of loneliness is disturbing because it creates the possibility of not being able to meet physical needs rather than a thought of spiritual singleness.
Imagine a newborn human cub, unable to perform basic vital functions such as feeding, relocating, cleaning, protecting from dangers without the help of others. Considering this biological inadequacy, it is inevitable for a human infant to develop an attachment to its caregiver from the first days of its life.
The caregiver is not only a resource that satisfies physical needs, but also the first object that meets social needs. This first object is often the mother. The mother is the first addiction of human beings, which is connected with ties that get stronger as the needs are met.
This bond is the first indicator of how change-resistant personality patterns that affect a whole later life will form. Every newborn carries a sense of 'fundamental anxiety' characterized by fear of abandonment by the parent.
The methods of coping with this basic anxiety belonging to the early stages of life determine the attitudes of the individual in the bilateral relations that he will experience in the later periods of his life.
A mother who is warm, sensitive, ready to meet the needs of the baby and not rejecting will be able to provide the necessary environment for the baby to have a "secure attachment" with himself. In 'secure attachment', the individual feels the confidence that the 'other' will be there in times of need, and this paves the way for consistent relationships to be established in the future.
But with a reactive, emotionally distant mother, the baby forms a relationship in the form of an 'ambivalent attachment'. Individuals who encounter this attachment style in the early stages of their lives may experience inconsistency in their relationships in the future, and the people around them may complain that they are excessively passionate and jealous.
The duty of the mother is not only to meet the needs of the baby moment by moment, but also to provide the child with experiences of solitude and calm environments where he can stand by himself so that the individual can develop a healthy 'self'. Only in this way, the mother, who is the first object, turns into a transitional object and becomes 'other'. This break is necessary for self-development.
This relationship that a human baby establishes with its first caregiver, which is usually the mother, is like a roadmap separated by fine lines, in which very delicate balances are observed. If this path can result in a healthy individuation, the person can become the subject of coherent relationships.
Otherwise, if individuation cannot be completed in a healthy way, it is inevitable to be a feather in the spectrum of psychopathology ranging from neurosis to psychosis.
Addiction is an irresistible, unavoidable desire for an object or person. The person exposes himself to the object to which he is addicted with increasing doses or frequency and experiences feelings of deprivation in the absence of the object to which he is addicted.
Although the person knows that the object to which he is dependent is harming him physically or psychologically, he cannot prevent himself from continuing this situation. This can manifest itself in a drug addiction, sex addiction, gambling addiction, or addiction to a person.
Addiction is like a self-fulfilling prophecy. Take someone who is addicted to a person. The person he is close to can be a parent, child, friend or lover. The relationship with this person is a one-sided relationship that cuts off the addict's connection with life, just like in drug addiction.
The basic emotion felt in dependence on a person is fear, the fear of losing 'that' person... He does his best not to lose the person to whom he is addicted, his own value judgments and worldview do not matter, he does not exist anymore, 'he' exists. If 'it' exists, 'it' does not exist.
This shift from being an individual to being nothing begins to frighten the addicted person, narrowing and squeezing their living space. When this situation is noticed, the dependent person cannot resist the increasing fear of losing and tries to increase intimacy without realizing that he is enslaving in a vicious circle.
In the end, the thing he fears most happens, his addiction causing him to lose 'it'. Fear of loss has cost the loss like a self-fulfilling prophecy.
From that moment on, the person develops a great hatred and anger in proportion to the dependence he feels on the person he adores, which only serves to drive the lost person further away, and now the addicted person has entered a vicious cycle of self-feeding hatred-deprivation.
The solution lies in questioning the reality of the sense of nothingness. Nobody is everything to anybody. Everyone is everyone's thing. Whether 'he' exists or not, 'me' exists. When the 'it' is out of my life, what's left is me and I am the source and cause of the new 'it's.
Why should you love yourself?..
***Be Kind to Yourself***
Allow yourself to make mistakes because nobody is perfect. Do not be too hard on yourself because your mistakes will teach you many important life lessons. Keep in mind that it is okay to make mistakes because your mistakes will help you grow. You do not need to strain yourself to be perfect because perfection is difficult to achieve. You just need to focus on accepting your flaws and working on self-improvement when you can.
It is actually very difficult for a person to love and like himself because the beast inside us is insatiable. If we do three, he'll want five more. Such is the nature of man, but if it were not so, we would all sit hand in hand. Nature probably knows these things better than any of us. So how can we poor people please ourselves?
First of all, let's remind ourselves often that we are not bionic people and that we cannot overcome everything due to our nature. Let's know our mistakes and shortcomings, but let's tolerate ourselves. Let's tolerate it without laziness. Actually, there is a lion inside all of us, that is, he is an ideal person we always wanted to be but could never be.
Unless we look like him, we despise ourselves. This is the grumpy lion that constantly bites, prods, and annoys us, only to stop bothering us for a while when we're in love. Because love is so big that it even takes the place where the lion sleeps. The feeling you call love is disloyal, it consumes itself quickly. Moreover, if we are the ones who are abandoned, the lion appears again, a little more grown and wild.
That's when it starts hitting again, to despise us more and more every day, to humiliate us.
What we have to do is to understand why we are so sad and devastated, to make a correct diagnosis and to start treatment as soon as possible.
So we have to realize quickly that what upsets us so much is not just being abandoned, but being a little further away from our ideals. We don't have a chance to catch the ideal person we dream of right away, but we should applaud every step we take in this regard and praise ourselves as much as we humiliate ourselves.
The way all this takes us must be to grow a little more, to develop and mature ourselves a little more. So, let's roll up our sleeves and set out within the framework of the possibilities that life offers us. Everything we have now is very valuable on this road.
If we are students, let's push our limits in this regard, let's get the best grades we can.
If we are working, let's be the most popular employee. Let's try to increase our knowledge and good manners in every subject. That's when life will start to like us. When we like life, we start to like and love ourselves.
Let's have realistic expectations of ourselves. Instead of saying amen to the prayer that will not happen, let's set out with what we can do. As you master this job, you will see that it will be easier to love, to be loved and to succeed. Let's listen to our inner voice from time to time.
Let us not forget that God entrusted us with sending us into this world. Let's not betray the safety. Well, let's take care of ourselves.
We should stop complaining now
There is a phrase that I come across a lot on social media and in some columns these days, and we can say that it is an advice that people who are especially interested in personal development focus on: don't complain!
It is a suggestion that tells that when we are forced, tired, bored of doing something, constantly complaining, grumbling, complaining makes things worse, that the negative feelings of the person are reinforced, and that listening to complaints is a boring experience for the listener.
I must admit that at first this suggestion did not bother me. I even tried to apply it to my own life, because really, complaining neither reduced my burden on that job, nor could the people I complained find a permanent solution for me. It was also possible that I was perceived as someone who constantly complained and complained from the outside.
However, one day, when I was really tired and bored, I realized that I was forcing myself to act in the opposite direction of my need. I wanted to call a friend and say "I'm so tired, I'm having a hard time coping with this situation", but I held back because I shouldn't complain.
I observed that this caused me more stress, and from a professional point of view, I realized that this motto of "don't complain" is not a very correct direction.
Think about it, you had a very difficult day at work, a lot of setbacks, you were tired, and you had a lot of negative emotions. You came home tired, fed up and angry. But life is hard, everyone is running around, they are tired, complaining will not solve anything, so you have to keep your experiences and feelings to yourself, pretend not to reveal anything to your spouse / friend / parents all evening, and hold yourself not to complain.
In addition to all the troubles inside you, you should also spend energy on it. This option makes me feel stuck even while talking about it.
While working in the field of mental health, one of the most basic points we focus on is our emotions. Recognizing, noticing, discerning and expressing our emotions…it is very healing, this is our healthy way of being. When we suppress our emotions, ignore them, try to hide them from others and turn them into other emotions, we encounter pathologies such as anxiety disorders and depression in the long run.
For example, when we get angry with someone we think is wrong to be angry with (as a human, we can get angry at everyone, we cannot censor our emotions), we can ignore this anger directly because it is not an allowed emotion, we can notice and suppress it, if we cannot cope, we can direct it to someone else, or we can live inside and try not to show it outside. . In the long run, emotions that are suppressed or not processed in this way begin to wreak havoc on our inner world.
However, if we realize our emotions, accept them and share them, we will be able to handle and process our negative emotions in a healthy way, especially without accumulating them. Just expressing it is enough for us to "heal", "overcome", "relax" in some situations. Especially if there is someone who listens to us without judgment and tries to understand our feelings.
The motto of "don't complain" is somewhat objectionable in these respects. Talking about our experiences, expressing our feelings and being understood when we are forced, bored and tired actually lightens our burden and gives us strength.
Our negative emotions have less influence on us and we can deal with the situation more easily. As long as we know how to express our feelings and there is someone who listens to us emphatically without judging or giving advice.
When we talk about our feelings and feel that it is understood, we are kind of discharged about that issue and our need to complain lessens. If we can express ourselves correctly, if we can recognize our emotions, and if there is someone listening and trying to understand us, our need to complain disappears.
Because every complaint is actually a call for understanding and support. We assume that people who are constantly complaining and being told have a deeper need for these issues. In order to understand and show that we understand, we must learn to listen to the other person empathetically.
Betrayal...
Betrayal is perhaps one of the greatest pains that human beings can experience in the world. Even poets, in poems and songs, are angry if you compare separation and betrayal with death, and they say that betrayal always hurts a person even more than death.
Because in betrayal, there are infuriating and hurtful meanings such as being deceived, made a fool of, in fact not loved at all, maybe even used, disliked, humiliated, which hurts a lot. And it breaks at the thinnest point.
When these negative emotions, which are very challenging for human beings, come together, an unexpected anger emerges, sometimes even surprising the person himself.
Even if there is no real betrayal in some sick people, the slightest development or sensation that reminds the person of this is perceived as a real betrayal, and the brutal murders that we often read about in the newspapers are committed.
Some of these murders are committed at the time of the incident, that is, when the real betrayal is seen or learned. Maybe if the person who committed those murders could give himself some time to think through the incident, move on, take a deep breath and consider what options he had in such a situation, the fate of both himself and his relatives, such as his children, and of course, the person who cheated on him would change.
This change will be a positive change in any case, he will not spend the rest of his life in prisons, and his children will not be left without a mother and father.
For all these reasons, when a person learns that he has been cheated on, he should not act immediately, take sudden decisions, first take a deep breath and check once again whether he is mistaken, then not talk about it with anyone for at least 24 hours, get out of his bad mood for a little bit. first of all, he should try to evaluate the event as objectively as possible with a clear head.
Because the smallest mistake to be made at this first moment can have consequences that can greatly affect the future of the person.
For example, to break up with anger or to decide to break up with a spouse or lover immediately in anger.
After that, the event should be shared with a psychologist, if possible. Of course, this may be a friend or a close relative, but an objective, impartial observation and an unbiased interpretation are very important here. Sometimes big plane trees are toppled due to small betrayals, people who spend years together. divorce, families break up.
***Will there be a small betrayal?***
I think it does, because today betrayal is a phenomenon that almost half of people experience in one way or another. If half or almost half of the people are betrayed, it means that the number of people who can betray their spouses or lovers is very high in the society.
I am not saying this especially for our society, maybe this rate is much lower for us, but it is a scientific fact that betrayal is becoming more and more common all over the world. As for the reason; Hunger and misery are not as common in the world as they used to be. For example, the country we live in is no longer a poor country.
Education levels have risen again all over the world and freedoms have increased. Now, the female sex has proven its existence, strength and abilities to the whole world. Although all these were very positive developments, they increased the desires and made it difficult to satisfy.
The gradual weakening of old habits and rules such as reaching things that he could not even imagine in the past, that is, the gradual spread of freedom, mobilized human emotions along with it. Demands increased, satisfaction became more difficult. All these, perhaps many more reasons that I could not express in this limited time, paved the way for deception and betrayal.
Here I would like to suggest to the audience to be a little more tolerant. We are all human, we can make mistakes. And the world we live in is very conducive to making such mistakes. Perhaps even among those who attend or listen to the program, there are many people who betray or have been betrayed. The truth is not to betray. Being honest always takes courage and virtue.
Weak people or those who cannot absorb financial power betray the most. But still, let's not succumb to our anger in the face of betrayal and try to understand the person in front of us. Because not every betrayal is an insult, humiliation or a serious reason for separation.
Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD)
Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) is a disorder with a solution. Therapy studies in which correct and proven methods are applied (in some cases with drug support) give very good results in the treatment of OCD.
OCD; As its severity and intensity increase, it is a disorder that causes difficulties in the daily life of the person, restricts his life, causes problems in his work and private life, and for these reasons makes the person have to seek treatment and help after a certain stage.
People with OCD may want to hide their problems at first, and may avoid asking a specialist for help in this regard. They may think that it is a temporary thing, that they can solve it themselves, that they can manage their work and daily life without any interruption, even if it does not go away.
However, as the severity and frequency of the symptoms increase after a certain period of time; The person's daily life, mood, relationships, work/school performance begin to be affected by this situation. When the person realizes that he/she cannot cope with this problem alone, he/she considers getting help from a specialist.
***What is OCD? What Kind of Inconvenience Is It?***
OCD is a psychological distress that includes obsessive thoughts we call "obsessions" and compensatory behaviors we call "compulsions".
Obsessions (obsessions), which come to the mind of the person against his will, often contain threats, disturb the person, worry; They are persistently recurring thoughts that the person cannot get rid of, even if they want to.
Compulsions, on the other hand, are repetitive movements that are difficult to control, often done to banish obsessive thoughts from the mind or to compensate/prevent worrying possibilities that come to mind.
Even if the person thinks that his obsessions are irrational, he cannot prevent them, and even if he gets tired of doing compulsions, he cannot stop doing them. Because obsessions cause the person to feel threatened in some way and therefore to worry. The person also believes that he/she has to repeat various actions or thoughts (compulsions) in order to cope with this anxiety.
Typically in OCD: A thought comes to the person's mind (eg, "Washing my hands once is not enough to get rid of germs, I can get sick") and this thought starts to repeat in his head (obsession). The person becomes anxious because of this thought and unless he does something about it, his anxiety increases even more.
He/She believes that the only way to reduce this anxiety and dispel the thought is to perform compensatory behaviors (for example, he washes his hands many times until he feels clean). Once he repeats the compulsions enough times, the threat posed by his obsessions is gone, and his obsessions are "for now" out of his mind. (For example, he washed his hands sufficiently and believed that he was free from germs. Now the danger of getting sick is gone.)
Person; although he has experienced that compulsions work to dispel his obsessions; After a while, he may begin to feel that doing these repetitions is not enough, that his obsessions and compulsions increase as time passes, and the situation begins to become inextricable. (For example, now, every time he feels dirty, he needs to wash more times to reduce his anxiety, the thought that his hands are dirty starts to come to his mind more often, washing with soap and water is not enough…etc.)
Compulsions do not always have to be outwardly visible behaviors and movements. Repetition of some words or thoughts from the person's mind or mind may also be compensatory behaviors.
**Solution**
1-OCD is a problem that can be overcome with therapy.
2-In some cases, medication may be required in addition to therapy.
3-Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is the most common therapy method with proven effectiveness in the treatment of OCD.
If the person seeking treatment and help first consults a clinical psychologist, the specialist will inform and guide the person for medication support, if necessary, after the evaluation sessions.
4-**IMPORTANT!** People who do not have therapeutic competence but still claim to be doing therapy may find confusion and despair in a complex disorder like OCD rather than a solution. Therefore, please be sure of the area of expertise of the person you will seek help from.
5-**REMEMBER**! Not every case of OCD requires the use of medication, and therapy is a useful method in the treatment of OCD. For a good and unbiased assessment, first of all, consult with a specialist who is qualified to perform therapy.
Is Music Really Soul Food?
Music lovers here!
If there are people who don't like it (I don't think so:) I recommend you to read the reasons that will make you love music.
Every living thing needs food to survive. We all know this classic information.
We eat because the food we eat returns to us as energy.
This energy is consumed and therefore food is needed to draw energy on a regular basis.
Our body physiologically needs to eat and drink water as well as psychologically need nourishment.
Even if we try to saturate our psychology by socializing, music has a special place.
Music is also a kind of energy. It is a mixture of vibrations and sounds that combine to create rhythm and therefore an eclectic mix of energy. Just as our body needs food and energy to thrive in this world, music serves as food for the soul to regenerate, filling it with energy and vitality. Music is fun, relaxing, motivating and energizing.
For centuries, human beings find peace by listening to music produced with both primitive and modern instruments. Not only the melodies created with a musical instrument, but even a melodious whistle from the lips can be enough to make you happy.
While music is sometimes our partner in trouble, sometimes it adds joy to our joy and increases our motivation.
How many times have you been fascinated by the sound of hearing a foreign piece of music in another language? I think we all know the answer. Because music is universal. Regardless of the language, a good piece of music will lift your mood even if you don't understand the meaning of its words. Similarly, instrumental pieces are often considered more inspiring. Our brains are said to be wired to understand music, regardless of age, language or culture.
When you find yourself tapping your feet and shaking your head to the rhythm of the music without even realizing it, the subconscious mind has stepped in. Music is embedded in one's personality, and few people can claim to dislike music. This is also a major reason why music is often used as part of guided meditations, as our bodies automatically respond to music through the subconscious.
Music helps you sleep better. Many people these days suffer from unhealthy sleep patterns and also insomnia. Increased stress in varied and hectic lifestyles is known to cause irregular sleep, which is detrimental to one's health. It is stated that listening to music before going to sleep, especially classical, soft music, helps to sleep better.
According to researches, listening to music can change the signals going to the brain and the messages going from the brain to the body. Thus, just as chocolate activates the hormones that give happiness and makes you happy, music, which is the food of the soul, can give you peace.
We know from time immemorial that babies fall into a deep sleep when they hear a lullaby. Although they can barely understand the words or sound, the soothing tone of the lullaby calms them and they fall asleep. Children learn faster with nursery rhymes and poems set with catchy tunes. Even the alphabet is taught with the help of the famous Alphabet Song. Children learn better through music, art and dance. If a child is so deeply affected by music, we can easily say that music is food for the soul that affects us all.
Music is not only associated with love, joy, happiness, but also with sadness and loss. A fast hip hop number can gleefully spin us around and dance to victory, while a peaceful jazz number can put us in a melancholy state. We often associate our mood with a certain song or a certain type of music. A dance music number can fill you with energy and slow music can put us in a relaxed mood. Because music directly affects our emotions, certain pieces of music put us in a certain mood.
We can barely find anyone who claims they don't like music. Not only is music a good way to connect and socialize with people, it also puts people in a positive mood and keeps them happy and motivated. It is a universal phenomenon and music is always associated with joyful moments. It has been scientifically proven that when you listen to music, your brain releases dopamine, which makes you feel happy, excited and joyful. It is said that listening to your favorite music for only fifteen minutes will make you happy!
Loneliness is not being alone
Does anyone know what loneliness feels like?
It is as terrible and pathetic as it is mentioned.
But why do people choose solitude?
Or..
No one chooses solitude. Loneliness chooses man. The chosen ones are usually the same people. These people are always alone in some way throughout their lives, and loneliness does not leave them alone. It happens so much now that he gets used to living in solitude. Offended at life.
Don't we want to have someone we love who loves us? But in fate, loneliness comes and finds us. Loneliness is our destiny, we are tired of life, of losing all the time and the fear of losing again and again. Maybe that's why we love solitude or just deceive ourselves.,
Sometimes, no matter how much one loves his wife, child, mother or father, he wants to be alone. When you want to be alone once in a while, you feel that your environment has suddenly changed and an atmosphere of anger and resentment prevails in your place.
We all need to allocate some time to ourselves, within certain limits and measures, without neglecting our responsibilities and loved ones. This is what we need to do for our inner child. Have you ever seen a car with an endless gas tank in your life? Even they go to the gas station every now and then to get gas.
Most of us need to spend time alone to clear our minds, measure our thoughts, be with nature, and review our point of view. Sometimes we need to be alone to miss our loved ones and fall in love with them again. We believe in these "automatic thoughts" so much that sometimes we think they are real, thanks to them, many relationships are destroyed.
Although being alone and being alone are considered the same, they are different situations. The feeling of loneliness, on the other hand, is an energy-consuming emotion that causes more pain and distress. It contains a deep inner emptiness, a sense of worthlessness, personal threat, which negatively affects the psychology of the person.
It is associated with inadequate and unsatisfying social relationships. to be alone; It is a process that develops through separation from a source that nourishes us. The resources that feed the person can be external as well as internal. We can give an example to the feeling of loneliness due to external reasons, and the fact that the person who has a satisfactory relationship with his spouse and child feels lonely after a while when he is away from them due to his job.
The person's view of himself can also create internal tension or create stress. Although the person who believes that he has communication difficulties has shared with people, feeling lonely when he is with people because he believes in his own inadequacy is an example of the feeling of loneliness due to internal reasons
Struggling alone in life
Can humans survive alone? This is easy for some and difficult for others. In order to fight alone, one must stand on one's feet. First of all, it is necessary for oneself to remain firm against life.
Living alone is against the nature of humanity. However, some people are quite content with living alone. It is their own choice for people to try to live alone. Most people are also lonely. Because living alone is a burden only to the person himself. Sometimes unpleasant situations can arise when people are involved in each other's lives.
The best way to avoid such situations is to be alone. But still, living a lifetime alone is not a very good situation. Sometimes a person needs love, being loved or even the slightest sweet glance.
We see some people. Many things have happened to him. Maybe they lost their loved ones, they were left alone in life, but they also managed to survive. We are more surprised and amazed when we listen to someone else's story. We would probably say, "No, I couldn't do that". Yes, every person has faced a difficult situation at some point in his life, thought he would collapse and even said 'ok, my end has come', but he continued his life and even got stronger.
No matter how dark it is, there is always a light, albeit a tiny one. Try to look where the light is, not the darkness. This is what will keep you going. Of course, there is never any advice like “Do Polyannaism” here. For example, those who try to cope with the most difficult situations and do their job, such as the special forces, summarize it as follows: Realistically optimistic people, like pessimists, pay attention to the negativities they encounter, but they do not get stuck on negative things like pessimists.
They try to reach a solution by dividing problems that seem unsolvable. In other words, they understand where the problem is and find out how to find a solution, that's all. So these people balance positivity with realism.
Morality, righteousness, the rights of other people are among the basic principles of all religions... In other words, these are the characteristics of people who will be defined as good people. There is even an advice that says, "Always tell the truth so you don't have to worry about what you're saying to whom." Southwick and Charney noticed in studies that there is a huge right/false distinction in people with high emotional resilience.
These people escaped from situations that could threaten their lives in difficult moments, not only by thinking of themselves but also of others. Individuals with high emotional resilience also hold on to life thanks to the sharpness of right and wrong, and many of them make the following sentence: Keep your head up and always do the right thing.
Although it seems that there is no such word as fear in the dictionary of some, they are not fearless, but those who have faced their fears. The more we run away from the things we fear, the more we begin to fear. As we face fears, they begin to shrink in our eyes.
One of the best ways to do this is when the person is exposed to fear-inducing stimuli in a safe environment, and this lasts long enough for the brain to form a new attitude. Rather than encountering the thing we fear at an unexpected time, it will be a much better way to set it against us to defeat it.
To the center of life. They understood that people with high spirituality and strong religious beliefs are much more successful in continuing life... If you are not religious, it means that you do not have an important part of your emotional strength. Faith also strengthens the bond between people.
Strong human ties, on the other hand, increase stamina. Being part of a group with beliefs and religious affiliation is important. It can be very difficult to be whole by yourself if you are not a part.
Courage is needed but ignorant courage is questionable
From a personal point of view, of course, everyone's attitude when starting a business is different. But sometimes our insane courage shows up and we may have thrown the whole thing in the trash. Sometimes luck helps. It's always best to be approachable.
There is a definition that most of us probably know: ignorant courage. From this definition, we understand that the ignorant person tries to show himself with the arrogance of this ignorance. An ignorant person is indeed a person who is unaware of his shortcomings, and with this unconsciousness he may underestimate events and people.
It is generally far from understanding the importance and value of the knowledge and equipment that people have been struggling with for years. Ignorance involves exaggerated courage. As a society, I think one of our biggest problems is our 'ignorant courage'.
I can understand if we are inadequate in thinking and analyzing the situations and the attitudes we will take in these situations, but rather we are unintentional. We refuse to say we don't know something, and we risk constantly and often needlessly proving ourselves. Yes, the one with the high probability of return of the risk is wise, but the one that makes the difference with the lump sum probability can be considered stupid.
To speak as soon as possible or to reject ignorant courage and accepted truths. We are a society that does not fully understand what a competence it is to admit that we are inadequate, and how time spent on development is not a waste but a gain. Ignorant courage at home, on the street, in the office, in bed, everywhere. But this is the subject of a separate article, ignorant courage to death in health! What a pity...
While it is difficult to admit that we do not know the address asked, my expectations may seem high to you. But a real development and transformation can only be realized as a result of facing one's self. I know we all watch documentaries, but let's face it, we condemn the new singers who are actually models, the new actors who are actually singers, the new hosts who are actually economists, in the magazine programs that we watch unintentionally.
Defensive sentences that begin with "Well, I wanted to try" seem unfair to the real experts in that business, rightfully so. It seems like a pointless effort to do five things 'oh well' while doing one job very well.
But let me not be unfair, we applaud and appreciate those who do this well, those who succeed, and those who overcome them. Love; perhaps the most pompous part of his ignorant courage. We have a hard time understanding what is possible, what is not possible, what is appropriate and what is not.
We expect our decisions and dreams to come true regardless of the circumstances. The department we want to study at the university is far from the department we can study. We convince ourselves that we can make our dreams come true without effort.
We see our capacity above the existing one, and seeing it under it is another matter of discussion, let's note this as well. We consider it courage to say everything everywhere, to express an opinion without respecting or caring about anyone. We ignore the relation of courage to intelligence. We confuse bluntness with rudeness. We confuse self-knowledge with self-thinking. We deliberately confuse wishing with taking risks.
Because they misrepresented self-confidence to us. Maybe, while raising us, they made us think that we are more important than everything and everyone, that we can do everything, that we can do anything. They missed the humility in true self-confidence, so we missed it.
We did not know exactly how we would choose our role models, we chose not the embodiment of what we could have, but the embodiment of what we wanted to have but could not have, we made a mistake. Know yourself, look your way from the beginning, prepare yourself, create your conditions, esteem your loss, your gain, then 'manly courage' and then 'female courage'. A mother like a mother, a lover like a lover, a boss like a boss, a worker's courage like a worker... His ignorant courage, which does not know what it will bring if it sinks to the ground!
What is a hate crime?
How much humanity has changed. Is there no crime, hatred, grudge in the past?
Of course there was. Why has everything come to light now? Why do people go mad with anger? How could all people be this bad?
The limits of tolerance are gone. His eyes see nothing.
It is a pity that the efforts to condemn, prevent and combat hate crimes, which we frequently encounter on social platforms lately, are related to hate crimes and that these crimes are increasing and becoming unmanageable.
Hate crime is defined as: crimes, often violent, committed for reasons that may create prejudice against a person or group, such as race, language, religion, gender and sexual orientation. If this crime is not committed once and is continuous, the perpetrators are called a hate group. Laws designed to prevent these crimes and punish those who commit crimes are called hate laws.
I wish there was neither such a definition nor the need for such a law. This is a very deep subject, it has a thousand and one dimensions, its factors and variables are plentiful, it takes effort to understand.
But it is very easy to understand that it is wrong to hate a person and target him. You don't need to understand politics, law or sociology. Look like this; If you accept someone as the other, you are the other for that person. Let's kill each other then! It's very painful. Because that's exactly what happened. Violence is not less or more, it is all one. It is a great mistake to consider anyone as 'other', to exclude them, to believe that they have less rights. And we, the human being, the most adept creature in combining his mind and heart, how can we not see this!
Our personal thoughts are as different as our DNA, even those within the same formations are separate from each other. We don't have to agree, approve or understand, but we have to be very careful with what we say. What a great mistake it is to see someone as "who deserves to be destroyed" because of their race, religion, gender, sexual orientation, and to point out others.
Is this how we lost our objectivity, how much did we lose our objectivity, it's sad... I am one of those who believe that developed societies can be made up of people who protect each other's rights beyond respecting each other's rights. In a society where the snake that does not touch you will live for a thousand years, that snake will bite you one day, here is that example.
Especially if the snake is on the side you dislike and unfortunately hate, do you motivate the snake so that it can release its venom? Let me ask you, where is our humanity, beliefs, culture? Well, I'm hopeful. Mankind will wake up to itself.
You can try to keep your children and relatives on the path you believe in with the right suggestions, but you cannot target individuals or groups by spreading hate in public places and social platforms, and you cannot try to harm them. First of all, this is a matter of conscience. It's a humanitarian issue.
Gaining empathy should be the primary goal of this society, and indeed of all societies. It is very easy to prepare the ground for crimes called hate crimes, to be partners and to be the perpetrators. But it is not easier than to live and let live humanely. A little tolerance, a little empathy, a little human love, that's all.
You can find the feeling to achieve this in your religious teaching, family, ideology and nature, as long as you want to find it. Because we must leave a world where, among many things, our children are safe and safe no matter what they are, it is our duty.
Just looking is not enough Try to see
*There was a classic saying, what was it?*
Everyone looks, but not everyone sees. Or rather, not everyone sees the same thing. I wonder if we should raise our heads a little bit from this digital. From popular pages, from tech that makes us stupid. Isn't it enough for this digital to blind us?
Let's look and see with our own eyes instead of being content with what others share.
If we take a look around the magnificent illuminated view shown to us, maybe we can see the old man selling hard stuff to make money. Or that waddled child who just learned to walk holding his mother's hand. The shopkeeper selling ice cream, the brooding young man. If you have the opportunity to go to any place you want to see, it doesn't matter if you start closely. Even start from the closest, but as long as you lift your head and look around.
Going all over the world, maybe. But you need something else to see the world, not even the one at your feet. It's something that not everyone has and I don't think it has a name. I thought of a few words instead, but none of them fully matched that feeling. I like to listen to those who return wherever they go in the world; to a town an hour away or to another continent.
It doesn't matter if I've seen them or not. I like to listen and ask. because even though everyone goes to the same place, not everyone sees the same thing. Some people look but never see. Seeing is often beyond the eye. that's why i can't explain it. It's not a heart pattern, there's something else involved. It's better to be anonymous.
The possibility of some carries him to other places, but when he comes back, he is still the same person. Nothing invisible has been placed on his soul. A calico of the kind that perches on those who see only. A bird made up of other colors, sounds and pains of the world and existence could not put a bird on its commute. His is a kind of distance. However, doesn't the road make a person good? more knowledgeable, more enlightened, for example. If not, it's just a commute. I just don't like listening to him.
The number of words oscillating in the space does not matter, more or less. Do you think looking at a view is only knowing what can come out when you take a picture of it? Isn't the share that people take for themselves in that scene, personal and learnable from everything? What fruits are sold most often in the streets, how they are heated, in the houses and in the markets; Can one be considered apart from seeing, for those who truly understand?
What if it's not just a cigarette break for thoughtful middle-aged women sitting alone in the parks and smoking distressed cigarettes in a city ravaged by war and carnage? those who see it know. Those who see will understand. Only those who go want fire but are not heard. This is so. See and understand. To people around the world; with love, longing and understanding
Have you ever seen someone happy for a lifetime with the feeling of a moment?
Those tin piggy banks we used to save our money in when we were kids.
It was beautiful, wasn't it, those beautiful days that we counted with our little hands when they were filled to the brim.
What about the memories, memories, beauties that we wanted to save, were we able to save these feelings in a piggy bank?
If it has a piggy bank, have you ever thought about what time, for example, one with wings, looks like it will fly away at any moment but stays where it stops, what it collects? I thought.
This cruel piggy bank swallows bad moments with its big mouth. He collects them as if they are needed. While good moments and happiness are spent like crazy and cannot be kept, bad moments accumulate for a long time with great arrogance and determination.
Our sorrows are piling up, adding our troubles to it. And our fears never last a day; not going anywhere without many days. Our resentments continue to increase the pressure on our hearts, and even if our anger is like a fire and quickly extinguishes, it is always ready to ignite later.
Our anxieties, anxieties, regrets, and regrets look at us through a giant mirror over time. They increase as they decrease, and they seem to accumulate in our hearts with a blessing that we cannot see with our eyes. Unfortunately they are.
Have you ever wanted to collect the scent of your loved one inside you, take a big sigh of relief and imprison you for a few hours? It just doesn't work… After a few seconds, you realize that it's moving away from you. How simple it is. We can't even keep a scent in our piggy bank.
When we want to spend a day, when we pour out what we have saved and to see a benefit, we do not come across such a happy moment as we will eat it out of pocket when we do not have it. Few of us say how happy I was, how much fun I had, how happy I was, how happy I was, how lucky I was, and those who say, unfortunately, are still in the 'past tense'. Good moments don't accumulate because they don't stay until tomorrow. Even the beauties of yesterday are mentioned with sadness today because they are not available and spent, as soon as they are experienced. Like the suggestive details and re-read lines of inverted sentences, happy moments can only be passed over once again, knowing that they have passed and sensing that they do not accumulate, but are quickly wasted.
However, are our unhappy moments and bad memories coming out of that cruel piggy bank of time? How they accumulate with their endless blessings, their feelings that spread from today to tomorrow, and their shedding consisting of heartburn. The pains, troubles and unpleasantness of the past do not remain in the past, they are carried and accumulated in the future. You get sad thinking about how sad you were yesterday, today you are at its best or your childhood is today with all its unhappiness. You don't rejoice because you were happy yesterday, you'll be disappointed today, but because you don't have that moment today. He couldn't accumulate them in time, you'll notice. Those moments were wasted, inevitably, you know.
Have you ever seen someone happy for a lifetime with the feeling of a moment? However, the one who is unhappy for life with the feeling of a moment is a thousand and one money.
While you can't hold a scent, even the most familiar smell, it cannot accumulate as many minutes as you want under your nose, even for the hours you do not see it when you are in your loved one's life. And thousands of memories, beautiful and beautiful as well as distant, rushing to hurt you. Beautiful moments do not accumulate to make you happy. It does not work.
What accumulates in the piggy bank of time is always bitter, cruel and black.
Beautiful moments, no matter how much we want, do not accumulate and do not stay for a moment. One subtle reproach is to the beautiful memories that pass and fade like a relative whose face we find it difficult to remember, and a subtle reproach to the bitter piggy bank of time.
Live the beautiful moments, enjoy them to the last bit. Live so that there are no 'wish's behind you. Remember, there is no tomorrow, there is no happiness, there are happy moments!
The Future Begins With Dreams
From the moment a child opens his eyes to the world, his life adventure begins.
It is indispensable to dream from the age when he realizes what he is thinking.
Their wishes are always impossible but fun things.
For example, all children want to be the superhero they admire when they grow up.
Don't be surprised. That's how everything actually starts..
Dreams, wishes, and wishes make life interesting, challenging, and respectable. Dreaming is considered a positive mind trait. Almost everyone has a dream they want to fulfill. But most of the time it's "Too early." saying, "I'm late." We put barriers to living our dreams. But we sincerely say that the concepts of early or late are the limits that we only set ourselves and that do not actually exist!
Dreaming is an indispensable source of motivation for some people to get away from reality, for others it is an indispensable source of motivation for a person to realize himself. In fact, a person's dreams contain important details about what kind of person that person is and will be. Every person, from childhood to adulthood, puts their dreams at the center of their lives at some point in their life.
Our dreams are likened to design workshops. There are no obstacles in the world of dreams. The first design work on what we can do starts there. In order to make our dreams come true, it is necessary to have the ability to distinguish between belief, determination, fantasy and reality.
Every realization and action is a dream until that moment. It is necessary to generate motivation from dreams, to follow them with faith and sometimes stubbornly. Especially writing dreams and expressing them verbally often become a secret command to ourselves and our subconscious, and after a while these dreams; they turn into targets that we chase, fight and pay the price for.
Today, there is an interesting finding about dreams. While things that were difficult to realize in the past filled the definition of dream, today everything that is said and thought as a dream is closer to reality and realization. So there is a closer relationship between fantasy and reality. What is your dream? The answers given to the question contain targets with high probability of being realized. The concept of dream turns into a goal and what we need to do to realize the goal also contains the secrets of making dreams come true.
We cannot know how to be happy until we identify the source of unhappiness
Throughout life, almost all people have gone through the depression phase, especially with the emotional changes that begin with adolescence. And he tasted this disgusting feeling.
Like everyone else, I am experiencing the condition of not being able to enjoy this life.
I don't even want to get out of bed and move. Even my favorite food makes me nauseous during this period. I don't want to say anything, I don't move my lips. But this situation takes a short time for me, I recover before it reaches the level of illness.
Of course, we all have different problems and pain. But this difference does not change the dimensions of the pain we suffer and the troubled situation we are in, we all feel sad, cry and feel empty in the same way.
We all want to feel good during the day. Even when something goes wrong, we want the effect to pass quickly and we want to return to our normal pleasant life as soon as possible. Even if the setbacks pass, there is a disease that prevents you from returning to your former pleasant self, anhedonia. Because of anhedonia, you become numb to the things you once enjoyed, and you begin to be unable to enjoy life no matter how much you want it.
Have you ever felt that you didn't even want to meet up with your friends and couldn't enjoy anything you did during the day? I am sure that you have experienced these many times when you felt bad, but since all these feelings disappeared in a short time, you did not need to think about it.
Although these feelings come and go for most people, some people get into a vicious circle where they can no longer enjoy life and feel no joy no matter what they do. Medical literature calls this vicious circle anhedonia. Anhedonia, which is called the disorder of enjoying life or not being able to enjoy life, seems like a simple disorder at first glance, but it is actually a serious disorder that makes depression much worse and reduces the quality of life to the bottom.
The question of how to enjoy life comes to your mind. Our main criterion here is the state you are in. The inability to enjoy anything is noticed from a different perspective on life. For example, if you cannot enjoy life due to economic conditions, it is necessary to eliminate this condition here. Because income status comes to the fore as a source of unhappiness. Of course, the question arises, will I be happy if my income increases here? Again, it is impossible to answer this question. But if you personally think you will enjoy it, yes, it will help you be happy. On the other hand, let's say you have a bad relationship, it makes you unhappy. You get rid of this unhappiness by regulating or ending your relationship. Another point is, let's say you can't enjoy life because of work. Here, changing the work environment or profession comes to mind.
In summary, we cannot know how to be happy without identifying the source of unhappiness. Therefore, we need to find an answer to the question of what makes us unhappy.
Stop what you're doing now! Sit in a corner, take a pen and paper and answer these questions for yourself.
What are the things that make me unhappy?
How long have they been making me unhappy?
How does this unhappiness affect my life?
How does it affect my social relationships?
How is my work life affected by this?
If I am married, how does it affect my family relationships?
How is my sleep state and appetite affected?
I made a promise to myself at a young age !
This little girl may be a product of imagination, perhaps my own childhood..
So, How did she decide to write a diary?
She doesn't go out of her room, spends time for her lessons and it's good for her to be in her own world in her small room. And she reads a lot of books.
Dreaming is her favorite thing.
Of course, when he avoids making friends, the little red pimples on his face make him offended at the mirror from time to time.
What if others see it and become a laughing stock. It means her world is falling apart. She doesn't want the boy she likes to see because she may never like him. It's best to avoid it.
Look at that little girl's biggest problem :)
( Now I say ahh time I want to go back to the day I looked in that mirror! )
At such times she wants to express herself. She is looking for a friend to share her feelings with.
In class, their girlfriends are constantly criticizing and saying everything about others. It's a terrible thing for this girl. What if they make fun of me another day or embarrass me by talking about my dreams or the boy I like in public. She can't tell them anything to avoid this fear.
She shows her mother the poster hanging on the wall one day and tells that she will be a world star like her when she grows up. Of course, she eceives a tender kiss in return, but she also feels that sarcastic smile.
This is the Day he decided to write. Her heart is so broken. Her mother didn't even notice it.
(I'm thinking right now, of course, the woman is right. Talent is required to be a good world star. Can she become a world-famous artist just because someone wants it? Of course not. This is what that mother wanted to say . But the girl in front of her is too young to tell it.
She is just kissing and hugging her daughter, because a negative sentence that will come out of his mouth will not convince that girl because she is sure that) What he did was insufficient, of course. she didn't want to show it but the girl was already upset.
The notebook that his friend bought him at the Christmas gift giving events at school was just sitting in his library.
When her mother left the room, her eyes fell on the bookshelf, and the notebook she had forgotten caught her attention.
She quickly picked up the notebook. It was a beautiful notebook. She was white in color, she caressed her Feather-covered surface, and the soft feeling that touched her hand at that moment brought a sense of relief in the Girl's heart. He noticed the lock next to him. For the girl, the lock was a good detail.
Because no one would be able to make fun of his dreams anymore. She would be able to say whatever came to her mind without fear, without hesitation, without having to choose her words.
There is no one to laugh at after listening to him in front of him.
Or dreams, hopes, a group of girlfriends will not gather and make fun of.
How important is that, right? Big or small it matter what a terrible feeling it is to be afraid of expressing yourself.
Everyone may have dreams that they can't fulfill, or even impossible to realize, this is something that can be realized over time.
But being hit in the face at a time you can't understand is like a knife stabbed into the heart of the person in front of you.
the worst for me. I'm afraid to do it to someone else, even if it's accidental in life.
As I wrote on that page that day, I will not do anything to others that I would not want done to myself.
Pink painted walls and the pink dreams of the girl staring at that wall
Have you ever wondered about a young girl's world?
Pink painted walls in her tiny room;
Don't forget to call it wall paint! Much more than paint and color. Why there are so many colors, girls like pink the most. The color pink is Child's purity, the color of that fragile little girl who will not die in her despite all the difficulties she will go through throughout her life.
Posters hanging on the wall;
His love for the person he admires and wants to sing like him. If you only knew the sacrifices he made to go to the concert of the artist on that poster. The school allowances she receives from his family are never spent that week. She doesn't buy his favorite apple pie just to save money. She doesn't care about the polka dot dress she sees in the window, because going to that concert is her biggest dream. We will go to that concert and get an autograph from that artist and of course a square photograph will be taken to be placed next to the poster hanging on the wall. It doesn't matter how you came out in that photo, it can be in a blurry photo, as long as she has seen the artist he is a fan of.
She is the moment when her favorite singer's favorite song plays and she jumps on the bed and a water bottle turns into a microphone in her hand. Her eyes close and she is a world star at that moment. The world-famous star is giving a concert to millions of people on the most important platform of his life. Here is the poster hanging on the wall, she is hope.
Toy barbie doll;
Actually, this doll is her dream world. Sometimes her best friend is the one she secretly whispers in her ear with whom she shares her secret.
Sometimes, it is a baby that gives the feeling of motherhood, which is the sacred duty that separates her from the man, which is given to the woman in creation.
She is the moment when she feels like her mother, even in a toy. Protective instinct, efforts to keep that baby from getting lost. He is jealous of his friends coming home. If her mother gives that doll to other children to play with, it's incredibly scary for that girl.
And the most fun part is she sews little clothes for the baby. ornaments. She combs and selects her hair. This is the greatest happiness and pride for her . Just like a mother sees her baby beautiful.
And the locked notebook on the desk;
When she wakes up, she runs and sits at the table and tells what she saw in her dream during the night in that notebook. Long writes.
When she does not get the permission she wants from her mother and gets angry, of course she does not respond aggressively to her mother, but there are pages of things that she will not do to her own daughter when she grows up and becomes a mother.
When he comes back from school, she runs to his room and sits down at his desk, excitedly opening his notebook, because he can't wait to summarize his whole day at school. She wants to tell about the sweet boy she looked at while eating a hamburger in the canteen. She pauses every now and then and feels his cheeks blushing from embarrassment, how pure emotions..
Here, that locked notebook contains the feelings of the girl who stepped into youth.
That young girl weaves her dreams, thread by thread.
You see purity, cleanliness and sometimes crazy bullshit.
Curious?
How about missing that notebook from the study table :))
Don't Delay Life.. Aim for Your Life Purpose, the Secret is There
Everyone has a story. These stories are sometimes full of joy, sometimes sadness, sometimes enthusiasm, and sometimes sadness. No matter what we experience, these stories always have a protagonist; it is us. While playing our leading role, we should not forget that we are actually playing the extra role of another story.
I hear and read in many places that there is a terrible pressure on us to find our life purpose. Haven't found your life purpose? Then you've wasted your life! People, too, are ready to pour money into their lives, from psychiatrists to life coaches, energy traders, and anyone interested in spirituality… And that's what's happening these days!
Don't delay life.. Aim for your life purpose, the secret is there
Just as we always want good players in our own lives, we should also take care to be good players in the lives of others.
While playing and living these stories, the thing we should focus on the most is our “Life Purpose” in my opinion.
What is life purpose?
For some it is a child, for some it is a career, for some it is money… We can count many things, but the most important thing is to experience the incredible miracle of being born with one in a million luck. Perhaps it is an indication of the importance of living as an individual by accepting that this life is only our own, and how close we are to our dreams and goals…
Yes, most of the time we can't make our own choices. This applies to everything in education, work, career, marriage. But shouldn't we stop and ask ourselves sometimes? Is that my only purpose? Or how happy am I really with what I have and what else would I be happier if I had or realized? I look at some of my friends who have come to this stage, they take the necessary steps to achieve their goals with great courage and they are very happy. But those who can't take that step keep turning from one corner to another in a circle.
Why did we come to this world, do our worldly exams have a purpose, the main goal of our lives, all of these are actually topics written a lot by philosophers and spiritual leaders. The answers are not unique, they differ. However, people are confused.
In fact, there is a life offered to us and we have the chance to make these changes whenever we want. First of all, it is very important to devote ourselves to development, to reveal our awareness, to target our dreams and what we want to do. Life will be enriched with the meanings we will give it. Life is already a phenomenon that takes place with the measure of awareness. We can only move forward as long as we realize and continue on our way.
A quality life, humane living and thinking, being a mature and virtuous person is also a life purpose most of the time. While building the welfare and comfort of our lives, if we raise our views on life in parallel with this, it will be easier for us to find and catch our purpose. We should know that we have the right to live our own life the way we want, in order not to live as if it were wrong. This does not mean that we should be selfish, forget about our surroundings, and live according to our own minds. On the contrary, our happiness is the happiness of those around us and therefore the happiness of the society.
Let's not put off life to find this purpose. Just as we postpone everything in our lives, we postpone living to such a later date that when the time is up, we are left alone with wishful thinking. We always spend our days believing that if we retire, we can build a better life, or we always spend our time thinking about the past. Isn't that why we're so afraid of getting old?
Do not delay life and miss the opportunities to be happy, listen to your inner voice in finding your Life Purpose, get support, dream, set goals. This will make you really happy.
I have a request from you!!
When you read these lines stop and think what is your life purpose?
If you can get the answer to this question, continue with the right steps towards your goal.
But if you still don't know the purpose of your life, this life will tire you out, you should act immediately.
We can succeed:)
Stop complaining Beautiful Look beautiful to see !
When I look around, I see how many dissatisfied people are around me.
Wherever I open, everyone has a complaint and a state of discontent. Television, social media, friend circle etc. etc. etc. It has descended on us like a dark cloud that now complaining has started to become one of our norms. This is not a normal situation, folks. It is quite a dangerous situation. These dark clouds will bring us a great disaster as a society.
We need to get rid of situations that negatively affect us, such as complaints, starting with ourselves as soon as possible. Complaining is the method of people who cannot produce any solution to problems. You cannot see complaints in the language of a person who tries to change something in himself or in society, even if it is small. Because he has no time to complain. Since he is in a state of constant development, his helpless and helpless words cannot be put into his tongue.
Social disasters, Societies that are not satisfied with their situation and forget to be grateful, suffer disaster so that they remember to look at their old self and be grateful. So that he can overcome the dark clouds above him and see the sun. We can call it a blessing in a way, but this method hurts us a lot, social disasters are a very difficult process. However, now we have to overcome these dark clouds with small steps on our own.
As a society, we are going through a difficult time. Unfortunately, we have sunk into negligence. We can't see, friends, we can't see. We cannot see the sun of truth through the dark clouds above us. In response to these words of mine, you can rightly say to me; but there is unemployment, but there is an economic crisis, but how can I not complain? Yes there is. But everyone is responsible for himself.
What did we produce for the solution? What did we change? We need to ask ourselves some questions. Not to me from person A or person B. If there is a problem and if I cannot change it, the responsibility belongs to the person who created the problem. Someone else's sin is not my responsibility, and I'm not a moral keeper.
I also noticed this. Usually people who talk too much complain. This is the language of those who do not put dust on their own ideas, those who think they are right in everything, and those who have a claim. Why? Because it's called arrogance. Since he sees his own thoughts as absolute truth, he immediately starts to complain when he encounters different thoughts. What a pity… Oh wow, what a pity for them.
There is one more segment. They are quiet… very quiet. Because they see the sun behind the dark clouds, they don't need to talk. They are in direct contact with the sun. Those who cannot see the sun, on the other hand, gossip about the sun with false ideas among themselves. For those who see the sun, the word ends, the mind ends, the doubt ends. This cut is smiling. But they have a bitter smile on their face. “Oh,” he says, “ah.
**“Oh my beautiful society…”**
I am one of those who try to see the sun and be close to those who see the sun. I am a strange person looking for a solution to get rid of this negative state around me. I'm trying something on my own to get away from these dark clouds.
I try to stay away from social media and news, but the mostimportant thing is to stay silent in front of people who talk a lot, complain a lot, and take a lot of pretensions, and if possible take 1 step, 2 steps, 3 steps backwards slowly.
Don't be in competition with anyone, it's your life, enjoy it!
What are we worrying about, it's ridiculous. Thousands of thoughts in our minds. They are all meaningless. What is our problem, or I will speak for myself today. What's wrong with me? I'm not like everyone else. And I won't be like everyone else.
“I am not in competition with anyone on anything. I don't claim to be smarter than anyone, prettier than anyone, or better than anyone. I'm not the best for anyone. I'm not yet. I am sick of the freedom this gigantic unpretentiousness has given me.”
Perhaps the place of this word should have been at the end, but I have something to say afterwards. That's why I took it over.
As those who want to explore their inner world, there is a big mistake we make. We are all at war with ourselves. We wear out so much for the sake of knowing ourselves that unfortunately we even turn this into cravings. While it is right to fight with the nafs up to a level, it is strange that after another level, fighting with the nafs also becomes the nafs. We have to constantly deal with ourselves. It's like we're all in the race for marriage. We should be the wisest person, and we are the most blessed, just as those stories say… We must stop eating and sleeping. When we face a difficult event in our life, we have to stand upright etc… However, let go of yourself, my brother. Why are we dealing with ourselves so much? Why all this trouble? Actually, there is a reason. Even if we can't tell ourselves this, there is a desire to “I must be the wisest person” behind it. But wisdom comes from being sincere with yourself. A true wise person is one who is above good-evil and right-wrong. We are the ummah of a prophet who is happy to learn that he is a servant when he makes a mistake. We should not aim to compete with him. We will surely make mistakes. This is out of our hands. Repeating the same mistake over and over is another problem, but trying too hard is another problem.
Of course, when I look back at my previous years, I see how confused I was. In my last years, I realized that no one is superior to anyone else. I used to think that self-knowledge was a straight path and that we would eventually meet our true selves. But now I realized that the road is round and has no end. Therefore, whether you go fast or slow, you are always at the same point. Maybe this is true, maybe it's wrong. Maybe I'm a good person, maybe I'm bad. What does it matter? And when we look at our lives from a distance, we see that all of our sorrows are connected to a claim.
I know that it is not easy to deal with the sense of self and self that torments and drags people, because there are many factors that tempt us, especially our own will. But I know that there is nothing that a person cannot achieve if he wants to. And it's worth a try.
We may not have all the choices in life. But it's up to us to choose what to focus on.
It still feels like I'm not on the right track. It's like life is throwing it here and there. I am like a tree branch struggling to stand in the wind against life. Why do I feel this way? Why is life so hard?
Life can be really hard for us when we think about the wrong things in life. Believe me, we can find a lot of things that go wrong in life when we look for it, but we must also realize that there is a lot of things that go right.
We may not have all the choices in life. But it's up to us to choose what to focus on. It is up to us to choose the information we will get into our minds. If we train our minds to focus on the negative, and constantly gather information from negative sources, it becomes impossible to see opportunities. Think of someone who just watches the news. Most of us know that;
The news is full of content that triggers emotions such as fear, anger and disappointment. Our minds and worldviews, which are bombarded with negative information, may also risk being shaped accordingly. The same is true for music choices that can lower our mood.
Prolonged interaction with people who are constantly complaining about something can likewise make our outlook more negative. People who constantly complain about family, relationships, work; it can make us think about similar issues in our own lives.
There are two things we need to do to change a negative mindset. The first is to minimize the negative information we receive from the outside world. We can reduce news watching and try to spend less time with negative people. Sometimes this can be difficult to do if these negative people are very close to us or a relative. However, if these people's mindsets make you question "why is life so hard", you may need to reevaluate some relationships.
*The second thing we need to do is create a “positive diary”.*
You don't have to write every day, but read what is written there every day. Start your day by reading the diary that contains all these articles that are good in your life, that are going well and that you are grateful for. This will allow you to appreciate the pleasant things in your life. It will enable you to realize the beauties of life in daily struggles. You may not be able to hear the good and positive things about yourself and about life from the news, social media or other people. Do these yourself. You owe it to yourself.
*Finally…*
The answer to the question of why life is difficult may differ from person to person. Your own change and transformation will put you at ease when you look back and see how far you've come.
Don't be discouraged if things aren't going as fast as you want them to. Instead, realize that every day you take one more step towards reaching your goal, and focus on that. If you are better every day than the previous day, after a while, the place you have reached and the person you are will make you happy.
The calm and quiet voice of self-confidence pushes us to achieve our dream life
The sentences I hear from many people during these difficult times in the world are always the same.
Life anxiety, unhappiness, hopelessness..
If you started to question why life is so hard, something is probably missing in your life. Ask yourself, are you living with a life purpose or are you drifting off?
The definition of “life purpose” may differ for everyone, but you can still know if you are chasing that purpose right now or just letting it go. The interesting thing is, you will run into difficulties in both cases. The only difference will be in how you feel at the end of the day.
When questioning why life is so difficult, remember that there is something that makes everything valuable and meaningful. No matter how risk-free and comfortable living haphazardly may seem, chances are you're feeling the pain of not fulfilling your potential and not reaching the life that awaits you there. You will always be wondering: Are there aspects of life other than the one I live? Is there something I missed?
The journey to change your life isn't sure to be an easy one, but it should ultimately be an enjoyable one. You should enjoy learning new things about yourself, about your life goals, about what motivates you.
Every day we have two options. We can listen to that voice that speaks of fear and self-doubt, or we can listen to the other voice that is quieter but speaks of self-confidence and moving forward with a purpose.
The calm and quiet voice of self-confidence pushes us to reach our dream life. “Why is life so hard?” If you have started to ask yourself the question, you are probably having difficulties in realizing your life purpose. Maybe you have difficulty in overcoming some of the disadvantageous situations of the environment you were born into or the environment you are currently in, maybe you set yourself a goal of losing weight and you have difficulty achieving it. Whatever the reason may be, you have a challenge right now that you cannot overcome.
You may be trying to make the best decisions with what life has given you. That doesn't change that: You're in this world for more than just surviving.
If you want to make your life easier, you have to stop putting off your dreams. You can get closer to them by taking small steps every day. For example, for 90 days, you can set aside the first 90 minutes of the day for the dreams you want to achieve. Give this a try, and you will have started a strong habit and you will have worked on your dreams for the most productive 135 hours of the day. Remember to celebrate your little progress. In this way, you will both gain momentum and have a pleasant process for yourself.
No one likes to make mistakes, to fail while advancing towards their goals. But remember, it's perfectly normal to make mistakes when trying something new. In fact, the mistakes you make are an important indicator that you are chasing your purpose and listening to that confident voice and embarking on a journey. Keep learning from your mistakes, let them transform you into a more experienced and wise person on your journey to become the person you want to be.
If you are asking why life is so hard, one of the reasons may be that you are trying too hard. Perhaps this statement may have sounded too obvious. Let's open a little more.
It is the sum of your life experiences. Some of these experiences are more positive than others. If the challenging experiences in your life have far outstripped your positive ones, you should consider whether you have set any exhausting goals for yourself.
My only wish for everyone today is to live without regret
There are things in life that we always complain about, but we do not stop making the same mistake. The word I wish, which we always reproach, is at the center of our lives.
What would this world be like if we never wished we hadn't?
Would we reach our purpose in life.. Wait a minute, what is our purpose in life who remembers?
If you can keep your cool when everyone loses their cool and blames you;
If you can tolerate their suspicion even though everyone suspects you;
If you can wait and don't get tired of waiting; or if you are slandered and do not respond to the slander; and at the same time do not speak in a manner that is too docile or too wise;
If you can think but do not become a slave to your thoughts;
If you can face disaster and bliss and meet these two impostors in the same way;
If you can watch the things you dedicate your life to crumble and bend down and rebuild it with broken tools;
If, after it's too late, you can mobilize your heart, nerves and body with full activity again and try to reach the goal; and “hold on!” If you know how to grit your teeth when there is nothing left but your will that says;
If you can maintain your virtues while speaking to the common people; or if you wander with kings and do not become proud and lose yourself;
If neither the words of your loved ones nor your enemies hurt you;
If you can count everyone but know not to get too attached to anyone;
If you can fill sixty seconds of each minute;
Then you can think you're a man now
If only; If I had held him by the arm the moment my eyes met,
If only; I wish I pushed life harder,
If only; If I looked more, the insatiable taste of my tears while crying,
If only; If I hugged my mother more,
If only; If you hadn't given up on me, while I was stuck with you with all my longings,
If only; If I could walk without tripping my feet in this life,
If only; If I was old enough to bear that you weren't thinking of me,
If only; If sleeping alone wasn't as painful as lying naked on a thorny bed,
If only; If I had given up on you enough to go without looking back when you said go,
If only; If I could walk around in the rain until I got cold and sick, if I didn't wait until my feet stopped,
If only; If I could warm the hands of the little boy I passed,
If only; For all of us, if life had not knitted its webs so much,
If only; If I were a sweet dream in my father's sleep, not the ugly kid who left his house,
If only; If I was brave enough to leave everything,
If only; I wish the roads that I thought diverged would converge on the most beautiful slope of the country inside me.
If only; I wish those I gave up would wait like sweet naughty children and catch me by the side of the road,
If only; I wish I loved someone enough to endure all the pain he inflicts,
If only; If every wrinkle on my face had a meaning like a lived experience, now it's not just a wrinkle,
If only; If you were brave enough to say "Let go"
If only; Even if there is someone we miss, even when we are with you,
If only; If more doors were opened, the rooms where I could enter and smell every smell were not finished,
If only; If it weren't for a small bike I was trying to catch time on; If I had caught up with my bike everywhere, my steps were not enough to catch up,
If only; If it weren't for a small blood clot I left in the sea, my child, I wish I could touch your hands now...
If only; If I hadn't left my nights alone in a burned city,
If only; If only I could look at the stars, when the stars weren't so faded and lost,
If only; If I had been drinking and drunk behind the school, without fear of those next to me,
If only; If we could laugh more while looking at the stars while brewing tea on the roof of the house in the middle of the night,
If only; If the sea of sadness inside me were a huge, magnificent waterfall flowing loudly,
If only; If only I could be there when my mother left us,
If only; If the things I missed were with me one morning,
If only; I wish we could live this life more intimidating, messing with our mouths and noses,
If only; If I followed my dreams,
If only; If no one lived without saying 'I wish',
If only; I wish we had enough time to consume our food one by one...
If only; I wish we didn't have so many.
If you want to have something or if you want something to happen, you will really want 'it'.
The more you dream of something, the more you want it, the more you regret it when it doesn't come true. The best thing is to try to get whatever you want without keeping your expectations too high, if you need it in your life.
To want and to find the power to want in yourself. Everyone wants something, but some can't. Wanting is a desire rather than a need. Need is more essential. It's as if want is not. Most people can't want. He expects it to be given. Or he wants to be with thoughtful people. In case they give it unwillingly. Wanting is not saying "goodbye" for some, a weakness for some, not deserving for others.
Instead of asking, they steward the wishes of others. It is easier to defend someone else's rights. Because he doesn't really want anything for himself. What if he wants something for himself?
Some people are afraid to ask. Not getting it or being disappointed. From being rejected. Desire and self develop in parallel. They confuse want with greed. It is paired with being cheeky.
Desire exists to make up for the lack. It is the desire to have what is not. Deficiency is corrected. Perhaps, according to some, there is no need to reject the deficiency, and according to others, there is no need to ask because the deficiency can never be eliminated. Those who don't know or can't want are actually avoidant. They also run away from their own wishes.
To want is to relate, to relate. It is the opposite of what I want and what I think. Those who can't want are a little depressed, feel guilty. Maybe he believed he had no right. It confuses needs with desires. It is enough to have as much as he needs. He's not too much anyway. The self wants, the ego desires. The self's food is "wants." Even though he knows he can't get it, he continues to want it.
Even if he can't get it until it is achieved, he lives with his dream. To be able to want means to know that it is not complete and to be open to structuring and development. If a person either has a magnificent self, he does not want it, or if he has such a weak and weak self. Wanting, being able to want is a criterion of development. It is the criterion for aiming at development.
Reluctance only happens in depression. You don't even want to ask. You don't want to talk like your mouth is plastered. You can't ask if the clouds of despair cover your being. To want is to hope, to hope is to want.
Some think they are not worthy. In order to want, you must first deserve. And they think they don't deserve at all. And they come and go into the world just to meet the other's wishes. They think that chasing other people's desires will alleviate the guilt they feel. "Guilt" does not end with serving theother.
Not being able to want and giving up on wanting is the greatest punishment a person can give himself in life. By enjoying his conviction with extremely strict limits, they pour the guilt, moreover, they unwillingly aggravate their punishment that punishment is the expiation of the crime.
Those who think it is a shame to ask are not aware of the shame they inflict on themselves. They weave with the faults of their own selves, they commit it with sin. Shame, sin, prohibition, what do people say....
So what does your own self say? It is difficult for people to have the courage to embark on their own inner journey. Because the disappointments, neglect and abuse, deprivation and spiritual weakness they experience in this journey are worth seeing, but it also creates worthlessness at the level of consciousness.
It's like an arid desert full of desires but unfulfilled. The self is fragile and sensitive, its desires are so alive and lively, but pressed by the person.
Now the requests are mixed. Is this my mother's wish or mine? Your society or mine? What is my self limit, how confused it is with the other. How much I am me, how much I am the other's self.
Wanting starts when you're a baby. It continues to want a baby with milk, crying, breast and affection. If it is not given, it gives up asking. It is fried in its own oil. He is content with what he can roast, and lives with what he is satisfied with. And then he gets offended.
Do you have to become unable to want in order to want? Do you have to be pushed by someone from behind to want it? Or being poked by impulses you don't listen to?
There is no end to desire and wanting. But the end of giving up desires and not being able to want is a bottomless dark pit.
“I saw the bottom of my reluctance,” says one of my clients. I don't want to see anymore. I know the end of my not wanting. At that time, while struggling in the bottomless pit, I experienced the despair of not being able to want, and I paid the price of giving up on my wishes with not being able to enjoy it.
If I can enjoy it, if I can want it, then I'm in. The biggest indicator of being able to want is the result of the decision made between being obscure and coming forward. The unseen is the one who does not want to be seen, does not want to think that he is not wanted. Wanting also corresponds to demanding.
To want is to be active. Standing up to the passive is what paves the way for being dynamic.
Stop Blaming Yourself or Anyone Else; Everyone Gets What They Deserve
People make their own choices in life. Right or wrong.
It determines its own direction on the road ahead. At the end of the road, he decides which door he will enter through. Of course, choices are not always right.
Life is full of ups and downs, sometimes like a minefield, sometimes like a mouthful of oxygen penetrating your lungs, under trees, among flowers. You will meet many friends on the way you walk. It can be said to your gait while you are walking fast, or it can talk and say a lot about you in the future. If there is a phenomenon mentioned with the truth in the middle, the question according to whom comes to mind. Some go step by step, some take a break without hurrying around and go by enjoying seeing all the places, while others do their best to reach their destination without looking around much. However, in this story, all of them choose and apply their own way that they like, like, like, and prefer. Maybe it is wrong, maybe it is right, but with these choices, he sees this process. He has friends and friends with whom he walks at the same time. They talk about what they have done for a long time, they long for each other, they travel together for a while, and they separate again for a while. We said elections, elections.
However, from the day they start telling each other that the choices are always wrong and right, troubles begin. Either one side is right or the other. The side that does not want to meet in the middle always tries to turn the situation around. The other says, I wonder what's going on, if I go this way, but if he wants to be right, he says, I think we should go from here, you should walk with me, let's not leave each other. The friend, who cannot go the way he wants, always puts his wishes in the background and continues with him. One day, his friend with whom he went says we should go this way too. The other one objects, if I leave from there, we will meet again later, the moment the other says, the other gets angry and you are leaving me here, look, is this friendship? A discussion begins between them, and the problems grow between those who do not go all the way, sometimes willingly and sometimes unwillingly, and the one they follow. And he says to the friend he is chasing, I'll go from here, see you when the path crosses in the future; If you don't want the answer, don't come, I'll leave, but if you let go, he'll scoff that you don't come across me in the future. The other, in the surprise of the event, looks after him because we came all this way together, but he left without a care. And he tells himself: stop blaming yourself or anyone else; everyone gets what they deserve.
Instead of accepting things as true as they are, start questioning.
From home when a woman leave...
They leave bigger gaps behind them.
When they leave one day, there are many 'orphans' after them:
The cupboard in the kitchen, the curtains, the old buttons in the jar, the shrunken clothes carefully hidden, the ribbons at the bottom of the cupboards...
In the dark of the morning, the clicking coming from the kitchen stops, the plates are orphaned.
When a woman leaves, the water of the pots is always forgotten.
She often bows her head 'yellow girl'.
No one knows the meaning of that one old glass, no one can understand the value of the chrome pilgrimage bowl.
Balcony is now quiet, lonely corridor.
When a woman goes...
When a woman goes, how many people actually go;
a heavy worker
a cleaner,
a caregiver,
a gardener,
an accountant…
a mother goes…
a friend…
a friend…
a lover…
How many people perish when a woman is gone.
It always happens like this; when a woman leaves; Praises, warnings, complaints, prayers become orphans.
'Be careful...' is not heard in the doorway, her mother is gone, 'don't be late'.
Women, leaves big emptiness behind their backs.
When a woman is gone, actually many women are gone.
And when a woman left, she left many "orphans" behind.
Another issue;
So what happens as your Consciousness rises?
The speeches of those who have not yet become as conscious as you do begin to not taste old to you.
You look for people who are like you and start meeting them somehow and forming new friendships.
Instead of accepting what was told to you as true, you begin to question it.
Fears are reduced.
You no longer feel compelled to do the things you used to do.
You start to express yourself much more easily.
You can easily say "No" to things you don't want.
You start to enjoy being alone.
You begin to question whether you are living your life the way you really want to live.
You go after what really excites you.
Negativities will not upset you as much as before.
Instead of worrying about things that go wrong, you focus on finding solutions.
Troublesome things around don't affect you.
You don't worry about the future.
When something bad happens to you, you won't be as upset as you used to be.
When someone insults you or shouts at you, you are not affected and you do not feel the need to react in the same way.
The need to defend yourself when someone falsely accuses you you don't hear.
Compliments don't affect you like they used to.
You don't feel the need to be approved and appreciated.
Your desire and effort to prove something to someone ends.
Mind conversations that disturb you gradually become less and less audible.
Emotions such as anger or sadness come from time to time, but their effects on you pass in minutes, they don't cling to you and they can't bother you for days.
You don't envy other people's wealth.
You don't care what people think of you.
You don't categorize people and you treat everyone the same.
You forgive mistakes very quickly.
Whatever happens outside, there is joy for no reason inside.
You will be yourself everywhere and in front of everyone.
You begin to realize that everyone is part of the same Self within.
The world begins to feel like a playground.
No one can disturb the peace you always feel inside.
With love
Stop keeping your troubles inside, so that troubles do not drag you to despair.
How hard it is to be helpless in this life. You can't do anything with your hands tied. However, it should not be forgotten that every desperation has a solution, a cure. If God closes one door, he opens a thousand doors. What matters is how you got through those times when you were helpless... Can you stay strong, for example?
First of all, stop saying I'm so desperate. A smart question to yourself. I've done everything, that's all I can do, but if there is another way, tell me. Do not say right away that I am very helpless. They say that there is no cure for the dead and the dead, or just like that, this is life. We cannot undo and change what happened, nor can we find any remedy for death. But everything else has a solution.
Go to your problems. Go so they don't come upon you. Try to get rid of them before they suffocate you. If you learn to deal with problems, you will remove the word helplessness from your life. Shout, call, cry if necessary. But don't throw it in. It grows as it grows. You're going to explode. What do you need though? Stop keeping your troubles inside, so that troubles do not drag you into despair.
Sometimes we just have to watch things helplessly from afar. You should keep this in mind. Allah, who gives the trouble, will certainly give the cure. And the end of every despair is a new hope. Do not hang your face. On the contrary, always smile at new hopes. If something happens to you, there must be a reason... We want things to change in our lives. Like getting a better marriage, finding a new job where we can be happy, starting a new relationship, getting a promotion at work, making more money.
These changes we want in outer life are like the last waves of an ocean hitting the shore. How these waves hit the shore often depends on many factors beyond our control. It is the bottom of the ocean thousands of kilometers away that creates these waves hitting the shore. It is impossible to initiate this change without establishing a relationship with the infinite and unlimited being within us. It is an illusion to think that you will be happy with the changes in outer life. Outside life is constantly changing. Many factors beyond our control play a role in this change.
However, that endless ocean within us is always there and we can only control it. This allows us to make those waves happen as we want them over time.
You don't need to retreat to a cave and meditate for 50 years. We can start by trying to be healthy. It's not just physical health that I'm talking about here. Emotional, mental and spiritual health at the same time…
The daily rituals we will add to our lives will enable us to relate to that endless ocean.
The biggest mistake made at this point is to expect the change in the outside world to be very rapid. Change is a process job. The second big mistake is trying to do too much and being too motivated at the beginning to initiate the inner change, and inevitably fall back into our old routine. The secret is to move forward slowly and with small steps.
@polux
