Hurtful past: Still a memory, still I loved

Painful at it was but still, it’s a memory that we still looked upon. The time where we cried, the moment we just wanted to lay down because it was too much hurt, we wanted just to skip everything so we just goes to bed, slept or cried. Those dramatic entrances of lives, the sad acoustic music from destiny's musicians. Then there comes a time when we loved to look at it. We loved to recap the painful memories we had, with laughter and fun.

Believe it or not, there will come a time that we just love to remember the painful things that happened to us, those painful words, cursing sounds, closed opportunities and heartbreaks. All those memories that we had could really give a magical nostalgia when the time is right. So anything that was painful at the moment, cheer up and motivate yourself that tomorrow you will look upon them with some smile on your lips.

Had you been in a moment where you remember something? Then you suddenly laughed for no reason, then someone asked you why you were laughing? You said because you remember something that is painful. The man with you scratching his head looking curious asking if you're normal or what, it’s a sad memory. Why are you laughing?. Then you explained that because of those painful things in life you realized that that cried time or pain was worthless for you to discover the thing that was right and just.

If you haven’t. surely you will see.

I know that we are all having pain and suffering at this moment as the time of the pandemic. Some lose jobs and others lose their life. See the difference and realize that the job you lost was nothing for someone who lost everything, opportunity, love and his life. Of Course, it's painful to lose jobs or opportunities to had a job. But times come you will enjoying to remembering that happening and you will just smile.

I know that some are in trouble of something, some might have problems with their parent or siblings. But always remember that someone had no parents or siblings with them at the moment. Others are alone, wishing they had someone who could quarrel at least. There will be times where when you see a brother or sister quarrelling over a very simple thing in the street, you will smile and even enjoy looking at them. Because you remembered everything, the time where your parents scolded you and you cried, the time where your older sibling annoyed you and you pissed off. You will realize that it was painful when we were at that time but we were enjoying looking upon yesterday's memories by seeing others doing the same thing.

Heartbreaks are heartbreaking. Some wanted to be silent to endure the pain. But what happened next is that you will remember those days or nights you cried alone. You just laughed and you realized that you looked like a fooled one from the action you did. You cry for a man or woman who is still alive, wait until the day the crying you did for him or she was worth it. Because it's you who hurt yourself, not them who is hurting you.

I am a fan of remembering things in my life, I enjoy doing it. Somehow I also enjoyed looking at the bad days, disappointed times, adverse things that came. Especially when I was so young and myself was brittle that easily hurt or became disappointed.

That’s how I deal with my mental distress when I am hurt or broken. I always thought that someday I would love to remember the things that happened but for sure it was now different, there will be pleasure within me that is worth remembering those times.

The times when I could still feel the numbness yet comes the day I just remember the naughtiness I did. The time when I was hurt comes the time that I will be laughed at for thinking I was so weak at that time, heartbroken that leaves me to something but hurting myself instead of loving who I am.

This was the trick I did to easily move on, leave the pain away and never think about it. For the next day, I shall return thinking what happened, but that time comes I am now ready to laugh and enjoy the messy drama of my life.

It was an idea last Sunday when one of the church institutes called me via virtual meet-up. We talked about mental health, how I deal with those things in life, how I am moving on after the pains and disappointment.

I told her that way, I always enjoyed reminiscing about the painful past happening in my life. That way I could tell and attested myself that there will always come a time that painful memories were just memories.

So whatever the things that are suffering you right now, you will see the proof that you will be laughing at those someday. Painful as it was still part of our life, it was the best thing to do, thinking that someday you will come back, rethink what happened and you will have fun reminiscing about it. Thanks for reading...

For the memories of my TomTom whom I loss this morning, thank you for everything I should move on but I won't forget the day I hold you as a puppy until the last day we kissed. 🥺💐