Blog#175:09 March 09,2022

As a mom, one of the best thing that I am grateful for, was my son was born healthy. Despite with all the struggles that I've been through during pregnancy. I am totally blessed that when my son come out from my womb he was normal and everything is fine with him. When I heard his first cry all the pains that I have went gone, I can say that all my sacrifices are worth it and I deserve to have a healthy child.

Since he was my first born, I had promised to myself that I would love him more than anyone else and even more than my life. And would definitely give him everything that he needs and every thing that he wants, as I wanted him to have a happy life and he also felt being loved. And so every time that I see him or hear him cry I was literally devastated, his tear's really broke my heart. It sounds overacting but his tears is literally painful to me.

As a matter of fact when my son had his New born screening and the nurse pierced his heels with needle, he cried from pain, and I also cried as I also felt his pain😅. I suddenly become so emotional when I saw him cried a lot, luckily the nurse can understand me so she didn't say anything when she saw me crying together with my son😅.

He is also my favourite view☺️. From the day he came I really can't take off my eyes from him. I always watch him sleeping, I love to see his face and I love to feel his touch. He's scent is also my favourite smell.

But now that my son had already grown up, as he was already a toddler. I think because of too much love that I have shown to him, now he already know how to abuse my kindness 😫😄😄. Seems he already knew my weakness that he even know what to do to make me follow him, sounds bad right?

I can say that because this past few days, every time that I put him inside his playpin as I need to do something in the kitchen, after 10-15 minutes being inside he then start to cry. Unlike before he can stay inside his playpin for an hour while watching his favourite nursery song. I can't say that he was just bored inside his playpin, because I already give him enough time to play, and I even play with him.

This time if he wants something he would just cry and if I don't give him what he wants he would definitely cry until he gets what he wants 🤦. And because sometimes I literally don't give him he's want's, suddenly my guilt would start killing me, so at the end he still gets what he wants 😫🤦.

I know that I shouldn't be like that. I shouldn't let my son abuse my love and kindness to him. I know that I should discipline my son as somehow he needs to understand that not all that he wants he can have. But how to control my guilt? Honestly even though I already know what to do as a mom, my guilt is literally killing me. Seeing him cry is still killing me, and the more my feelings become heavy because of my guilt. But I won't deny that now I started to get some struggles. The more I became tired as this time all he wants is to keep on playing, I can't even finish with some of my house chores as I need to accompany him. I can't even have time to rest as all he wants is to play outside, he wants to run and run 😫.

Anyway I know some of you can't relate with my rant's, so I would end this blog from here. Again thank you!

Message:

Hello my dear family here in read.cash, how was your day anyway? I wish you had a great and productive day.

Today I was literally tired, as I also did our laundry. Our house is just small but the work is never ending 😂. Also I have a very active child that also drain my energy and so because of that I don't have any much time to find for an interesting topic to write. I even started to wonder if I can still stay longer from here as my time becomes more preoccupied. I already have a lot of shortcomings, and my performance becomes even more poorer. But I hope I can still cope up the next day.

Wish me luck 😂🤞.

Lead image was originally my own photo.