@Ellawrites
Broken home?.
***June hasn't even gone halfway yet and I'm already having a big issue with consistency. I'm actually working towards a change; hopefully, this week would be better.*** Without further ado, yesterday being Sunday was a very spectacular one; spent in the presence of God. Moreso, issues were discussed, so many questions were asked. I'll call the theme of that session: **"How to raise a godly generation of children,"** with the recent news of the funny and terrible things underaged children are presently doing. *It was basically talking about being a good parent to your child, properly nurturing and seeing your child grow in a godly way.* So many questions were asked and answers were rendered, but for today's article I'll slash out some questions and discuss basically on a particular remark from one of the facilitators of yesterday's show. *In my next article, I'll make reference to another question that was asked, still in respect to Sunday's teaching.*
The remark. To summarize what she said: She basically stated that divorce isn't allowed and that's why one must be very careful before choosing a partner. She said that if a marriage is going through crisis, it's better to put it into God's hands than getting divorced. ***Then she said:*** *"If my daughter brings a man whose parents are alive but aren't together, I'll never allow her to get married to him."* This remark definitely sparked up gestures from the congregation, some were in support and others were opposing. *Others like me.* *I'll still love you to air your views as regards this.* ***"Would you allow your child get married to a person from a broken home?."***
There was this lady who sat beside me, from the way at which she engaged me in a conversation, I'm guessing she read my mind through my gesture. She plainly agreed with the facilitator, she argued that a man or lady who is coming from a broken home would see having a broken home as a normal thing and should incase any issue arises, instead of **fixing**, he'll surely opt for **divorce**. ***Sighs...*** Oh yes! There's so much sense in what she said, her answer was completely brilliant, but then I asked: ***What if God was the one who orchestrated their Union?*** *As a parent, would you still say* ***"no"*** *to God's will?.* ***She gave this brilliant answer by saying:*** *There would have to be proper checkup on the man or lady, to be sure he's nothing like his parents, or to be sure he'll never opt for taking/making irrational decisions as regards his marriage.* That has basically answered it all. ***My answer is this:*** *"It depends."* A broken home isn't the fault of a child, a child shouldn't suffer the result of his parents irrational mistakes, and as a parent, it's always best if we consider our children before doing some things. ***A person becomes what he hears, sees or read.*** ***The eyes and ears are really powerful sense organs.*** Some of these murderers we see in the world today were trained that way; right from their young age. Some prostitutes were trained to be prostitutes right from small. It might be hard to convince people in these categories amongst others, that their way of life is abnormal, they grew up believing it was normal and it was through hearing or seeing that from either of both of their parents, friends or just anyone around. ***A person from a broken home should be taught and trained by any of the parents he/she is with; to understand that not all marriages end up that way.*** The deed has been done, but then even though the home is broken, the parent in charge of caring for the child should make sure the child doesn't grow up with hatred. If possible, such parent shouldn't cry when the child is there, else it might prolly make the child feel it was the other parent that made this particular parent shed tears. Also, parents shouldn't make the child feel that the other parent wasn't a good father/mother. *"Your father is a good man, but we just didn't work out fine."* Is better than saying: *"Your father is vile!, Don't ever talk to your father again, the day you talk to him Is the day I'll sign out from being your parent."*
***A person from a broken home might not necessary have a broken home.*** *It all depends.* Above all: It's always better to reason properly before playing the game of marriage. There's every tendency that our children become what they see us do. Just like one of the facilitators said, as a parent, how do you react when you're: Stressed. Angry. Sad... *If you're a parent and you can't control your anger, there's every tendency that your child would grow up not being able to control his/her anger.*
Apart from thinking wisely before playing the game of marriage, one should also think wisely before getting pregnant for an irresponsible man, who might not be willing to claim responsibility to being the father of a child. *We presently have so many children who have been denied by their own father, all because he's scared, probably not ready to marry their mother, not financially able to fend for his child, irresponsible, a play boy amongst all other names I can't remember.*
That'll be all for today's article, it'll surprise you to know that up till this moment, I've not found a suitable title, guessing I'll just call it: **"broken home?."** Till we meet again in my next article and in yours. Thanks for reading.
37 comments
As a father of a daughter I never allow my daughter to handover her to a person who has no value of family bonding. If he can left his parents oneday he can left my daughter. I need the guy who will care my daughter forever. Divorce not allowed from my side.
Wow!. This is awesome Sir, thanks for airing your wonderful view.
I think it really depends. A child who experienced broken home doesn't necessarily mean the he she will end up the same
Exactly dear friend, really true.
Many of the children I know have had a difficult time as a result of their parents' divorce. A shattered family can have a significant impact on a child's mental and emotional well-being, therefore you should be sure of each other before marrying.
It's very true dear friend, a shattered family can truly have negative impact on a child.
I believe that parents mistakes shouldn't be labeled as a mistake of children as well. I know someone who came from a broken home and they live well, since they already learned from their parents, that they should never do what their parents have done to them.
This is a brilliant one dear Winx, you're right dear, a child should not suffer for the crimes his/her parents committed.
I am not sure if I will allow my child to marry someone from a broken home. It's because I feel like such a person may not have the qualities of a good child or a person might have not experienced either fatherly or motherly love. Only if I can train the person in my own way.
Uhhhm, this means you agree to what the facilitator said, a nice choice also dear friend... You're right, and you raised a great point here, except we can actually train the person or except we properly keep an eye on the person's behavior
I agree with her to some extent but I disagree with some things as well, a child is influenced by what they see truly but not all apply it. Just like a good parent can still have a bad child, a bad parent can have a good child. External factors should be considered.
Brilliant words George, completely true Sir, I obviously agree with this, we've heard so many of these cases. Not all children are influenced so a parent shouldn't disagree to his/her child getting married to a person all because he/she came from a broken home. Thanks alot for airing your view George.
A person could be from broken home but still can have good qualities and kindness... I was from a toxic family too, does not mean I'm rude or bad... depends on that individual and their values
You're right doll, thanks alot for airing your view, you've laid out a great point; it truly depends on the individual and the values they exhibit.
I totally understand the point of the facilitator because more often than not, we are the product of the things we have been exposed to. They have a way of playing in our head to make us accept the reality of what shouldn't be. Like you said, it depends. This is why we need to study the person first. This is the whole essence of courtship to see how people can behave under extreme situations. It's all about the mindset and the mentality. There are people whose parents are together but the child still opted for divorce with his wife. Yes, the background can have an influence on the child but every man is responsible for his choices and how he turns out. Those who will divorce would still divorce regardless of if the parents are together or not.
A very pleasant and apt explanation. This is completely brilliant Sir, thanks alot for this, especially the last sentence, it's completely and totally up to individual. thanks alot for airing your powerful and awesome view on this.
I am always honoured and I enjoyed your lovely article. You always write with your heart and what comes from the heart touches the heart.
Wow! Powerful messages! Thank you for sharing.
This really got to do with the article I wrote yesterday saying " everything seems right in front of a child ", what our parent does will seems right in front of us while growing up and for this, we end up being like them. A child from a broken might thinks divorce is right truly, it takes experience and decision for him to take that out of his head. Reason why courtship is there is for us to study the person we want to get married to and see if he or she has that trait or not.
Uhhhm, this is indeed true dear friend, you're right. That's why courtship is there, through this we would spot those traits, though some might as well be really good at hiding it.
This is a deep one🤔. Yes, IT DEPENDS. It depends on what the person wants (based on what he/she has believed), and also depends on the parents. I have a pastor friend that said this same thing that he can not marry from a broken home. Knowing him to be a pastor, I asked him WHY and he said he's not being Spiritual or scriptural but it's what his mindset believe... that the lady would bring same fate and trait to the house
That first paragraph though... 💖💖 Well agreed upon. Ouch!, People and their principles, he's right in his own way though but also wrong if we look at it from a different perspective.
Like you said , the child shouldn't be Blame for a broken home, so why will I, as a mom not allow my child get married because the other party is from a broken home. What if, they weren't meant to be ? I won't deprive my child the joy they deserve because of the mistake of their partner's parent. You also talked about divorce not being a solution to an unhealthy marriage, maybe is because our culture is different, but trust me, its better you get divorced than stay in a marriage, where you could lose your life. I don't support divorce but when it is necessary, I do.
Awwwwwn, exactly Wrinkle, this is awesome. There's no reason why a child should suffer his parent's faults. Yes dear friend, divorce really isn't the solution, that's why it's advisable to look in before leaping in, but then I also agree with you, in extreme cases; divorce might be the only solution.
Funny enough, I just had this conversation with my mom this morning and she said that parents who are separated pose a problem to their kids cos most people would not want their child to settle down for a spouse whose parents are separated. Although I found it absurd, but after she explained, I saw her point. And her point was that if a child grew up in a broken or divorced home, they would be open to the same idea if leaving their husband or wife should problem arise.
Really?? Wow! What a coincidence! This is very true, that's why some parents prefer staying even when it's a toxic marriage; just for the sanity of their children. Nice point dear friend but I hope some who might later turn out to be good, would be given a chance.
That's the thing ooo...but you know the generation of old, they won't want to believe that there is a possibility that they would turn out good irrespective of their parents choice.
My dear Ella, you raised a very interesting topic, my friend. In my opinion, a child who grows up in a ruined house will not necessarily have a shaky relationship like his parents in the future. All of this has to do with how parents raise their children. If the mother and father be responsible about their children, and wisely behave and grow up them, their children will grow up differently, and will learn from all the mistakes of his parents.
I love this dear Ellen, exactly, it depends on how the child is being brought up, no matter what, if the child is being properly brought up, he/she won't grow up with such ridiculous mindset about marriage.
> She basically stated that divorce isn't allowed... People change, and a good person can become an alcoholic and inadvertently a wife-beater. It is absurd to tell a person to stay in an abusive marriage and leave everything to God. Also, it is fallacious to say that people from broken homes are prone to broken marriages. It is not a universal truth, and I can argue that people from broken homes are more likely to stick to a marriage and make it work because they have been through one and know the effect it can have on kids especially. But that would be fallacious too. These things are not hereditary...
Sighs... This is a very brilliant comment Aimure, you're right, people truly change overtime, so it's wrong to stay with such toxicity and that's why it's very important for people to know that marriage isn't child's play. Exactly Aimure, some if not all people from broken homes are prone to keeping their homes intact. But just like you said, we can't categorically generalize this. Thanks so much for airing your view Sir.
I don't know if I should laugh or be serious about what she said and also the other person that added to it. Firstly I will like to say that if you guys play sports bet or any other bet, you will understand what we call odd, odd is the other name of possibility, the lesser team always has the high odd because people believe that they won't stand a chance against the strong team, but at the end of the same, some of these odds win, funny how some people are quick to judge someone for what they don't do, how does the parent's mistake become the nightmare of the child, always hurting the child and the same people will say that it's not good to judge someone when they clearly don't do what they preach, I have seen people that were brought up by responsible parents and with love end up being violent to their spouse, someone background can't be his or her future, everyone has their own way of thinking. I heard a story of two brothers, one was a drunk and the other was a responsible person, they called both of them to ask the first one, why do you drink, he said he saw his father drinking that's why he decided to follow the father path, they asked the second one why he didn't like drinking? He said he saw his father being drunk and sometimes ending up in the gutter, this motivated him not to be like him and go down that path because there's no good there. These are brothers from the same parents but with different perspectives on how they view things. Instead of judging someone because he came from a broken home, why not get to know the person for yourself and see if really he will go down the parent's path or be inspired to build a better home because of what he faced in the past. I hope will these few points of mine, I can convince you and not confuse you that someone's background is not the person's future. 😅😅
Wow!! Coga! My oh my! This is extremely brilliant, I love this! I really do. I love the way you analytically buttressed more on this topic, thanks alot pal, this comment was really and indeed aweeesommmeeeee
Quite an interesting discourse you have here. Permit me to table my opinion after a while. ***
Thanks alot Vince
If I had to choose, I just chose not to divorce because according to the teachings and the word of the Bible teaches that holiness is in marriage and cannot be separated by anyone except death. This proves that marriage is not a toy and should be taken into account when we are about to get married.
Exactly my point, biblically speaking; divorce isn't allowed. That's why one must actually look properly and be very sure before rushing in.