October 13, 2022
"If you get tired, learn to rest, not quit. Pace yourself." -Anonymous
Have you ever thought of quitting for some uncertain reason? A moment when you just want to stop because you can't see any purpose to continue anymore? You feel tired and demotivated by everything you aren't sure is worth minding. You want to stop but you can't because some people will be happy about your downfall. It will only show them that you are a total failure, and they would just laugh at your back.
Over the years of staying here, there were moments when I just want to stop but I couldn't. At some point, I waited for any sign, and once I saw it, I would stop. Just like how you aim for any sign when you are unsure of what to do. You aren't sure if you'd go left or right. You would then tell yourself that if you see a star you would go right if not, you'd go left. Have you been to that point?
One day I posted something, then after an hour it got more views, but no comments at all. I then told myself, "if this post gets zero comments until tomorrow morning, I will stop." However, it never happened. Some people stopped by to drop their comments. I was unsure what to feel, glad or disappointed. But I saw the sign, so I continued.
I'm a person who feels motivated when seeing my effort being noticed or appreciated. On the other hand, I feel demotivated when seeing less to no support from people I am expecting to drop by. Sharing my thoughts and experiences with other people makes me happy, especially if they are inspired by them. But if those get no feedback at all, what is the point of writing?
I have a plethora of reasons to stop: my busy job, my compromised health condition, the toxic people online, silent betrayals, and others. But every time I thought of them, I would ask myself, "Will there be a difference once I stop? Will I be happy with my decision? What's the main reason why I am here?"
My passion for writing, traveling, and photography was developed through these blogging platforms. Sometimes I am motivated to share my travel stories, sometimes not for some reason. There are a lot of photos that are stuck in my phone that I don't feel like writing about them. That odd feeling when I wanted to write but nothing comes to my mind, so I opted not to. I eventually lost that inspiration, the volition to write and express my thoughts.
Each time I feel like giving up, I always remember this user who said, "for as long as someone is supporting my work, even just one, I will not stop." It's not the exact phrase but the same thought. This user is one of the students here who has a brilliant mind that is shown in his writings. Despite the hectic schedule and difficulty handling school and online side hustles, he doesn't give up. We are in the same shoes in different aspects, but he is more optimistic than me.
Pace yourself, as the adage suggests. These feelings are most likely the result of exhaustion, which causes me to lose motivation. I might just need to keep things moving at a steady pace so I won't exhaust myself. I probably need more rest than just a day or two. Or maybe I just need to disconnect from this world for a while. It's hard but possible. It's all up to me to pursue it or not.
(This was drafted the other day I was emotional. But I'm fine now, so don't mind this rant, lol. Just related to yesterday's post.)
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This speaks a lot about what I'm feeling the past few days, haaay kapagod na rin minsan mag isip. Di ko na nga rin alam paano e pace sarili ko kc parang di ko alam nong gagawin eh? sigh... laban lang talaga sa araw2x yan nlng.