All Too Well pt.2
Part 1 https://read.cash/@Fyangzee24/all-too-well-939385aa
It was enchanting when I met him. All the phone calls and text messages were all meaningful and it made my heart flutter. I could really tell how good he was with prose and poetry. We exchange sending poetry that sooner made us confess what we truly felt for each other.
For a month we haven’t seen each other. We were both busy for the upcoming nationals but, he never forgets to call every night. His voice became serotonin, I couldn’t sleep without hearing it. He never forgets to tell me that I was on his mind even if he’s in the middle of training. My mentor would sometimes notice and ask me why I’m blushing and smiling while writing an editorial write-up. I would not just talk but just smile away.
Nationals came and we met on our rendezvous after our contest. I made sure I’m going to take the first place because I am so inspired by him. We had our very first kiss. I couldn’t explain the feeling but it’s only euphoria. We were both so in love that I don’t even know what to do.
I brought him to my team and introduced him proudly even to my mentor. They are teasing me so bad. They accepted him and I know they are very much happy about us. I expected he’s gonna do the same way but he told me to better make us private on his side. I don’t understand the complicated things he said but I can’t do anything since I loved him too much.
I got the gold medal while he’s in the top 5. I’m proud of him as much as he is proud of me. We took a lot of pictures because we both knew, time is a selfish thing.
When we went back to our homes, we go back to our daily routine. My parents knew about him already they invited him once. That was the most nerve-wracking moment of my life. He met my parents for the first time. My parents loved him. I could say that time that wasn’t puppy love, it’s true love.
I asked him one time if I could visit him in the province, but he said it’s not safe for me to travel. There are times I find it so unfair because my family knows him already but I’m still unknown to his family. But, then again I understood because I loved him.
I enrolled at a University in his province. I did a lot of explanations just so my parents would allow me to go far away in college. But, he was enrolled in a University far from his province. We had a terrible fight. I even thought of withdrawing my enrolment and transferring to his school. I was madly in love. But, we carried it on; we continued our long-distance relationship again. The first year was so smooth and everything went on as we had planned.
After a week of our first anniversary, which we celebrated only through video calls, I was ghosted by Kyle. He blocked me on all social media; I can’t even reach his phone. I can’t even ask anybody about his whereabouts since I never knew any of his friends and his family. I was the love he didn’t want the world to know. I got depressed, I was so devastated and questions rummaging in my head I can’t even comprehend. One thing’s for sure he doesn’t want me anymore.
I survived. After two years of Kyle leaving me hanging, I was able to cope up with myself and I focused on the things that keep me alive. Two years was supposed to be enough to forget a ghost from the past. Two years after we stopped writing our story. The book still has pages to write on. I wondered what will I do with the blank pages we left. But, even in that long time, I still long for him because I had a lot of questions to ask. Questions like, why did he keep me as a secret, when I was so proud of him, Why did he leave without saying a thing?
So, one night, I was having a chill time with myself after taking major exams. My phone vibrated and I read a notification on messenger. I can’t believe to whom the message is from. It was a ghost from the past. It was a very long message but only one line I understood the most. *I got my classmate pregnant, I’m sorry.*
When Taylor Swift, made a 10-minute version of All Too Well, I knew all along it’s not just about the song, nor the person I remember in every word that pulls the trigger, maybe it’s just me. Maybe it’s just me, that still holding on to something I wished had never ended.
Our relationship was like shooting stars... A spectacular moment of light in the heavens, a fleeting glimpse of eternity and in a flash, it’s gone.
Lead image from Google.
Thank you everyone 👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇
Hope
Did you reach that point when you have a sudden urge to cry because you’ve done a lot and you’ve given so much but they seemed not enough? Then you think that you’re not as smart or as talented as other people…
Or like breaking into pieces because you lost your mother or father?
You might have felt that you’re out of place… like you don’t belong there and you’re not worthy to be treated the way they treated the others.
Or might have felt ashamed because you knew you could get there but you have no idea how you could do it.
Do you feel like leaving? Like going to a place where no one knows you and leaving no note behind, just no warning…
You might have felt these… disappointment, rejection, fear, anger, irritation, embarrassment.
Someone can feel you.
Someone can understand… because someone has been there. It’s like dying in bed for minutes and gazing at the ceiling with a blank mind… like having hard times coping up with the stream of life and participating in the real world.
Or it’s like the feeling that you can be alright by Friday or Thursday in case the day is Monday or Tuesday… it’s like you care less. Yep, you could be a great thinker - a thinker of nothing or a thinker of everything.
Life is hard, yes… but we should not make it harder.
This is for you who can’t sleep.
This is for you who want to sleep forever.
This is for you who like to escape from reality.
This is for you who’s left with a broken heart.
This is for you who’s tired of loving.
You are beautiful, and your life is precious.
Take that as melatonin.
Take that as an invitation to a good sunrise.
Take that as a self-care - a subsequent strength.
Please choose to live. Forget those death thoughts. Drop that knife. Throw those ropes. Put the pills inside the trash bin.
Life is tough, so are you. Don’t wait for a new year or new semester. Get back your hope, it’s yours. Run with it along the right path. Every minute is a chance for a beautiful start. Dying might be easy, but it lacks challenge and color… and living might be hard but it’s worth breathing. Look around you, everyone isn’t gifted with sight. Listen to The Script’s Flares or Paramore’s Last Hope, everyone doesn’t have a chance to hear. Breath in, breath out… everyone doesn’t have the opportunity to reach this very hour or day.
https://youtu.be/r7jaXI6oXpQ
https://youtu.be/V6d_dC9M0Tc
To you who’s reading this… who have gone that road of pressure, hopelessness, and depression… I’m proud of you. You made the right choice. Not like me. I pressed the wrong button. I picked an easy round. I’ve cut my wrist… and I’ve regretted it. I could have been a Certified Public Accountant though I’ve failed in some matters along the way. I could have tried some other ways, or have made a plan B, C, or D. But the pressure was just very strong. The disappointment mocked me. Shame pulled me towards the ground. I had no one, no one at that time. Anyway, that was 3 years ago, and with you… Dear, life is great even if you think that it’s not. It really is.
Lead image from Google.
Thank you 💙 👇👇👇
All Too Well
I think everyone who follows and idolizes Taylor Swift has already watched the Short Film All Too Well and have streamed already Taylor’s version of her Red Album. She was a genius and her music is beautiful. She never failed to flabbergast me with her music. I didn’t know for one day I’ll be going back to my past. On November 12, the day on its released, I feel like I'm a crumpled piece of paper lying after recalling the things I've been through. It’s like Taylor did it on purpose to remind me how I was pathetically in love with someone who did not even treat me right.
Back in high school, I was active in our Campus Journalism. In my freshman year, I was a correspondent, and then I became a News/Feature Writer in my sophomore year. Writing is everything for me. I’ve chosen to write articles on different school affairs rather than joining pageants at school. I’m not very much good at public speaking. My dream is to become the Editor-in-Chief of our school paper. Our school joined contests on Campus Journalism and proudly I’ve gained many medals and trophies on different categories in writing. I have become the Editor-in-Chief in my junior and senior years. I was the happiest in my position. I am responsible and much eager to work. I could proudly say that our school paper has garnered many awards during my term.
2014 was the year I joined RSPC or Regional Schools Press Conference for the last time as a high school student. That was the year also I met Kyle. He was from a neighboring province. We were vying on the same category which is the Editorial Writing in English Category. I can’t deny the fact I fell for him that day.
In RSPC, only Top 3 can proceed to Nationals. The awarding was done after all the categories are done. So basically, we stayed as delegates for a week to the province that hosted the event. Our team stayed in a hotel near the school.
Awarding came; I cannot forget the feeling I had that time because I’m finally going back to the venue to see Kyle. I was hoping he stayed even if he’s done with his event. Unfortunately, he was out of sight. I just thought to myself, to forget him because it was just an attraction. I will never see him again. I focused on the awarding instead. The third was always mentioned first.
There go the butterflies in my stomach again as the program master announced the winners of the Editorial Writing English Category. The third placer was called and all I can hear are the loud applause of the audience. I was closing my eyes that time and I’m crossing my fingers. I don’t care if I don’t get the first place for as long as I can still be on the Nationals like the previous years. I suddenly opened my eyes when I heard the name of the second placer, Kyle Andrew L. Diaz. Is it him? That was the first thought that came inside my head. I lured around the audience since nobody went on the stage for the medal. Then, loud applause again from the audience when I saw him walking up the stage. It was him. Kyle Andrew the name that will be on my lips.
“First place, Jillian Marie A. Fernandez” I heard my name. I still can’t believe I got it again. My mentor lead me the way up to the stage and we met each other along the way and he smiled at me. I shyly smiled back and got up to the stage and get the medal. Everybody was congratulating me as I paved my way back to my place. I looked for him, but I can’t see him anymore, probably he went home already because he’s done with his affair.
I’m getting bored already at the awarding ceremony and I suddenly felt someone is poking my head at the back, when I turned, I saw him. That’s why I can’t see him from afar because he was just so near to me. How stupid I was. He whispered congratulations to my ears. He was leaning forward to reach my chair. It was magical, enchanting, and wonderful.
After the awarding ceremony, our mentors talked and we were given the chance to talk too. My fellow journalists are teasing me silently, that’s why I cannot look straightly into his eyes. Sadly, this will be the last day for us to see each other. The Nationals will be the next month and it will be impossible to see him there since; there will be more delegates at the event. When we’re about to leave, he handed me a piece of paper and he walked away together with his team. I smiled as I opened it, he wrote his number. How cute.
I was wondering that time if I should start writing my first love story, surely it will be metaphorically written.
to be continued...
Lead image from Google.
Thank you, beautiful people, 👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇
Modern Elections
Traditional law as it is, a democratic government chooses its governing body among qualified candidates through a fair election. So we, the Filipinos, being in a democratic nation, abide by this law.
But never has been in our country ever experienced a clean election. For in every generation, one or the other does an act of violation of the laws of the election. It pains to admit this because we are Filipinos and so are they.
Each candidate, he be running for senator or as a municipal councilor, has his own exaggerated and law-violating gimmicks to persuade people. The most common are the posters bearing their names and faces. Wherever you look, there’s a face of a certain candidate smiling as if he’s sure to win. Posters as big as walls, which supposedly have 4 ft. by 4 ft. in maximum, cover each street corner. Poster-stapling on trees is supposed to against electoral guidelines. And even posting on public vehicles is practiced even though it’s prohibited. These unbelievable people have no shame.
And if rich enough, usually running for senators can afford this, a candidate can pay for an advertisement for his name, though with limited time which most exceed, aired in many networks. It’s very inducing because people mostly watch TV, and these ads are beautifully made. For better impact to the adoring public, they even use actors, actresses, and icons in showbiz to endorse them. I can conclude that these candidates need the voice of an icon to coax the public, instead of speaking for themselves. I think they believe they can look better in this way, which in truth makes them look weak. And because this turned out to be very effective other actors and actresses run for a government position, endorsing their names.
And the biggest dismay is the one we call “funding,” which translates to vote-buying. We are aware that this had been happening in the past years. In the years that passed, people were seen going to an abandoned building to receive envelopes containing money. The very mention of it was taboo back in the day. But now, everybody talks about it, and compares each candidate’s price in the open, excited for it, and makes a list of things they intend to buy. Each party list gives an ID to voters to keep track of its sure votes. We are incredibly awed by this. Imagine that, Official Identification Card for vote-buying, wow! It sounds so legal. The only amusing things I find in these days’ campaigning strategies are the hilarious jingles of candidates derived from various famous songs.
But to sum them up, these candidates are such hypocrites. They always talk about peace and economic uplifting, but they run their campaign with obvious violations and dirty hands. Our country’s not far from total bankruptcy, if we may say so. Will this ever end? Are we going to sit idly while our nation’s immersed in complete corruption? When will we stand for what’s right, and protect this country from threats, foreign and domestic?
Lead image from Google.
Thank you, everyone 👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇
When Assumption meets Disappointment
“Thou shalt not assume,” as we popularly inject onto our minds whenever talking about things with less hope. What does such tell us? They give a warning that they may just trigger worse emotional problems. Yet, though it is already knowable, we still do not lose that last piece of hope that our assumption may lead to happiness.
I thought having an attitude of being assuming could never be included in my vocabulary. But, of course! I never resorted to chasing after unrealistic options. What for when they could just drive me either to pleasure or disappointment? There’s no assurance. But the game-lover fate captured me.
As I lived in its existence, assumption encompassed me. My friends just loved to assume. Whenever they were given special treatment by somebody, they couldn’t stop themselves from telling us about it us. I didn’t get annoyed, though. I loved it that they were enjoying that somebody’s company, and every little thing that person would do. It’s that I got happy, too, for them. But I never wanted to assume. I wasn’t like my friends. It was too easy for them to capture who they wanted to be with. They would receive phone calls, gifts, etc. But for me, I found myself focusing on my career a lot better and worthier than paying time with nonsense things. But how did I come up with such a principle? I was hurt once. And that once was already enough.
I supposed that I was already on the way to making a love story, my first love story. It all started when a transferee became my classmate. Just a nobody, I thought at first. I would get annoyed when our eyes met, I wasn’t sure why. But one unexpected moment came, that somebody’s lips landed on my cheeks. I couldn’t remember how I reacted that time. I don’t know if I was happy or if we had a quarrel. But that’s how I started to fall in love. I didn’t want to assume, but I gave it a try.
We became good friends, or better. On summer days, we would play in the school, and whenever we decided to watch a movie at the house of another friend, we would sit together on a single chair and would hold each other’s hands as we headed back to our respective homes. It was total bliss! I could still remember we were at the park acting as if we were in a romantic relationship. We were both happy seeing each other, I presumed. I thought we would be together for a long time, forever.
Our Graduation Day came, and we took our different chosen paths. No communication did exist between us, but I ignored it. I endured every moment that passed without the sight of the person I loved so much. I assumed that everything would be great in the end, like I know that somebody was feeling the same. We had to endure things.
Finally, we saw each other on a vacation together with other classmates. I decided to confess my feelings, for I believed we were feeling the same. “I love you. You love me too, right?” A smile came from my lips as I was saying it, waiting for an expected reply. And I got a, “What a joke! You almost got me. I know you won’t fall in love with me, just as I won’t fall for you. We’re good friends, eh?” I sounded hilarious, so I just laughed and replied with: “Of course! I thought you’d fall on my joke.” I couldn’t accept at first that I was just imagining things, everything was an assumption.
Disappointment didn’t hesitate to catch me.
The memories are quite so fresh to me. I can still remember how my heart was being torn at that time. But life must go on. I don’t want to assume anymore, I hope being assuming won’t come back to me anymore. I hate to admit this, but as I was narrating everything that happened, “Tamang Panahon” by Wynn Andrada was on the radio followed by “This song is for you” by Erik Santos and “Alaala” by Yeng Constantino. Fate is teasing me again.
Thank you everyone 👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇
A blessed Friday to all. Thank you mmy @Zhyne06. Love you so much ❤
The Ghost Child pt.2
Part 1 https://read.cash/@Fyangzee24/the-ghost-child-fcc04775
"No!!! Gabriel please, don't leave us too soon. Don't leave your mommy. Don't you love us anymore?" I said crying as I was carrying in his arms.
We brought him to the nearest hospital. I am calling all the saints just to save my son. God, please help my son. After half an hour of reviving, thank God he answered my prayer. Gabriel is miraculously saved. The doctor said it is a good thing that we brought him immediately. My husband and I feel like hell for a while and heaven for the next minutes.
The next day, the doctor told us that Gabriel can go home. We ask him what happened and why he is in the tub. And his answer made me trembling in fear. "All I remember was I followed Princess in the bathroom. She introduces herself to me and I don't why but she laughed after. Mommy, Daddy, why did not you tell me that I have an elder sister?" Both my husband and I, don't know how to answer him. I look at my husband and the way he looks at me tells me that it's already time to tell him.
I don't know where to start or should I say I am ready to tell him. But I think it's already time. So I told him all about Princess.
"But mommy why did she die?" I took a deep breath before answering my son's question.
"Your sister fell on the well. That's why we closed the well in our backyard. It was too late to save her." I felt the soft hand of my son as he try to wipe my tears. I hugged him very tightly. I cannot afford to lose someone I dear so much again.
Everything went back to normal. After the incident, Gabriel is back from being jolly and a very happy boy. I can't contain in my heart the happiness I felt that everything is going smoothly.
"Gabriel! Let's change. This doesn't suit you. It's for girls." I immediately go upstairs to know the commotion. My son's nanny is heard all over the house.
My eyes fell to the floor by what I saw. Gabriel is wearing Princess's dress.
"Hi there, mommy! How do I look? Doesn't this dress look lovely? I really love this. Thank you for this dress mommy." What's happening to my son? He is dancing around his room while turning around.
His nanny grabbed him and forced him to undress. She successfully changed his clothes but my son was so different today.
"Nanny, Why are those dresses are still here? Didn't I tell you to burn all of those?"
"I did ma'am. Probably those are from the attic. I'll go there and clean up. I'm very sorry." I just closed my eyes in desperation. I know there's something wrong.
I can't get hold of my husband because he is on a business trip. For a week, it will just be us in the house.
I really don't understand what's going on with my son because he just suddenly gets wild, there's this sudden change of emotion and a different kind of behavioral transition. I was thinking of bringing my son to a psychiatrist. I am very much open to this since my firstborn was mentally ill also.
I prepared myself and the things I needed to bring. It's still early so probably my son is still sleeping. I went to his room and there I found him sound asleep. I went to his side and stroked his head. I will not know what will happen to me if I lose my child again. I feel like I laid on something so I tried to pull what is it under the mattress.
"Ahhh!" I immediately throw away the doll. I can't be wrong. That was the doll that Princess had. And we buried it with her.
"Mom?" My son woke up from the noise I made. I hugged him very tightly.
"Mommy, what's wrong?" He innocently asked while rubbing his eyes.
"Honey, that doll... where did you get that?" I pointed at the doll which is now on the floor. He looked to where am I pointing and he stood up running towards the doll.
"How dare you throw Lily!"
I can see the fire in his eyes. He is mad. He is coming to me.
"Gab, this is mom. Put that doll away. Please listen to me." I am all over sticking on the corner of his room. I know for sure this isn't my son.
"Whoever you are in my son's body, please take me. Not my child. Oh, God have mercy!"
Gabriel stopped walking towards me. I was about to run to him when he raise his head.
"Did you miss me, mom? You said I can take you, right? So I'm going to kill you!" He run towards me and choked me. I can't breathe. His grip is so tight.
"You said to take you instead, right? Mommy, we will be happy if we will be together." He is grinning from ear to ear. I can't say any words because of the tight grip of his hands on my neck. My insides are crying, begging for my life.
Then the door went bang! Nanny saved me.
"Ma'am let's leave, Gabriel is possessed."
"No, I can't just leave my son."
"I will not let you be a happy mom. If I can't take you, I will take my brother instead." And he runs outside. Nanny and I went after him. We were looking for him everywhere but we can't find him. I am now panicking. I don't know what to do.
"Ma'am! He's by the well.'
Oh no, she's really gonna take Gabriel.
" Princess, if that's you, let us talk."
He is standing on the rim of the well, any wrong move could make him fall down the well.
"You know why I jumped in this well, right? That's because you never loved me! Because I was crazy, dumb, and stupid. I know how much you regretted bringing me to this world. Now, this boy came in and you totally forgot about me. I can't let you be happy. We will all be miserable."
"No, that's not true! You are my precious daughter. My only daughter, how could I not love you? You are my blood and my flesh. I am sorry if you feel you are unloved but I and your daddy only think about you. I missed you so much that when you died, I always go to see you. Not until I was blessed with Gabriel. I thought you asked God for a brother because you don't want to see mommy sad. I love you, Princess. I am very sorry."
His facial expression lightened. I extended my hand to him. And he is reaching for my hand too. The rim was old and fragile that it cracked and made him lose his balance.
I hold him tight so he will not fall. I was shocked when I looked at him it's Princess!
"Mommy, do you really love me?"
"I do. I and your daddy loves you so much."
She smiled peacefully and when I pull her out of the well, she's gone. Gabriel is back.
I cried so hard and hugged Gabriel very tight. I knew what I did wrong. I forgot about Princess. She once gave us happiness as parents.
That incident never happened again. Every Gab's birthday, we visit her grave and buy her favorite cake. We celebrate her with us. I know Princess is now happy. May God take her on His paradise. We will never let her feel abandoned and unloved ever again.
Thank you so much 👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇
My Twisted Christmas Holiday
Every Christmas, as part of our family's tradition, we would always exchange handwritten letters and presents from each family member.
We would sit by the fireplace and cluster each other into a circle, enunciate spontaneous words, or sentences we have kept away from each other's cognizance - whether it's a heartfelt message, expressing one's gratitude, or simply showcasing each other's ability to play metaphors and similes. And oh, the best one, the anecdotes.
There were letters also that revealed each other's sullen secrets. We were also open about uttering tirades, for we reckoned that despite the fondness that binds us, we held grudges and stabbed each other's backs with our own bloody hands. It couldn't be denied. We always notice each others faults and imperfections as if we were different people.
As they gradually unveiled their received letters, I was just sitting on our couch and examined every nonverbal response they would execute. How different emotions exuded from their eyes creating watery steams, you could literally envisage their miens. Everything was sincere and beautiful. I am greatly touched by my family's gestures.
I could already hear someone cackle about the letter she was reading. And there were these two cousins of mine who were nestled fervently in each other's arms, muttering their sincere apologies. This is my favorite part every Christmas, forgiving each other. Without hypocrisy, even just for once in a year, we were all given a time to repent for the mistakes and unleading actions that made other people hurt.
I was smiling as I was enjoying the gratifying sceneries of genuineness - everything was complete euphoria. I was about to wipe the teardrops off their eyes when the ambiance around us was vanishing in a slow-paced motion.
And they were standing there, out on a cold winter day, hearing one family member spoke of how they remembered my death on the 25th day of December. That caught me totally flustered like my knees were trembling and forcing me to kneel because of such overwhelming desolation. I could still feel I'm living with them, celebrating the same Christmas. I can feel the warmth of their embrace.
I couldn't help but weep as I was watching them moan about me. The moments I used to watch every Christmas weren't moments anymore, but memories. Memories when I was still alive. These are the moments in my memories to live for. And those letters that I told you about, we're already all about me as their subject, laid it on my gravestone adorned with flowers and incandescent light from the candles. Those are the messages that I haven't heard for years and messages I missed.
The last thing that emitted from someone's mouth was, "You're always loved by us. Merry Christmas." I never imagined that the word Christmas could sound like the total opposite of it - melancholic.
Thank you everyone 👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇
My day out
November 8, 2021
I woke up early than usual today because it’s Monday again and I have a very early morning class. I am feeling so good that I did all the morning chores lightly. My roommate who is my colleague also is still asleep, so as much as possible, I move around the room silently. She woke up and I’m already dressed up. She was shocked at how early I was today. I just told her that I have an 8:00 class scheduled today.
When I got up to my space in my classroom, I set up my laptop, the internet, and the books I will need. I sent the link for my class to my pupils through Gmail. As I was waiting on the google classroom for my pupils to come, I was browsing Facebook, and then I stopped scrolling when I saw the post of the town mayor announcing that there will be no class today in observance of the 8th year commemoration of the Typhoon Yolanda victims.
I was terrified because some of my pupils are already in the Google classroom. I have to revert the link because I just later found out about the announcement. I went to the school admin’s office but it was still close, so I just called her. She instructed me to announce it properly to the children and also give a further announcement on our group chats. Everything was done accordingly.
Our school admin came and since all of us are free, she said we’re going to choose who will be our Manito/Manita for the planned Christmas Party. What we did is we wrote our names on a piece of paper and roll it. It was put inside a box. Each of us will get one and whoever is the person on the paper we picked will be the one we will send a gift to. It took us a while doing it because one of my colleagues keep on getting her name. After five attempts, we successfully have done it. To avoid confusion on what to give to the other, we wrote on a whiteboard our top 3 wishes. I wrote mine an airbed, a watch, and a copper mask. I just included a copper mask there though I can really buy it for myself it turns out I can’t think of anything to write on the wish list and a copper mask was the last thing I was thinking to check out on Shopee.
After that, some of my colleagues left the school for they have nothing to do and it’s also a holiday. My roommate and I got bored. I was finishing some power points and making some quizzes when I think of going to the beach in the afternoon. It’s been a while since I’ve gone to the beach. I told her about my plan and she politely agreed with me, she’s also craving some sandy and salty water.
We finished our lunch quickly and after that, we went to Puregold to buy some snacks we could bring with us to the beach. It’s not that much just enough for two people.
The weather was so nice. The heat of the sun doesn’t prick the skin, the sky was so blue and the clouds were so white. It was really an indication of fair weather. I fell in love instantly with the view as we arrived at the beach.
There were several people in some cottages. We decided not to rent a cottage because it’s just the two of us. We just used a mat and we comfortably place our belongings.
What made it more amazing is that I saw a familiar face. I saw one of my pupils before who transferred now from a different school. He was just in Grade 1 when he became my pupil and now he’s in grade 3. He’s still the child who acts like Sheldon. He has a lot of trivia and information about anything that even he barely pronounce some words, he just keep on talking and this kid doesn’t even know how to speak Bisaya and Filipino. He was still talkative that made him so cute. He’s with his family. Their family was so nice that they share their food which we gladly accepted.
I totally enjoyed the sea. I seized the moment because I don’t know when will be the next time I’ll be visiting the sea again.
The sea is a therapy to me. I was able to clear up my mind with the breathtaking view of the sky, I was able to relax with the calming waves of the sea, and most of all I was able to free myself from the toxicity and negativities around me with a good talk with a good companion.
Images are all mine.
Thank you so much 👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇
It's a great morning yeah with @Bloghound on my notifications. Thank you so much! God bless you more 💓
Developing Calmness
Teaching is never been easy. I've been in this profession for three years now and until now it still feels like every day my patience is always being tested. It's not like all the time I am in a good mood and be able to control my pupils. In a room, you will encounter different behaviors and you have to manage that. I am still even thinking about how was I able to manage those kids.
Aside from work, what stresses me more are the other people. I hate how much they talk behind my back. It's not that it affects me but what I hate most about is that it's all not true. I couldn't keep my inner peace because of the random thought that is rambling inside my head. It annoys me most of the time. I fear sometimes also that if they will not stop gossiping about me, I'd go crazy or lose my mental health. I should talk to them but I just can't. So, I have come up to build the value of calmness and being able to control despite the different emotions I have.
Calmness means having composure and serenity amid obstacles or severe stress. It is demonstrating “grace under pressure.” Calmness is achieved with having a firm understanding of one’s self. This brings about quiet but strong confidence that results in calmness. It is described as inner peace or peace of mind, which is synonym with tranquility.
Anger, anxiety, excitement, frustration, and fear are some of the threats to calmness. Anger and anxiety are what we feel when we are disappointed or when faced with trials and difficulties or something extremely annoying.
When we are angry, we sometimes say and do things that we later regret. When things do not happen according to our plans and expectations, we need to keep calm and think things through because the decisions we make when we are angry are often the wrong ones.
One should learn to manage anger, anxiety, excitement, and frustration. Slowly breathing in and out, keeping still and emptying the mind for a few moments, telling oneself to relax and loosen up, and holding back from reacting may help bring peace and calm.
Fear is another destabilizing feeling. As long as there is fear, there is no calmness. Drawing on courage thus helps bring about calmness.
Calmness helps us maintain good relationships. It is also a trait that people look for in a leader. Anxiety is when one is “unnerved” because of extreme worrying. It is by drawing on hope and confidence that one can bring about calmness.
Inner calmness is a key to a happy and contented life. If you know yourself well enough, you should not be bothered by what people say about you when they are angry. When you are the one angry, you must “tame” your anger with the virtues of patience and goodness. Doing so will bring about calmness. Good communication and good decisions are made possible when we are in a state of calmness.
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The Ghost Child
I am staring at the coffin where my daughter is lying peacefully. I am so heartbroken that my tears won't stop from falling. My husband who is also behind me can't help but cry too. She's our only child but why is it that God let us borrow her only for a short period? This is unfair. Life is very unfair.
"I pity the little girl. Maybe her mother is happy now that she's gone." the woman said. "Really? Why can you say so?" the other woman said. "Haven't you heard the news? Her mom always scolds her. Maybe she lost all of her patience. If I have also a child that is insane, then I'll probably lose all my patience too." the woman replied. "God! I can't believe it. You're at the funeral and your both gossiping with the bereaved family. Shame on you!" the nanny said.
I don't have the energy to talk back at them. Well, I can't blame them. Half of them are true. My daughter was not mentally stable. But I didn't get mad at her because of that. It was just sometimes when she starts to hurt her nanny and she does not listen to us.
If only I know her life was this short. I shouldn't have done that. I should have been a better mom to her. I should have been more patient with her. I should have understood her. I regretted everything. I can't even afford to sit and relax knowing my daughter is lying cold. Then suddenly I feel like the world turns and it went black.
I woke up feeling very weak inside our room. I knew something wrong with me since it is been a week that I felt dizzy. "Lina, are you okay? Are you hurting somewhere?" my husband said worriedly. "Yeah, I'm fine. I think the last time I felt like this was when I'm pregnant with Princess." I said to him.
The next day, I took a pregnancy test and it is positive. I am happy but sad. Maybe this is the way God provides us to cope with this lonesome tragedy. I immediately tell my husband about this. "This is our chance to finally forget this nightmare." And he hugged me.
After Princess's burial, we focus on our upcoming baby and forget what happened to our past. Fast forward, after 9 months I gave birth to a very healthy baby boy. What amazes me was that I gave birth to Gabriel the same date I gave birth to Princess. But as we said, we need to forget all about Princess as we all move on in our lives.
Yearly, we celebrate Gabriel's birthday, without him knowing that he has the same birthday as her sister. Or should I say, he didn't know that he has a sister? I don't want him to know about that tragedy. It is already enough that my husband and I suffered.
Gabriel's birthday is a blast. We always give him all the best as long as he's happy. I want him to spoil with all the love we had. Although we forgot about Princess. I am happy everything is in its place and I could not ask for more.
"Ma'am, why are you not celebrating Princess' birthday? I'm scared that her ghost will give us a visit nowadays. You should buy her a chocolate cake it's her favorite." our nanny said. I know she believes in superstitious beliefs. I just laugh at the thought. "Nanny Lei, are you kidding me? She was already resting peacefully, okay. And we promised that we will forget everything about her. There's no such thing as a ghost or whatever." I said but I can see through her face that she was not convinced.
The week passed and everything's okay. But this night, our sweet dreams turned into a nightmare.
My husband and I always put our son to bed before we head into our room. When we know he is sound asleep, we will go to our room. We were about to sleep when we heard our son screaming. So we hurriedly went to his room. It took us longer because his room was suddenly locked when all we remembered was we left it unlocked.
So my husband gets the spare keys in our room. I already panicking because I'm scared if anything will happen to Gabriel. I will not forgive myself this time.
When the door opens, we saw he's not in bed and the door to his toilet was open so we went there. And we saw him, almost lifeless while his head is in the tub that is full of water. I am scared to death. Why is this happening again?
To be continued...
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It's a blessed Saturday! Thank you @foryoubtc09 💓 May God bless you more 😊
A special day of our Super Man
Hello everyone! I was not able to be active for how many days. I went home because of the loooooong vacation and when I come back I got sick with tonsilitis which until now I'm suffering with.
It's not just a usual long weekend for me because on November 1 we celebrated my Papa's 52nd birthday.
My papa doesn't want to have grand celebrations on his birthdays. But, my sister and I planned something for his birthday. It's what we realized in this time of pandemic; to make use of the time to make our parents feel loved and how grateful we are to have them.
It's not a very huge celebration. We worked together with his few very close friends on the association he's joining. They agreed on having "Mañanita" on the dawn of November 1.
My papa only knows that we are just having a small celebration, just us. Little did he know, he's going to celebrate his birthday with a blast.
On the night of October 31, we are already busy preparing for tomorrow's event. My mama's cooking, while I and my sister are helping with the ingredients.
While working, we were also having family time by watching KMJS: Gabi ng Lagim. It's like we made that our culture to watch it every Sunday night and watch the Gabi ng Lagim episodes every Halloween. We even shared horror stories we encountered. We just laugh it out because my brother is already scared and can't even go to the washroom by himself haha. So my mama had to accompany him. What a scaredy-cat 😆
We finished around midnight. My papa still had no idea about the plan. But, I think he's getting the gist of why are we preparing at night when we can do it early tomorrow. Well, nobody told him about the plan yet, so everything's under control.
It was 3:00 am when my sister woke me up because we already heard my papa's friends outside. Then they started singing. That's when we got up and went to my parent's room to see my papa's reaction. My papa was already up and he was speechless, my mama was just smiling from ear to ear and it was really a good sight to see your parents hug each other even on their age. We greeted papa with a "Happy Birthday" he hugged us and I could really see how happy and surprised he was.
I am very thankful to his friends also for doing the favor for my papa. They gave them flowers while I gave him my gift. Which made him more surprised.
When morning came, we continued preparing the food because the celebration will be at lunchtime. My papa and my sister went to the church because there is a mass for All Saint's Day. I stayed with my mama to help her cook the other foods. It was really tiring because I lack sleep, I slept late and woke up early. But, it's for our dearest papa so I endured my drowsiness.
His friends came back at lunch. Some of the people in our neighborhood came also as much as possible we were trying to avoid too much crowd because of the Pandemic.
My sister and I have invited as well our closest friends that just lived around the neighborhood. After eating, my papa's circle of friends went into our front yard where there is a small kiosk enough for them to have their drinking session, well you know for every adult celebration there will be a drinking sesh haha. They have a guitar and a beatbox to jam with.
While we are in the living room occupying the whole space for our karaoke session. Our home was totally lively with all sorts of noise. Well, we are a bit far from the other houses in the neighborhood so I don't think we have disturbed them.
Waves of laughter, singing, and dancing, are all over the house. I enjoyed the day, even with all the dishes I washed haha.
As I was doing the dishes with my sister, papa came and she thanked us which made me a little bit teary because it was an accomplished mission for me and my sister. I just leaned my head to his shoulders as a sign of being happy that we made him happy.
We never know what tomorrow brings. What awaits us tomorrow. Anything could happen the next day, so never lose the chance to make your loved ones happy and feel that they are very special. Not only on their birthdays but every day. I am grateful to God for giving me that chance.
Every day is a chance that I'm going to try 😊
Thank you, everyone 👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇
Just a bad day
Every day different things happen to us. We have different experiences with different people. We face our daily lives with different challenges and trials along the way before a day ends and a new day begins and sometimes these days may end with happiness, sorrow, or excitement for another day to come.
Each day comes and goes but memories in the past will always be stored in our hearts and minds; they will leave a lesson that will help us in the challenges that will meet throughout our life.
Through these challenges we discover ourselves within, they make us strong not physically but we should not be afraid to face them because they’re only given to us to make our lives colorful so we should learn to sacrifice some of our time and strength for them.
This day, I woke up again feeling so heavy. I recalled the times of chances given to me and the opportunities I wasted. There’s always been a time like this that I reminisce about the actions I did in the past that I suffered right now. I already know that this day is a bad day for me.
I feel so left behind. My progress is moving very slow and I’m kinda feeling demotivated and I lost interest in doing many things. It seems like my mind is bombarded with many thoughts. Just random things like how failure I’ve become, but then again, I always think that this is just a challenge and a battle on my mind and just like any other hard day, I overcome this negative self-talk in my mind.
To face these obstacles completely we should do it with the closest persons in our lives, our parents, our brothers and sisters, our relatives, our friends, teachers, and most especially the Almighty God.
When I’m away from my family and friends whom I can talk to and vent out my problems, I talk to God. I’ll ask for signs on what should I do. He will give me strength and a strong-willed mind to remember that life is like a day that may end with happiness and joy in your heart, or in a tragic or sorrowful way, so make use of your life for the better. Everything has a place in this world.
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What are your unspoken rules?
Hello everyone! It's been a while since I posted my last article here. I've been busy with school work. I just finished computing grades and I am back on track. Yay!
In life, there are plenty of rules we are required to follow. We have to abide by the law, the standards of the places we work, and a whole host of other clearly outlined regulations. But in addition to these, some societal rules are more assumed rather than explicitly stated. Whether it's washing up someone's clothes after they let you borrow theirs or just knowing what to do after eating at someone else’s house, these rules may be unwritten, but they're still expected of you. To make sure you're not getting on someone's bad side, it's time to learn what little things you could be doing that make people think you're rude.
There is no one-size-fits manual to live a contented life but there are some unspoken rules that we can follow to make the most of it. We are aware of most of these rules but seldom do we follow them. You will not find a single person in this world who succeeded without following a disciplined routine. So, here are some of my unspoken rules:
Don’t get easily attached!
Whenever I meet random people, I always thought to myself anyone of them could be a friend to me. But, as they grew closer to me, I limit my distance and try not to get too close. This is what I learned after experiencing being used and betrayed. Don’t always expect good from them because when they do betray you, you will go back to the base.
**Be kind to every person you meet**
There’s this famous line from Plato that says, ‘Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a harder battle.’ Never get mad at a sales clerk in a department store when you think they're not trying hard enough, they are trying their best. They are just struggling. I hate customers that keep on mumbling on the sales clerk line to punch their goods, talking about slow the sales clerk moves. If everybody just has the eyes to see that the person is working too hard, and appreciated their effort, there would have no stress in buying groceries. Just a simple scenario but it is common in society. Kindness is not an expensive thing we can offer to other people.
**Be respectful all the time**
You teach others how to treat you. People respect you only if you respect yourself. However, respecting yourself does not mean that you shove your opinions or force others to agree with you. Rather, it is about knowing your rights and respecting them. It is about being treated in the same respectful way that you treat others. In short, the way you treat yourself sets standards for others to treat you.
**Always believe in yourself**
Nothing in life will work if you don’t believe it will. We often look for reasons why our ideas won’t succeed but what we really should be doing is to figure out ways to make it happen. The biggest difference between successful and unsuccessful people is that the former ones are determined to make things work for them and the latter ones spend their whole life playing the role of a victim. They look for reasons why things won’t work. If you just believe you can do it, you actually will. You know the theory of attraction; you will get it if you want it.
**Saying No is not bad**
My first boss always asks a favor from me even if it crosses my free time I always say yes. One day she called me out and asked me, “Neilfie, if I tell you to jump from the top of a building, are willing to jump for me?” Then, I answered without thinking, ‘Yes ma'am!” Then she reprimanded me not to make saying yes a habit. She told me to evaluate whether or not the task that you are asked to perform has a purpose. I realized it’s true. I’m like being cruel to myself. She probably noticed that I’m just overly obedient to everything she asks when I can always excuse myself for doing the favor. She’s such a good mentor. May her soul rest in peace; I will never forget a great woman like her.
**Don’t act like Ms./Mr. know-it-all**
Don’t assume – If you don’t understand something, just ask. There’s nothing wrong if you ask about something. It is said that when you start assuming, that’s where the drama starts. It’s true in the case of both personal and professional life. The list of assumptions just goes on and on. This is a way to avoid misunderstanding. Another is, most people don’t like a smart ass hahaha 😁
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Hips and Rips of Falling in Love
When you think of your past love, you may view it as a failure. But, when you find new love, you view the past as a teacher. In the game of love, it doesn’t matter who won or who lost. The most important is you know when to hold on and when to let go!
You know you really love someone when you will find yourself that you want him or her to be happy all the time, even if you’re no longer the reason for it.
Everything happens for the best. If the person whom you love doesn’t love you back, don’t be afraid to love someone else again, for you’ll never know unless you give it a try. Love strives in hurting. If you don’t get hurt, you don’t learn how to love. Love doesn’t hurt all the time. The pain is present to test you and to help you grow.
Don’t find love; let love find you. That’s why it’s called falling in love because you don’t force yourself to fall, you just did. It seems like you cannot finish a book without closing its chapters. If you want to go on, then you have to leave the past as you turn to another page.
Love is not destroyed by a single failure or won by a single caress, but it is a lifetime venture in which we are always learning, discovering, and growing. The greatest irony of love is letting go when you need to hold on, and holding on when you need to let go. We lose someone we love only when we are destined to find someone else who can love us. On falling out of love, take some time to heal and then get back on the horse as it were, but don’t ever make the same mistake of riding the same one that threw you the first time. Inculcate in mind that to love is to risk rejection, to love is to risk failure. Risk must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing. To reach for another is to risk involvement, to expose your feelings is to expose your true self; to love is to risk not to be loved in return.
How to define love? Fall but not stumble, be constant but not too persistent, share and never be unfair, understand and try not to demand, hurt never keep the pain. Love is like a knife, it can stab the heart or it can carve wonderful images into the soul that always last for a lifetime. It is supposed to be the most wonderful feeling that inspires you and gives you joy and strength. Sometimes the things that make you happy can also hurt you in the end. Loving people means giving them the freedom of whom they choose to be and where they choose to be.
For all the heartaches and the tears, for gloomy days and fruitful years, you grow. Loving someone means giving the person the freedom to find his way, whether it leads toward you or away from you. Love is a painful risk to take but the risk must be taken no matter how scary or painful, for only then you’ll experience the fullness of humanity and that is LOVE.
Only love can hurt your heart, fill you with desire and tear you apart. Only love can make you cry and only love to know why. If you’re not ready to cry, if you’re not ready to take the risk, if you’re not ready to feel the pain, then you’re not ready to fall in love.
There were times in our lives when we became afraid to fall in love, because every time we do, we get hurt. Falling in love can be a beautiful experience and we all should fall in love.
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I'm very sorry for being inactive for a day,We're done with our First Summative Test now I'm busy with computing grades. I'm very much stressed. Send hugs pleaaaaase 🤧💓
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It's a Blissful Saturday morning. Thank you @ARTicLEE! You're the best 💓
Answering Random Questions ver. 02
Hello everyone! I’m off to writing some tragic love stories now haha. I’m so done hurting myself and I got bored being a masochist. Here are other Random Questions to answer again just to get by :D
Random Questions https://faculty.washington.edu/ejslager/random-generator/index.html
1. What's the best piece of advice you ever received?
I was told by a successful mentor, “life is better when you stop caring too much”. Your life becomes a reflection of who you truly are instead of conforming to be someone you're not. You become braver. You don't have the fear of what others may think of your choices, so you take more risks and make bolder decisions because people and their opinions are not holding you back anymore. When you don't care what people think and what their opinions are, you are not afraid of being yourself. It also adds up to your confidence. Most people are afraid of public speaking because they have a fear of criticism. But since you don't care about others, you become fearless.
**What's your worst habit?**
My worst habit is procrastinating. I am aware that I am such a lazy person that’s why I keep on putting off all the necessary things I should have done. I always think that there’s still tomorrow. I realized it’s a bad thing and it’s not gonna help me improve myself. Currently, I’m working to be productive as I can be. So help me God.
3. What was the best compliment you've ever received?
I was complimented by someone as a “good cook” when I let her taste the food I cook when I knew to myself that I am really not a good cook. After, hearing that, I kept on cooking and trying to improve my cooking skills. My sister tells me that I am trying too hard to cook but I don’t care because I know there’s a lot of room for my improvement.
4. What is one of the great values that guide your life?
The greatest value that guides my life is to Be Kind always. I always believe that being respectful to others and responsible for your actions is being kind. In that way, we will be able to live our lives happily and peacefully.
5. What issue will you always speak your mind about?
I think it’s about Politics haha. I am really not open about expressing my thoughts about politics especially that the elections are upcoming. I am not afraid of criticisms but I am just trying to protect my inner peace. I don’t want to drag myself into online feuds between my friends who have different political views and different parties they’re defending. I better keep it to myself and be neutral.
**6. When people come to you for help, what do they usually want help with?**
Modules, school works, etc. but not money, they know I’m broke too haha
**7. Do you have any nicknames?**
I have 3 nicknames. At home, my family calls me "Neil" it's a boy's name but I actually like it. My friends call me "Fyang", it was my high school teacher who gave me that nickname because he said he finds "Neil" not suitable for me haha. At work, pupils call me "Miss N" I have it to myself. Just the first letter of my name.
**8. What is your theme song?**
The song that reminds me of myself is the song from BTS, "Love Myself". That song talks about self-love, acceptance, and being contented with who you are and what you have. That song also made me stan the group BTS.
9. What dumb accomplishment are you most proud of?
Actually, there's a number of I call, mundane accomplishments that I am proud of. But, what am I most proud of is that, no matter how tiring my job is, how I keep on complaining about the nature of my work, I never said " I hate my job". For me, that is fulfilling that I can be able to keep up no matter how tired I am at work. I could always get out of it and apply for a new job, but I love my job.
10. Pet peeves?
A pet peeve is something that makes you feel annoyed. Here are my greatest pet peeves: Lending something to someone and never getting it back, Asking questions during a movie, People who don't wash their hands after using the bathroom, Other people staring at their phones, and having slow internet. There's still a lot but I don't think I can be able to mention it all hahaha.
11. What's your favorite book?
When someone asks me to recommend a good book, I always suggest the book "Flowers for Algernon" by Daniel Keyes. It is a very inspiring story about a retarded man. It is heartbreaking at the same time full of lessons to learn. These are the types of questions the book poses—What is happiness? What is a fulfilling life? And why are we so convinced to know the answer to either?
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I love you so...
I love you so that in the morning when I wake up, your angelic face is the one I’d like to see as I open my eyes. Smell your morning breath and brush your very soft hair with my bare hands. I’d like to be tucked in by your arms and hugged from behind and whisper soft nothings to my ears. I’ll make your coffee to warm your body and feed you with all my love. I just wished for God to give me someone who could make me whole but He gave me more than what I expected. I am feeling so alive that I never want to go to heaven.
I love you so that I can’t imagine my life without you. Even at work, you’re all I think about. I see you in all the good things I do. Everything reminds me of you. I feel like I’m going crazy, thinking about all the things we do. My friends keep telling me that I am crazy for smiling every once in a while because they didn’t know you’re all up in my head. I want to thank God for making me so happy. Thank you for making me the happiest person alive.
I love you so that I did not notice your changes along with the season. There are times I wake up in the morning and you’re no longer by my side. I’ll make coffee then I realized you’re not here. I’ll just pour it on the sink and smile again how fool I am to love somebody like this. You still make my heart flutter even with those cold shoulders. I miss the kisses you plant on my nape before going to bed. I’ve been searching for the warmth your body gives me. I forgot I spilled the coffee I made for you. I made you a very special coffee while you wait at the table. I love you too much that even if you did not drink the coffee I still smile while watching your back leave the table with your hand on your ear holding a phone.
I love you so that I go crazy when I heard about the lovers you bring to different hotels. I am such a fool for still believing your words that I’m the only one when you say those while hugging a blonde girl with very red lips. I thought to myself I don’t wear makeup too often, that probably made you change your mind. I still hug you and kiss you the same. I did a little experiment and wear red lipstick and you told me I was beautiful enough even without makeup. That made me smile and a small teardrop fell on my eyes.
I love you so that I packed my things and leave you behind. My love is not enough for me to stay. I have made up my mind. I hope you feel what I felt how you shattered my soul and broke my heart into bits of pieces. I am just a fool in love so much with you that I forgot myself. You ran after me and begged me to stay. You were crying your heart out and I hate the sight of you with tears and pain in your eyes. Nevertheless, I didn’t bother to walk away and went back inside the home we built together. I forgave you that instant because you said there’s no other woman who can replace me in your heart. A zoo of butterflies rumbled in my stomach. This could be the start of a new.
I love you so that I believed again in your lies. I was a fool in love with someone so good with sugar-coating the words. The pain in my heart checked in and out like how you checked in and out on a hotel. You were so cruel to me. I loved you so much that I think I’m going crazy. I just went out for groceries when I came back, you were on our bed that we made together with someone I don’t know. The pain is unbearable. My heart is at peace that I don’t understand while looking at you holding her, kissing her, and making love with her, how could this be so dramatically ironic.
"So, why did you kill your husband? We found a total of thirteen stab wounds in the upper part of your husband's body." This is probably why my heart is at peace. It is no longer functioning. My blood stopped circulating and my veins constricted. I died at that very moment. I smiled at the cop and tear race their way down from my eyes. "Officer, I killed him because... I love him so.
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Thank you so much @Momentswithmatti. Thank you for your generosity. I just read it on my notif. You inspire me and you are truly awesome 💓🙌
No more dreaming of Fairytales
You told me you would make my life a fairytale.
I still remember as clear as water. You saw through my sadness and offered me a hug.
I fell in love with you that day. I shouldn't have believed you. You used me, cheated, and I was yelled at.
You even drag love to me, a word I should have not to trust. You killed the only thing in me that was alive.
I wish I hadn't met you. I wish I hadn't fallen for you.
You told me you would make my life a fairytale,
but you never mentioned that you would be
the villain.
Our love could be like a Fairytale. Twisting, winding down brick trails, full of mystery and wondrous spells.
Unguarded hearts with happy tales, endless room without fear of failure.
Our love is exactly like a Fairytale No matter how bad I want it, It's just not real. Blowing out candles and wishing on a star doesn't always help, my wish is still so far.
Sometimes there's no happy ending. Dreams don't always come true. Sometimes the prince kisses another girl, instead of kissing you, the princess.
Left alone in a deep sleep, still poisoned by the queen.
It's suddenly up to you to find your vaccine
Without the kiss of true love, you feel as if you are through. And when you finally wake up, you don't know what to do. You're afraid to stand on your own
You feel helpless and unable. This is what happens
when you think of life as a fable. Life isn't a fairytale
Sometimes dreams just die. Every day is difficult
It's a struggle to get by. It's time for me to stop wishing
'cause those things don't come true. It's time I focus on reality and bid old dreams adieu.
Even though we stopped talking to each other
I hope you'll always remember that in this lifetime my heart was yours. I wanted our story to go on, but sadly we run out of pages and ink on my pen
Where our next story could be written, but your story should continue. Since in reality, I'm not your Cinderella, I'm just Anastacia in your story.
So sayonara my Peter Pan. I may not be your Wendy but I can be your Tinkerbell. So promise me we'll meet again in Neverland. Or if there's another life waiting for us, I hope at the right time we'll meet again.
So until then, shine bright my star from another galaxy because, in this lifetime, this is where our chapter ends.
What makes you feel forgotten?
What makes you feel forgotten?
You may have been feeling ignored or forgotten for a few hours, or maybe you've felt like this your whole life. You feel as if you were to disappear, your friends would probably not really care or notice.
Certain situations make me feel like being neglected by the whole universe. Nobody wants to feel that right?
**Receiving a message in the middle of a good conversation that says, “I gtg”**
I wonder if I’m a boring person or someone who doesn’t know to start a conversation, but this happens most of the time. Friends you’ve been to many years and you’re separated after college and when you start a conversation with them, they’ll say “I gtg or I gotta go”. Then, catching them still online, in a video call with our friend also. I feel so unimportant every time that happens to me.
**When I talk, and they don’t listen**
Why pretend on listening when you’re not really interested? I would understand if you will tell me directly that you’re not interested in what I’m saying. It’s a waste of effort talking and the person you’re talking to is focused on his/her phone, pretending to listen, like nodding their heads or saying, uhuh? Really? when reality, they don’t get what you said because they’re out of focus.
**When a friend told me that she doesn’t want to leave our other friend but she can leave me all alone**
I understand if that other friend is in need, I would stay too with that friend but, getting me out of the picture makes me so worthless as a friend. Like, why am I having friends if they just gonna treat me like this? What if I’m the one who’s in need? Will someone stay? Actually, no one. What makes it so bad is that they are so obvious at pretending that they care.
**When nobody listens when I talk when nobody asks me how my day was when nobody asks me if I'm okay, but I do all that for others**
It's just a sad thought for me that I cared so much for other people but I'm not receiving the same kind of treatment. It's not that I'm being caring because I'm expecting something to return, but I just wanted to feel how is it being cared for by someone.
**When people you’ve known since kindergarten don’t remember you even shared memories**
I have a classmate which I was very close since childhood, we got separated when we became high school students because she transferred to another school. Every time we see each other, if I will not notice her first, she will just ignore me. It was really awkward when I treated her the same as how we were close back then and she'll be like giving me cold shoulders.
**When somebody gets the credit for something I did**
I really hate the feeling of it. Like you just want to disappear to thin air because you can't claim what's yours for the reason that there's a person who was acknowledged and what makes it worst is that the person who was given credit knew your efforts and was not even kind enough to say the truth. The audacity!
Not having anyone say happy birthday to me
I have a lot of sad memories about my birthdays. If it weren't for Facebook, nobody will greet me. Even the closest person I know and my family, they're too busy to remember my name-day, which I got used to. So my birthday is just like any ordinary day. Nothing special.
There are still a lot of things that made me think I was not enough. If I'm just very weak at heart, I'd probably having breakdowns and dramatic panoramas on how I was being ignored by the universe. I just thought of this, to at least loosen my worries, You aren't forgotten, life just sometimes gets in the way of people letting their loved ones know they care. I will not stop caring for others, even if I don't receive the same.
Thank you so much 👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇
Last Message Syndrome
What was the last thing you said to each other before becoming strangers?
It’s interesting to think about how we make people our everything and turned into nothing again. The times we learn to forget and how we force to forget the things that once revolved around us. We invested permanent feelings but we were put in place of them in the interim.
The undercurrents afterward always tell you more than what the relationship did – grief is a faster teacher than joy – but what does it mean when you cycle out to being strangers again? You never really stop knowing each other in that way. Maybe there’s no choice but to make them someone different in your mind, not the person who knew your daily anxieties and what you looked like naked and what made you cry and how much you loved them.
When our lives revolve around someone, they don’t just stop doing so even if all that’s left is some facade of their memory. There are always those bits that stay. The memories that are impressed on the places you went and the things you said and the songs you listened to endure.
I’ve been to some relationships. Not long-term relationships. The longest I had is 2 months. Others are just a month, three weeks, and I experienced being a trial card. Here are some of the last words a person has said to me before becoming strangers:
Good night!
We ended our connection with a good note between us. We just realized that going deep into the relationship is not our thing like we are better if we stay as friends. Even if we don’t talk anymore right now, I’m happy that he’s happy with someone right now.
Sana kapag pwede na, pwede pa! (*I hope when it's possible, it's still possible*)
I used to comment on some pages on Facebook and there was this random guy who replied to my comment and we became online friends. We meet sometimes, have food tripping in the park and playing games together in an internet café. I developed feelings for him and he told me that he did also but, he is in a relationship which I found later when I was sure already of my feelings to him. Nobody wants to become the reason for a break-up right? So, I stopped hanging out with him. He said he was sorry for keeping his relationship with me, and that’s what he said,”Sana kapag pwede na, pwede pa!” I blocked him because I am not a reserved person for him if his relationship fails and definitely not a charity case.
If you still see me as your home, balik ka lang. (*If you still see me as your home, just come back*)
I had a best friend. We grew up together so basically, we’re like siblings. Everything changed when he confessed his feelings towards me. I was so young at that time, I don’t see him as a man. He is only a brother to me. I broke our friendship, I stopped talking to him and I got so mad. That was the last message I received from him in 2016. I wonder how is he right now.
Kakain muna ako. (*I will eat first.)*
Kenn is my crush from high school. We started talking online in 2019, I already graduated. We have this unlabeled relationship, the kind of we exchange I love You’s but with no receipt haha. I really thought he is someone serious but he just want flings. We were just fine when we were having a conversation thru chat, then he said he will eat and he never send me a message anymore. Maybe until now he's eating. *Sana hindi masarap any ulam nya.* I was ghosted bruuuu.
Happy Birthday!
It was my 20th birthday, my ex whom I truly loved for so long but we ended in just 26 days because of some family reasons. I expected a long sweet message from him, but when I replied 'Thank you to his greetings I did not receive any messages coming from him. I could've thought that we could make a comeback but I think the timing is not ours to make.
How about you? What was the last thing you said to each other before becoming strangers?
Thank you very much 👇👇👇👇👇👇👇
What's Something you'd do if you weren't afraid?
I’m heaving, groaning, puffing a sack of fears. Fear of what I don’t know, fear of what I’ll regret, fear of failure, fear of the unknown. Everything that’s ever weighed or weighs me down can be rooted in fear. Maybe that’s true for everyone.
Of course, there’s nothing naturally wrong with being afraid. But outside of dangerous situations, fear just feels like an unmanageable roadblock. Even if we all know, perhaps ironically, that our fears are often groundless, we let them determine our path anyway. Worse yet, we pack them neatly in the dark cave of our minds, never allowing them to shrivel in the light.
If I think back to the things I’ve feared most in my life, they were usually hard and uncomfortable changes I needed to make. It’s a disturbing, frustrating order of operations. So here’s the list of the things I would like to do if I weren’t scared
Pet a lizard
I have this so-called herpetophobia which means, fear of reptiles, specifically snakes and lizards. I am not that afraid to touch a snake but when it comes to lizards, even just looking at them at the ceiling, I feel the weird feeling inside me making me uncomfortable and my nerves are tightening. There’s this one time I accidentally touched a lizard, I remembered how cold its skin was and very soft but I don’t like it. The next day I got a very high fever. I really want to overcome my fear of lizards because it’s so difficult to sleep at night checking the ceiling if there are any lizards above me.
Drive a motorcycle
I already practiced driving a motorcycle but every time my brother stops guiding me, I am thinking of crashing down on the road, that’s why I panic and my brother will scold me. I never practiced driving my motorcycle again. I am sad because I bought it for myself but I just can’t seem to use it.
Swimming
I love going to the beach but I don’t know how to swim. I have a cousin who is a professional swimmer, I was hugging his neck at the back and I didn’t notice that we are so far from the shore already. He suddenly removes my arms around his neck and I panic because I cannot touch the sand under the sea. I was imagining sharks, whales, sea monsters, sea snakes, and the sea that could turn into black. It's a good thing he took me and he was just laughing. I did not talk to him after that. It was a near-death experience indeed haha
Take Exams
There have been many chamces that opened for me to take my licensure exam but I chose not to yet because I feel like I’m gonna fail. I’ve been spending so much time reviewing until I got tired and until now I still don’t find the courage to do it. I am not being pressured by my family or friends. I just wanted to overcome this so I could be done with this prolonged agony. Maybe someday, I’ll be brave to take the opportunity and be ready for failures and success.
Confront people
Life is not complete without having Marites and Karen in our lives. I‘ve become the center of their topic before which I heard personally. I tried to ignore it but people have no limit on their satisfaction, they made up the worst stories about me. I wanted to confront them and slap their faces for spreading false pieces of information about but I chose not to because if I did, it’s just the same as stooping down on their level. I am also afraid that if I will confront them, they will turn the tables on me making me the bad guy.
Those are the things I would do if I eradicate my major fears. It’s a satisfying framing through which to challenge the status quo. The same format, I think, can be applied to challenge our idea of the future, if we re-frame it around fear: What’s one thing that, if you weren’t afraid to do it, might change your whole life? Do you know? Have you thought about it? What’s one thing you’d do today, tomorrow, this year if you weren’t so damn afraid?
Lead image from Google.
Thank you so much 👇👇👇👇👇👇👇
It's a great morning! Thank you @King_Gozie 😊
Lips of an Angel
Flashing lights. Loud music. Party people. Tequila.
My life every Friday night is never boring. I can't get used to it even when the next morning comes, my head feels like it weighs tons.
Time check: 12:06 am. It's too early to go home.
I went to the restroom to fix myself. There are many couples on every corner making out. Curling up and grinding on each other. Get a room, people!
I'm wasted. Bloodshot eyes. Unruly hair and messy facial. I can't seem to look at my face. What happened to you? I just felt my eyes stinging, and a teardrop fell on my eyes. The door opened and a group of girls went on the cubicles. I stepped out of the washroom and headed out to my car.
I don't think I can manage to drive in my condition. I'm sleepy and I feel so dizzy. A sign of having a good time for me. I checked the time again and it's 12:36 am now. How quick the time runs. I don't know but it seems like my thumb has its voluntary work. It dialed the number that has long been deleted from my contacts. I can't believe how sharp my memory is even in my drunk state.
"Hello?"
It's the familiar voice I missed every day. I just listened to him on the other line.
"Angel, why are you calling me so late?"
My drowsiness went away as he utter my name. I thought he deleted my name on his contacts. It feels weird but I felt relieved knowing that he still got me on his contacts.
"It's kind of hard to talk right now,"
He's whispering on the other line. I can't help but sob. I missed him so bad. After 2 years, it's still him my heart is yearning for. I cried silently so he will not hear on the other line.
"Angel, why are you crying is everything okay?"
I probably cried loud enough for him to hear. I still did not answer him. I wanted to tell him how badly I'm missing him. That I was sorry for my decisions and I still love him.
"D-Dominic."
I finally said with my broken voice from my broken heart.
"I got to whisper because I can't be too loud.".
There it hit me. He wasn't the same Dominic I call every night just to have late-night talks. He's no longer someone whom I can talk to whenever I want.
I dropped the call. I can't bear the pain anymore. Memories kept crashing through my mind and it's making me dizzier. My phone rang and I thought Dominic called me back. Why would I think of that?
" Where are you?" It's Sherwin, my boyfriend. We got on a fight, as always.
"Venison's" I don't have the intention to tell him where am I right now but I really need to get home. My eyes are swollen from crying, my heart is heavy and I don't think I can drive in this state. I deleted Dominic's number on my call logs, I don't like to make it a new reason for a fight.
I am not happy anymore, with my work, with my toxic friends, with my family, and with Sherwin. Everything around me seemed so lethal and I don't know how to get out of it for the reason that I am scared to be lonely. I am used to all the fights, shouting, and embarrassment I had with my relationship with Sherwin. Both of us could decide to split but neither of us did because we're both damaged, worn-out, and afraid of no one's gonna pick us up when one of us held down.
After a few minutes, he arrived. He went to the driver's seat and drove off my car. We were very silent. None of us are talking. I am just enjoying the lively nightlights and I dozed off.
1:30 pm. I woke up on my bed. Feeling hungry and I still have a hangover. I give myself a quick bath and heated the soup Sherwin left for me. He's busy with work. I am just someone he would visit whenever he feels like doing it. I am just an outlet for him. He hurts me with his foul words. Sometimes he's apologetic and gives me luxurious things. I maybe am a masochist for enjoying the pain and sadness.
I did not do anything much but watch Netflix the whole day. I received a message from Sherwin, checking how am I feeling. He even called for a minute, and was all nagging and shouting at me over the phone.
I'm very much used to it so I just did not pay attention to his words that hurt like daggers pressing my feelings.
It's almost midnight and I can't still sleep. I remembered the deep voice of the person I called. What if's are flooding my mind once again. What if I was strong enough to fight for love, I would have not been this lonely.
I was surprised when my phone rings suddenly.
It's the number I cannot forget.
"Angel?"
"Dominic? I'm sorry about last night. I was drunk."
I heard him sighed on the other line.
"How are you?"
I hold on tight on my bed. What should I answer? Any minute my tears are likely to fall again.
"It's funny that you're calling me tonight."
I did not answer his question. Ever since we break up, he never tried to contact me again. It was always me who keeps on dialing his number and never picking it up.
We talked casually. Talking about random things but I can hear that he is whispering over the phone.
"I... still dream of you. How about you?"
I don't know whose fault it is. I was not thinking of saying it. He's not saying anything. I never heard silence so loud.
"And yes I dream of you too."
I can feel my heart going on somersault. I did not expect him to say that. It's been so long since I felt this happiness inside.
"Does he know you're talking to me?"
He asked me with full of concern in his voice.
"No, he's not here. What about Monica? Will it start a fight if she knows?"
Monica, she WAS my best friend.
"No, I don't think she has a clue."
I feel like I'm a mistress. A person who's in a relationship with someone who tied the knots already.
"She's in the next room... Sometimes, I wish she was you." My heart was pierced with million daggers when I heard him sob on the line. I am happy to know what he feels about me but at the same time, I'm aching because we can't do anything anymore.
"I guess we never really moved on."
How could I move on from someone who made me so happy, who made me the most beautiful woman in the world, and someone who made me the loneliest person in the world?
It was one mistake but I never gave him the chance to make it right. I never listened to him that he was drunk and lured by Monica to get him from me. I never believed it because I trusted my best friend which turned out she planned to destroy us. After all, she loved Dominic for a very long time. Then she got pregnant. My world shattered at that time, how could I be selfish to an innocent child. They got married a few months later the news got out that she's pregnant. I couldn't stand the sight of seeing the man you love and your best friend whom you treated like your sister on the church exchanging vows. I flew to New York and there I met Sherwin, damaged and problematic. He picked me up as I make him whole again. We both survived the cruelty of fate to us.
"It's really good to hear your voice, saying my name it sounds so sweet." I feel the same, Dominic. You still give the same effect to be the first time you took me to the prom.
"Is it because it's coming from the lips of an Angel?" I jokingly said to him.
"Hearing words from you, still makes me weak."
I don't know if Dominic is just playing with my feelings, I might as well enjoy it. This could be the last...
"Hmm, Dominic, I need to hang up now. It's getting late."
"But I never want to say goodbye. You're making it hard to be faithful"
Please don't give me high hopes. I might not be able to control myself.
"I missed you so much, Angel."
Then he hangs up.
I know that's the end of everything. The closure, we unexpectedly get. Was it really a closure? I feel relieved now. I was able to say things to him that's in my heart.
Suddenly, my phone rings again. This time it's Sherwin.
"Honey, why are you calling me so late?"
He did not answer immediately. I double-checked if he is really the one calling me.
"I miss you. I'll be home soon, my Angel"
This shall be the start of a new chapter in my life.
Lead image from Google.
Thank you 👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇
Die. Love. Repeat.
Here I am sitting on the grass, staring at the sky. It's so peaceful here. I can only hear the chirping of the birds.
"How are you? I envy you, you know. I know you're happy there. But I just can't be happy knowing you're there." I can't help but cry all over again. "How I wish to be with you. Tss. How ungrateful you are." I keep on talking while crying and smiling. I know if someone will see me they will take me as crazy.
"You said forever and always. You promised. We promised till death do we part. But why did you left me all alone?" And then I cry. I cry so hard like there is no tomorrow.
It's been a year when my husband Dave left me. And here I am visiting his grave. A year has been passed but the pain is still fresh. No matter what I do I still keep this pain in my heart. For me, I will bring it with me till the day that I will die.
I've been trying to kill myself so many times but unluckily I can't. I just wish I could end this suffering once and for all. I can't take it anymore. Sometimes life will not turned out to be the life that you wanted to be.
It looks like it's gonna rain so I need to go home. "Dave, I will be back. Or can you please send someone to help me move on? Just kidding. I love you forever and always and no one will replace you ever in my heart."
So I hurriedly went to my car. The rain starts to pour. As I was on my way, I saw a guy lying on the ground. Instead of going to my car, I run towards the guy. The rain falls hard this time. I am all wet now so I hurriedly went to him. I felt my blood drained on my face when the guy I saw is not breathing. Oh God, what to do?
I search for his pulse. "Here. Thank God." I said when I found a pulse but it's very weak that I almost didn't feel it. I am a nurse so I kinda know how to do first aid. I dialed first the ambulance then I execute CPR. The ambulance did not take so long and they bring him immediately to the nearest hospital.
I went with them. My conscience will not let me sleep not until that guy is fine. I heard he was overdosed by sleeping pills. He was trying to kill himself. Luckily that I found him and immediately gave him first aid. An hour pass by and the doctor told me he is stable now. I feel so relieved now. I just leave my info at the nurse station and went home.
A week passed since that incident and my life is still the same. Work. Home. Vice versa. If ever I had a child with Dave maybe it will be less sad. But I can't be pregnant because it will trigger my weak heart.
Friday night and tomorrow is my rest day. Thank God I can now rest from a very hectic schedule. I am now ready to fall asleep when my phone suddenly vibrates. I just want to ignore it because I know it will just be my coworkers that will keep on bugging me to join them clubbing. But sorry it's not my thing.
But then it keeps on vibrating, that I lose my drowsiness. I looked at the clock and it's midnight already. Who the hell is this? I pick my phone and saw an unknown number. After three rings, I answered. "Hello?" But no one answering. Is this a prank call, coz if it's one I swear they will regret it.
"Hello! If this is a prank call, please stop. I don't have any time for this!" I am going to end the call when the other line is spoken. "Erica, why are you doing this to me? Why?" It's a voice of a man while crying. His voice makes me feel lonely too. "I'm sorry but you got the wrong number, sir. I am not Erica." Then I ended the call. Maybe it's a prank call but the sadness feels real. Nevermind. I better go back to sleep.
Sunday, I get ready to go back to the cemetery. This is my Sunday routine. I bring enough food that I can consume till lunch. When I arrive at the cemetery, I park my car then bring with me the blanket and basket of food with me. A few meters away from me I saw a man sitting. "He looks familiar." I thought to myself but I ignore it.
I just continue my way to my husband's grave.
"Hey, hon. Good morning. How's your day there? I miss you so much." There go my traitor tears again. I told him everything that happens to me this week. From my work, the man that I helped and the prank call. I keep talking like someone will talk back to me. Till the afternoon comes, I have to go home again and this is what I hate the most. If only I could build a house here then I would be happy but I can't.
The next day, I am off to work. As usual, there are so many patients to tend to. Being busy made me forget that's why even if it is very exhausting and tiring I still like better to be at work.
I'm about to off to work when one of my co-workers approaches me. "Hey Liz, someone is looking for you." "Who is it?" I asked. "Well, I dunno. You better see it yourself." She said while giving me a naughty look. I immediately grab my things and went to the waiting area. Then there I saw the man looking intently at me.
"Excuse me Sir, are you the one who is looking for me?" I said to end his strange stares at me. "Oh sorry. I'm Calix de la Fuentes. But Cali will do." He said while offering a hand to me. I accepted it and said, "Hello Mr. Cali, what can I do for you?"
"Can we talk it over dinner? If that's okay with you?" He said, in a shy way. I look at him and I think he's no harm so I bet it will be okay. "Sure."
"Can I offer you a ride?" He said. "I have my car with me. Anyway, let's just convoy. You lead the way." I said and we went to the parking lot.
He chose the nearest restaurant to my work. I think he already planned it because of the reservation. While waiting for our food I asked him again. "Sir Cali, what is it that you want to discuss with me?" He looks so tense. "Well, I just want to say Thank You, and I'm sorry." He said very apologetically. "What for?" I curiously said. He look again intently at me and said, "Thank you for saving my life that day at the cemetery and I'm sorry for calling and mistaking you last night. I get your phone number at the station so that I can thank you. I was so drunk that day I didn't know whom I dialed." He explained awkwardly.
I don't know what to say. The waiter arrives bringing our food. I just said to him, "It's okay, whoever will see you in that situation they will eventually help you." I sincerely smiled and add, "Well about the call, let us just forget about it" that made us laugh. Then we finish our food.
In the parking lot, we both went to our cars. "Thanks for the dinner," I said. "No, I know this gesture is not enough for all your kindness and my stupidity. So thank you again and I'm sorry." He said. "No worries," I told him.
That dinner was followed by many dinners. We just found ourselves comfortable with each other. But I know who is still there in my heart and I can feel that Cali has someone also in his heart. I haven't opened up to him about my past neither did he. It's friendship.
Today is the 2nd death anniversary of my late husband. As usual, I will go to him and stay till the sunsets. I prepare everything I need to bring and went on my way.
I park immediately then bring all my kinds of stuff. While I was on my way to my husband's grave, I notice someone familiar. A man standing beside a grave, with a handkerchief in his hand wiping his face. Looks like he just arrive too. When I got to see his face I called him, "Cali!" He immediately wipes again his face before facing me. "Hey, Liz, what's up?" He said and I saw he just came from crying. I felt guilty disturbing his moment. My mouth can't just keep it. "I'm sorry for disturbing you. You can go back now. Let us just meet later." He just smiled and nodded.
When I arrive at my husband's grave, I lighted a candle and offer him a prayer. I talked to him again. I told him about Cali. "Hon, how fast the time flies. It's already 2 years but nothing has changed. I still miss you bad." I said then cry again. "It still hurts talking to you from here. It really hurts to miss you and I can't do anything but just to look only in your pictures. Hon, I miss you." I cry with all my heart.
The sunsets and I ready myself to leave. At the parking area, I saw Cali standing beside his car. I think he's waiting for me. "Hey, I thought you already left," I said as I walked to my car and put my stuff at the back. "Well, I would like to invite you for dinner again, if that's okay with you?," He said. I laughed and said, "Sure, why not? I won't take no for every free meal." Then we laugh.
We choose a restaurant near the beach. After eating we decide to have a drink. We sat on the sand and watch the calmness of the sea and night. "Mind if I asked who is the one you're visiting earlier?" I asked Cali. He then let out a sigh. "My wife." He said while still looking at the sea. "How about you?", He continued. "I'm sorry for that. It's my husband". That's when he looked at me. "It's been 2 years since he left me. He was diagnosed with late-stage brain cancer. It kills me that I can't do anything just to take away the pain he was going through," I said as my tears fall again. A long silence. I can only hear the noise of the waves and the soft music from the restaurant nearby.
"When you saw me lying like dead on the cemetery, I really did want to end my life. It's the day when my wife was buried. I really want to follow her but you came. She had our baby with her." Oh my God, I said to myself. "She was 5 months old pregnant that time. I'm on a business trip at that time. She went alone to buy groceries. I knew how my wife was very careful when driving. It is just some people don't think of the consequences of what they do. A drunk driver hit her. Everything happens so fast. Of all people why her?" Then he starts to cry too. I can't do anything to comfort him. I just hug him and pat his back. We're both victims of this cruel world. Maybe that's why our paths met. Or maybe there's another reason?
After that confessions, nothing changes about Cali and me. We are getting closer day by day. What change is when we were visiting our loved ones is that we will go together. Most of my co-workers thought he is my new lover and they're very happy for me coz I already move on at last. We just laughed about that thought.
Everything change when he went to the states for a month to attend his business. I feel again the loneliness. I don't understand myself but I miss him. I shouldn't feel this way. I love my husband. So I visit again his grave and decided to bring whiskey with me this time. I keep on drinking and crying. This guilt is killing me. "Hon, what's wrong with me? I love you. Please help me." And everything went black.
I was walking in a very beautiful garden where butterflies are flying everywhere. Then I saw a man near the tree. Its Dave. I run towards him and hug him very tightly. Then we kissed. "Hon, I miss you. Can you take me there with you?" But he just smiled at me. "Elize, honey, I know how much you love me. But you have to be happy. I know there's always a part of me in your heart. Let me go now. I am happy where I am now. Please be happy. I will always love you." He kissed my forehead. I just nodded. Then he began to walk away. I run as fast as I can until he is nowhere to be seen. I shouted, "Dave! Dave!" I woke up it was all just a dream. I was awakened by Cali because I keep on shouting. I hug him when I saw him and I continue to cry.
"How did I get here?" I asked after he gave me a glass of water to calm. My head hurts so bad. "Well I just came to visit my wife and I saw your car so I conclude you're there also. I decided that we went home together but then I saw you lying with a bottle of whiskey in your hands. That's why you're here." He said and I feel shy suddenly. He just chuckled, I think he read me. Later, I decided to went home but he insisted to drive me home. I refuse but he keeps on insisting so I let him.
I realize that I feel something for him. More than friends. I don't want to ruin our friendship that's why I avoided him. But the more I don't see him, the more I miss him. God, I don't know what to do. Whenever he will went to my workstation, I will make sure he doesn't see me. I don't reply to his text messages and chats. And I don't answer his calls too. I visit the cemetery on a different day too so that we will not see each other. I'm so glad everything went my way even though my heart did not say so.
I was going to my car when I saw Cali standing beside it. It's too late to go back coz he already saw me. "Liz, are you avoiding me? What did I do wrong?" he sounded very confused with bloodshot eyes. He's drunk. I said no but he didn't accept it. "Liz. Please tell me. It's driving me crazy." He's crying this time now and I can't help but cry too. "Liz, hey please tell me. Are you mad at me? I don't understand why I'm feeling this way. So please enlighten me." I just want to go away but I can't just leave him here. "I love you." Then there I said. I saw him dumbfounded. "Yes, I avoided you. I don't want to ruin our friendship that's why I'm doing all of this. I don't want this feeling to grow bigger. I don't want myself to get hurt. My heart is not ready to be rejected. I don't understand why I miss you so bad. Why do I have to feel this way? So please just let me, okay?" I thought he will leave me after hearing me but instead, he hugged me. "Why did you not tell me? You don't know I've been dying to tell you how much I miss you and I love you. The first moment I saw you, I knew I am in trouble. But I'm afraid you will avoid me if I said this to you." I was dumbfounded too. All along we shared the same feelings. Then we kissed. This time I am already sure I really love him. I can see Dave is happy now when I close my eyes, that I already let go of my feelings. I hope it's the same with Cali because I will bet again for love.
Our relationship is the same as every other relationship. There are good and bad days but we don't let each other sleep without making up. Fast forward. After a year, Cali proposed to me. He said he don't want to waste time. Both of us know how precious time is and how life short is. And who am I to refuse? I love him and I want to open a new chapter of my life.
A simple but very romantic wedding. Only close relatives were invited. This is how we wanted our wedding to be. 3 months after he proposed, our wedding happened. It was the best day of our lives. We spent our honeymoon in Maldives for more than a month. Everything is all in its place. I hope this will all continue.
I wake up one morning feeling dizzy. I run to the bathroom and started to vomit. I feel so weak after. Recently, I feel very weak as the days go by and I don't think it's good. Cali now is on his business trip abroad. So I decided to go to a doctor to be cleared.
After a few tests, the result came afterward. "Mrs. dela Fuentes, I have good and bad news. What do you want to hear first?" I feel my heart is going to explode upon hearing the doctor. "The good, please," I said as my heart keeps on beating so fast. "Congratulations, you're 3 weeks pregnant, Mrs. de la Fuentes." the doctor said smiling. "How about the bad news, doc?" Then the doctor's expression became sad. "Being pregnant with your status is very risky. I bet you know you have a weak heart. I'm afraid as the baby grows in your womb, your heart will become weaker too." "For the past years, I have had my regular check-up but my heart is fine doc. Why?" I said almost crying. "But in that case, you're not pregnant." I just nod defeated.
I went home feeling like I am not myself that why I haven't notice that Cali was here already. When I saw him I run towards him and hug him tight. I can't help but cry. I told him everything. He's happy but at the same time sad. "Babe, I don't want to lose you nor our baby. I love you and we will do everything," he said reassuring me that everything will be okay.
Time flies so fast and I'm just waiting when will my baby to go out. We're here in the US because the hospitals here are more high-tech. I almost live in the hospital monitoring my heart and my baby. I'm so lucky Cali is there to support me. When I'm about to lose hope, he's here to give me hope. The doctor said, my heart is cooperating. When the time comes that I have to give birth then It's up to me to give a fight for my heart and my baby. I hope I can survive.
"Cali, You know how much I love you right?" I said as we went out on the rooftop of the hospital. I am sitting in the wheelchair so bent down to face me. "And you know how much I love you more right?" I nodded. "Babe, if ever something happens to me, I want you to promise me that you will continue to be happy, okay? I want you to take care of our baby and at the same time don't forget to love again. I want you to still find your happiness no matter what happens. I just want you to know how glad I am when you came into my life. And despite everything that happens I still thank God for having you in this lifetime. I love you so much." I kiss him and he kisses me back. "Come on stop saying that. We promised to grow old together. So please stop acting like you're dying alright. I love you more. And you're the best thing that happened in my life." Cali said. "Please just promise me." Cali just kiss me back. "One more thing, whatever may happen I want you to bring me back home, okay?" I know Cali didn't like what I have said. But he just nods his head and hugs me very tight. I don't know what tomorrow brings. I am happy I met Cali.
"Time of death, 1:43 AM." the doctor said. All I can hear is our little boy crying and the beep of the machine. It feels like the whole world stops. I knew that this would happen but I haven't prepared for this pain.
I am looking now to our baby who is sleeping very soundly in my arms. "It's you and I from now on. I know your mom will watch us from up above. I will love and take care of you for the rest of my life." And a tear escapes my eyes. I don't know how will I accept this mere fact that she's gone.
We're now on the plane, heading back to the Philippines as I promised to her.
It breaks my heart to see my child growing someday without her mom. I wanted to cry but I think all of my tears are all dried up. How many days I haven't slept since? My heart's been broken and my head is hurting like hell. And I can't stop thinking more about Elize now because she never made me feel unloved. Maybe if she is here, she will be taking care of me and nagged about why I get this headache. Go, please help me to bear everything.
"Sir, someone's giving you these meds. It says to relieve your headache. You're so lucky, Sir you've got a very thoughtful wife. She just knows your head hurts just by looking at you. How I wish I could have a husband like her someday." the flight attendant said dreamily. I thought I can't cry anymore but here I am. My tears are racing. "Sir what's wrong? Did I say something wrong?" the flight attendant said in confusion and worried. I was lost in words that I don't know what to say. Where could I find someone like her?
"My wife is dead. Her body is on this plane because I want to fulfill my promise to her." I really want to say this to the flight attendant but I just cry and cry.
It hurts but I will make it through for our baby. My love for her will never outgrow instead I will keep her forever in my heart. This lifetime maybe not be for us but in my next life, I will find her everywhere. The measure of love is when you love without measure. "I love you Elize even in my next life. It's you. Always You."
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Hindsight Pt.2
Part 1 https://read.cash/@Fyangzee24/hindsight-584cbb9a
Weekend. And every weekend is the very saddest day of my life because these days I can feel how sad and lonely my life is. I have no one to talk to and share all my thoughts with. I have gone through many weekends alone since I live back here but I don't know why I can't get used to it.
It's just only 6 am but here I am very wide awake. I should still sleep because it's a rest day. But I can't. So I just get up, do my morning routine and decide to just stay in my house like before. I went to the kitchen and notice a note stick to the ref. It says, "I can't come here tomorrow, my mom is sick. Don't worry I already buy groceries. Someone will come in my stead. Love, Nanay Delia " Oh, I haven't noticed this last night. I just text my helper it's okay and I can manage myself and she can always go back if her mom's already fine. So I opened the fridge and search for food. I can cook basic foods only. And it's decided, ham, eggs, and bacon. Fresh milk for my drink. After cooking, I brought my food to the veranda to eat there. I love this view here in the morning, it's very relaxing. You can see from here, my mom's treasure, her garden. I'm so happy that my Aunt has someone who took care of it. I can see my mom will be smiling upon seeing how her garden is now.
I finished my food and I am just drinking my milk when I noticed a bush is moving. Looks like the caretaker is here. I almost throw up the milk in my mouth when I saw who the caretaker is. It's the annoying man in the company. How could he be here? "Excuse me! Why are you here on my property?" I tried my best to sound like a spoiled brat. It's not like he's a gardener in his state. But I can't help to look at him. He's half-naked and only wearing faded jeans that rolled over his knees. God, how could someone be this hot and gorgeous at the same time? The sweat that dripping down on his chest down to his abs made him sexier. "Are you done checking up on me? Coz I still have so many things to do." Then he smirks. That made me back into reality. What? This arrogant guy is getting into my nerve. "For your information, I am not checking up on you. I just don't like you roaming in my garden half-naked mister! And you haven't answered my question, WHY ARE YOU HERE?" He just chuckled. What the hell? I am dead serious here. "Common Hopey, didn't you enjoy this view awhile ago?" He said while flexing his body and smiling and teasing me. Hopey? No way. There's only one person who called me that way. And never have I ever think that I can meet him again.
"Marcus?" I said without even realizing it. I don't understand what I feel. Mixed emotions. Half of it is happy because I see him after so many years and half of it is mad why he came only now after many years. Again there are so many questions I wanted to ask but not a word comes out of my mouth. He open his arms wide and I found myself run towards him. I hug him and cried. I started punching his chest. He accepted it gladly while hugging me back.
I feel like I found a lost piece of the puzzle of my life. He tells me everything that I wanted to hear. And I can't help to cry and to be touch. In my world that full of sorrow, I never knew there's someone like him that will give my life a spark and hope.
Since my tragedy, he had never left my side. All along he is the one who never loses hope that I will be back on my feet some day. While my aunt is busy with our business, he will be the one to take care of me.
I don't know what I have done in my past life that he was given to him. "I was always the one who tucks you in bed every night," Marcus said this to me and I can't help but blush. I am happy I am now able to know how and what teenagers feel when their first love confessed something like this.
But somehow I feel sad because a part of me tells me that what if I haven't slept for long? Maybe were married or just planning our wedding. I hope this time, life will go as I wanted to be.
After all the confessions he made, I feel that I have now more reasons to live, to be happy, and to fight. Were dating now for almost 2 years. I didn't waste any of my time since then. I wanted to live life to the fullest.
I am now waiting for Marcus. He always picks me after work. But today is different because we're celebrating our 2nd anniversary and he said he prepared a special dinner for us.
In our 2 year relationship, I can't say anything but how lucky I am God gave me Marcus as my answered prayer.
Marcus brought me to a place I thought did not exist. It's like I am dreaming. This was my dream if I celebrated my debut. A fairytale. I don't know Marcus has a side of him like this. He is always full of surprises and he never fails to amuse me as always. There's never been a day that I felt I was unloved.
All the food prepared is my favorite. "Thank you for this, Marcus. I love you." Marcus hold my hand and said, "Anything for you my love. I love you most." Then our favorite song filled my ears. "Can I have this dance, my beautiful lady?"
Were dancing under the moonlight. All I can hear is his heartbeat as I was resting my head in his chest. I just want the whole world to stop and stay like this forever.
"Hopey, Love. Do you remember what we promised before we graduate elementary?"
"That if ever we didn't find our the one in this age then we will marry?" I just laugh at the thought.
He suddenly stop dancing that made me stop too. Then he holds my hands. "You may think that as a childish thought but I take it in my heart. The moment I lay my eyes on you, I know you are the one. And I don't wish to be without your side coz it might kill me." Then he kneels and opens a small box with a ring on it. "I wanna spend the rest of my life with you. So please, please please marry me." I laughed. "You're not asking but requesting me like I don't have many options." I'm crying but smiling at the same time. "Yes because you only have to choose between yes or yes." I can't contain my happiness this very minute. I just kiss him then he put the ring on my finger and hugged me.
You're my night and day
With you, I'd stay
No matter what always
I am yours forever
There's no other
Here inside me
You are all that I live for
And I promise to love you more
'Coz today I can feel
That I love you
More than before
This song made our night. My most memorable night. I know there will be more many days ahead of us but I will promise to stay with him forever. I know there's no such thing as forever but we will build ours.
This will be another chapter of my life that I can say I found my happy ever after.
Lead image from Google.
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Thank you @Eylz2021 for the Sonsorship payment. Happy Sunday 😘
@Fyangzee24
