Freedom from My Darkest Past

This is a topic specific for woman but if you care for your wife, girlfriend or sister or mother then I bet you might wanna check this out.

This mainly focuses on the Vagina or the womans genital area. I am writing this as an article to raise awareness but mind you I think of this a thousand times because the experience that I had before is not easy and I want YOU to be informed.

It is never easy to discuss as I went through HELL but this is me, claiming my "FREEDOM to speak up and the right to explain my side before getting JUDGE without proper evidence by the cruel Society".

Why?

This is a topic that most women would not dare to talk but I WILL. Way before I would just cry my heart out whenever this is brought up but now I am standing still for myself.

That is why be very careful with who you trust you daughter because you never can tell what may happen.

PAINFUL REMINISCE

This is the part of my Past that I have already closed but will choose to open up.

Year 2011 I started to feel a lil sore and pain in my genital area.

I just brushed it off since by that time it was bearable and the pain would vanish at times but as the days goes by I noticed it gets worst and it caused me fever.

I also started to feel pain whenever I walk or stand and worst I am feeling like there's a lil boil which I never knew was a cyst. When touched by the edge of my short or undies it is too painful that makes my knees shake. (Literally. I am not exaggerating)

I reached 18 without any experience of going to an OB-Gyne and I was afraid that it may something to do with a critical illness like Cancer but my college friend told me she will come with me.

I had myself check for the first time which was then a nightmare for me. The Doctor told me that this is due to an infection, she said that if this comes to worst it will affect my uterus because this cyst will produce a pus which will get bigger. But what shocked me was the reason why I have this. The Doctor mentioned that it is because of,"Infected Bartholin cysts sometimes caused by sexually transmitted disease. "

I was then diagnosed to have an Abscess or Bartholin Cyst. I was too young to even understand what's happening or might happen.

DARKEST PAST

Before you judge and think low of me let me tell you a brief reason as to what happens.

I had an EX boyfriend who broke up with me after I declined having sex with him but before the break up happened he forced me. He forced me.

Though, we were not able to do "it" but he tried to penetrate his fingers through me which was the reason why I lost my virginity or had my hymen stretched. This was the darkest part of my life because we had plans. Everything was organized only to find out he can't wait. I was only 18 for heavens sake and I am raised as a real Filipina. I don't even go out or go anywhere without anyone with me because I was afraid with my grandfather.(My papa died when I was 12 in case you wonder)

What he did to me caused a wound inside, maybe due to his nails and it got infected. Which became a Bartholin Cyst or Abscess.

That is why I am afraid that this same thing may happen to my daughter. I am afraid. Very very afraid that history may repeat itself to one of them.

TREATMENT

To no avail what the Doctor told me happened. I had a boil in between my thighs as big as a childs fist and it has ous inside it. Getting up or moving became too hard for me. I cried my heart out because I can't inform my mom what happened but because she was so worried she called my Aunt and asked to bring us to any OB-Gyne she knows.

I was checked and then the Doctor told me that I will then be scheduled for operation on that same day before it may become worst and may lead to different illness.

My EX by that time already had someone new, our a year or so together just vanished just like that while I was battling with all the shame and embarassment that I got from my family when they knew I lost my virginity and that I may have been infected with STD.

After the operation, I thought I will be okay. I had a general anethesia by that time and was informed that there was like about 1 liter of pus they got from my cyst. I was informed and congratulated by the Doctor. She told me I will totally heal.

But the treatment of my family especially my Mama towards me never changed. It never changed. As years gone by my mom may have chosen to forget or neglect what she felt before or maybe forgive me so she started to have that normal treatment to me. One day I had the chance to spill out everything and she cried. She cried for not knowing though if maybe someone would ask her pretty much she may not remember all the detail since it happened around 10 years ago but to me it is all so clear.

I may already have a family and living a peaceful life but the fear keeps hunting me especially that I have 2 daughters.

I pray that God will protect them and get them away from danger, from people who are blinded by lust.

There's nothing wrong with lust everyone, but LUST over someone you LOVE not someone who is fuckable.

Three months after, the boil reoccur and when I called my Doctor she told me, "Oh Glez that is normal it may reoccur but we can just do another operation".

This is different from what she stated couple of months ago!

My heart shattered! I then started to question God, why ME?!

I then had trauma with Doctors or OB Gyne. Coz for the first Doctor I went to she shouted at me and told me, "You are just so young and you engaged in intercourse already!". She was an old doctor and I was so ashamed because there were a lot of patients who heard it since her clinic is small and the patients were sitting just outside the area where she checked me.

I only had the chance to overcome that trauma 3 years ago when I had my first baby. I went to a different OB, the Doctor I spoke with was so kind and explained to me my illness because even up to now, especially whenever I am too stress it will reoccur and would caused me to stay in bed til the boil will just heal on its own and the pus will drain.

I had a research about this illness and even saw a talk show of Doctors mentioned about this and how it is cured. They had an audience who suffered Bartholin Cyst or Abscess for 10 years as this will reoccur and had several operations but still the same. The Doctor then gave a detail as to how to cure it but I lost my hope.

The treatment is way expensive and that was one of the reason why we suffered a LOT financially. So id it reoccur I will be absent from work not not until the pus will drain itself. Would just take a paracetamol.

You can check this illness or whatever you call it in Google to know more, in Youtube or some Medical blogs.

Here are some of detai that I have:

What are Bartholin gland cysts?

If a Bartholin duct gets blocked, fluid builds up in the gland. The blocked gland is called a Bartholin Gland Cyst. (Sometimes it's called a Bartholin duct cyst.) These cysts can range in size from a pea to a large marble. They usually grow slowly. If the Bartholin gland or duct gets infected, it's called a Bartholin gland abscess.

Bartholin gland cysts are often small and painless. Some go away without treatment. But if you have symptoms, you might want treatment. If the cyst is infected, you will need treatment.

What causes a Bartholin gland cyst?

Things like an infection, thick mucus, or swelling can block a Bartholin gland duct and cause a cyst. The cyst can get bigger after sex, because the glands make more fluid during sex.

What are the symptoms?

You may not have any symptoms if the Bartholin gland cyst is small. But a large cyst or an infected cyst (abscess) can cause symptoms.

Symptoms of a cyst that is not infected include:

• A painless lump in the vulva area.

• Redness or swelling in the vulva area.

• Discomfort when you walk, sit, or have sex.

Symptoms of an infected cyst include:

• Pain that gets worse and makes it hard to walk, sit, or move around.

• Fever and chills.

• Swelling in the vulva area.

• Drainage from the cyst.

Source: Click Here

Note: You may DYOR if you wanna know more about this.

If you know someone who suffered from the same illness or if you had the same feel free to share your thoughts and experience.

"I am now trying to FREE myself from the wrath of my past and forgave myself in the process."

@JonicaBradley here's my article about FREEDOM. Freeing myself from the ghost of the past. Thank you.

You guys may wanna do the same challenge, Jonica started this and it triggers me to open up my darkest past.

@bheng620 @Eybyoung @Jane

@bmjc98 @Ruffa @tired_momma @Jeaneth

Challenge rules:

1. Write about Freedom

2. Write 100% original content

3. Write at least 600 words

4. Tag me @Glez may also tag @JonicaBradley

5. Have fun

See her article: https://read.cash/@JonicaBradley/writing-prompt-1-freedom-5721983d

Thank you for reading my article. Guess this is the longest article I written in my entire read.cash journey! LOL!