I'm Broke!
Gone are the days when I felt like I'm already walking on the path going to financial freedom. Gone are the days when I felt like, I don't need to face problems with financial. I felt so broke these days, when my portfolio drops badly.
I remember early 2022, I keep cashing out and I don't mind coz the value of my portfolio is still big on our fiat currency. When I have so many side hustles such as play to earn games, writing in read and noise.. combining all of my income will hit 20,000 plus pesos in our local currency.
Now, I don't have anything to rely when market crashed badly and almost 90% negative from the last high before the May 2021 crashed.
My read.cash and noise.cash earnings from June and July is not enough to support the financial aid I hoped for. Especially that our wedding is coming all we do is spending money and nothing is coming. This is making me felt so tired, it's tired thinking about financial problem. I can't cancel our wedding too because we are almost there and our partial payment is not refundable.
I'm getting tired too recently processing here and there that I can't have the energy to hustle more like building my name on hive since read.cash is not that rewarding anymore, of course I understand that the bear market cause all this turmoils.
Nobody can understand what I am going through, no one understands how it feels to lose almost -90% of your portfolio. Most of the people around me expect that I have a lot of savings, they don't understand how much I lose, especially in SmartBCH and in my Pegaxy investment. Nobody can understand how painful it is too look at the 6 digits portfolio I had back then is now worth 5 digits in our local currency, not even exceeding 100,000 pesos.
I can't sell all of, it is painful to sell at lose but people around me does not understand it. Even my partner, although he understands a bit but not fully. Nobody is giving me an encouragement that at the end of the tunnel there's a light because they don't understand what the world I've been into. Since most people doesn't know what “cryptocurrency” is or how it works.
Adding to my frustrations is that my trades got stuck again, it feels like the market is testing my patience or wants to kick me out in crypto trading and just give up.
Everything is pricy now so my partner's saving has been drained drastically already even if our wedding wasn't done yet. Some people think he has a lot of money and me as well, what are they thinking? We are not spending?
I hate people who expect a lot in you when in fact they don't even contribute a little on your life or in your personal growth. They can't understand our frustrations behind the curtain.
It's so bad timing that our wedding was planned and organized in bear market, because I can't extend my hands to backup my partner's on our expenses that much.
Maybe, if my frustrations will eat me up.. I'll sell everything at lose and just restart all over again, just at least I can help my partner financially.
Maybe I'll just give up my dream on building a better portfolio while it is still bear market, just to save us from starving. Thinking this made me cry 😭 it feels like the timing is shitting me always when I am so hopeful and dreaming.
The pain of letting go something you are holding to support your dream is really painful.
I haven't finished my degree, so I'm striving to at least build something despite not achieving it. This is why, it feels so bad on my side because the last resort I had to support this goal will be compromise for our needs. But, it's our family needs too, so maybe .. I'll just start all over again 😭
Sorry, I'm just too emotional today. We also had a little arguments with my partner regarding our financial status. It always saddens me when couple fight over money, this is why I'm thinking to sell at lose just to end this struggles compromising my future goals. Well, not really arguments, just a little discussions.. we were in this situation due to unexpected spendings when he went to my province. Because this “family” thinks we have a lot of money and invited a lot of people, like a shit!
This is the problem with not having source of fiat income, coz you are jobless in real life, sucks!
Lead Image: Towfiqu bharbhuiya (Unsplash)
Bearish market is the main reason why I decided to enter the world of freelancing ateee. Grabe yung pag test sa atin ngaypn eh no. laban lang talaga.