"Excited and yet sad"

Blog#144 February 10,2022 no.09

Hello my dear family, how are you? I am expecting that you are having a great time and productive day. Anyway allow me to share with you this thoughts that at some sort is bothering me now.

Last night we had a heart to heart talk with my partner, as he is planning to reconstruct our house. Yes we have our own house, we bought it when we were still working abroad. But we are currently living and renting an apartment with his mom and stepdad right now. Actually when I come back here in our country from abroad last January 2020, we planned to transfer there soon, together with his mom and stepdad. But because we have a tenant that time, we first talked to them and give them enough time to look for a new apartment. But unfortunately finding an apartment that have a cheapest rent like we have given to them is hard for them. They keep on asking us a favour, to give them more months to find a better place. And so we did, we give them two more months, because we know how hard it is. Not knowing that the pandemic will raise and then I got pregnant. To make the story short, our plans got postponed and our budget for the house was been used.

Right now our house is currently empty, we didn't accept a new tenant anymore as we really wanted to transfer there. But unfortunately something has changed as we planned, my father-in-law suddenly change his mind, I don't know what's with him as he suddenly don't want to live with us. He makes an excuse that our house is too small for all of us😅, we'll it's true that our house is small but it's actually okay for us, atleast we don't need to pay for its rent.

We wanted to transfer there because the landlord suddenly increase the rent of this apartment, though this apartment has no improvement she wanted an increase and it's quite expensive. Another thing is we're already struggling with our expenses. My father-in-law has no work since December, and now it's only my mother-in-law and my partner whose working. My mother-in-law is the one who's paying the rent of this apartment and the other bills and expenses we pay for it, but because we also have little one, we cannot afford all our expenses anymore. My partner's earnings sometimes isn't enough as we have to buy our sons milk every week and our son also have more needs, like vitamins and etc. My mother-in-law is also saving some money for my father-in-law as he needs to have some laboratory test to identify his illness. Although I'm helping them with some of our expenses, we're still struggling with our budget.

Last night we talked about his plans. He wanted to start the reconstructing this month so we can transfer there soon. He will used his savings for all the needed materials, as there are parts of the house that he wants to change to save some space and some parts are needed to be fixed. I told him that I will support him, so he should not worry too much, I told him to just support me too with my blogging so I can earn more and every thing may goes well and he agreed. Hopefully he really do support me 🙏🤞😂.

I'm excited actually but yet I'm sad 😅. I know that there's a possibility that my father-in-law would never come to us and for sure my mother-in-law too. I feel sad as I already love my mother-in-law so much, and also my son loves his mommyla (grandma) too. For sure my mother-in-law would be sad too as she was really happy being with my son, in all honestly everytime that my mother-in-law was home my son is always with her, everywhere that she goes my son always followed her😅. That is why sometimes I felt that my father-in-law was annoyed to me, because he thoughts that I let my mother-in-law took care of my son while I'm having a good time scrolling with my phone 😅 thought it's not like that😅.

Actually since my father-in-law got sick,he changed a lot. There are times that I can hear him murmuring that he was annoyed that my son is being so naughty and noisy and it makes me feel uncomfortable. There are really time's that even my son wants to be with his mommyla, I would choose to get him as I don't want that my father-in-law felt that I'm making my mother-in-law tired.

Now I felt this mixed emotions with me, but I know somehow we need to do what's best for us.

I think this is all for now, and thank you for dropping by.

All images including the lead image, source from Unsplash.com