Assertiveness is a communicative style characterized by respect for both oneself and the interlocutor. Thus, it consists of being able to express what we think, feel and want with firmness, without subjugating ourselves to the requests of the other, but at the same time without resorting to aggressiveness or going over the other person's head. This communication style is often related to leadership or team management in the workplace, as well as to the performance of social and emotional relationships. For example, it helps us to resolve conflicts with our friends, to reach agreements with our partner or to set limits in front of a family member who is too intrusive. Taking it to the plane of sexuality, assertiveness is a valuable tool to ensure that the exchange is healthy and rewarding for both parties.
And that is why these same concepts of assertiveness, respect and dialogue create the ideal conditions for both people to be taken into account. Communication is fundamental in any human bond to make us understand each other, reach agreements and make the exchange satisfactory for all involved. Moreover, if we are talking about maintaining intimate relationships, this dialogue becomes even more crucial. You may think that words have no place in such a physical act; however, we want to show you all that sexual assertiveness can bring you. Sexuality is one of the most important dimensions of human beings; it not only gives us pleasure and connection with others, but also brings great benefits.
Assertiveness is a protective factor against abusive experiences, as it helps you to express what you want and what you don't want in the context of a sexual exchange. This not only means being able to refuse an unwanted proposition from a stranger, but also deciding in full when and how you want your sexual relations to take place. For example, it allows you to refuse to continue with a sexual encounter even if it has already begun. It gives you the opportunity to accept certain practices and reject others, or to decide if one day you do not wish to have sex, even with your own partner. Remember that you have total freedom. This tool is also valuable in making the experience pleasurable for everyone involved; the reason is that it relies on clear and direct communication.
In that sense, innovating is positive and even necessary to maintain the passion, but any change to be introduced must be consensual. Developing sexual assertiveness will allow you to expose these proposals without shame and giving your partner room to express himself freely. As you can see, assertiveness can be your best ally to enjoy pleasant and consensual sexual encounters, in which both you and the other person feel comfortable. When we feel secure in an intimate relationship, we can experiment more freely, both for the benefit of our pleasure and for the pleasure we share. That is what sexual self-esteem is all about: feeling comfortable with our body and the experiences we live through it in a psycho-affective terrain.
In conclusion, through sexual assertiveness know your rights. It is essential that you are clear and remember that you have the right to say yes and to say no, to set limits and to express your desires. This is not a privilege, it is a fact that takes place in every sexual encounter, regardless of the type of bond you have with the other. Also, work on your self-confidence. When the person has low self-esteem it can be really difficult to express assertively, so it is important that you work on your insecurities and learn to feel comfortable in your skin. From this position of love and respect for yourself, of self-confidence, you will be more skillful when relating to others. Practice, perhaps at first you will find it complicated or unnatural to exercise sexual assertiveness; however, with practice you will gain fluency and confidence and you will enjoy the benefits it brings. Take every opportunity to go one step further.
What do you think about sexual assertiveness?
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I have a hard time distinguishing between assertiveness and emotion in making decisions. However, I have learned that decisions made emotionally will only result in blunders. While assertiveness occurs because of common sense.