My Life Could Be Different

Have you ever thought that your Life Could be different if something never happened or there's something you do?

Well as for me I thought a lot of scenarios that could happened to my life if there such things that it's either me or someone never done. In today's article I want to share one of the most personal topic for me so far. I never did really tell about this kinds of things even to my closest friends because I don't them to think about it or feel pity about me that's why I am asking you guys to not feel pity about me because I just really want to share it. 😅

What's your most memorable childhood memory?

As I child I don't really have a lot of good memories to honest all of things I remember from my childhood were all memory. Today I will share one of my maybe memorable moment of me when I was still I child but to be exact it's just the memory that I remember when I was a child.

The most memorable or one of the core memories that I have as a child was when my father and mother separated from each other. Maybe you won't believe that it's one of the memories that I always remember when talking about my todlers or childhood memory but to be honest it was really is. Let me tell you what I remember from that night.

This happens maybe around when I was 3-4 years old depending on my estimation according to my step sister's age. The only thing that I remember this day was my mother was crying so hard in the chair while I was playing with my toy which is a Jollibee stuffed toy if I am not mistaken. My mother was crying and then my father suddenly arrives in our house that time. Then all of the sudden I just heard sounds from my mother and father shouting at each other. At that time since I was still a little I don't really understand what they are saying to each other. I am just watching them shouting at each other in the living room while my mother is crying so hard and my brother and sister where beside also crying. At that time I don't really understand what's happening I just also cried that time.

Before I don't the know reason behind the shouting of my mother and father at each other but as I grow up I finally realized what happened that night. That night is the night where my mother found out that my father was cheating on her with another woman and he impregnate another woman which my step sister is the result. My mother is crying so badly at that time I remember all the moments that time even though I am still around 3-4 years old.

After there argument I saw my mother packing a lot of things in the big bags like our clothes and things then my father is just sitting right there. Then after that we went out I am with my mother and brother & sister walking in the side walks then the only thing I remember in that moment is the color of the post street light which is a dark oranged colored light that lights up the side walk we are walking at that time until we arrive at the certain house.

I will just stop the story about what happened that time because I am getting emotional already while writing this article and I don't want to cry while making this article. You may think that it's a surprised that it's the thing that I remember at that time but it was the thing that I remember as well as most of the childhood memories that I remember is sad memories. I also happy memories while growing up but the sad things is the first things that I always remember when talking about my childhood because I have a lots of them.

What if it never happens?

This is one of the question that I am always thinking when I was still a child and that is what if my father didn't cheat to my mother. I always thought about us growing up as a whole family and have a great/ stable way of living. Because as far as everyone said here my father is a great guy that time he was working with a pretty good company and earning well he just got into the troubles when he and mother separate with each other according to my grandfather story.

If that never happens I might not need to live with my grandfather and got separated to my siblings while growing up. We might grow up in the same house with my father and mother around.

You might think that I might hate my father because of this and to be honest I really do but my mother always get mad when I say that I hate my father when I was still little and living in her house. She always tell us to not to hate our father because he was our father and there's nothing our hatred can do about it. And if my mother don't teach us that way I might hate my father as I am growing up. But thanks to that I just learned to accept what it is and that's what happened. I also don't hate my step sister while growing up because I also knew that she have don't have anything to do with it because she is just a child and it's not her fault to be born in this kind of situation.

Do I regret remembering this memory of mine as a child?

Maybe a lot people may not want to remember this kind of memory if this happened to them but for me I am glad that I remember this memory despite I am still at young age that time. Because if I wasn't able to remember it I might be in the complete lost thinking of what happen and the reason of why they got separated.

Author's Note:

Thank you for reading this article. To be honest I am feeling quite uncomfortable/scared to share it right now that's why I am also thinking if I will publish it or not because I don't really share this memory of mine even to my best friend while growing up because I am scared that I got may judged or other people might know about it. Because even though I gave such a scary impression in my face I am quite jolly around my friends in school that's why they may not expect that I have this kind of experience.

Lead image is from Pixabay

RECENT ARTICLES

✓ Unexpected Parcel: Humidifier

✓ Why do leaves fall out of the trees?

✓ A little card play

✓ Recent Anime that I've watched

✓ Why do leaves fall out of the trees?

✓ A little card play

✓ Recent Anime that I've watched

--