Dwelling the past of October 2019.

The pain was still in the mark of a few moments in between, it's like tattoos that bonded to see the lightness and the darkness of ink in the scar of the past.

I am dwelling in the sea full of regrets and self-disapprovals, hopeless that a man inside me was made a mistake and the great one was losing someone on the date somewhere in October.

The pain was regained within the teardrops from the portraits of phone, like the smile of one I loved was still there but the presence was already been vanished to nirvana or nether, surely I don’t know.

Paradise or Nirvana was the place where all good people comes together, that was the realm where only the pure-hearted one will regain the consciousness and had everlasting life and remain youth while waiting for the right comeback in humanity.

Nether was been called the centre of the world, its was near the deepest soil where cryptic organism moved and most of them was laying in the field of fire and lava.

The feeling within me was bursting in the fire hydrant, where I can't understand the right meaning of love or the main reason why we were loved.

The blue skies remains so calm yet I was standing in the water reflecting the self even just for the day.

Did you heard when I said “wake me up when September ends?” it's not like waking up in the morning, but the real behind as I need to wake up and face the past of October.

The shallowing monster was emerged from woking up on the last day of September. It's like a dragon that provides smoke in the middle of the crowd, then the crowd turn to ashes, and the ashes were still fly in the air, which like connected to what the universe wanted to tell.

I once dreamed of giving love to someone that I am the reason why she becomes numb. How she plays with me was a bursting feeling but still, I could handle some for I had hurt much as long she did.

I will be dishonest to not telling that years past wasn’t that easy, secretly moving forward. But the forward comes to the backward position of dwelling the past, the scars and the hurtful sound of reality that we just become something and that something wasn’t meant anything.

I looked again in skies, the bright flashes of small lights weren’t there, the black clouds still wanted to convey the feeling of what I am today, only the darkness.

I loved darkness, in the dark where no one sees you. You could smile and tell your deepest that you are fine, in the darkness you could cry.

Crying is the best thing to do when you think the darkness was there to confront you.

I don’t care about the ghost and the spirit. I am dwelling in the pain. The pain could wash away those ghosts or spirits in the darkness, or ghosts didn’t lose their feeling of understanding that seeing a man broke his heart let him embrace the darkness instead. Give him a chance to dwell on the hurtful sound of reality.

Speaking of secrets, the secret is where I lived. Imagine me smiling to the face but deep inside I am jealousy and prepared to kill myself, that’s was intense.

I hate my mind for I don’t know how to protest and tells him that NO, don’t think the memory as now. NO think of those stories from the past. Definitely No for killing the feelings so the touch of someone won't is the matter to you.

What's the matter? I don’t know. NO, I know but I just let it goes for moving on was speak true.

From the start of my dwell was a loss, unfortunate that I wasn’t lucky.

Pain and reality always come to each other, except that way. The real thing behold was there always something that will cut the vein, the blood comes across yet the feeling wasn’t there, numb and drain.

The brain cells recollecting the image of the past over yesterday. If I am an artist who could draw, I could parcel the pictures of blood and tide. The darkness of the dwelling past, sincerely open the womb of faith to tells the lies then next is goodbyes.

I'm not a madman, I am just me.

My story of life was long enough, yet no one knew how was the real inside, the image of yesterday. October was the ending, for now, I must end something.

It's been 3 years now, and the years of moving on and dwelling on antiquity were now done.

I must be done now, I must come to the moment where I must be and surrounded with new things in life.

It's not that I am afraid of something, but now I know I could beat things up as the dwelling of unknown October will begin.

Thank for reading…

You should read carefully to linked the main story, it was my life so it's a bit complicated.