Since then, I mean since I was a teenager, no seriously since I was a kid and started to learn how difficult the life was, I already keep in mind that I only want to have one child of my own in the future. I'm okay to live with 4-5 children's in one roof, but no pregnancy and labour please?😂. I don't like to experience the pain again, so one is perfectly enough for me.

Well honestly speaking, with the current situation of our living and the economy. I would rather stayed practical. I don't like to have many children's and let them suffer in the future because of poverty.

However after I give birth to my son we didn't use any safety thing. I mean I didn't take any pill's and he didn't use any masks to protect me, something like that. Urrrgggh. My conservativeness thingy, is giving me a hard time to explain this thing, but yeah, I think (hopefully ✌️😅) you already know what I mean, and how we prevent to get an unwanted pregnancy.

Yes unwanted because my partner knows that since then I only want one. I always reminds him that and luckily he respect my decision. You know? Nowadays we have to be practical and think about the future of our child.

So with our own way of safety we prevented to get pregnant until my partner left just last month to work abroad. Well actually experts says that it's not totally safe, because there's still a big chance and possibilities that I will be going to get pregnant. That is why whenever I go visit the clinic they keep on convincing me to have a family planning but my partner don't want it, so we don't have any prevention.

We remained safe for more than one year. However, this past few days and weeks, I have noticed to myself that something has change in my body. Also I always felt exhausted and tired the whole day, though I am not doing anything. I have mood swings too.

I thought I was just stressed and lack of sleep and so I always act that way.

Moreover as the days goes by, and with the observation that I made to myself, the experience become familiar to me. I feel worried and scared, and lots of thoughts starting to bother me. So to clear up my mind, yesterday when we go out to have our normal walk I drop by in the pharmacy. I bought one piece of PT kit (pregnancy test) just to make sure something.

So this morning I wake up early, and took the PT with me and went to the toilet to do my thing and have the test.

When the results came out I become speechless. I can't literally say anything. I went blank. I was surprised and confused. I really don't know what to do. My mind gets filled with worries and different questions and thoughts, but the first question that literally pup up in my mind was, Am I ready?

Suddenly tear's fell,when my mind said NO!

I am not ready yet and I only want garreth to be my one and only baby. Having him is perfectly enough to make my life complete. I don't think I still want to have a second baby, because since then I only want one, and I don't think I can be a mother of two, so now I don't know what to do😴.

• Luckily all of this was just part of my wild imagination. Part of my daydreaming time or else I would be stressful again this time. So please don't congratulate me because this is just a prank! Lol.

All photos, including the lead image was mine, or else stated otherwise.

Thank you for reading.