Hello there lovelies, it's already Maundy Thursday in our area and currently most of our neighbors here are already busy preparing their foods for tomorrow and of course most specially for today. I have heard that they are going to have a soft fasting today and tomorrow, and since the public market might be closed tomorrow they have already bought all the ingredients that they may be needing for tomorrow's preparation.

Well while they are all busy outside, I am here. Inside our close door reminiscing those days when I am still staying at my parents roof. I miss those days. I suddenly miss my family in the province. Although they are currently in flood because of the he typhoon, my mom still had plan to cook and prepare some food for tomorrow. She will be cooking the foods that she used to prepare every Good Friday. Hmmmm I'm missing those days.

Anyway today I will share to you some of my biggest insecurities that somehow brings the biggest effects to my self confidence. I know most of us has insecurities but I think our insecurities has difference's. Well insecurities has a lot of face's too..

Without any further ado, let's see if we have similarity.

1. Intellectual ability

This is literally my biggest concern and also one of my deepest insecurity since then.

In all honesty, I would admit that I'm kind of slow, and how I wish I am smart like the others. How I wish I can also easily catch up the way others can do. How I wish things was just easy to understand, so I can write and create a good content 😂.

In fact when I am still studying, I really struggle a lot when it comes to my study 😅 . I won't deny it. And being part of the higher section was one of the biggest mistake that had happen to me, I don't know why though they know my weakness.

In our province, one's you were part in the first or second section all the students and even teacher's have a high expectations to you. They expect you to be smart and be the role model of others students. But I wasn't as smart as they expected and so my life is full of pressure as a student.

I still remember how my teacher hates me as she didn't meet her expectation from me. As part of the higher section, she expects that even she won't teach us a discussion, we will still learned a lot from her lesson. Yes! That's my science teacher when I was still a senior high and because I didn't meet the expectations that she was expecting from me, she then hates me.

Imagine she didn't even discuss any lesson in front of us but she has a high expectations from u? Everytime that she enter in our classroom, she will just directly seat in the corner and let us do the discussion and learn the discussion by just listening and reading.

Ahhh how I wish I was really smart and so I don't need any further explanation after I read the book, but I wasn't. After reading the book, I have so many questions in my mind and those questions had no answers to be found.

Being slow, I experience humiliation from my teacher. Calling me names such as stupid and dumb. Those names took away my confidence and self esteem. I lose my trust to my own ability as in every mistakes, she will call me stupid🤦.

Actually I'm not stupid nor dumb, I'm just slow😁.

2. My ability to face the hard times.

I know that some of you here thought that I'm strong and independent because that's how I use to described myself. But I'm sorry, I might be independent but I'm not that strong. I'm weak and fragile from within. I'm a coward, as I choose to run away if hard times came.

I've been wanting to be strong for so long. I wanted to be brave and so I can courageously face the storm that comes in my life just like the others do. How I wish I can.

3. My height

Well with my current height, which is 4'9 I really wanted to add more on my height, as I also struggle being small. Before I found my height cute but not now anymore 😂.

When I am still working as a nanny overseas, I always got a problem to bring back home the child of my employer everytime there's an unexpected incident or bad weather.

Oh I remember one time the school of the kid that I am taking care of suddenly cancel their class because the weather suddenly turned bad. They need to send the students back home for their safety.

When the principal did the announcement that the class was cancelled I was there. So I immediately talk the teacher and ask her permission if I can bring back home my employers daughter as I am her guardian, but when the teacher saw me, she didn't allow me. She says that we won't be safe if we will go home by ourselves.

I was like, what? But I'm her guardian, and I'm not a kid anymore. But she still refuse to pass the kid to me, while she let the other nanny took their kids.

I was really annoyed as the teacher made me felt that I can't be trusted because of my height 🤦. Well can I blame her😅.

That is why I don't like being small. I really wanted to be taller so no one will look me down.😁

This is all for today and thank you for reading 😅.

Lead image source edited using Canva app.