Afraid of Being Single Forever? Alone But Not Lonely

Is it really possible to be alone and not lonely?

For some of us, most especially to the older generations that we have grown up, at least for us late 80s to 90s babies (we are now in our mid to late 20s already), we should be married and have kids on our own already, as to how society has established a norm.

Even if you are still young and you don't count yourself yet as single because you are probably busy with school first, I am pretty sure you already pictured out something in the future whom you want to be, what life would be like 10 years from now.

As someone who is in a long-distance relationship right now for almost 4 years, I can't really speak to myself on this topic but I can speak for my aunt's perspective about being single for 28 years already.

When she was in high school and college, she had a lot of boyfriends. I mean, her love life is bountiful. She never runs out of a boyfriend. It kinda sounds arrogant but I can't blame her for her charisma and charm back in the days.

When she started working as a domestic helper overseas, her life changed as her attention was merely focused to work. She started working in her early 20s and until now, she's still there although she takes a break and goes home for a while and then applies for another contract.

I believe her perspective in life changed as to how fate has changed her as well. She's already 49 and she doesn't feel the need to get married and be with someone only because to conform to what society has established a standard.

When you go to your social media accounts and you see your classmates or friends getting engaged, having kids, happily married, you will feel being left out. Fear of missing out.

Feeling

And you can't help yourself but ask "am I not handsome/pretty? Is there something wrong with me? Am I not lovable?". Self-doubt. However, feelings will not determine how you are going to manage your life. Feelings are just emotions but there are core memories attached to them. Don't let your emotions dictate your future. There's so much more life can offer other than being in a relationship.

P.S: this is not to take against those who are in a relationship right now (including me) I'm just saying on the other parallel of the story.

If you are single, or you just got out of a toxic relationship, this is something you will learn to appreciate more.

Freedom

This is where you only think of yourself like finally, you can love and focus on yourself more. This is when there are no certain responsibilities that will drag you down, and you don't have to check on someone's schedule (if you are in a relationship) and ask permission about things.

Being free to explore and that's when you discover most of yourself too. This is the perfect time for you to see how far can you go to a certain thing without being concerned about someone's permission with reservations.

Family

One of the things most people worry about when you are single is getting older alone. Your immediate family must be telling this to you because they're concerned about how your future will be when you get older.

However, is having a family really necessary for your life to be complete? Is this the sole basis to define you as a person? I believe it's time for us to redefine the word "family".

Being with someone blood-related doesn't necessarily mean that they'll be supportive of you. There might be someone out there, close to your heart but not romantically involved with you, who is the best person for you. Family is more than just being a blood relative.

The thing here is, there might be people out there who are way kinder than those you are blood-related with. Family is more of sharing the perspectives in life, someone who shares the same function and vision as you, someone you can talk with without the fear of judgments, someone who can give you advice in times of trouble, and that could be anyone else.

You don't necessarily need to marry someone and give birth for you to have a family. Sometimes, we don't count our friends as a family simply because they are not blood-related to us which has to change and start to acknowledge that they are.

Fear

Being alone comes with a set of fears too. When you think of certain situations, you fear about how you are going to do it alone, you probably need someone to do it for you. You are worried if something emergency comes up and you are alone.

However, it takes a lot of courage and strength to face every situation. Having said that, it builds up a little bit of confidence and faith that you can manage to do things on your own.

Facing fears makes you more strong and builds up your faith too. You will find strength within yourself.

So it is possible to be alone but not to feel lonely? Yes, it is. Feeling lonely is just an emotion so don't let that feeling dictate how your life will be in the future. You should not let your feelings stop you from moving forward instead take it as an opportunity to exercise your freedom and discover yourself more of the things that you are capable of.

I'll leave you with this question,

Are you really afraid of being single because you feel it's something that you need to do? Is this because of how society has influenced you? Or is it part of your standards to your success?

If all of these questions are answered Yes, then you need to re-examine your life's purpose.

Again, this doesn't work for all of us. Some people out there are sincere about getting married and having kids because that's how they see themselves in the future. But if you are only doing it for the sake of companionship and assign your kids to take care of you when you get old, then that's an absurd reason.

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Thanks for reading.

Keep safe everyone!