Do you believe in destiny? Do you believe that there is someone out there destined to be the love of your life? Do you believe that you have a soulmate?
They say you will meet the right person at the right time and at the right place. You don't have to push things to happen because everything will just flow naturally. You don't have to look for the one, especially if you are the girl, because the right person will come to find you. So while he is not yet around, while he is still on his way to find you, all you need to do is to patiently wait for him and just be ready to be the right person for him.
These past couple of weeks, I have been very confused about what I believe in. My emotions have been getting the best of me. Sometimes, I would think of just finding the one already. Maybe he is just one of the guys who sent me a Friend Request on a social media app. Or maybe he is also just swiping left and right on a dating site. Sometimes, I would think I am now ready to be in a relationship and commit myself to a person.
Every time I scroll up and down on my Facebook and Instagram feed, all I see are posts and photos of couples flaunting their girlfriends and boyfriends. Sometimes, I would even see my real-life friends and batch-mates posting their happy families because they got to meet the love of their lives when they were still in High School. I would then whisper to myself, "Sana all!", "When kaya?" and I even complain to God, "Lord, anak mo din po ako."
It's not like being in a relationship and finding the one is my top priority right now. No. It's actually the last thing that would come to my mind because I am so focused on achieving my goals and fulfilling my dreams in life. I have a lot of things on my plate and I don't have the luxury of time for things like dating.
But I have to be honest. Sometimes, I get pressured by the posts I see on social media. It's not like I'm already late to be in a relationship. I'm only 21. Still too young for things like that. But people also say age has nothing to do with love. It doesn't matter if you are young or old, what matters is you are in love.
I get pressured because some of the people my age are already in a relationship, some already experienced a lot of heartbreaks already, some are being engaged, getting married, and slowly building their families. Some of the guys whom I used to "talk" to are also already in a relationship. While here I am. I still have no idea what a relationship is like and how to be in one because I have been single all my life.
Of course, I have already learned some things about it through movies, series, and dramas you can watch on Television. I also have learned through the second-hand experience of my friends' past relationships, and also to my "almost" and "no-label" relationships.
I want my first relationship to end up with marriage. This is the ideal thing I want to happen when there is someone who would want to come into my life.
But I also wonder, what if I already found the one but I was just too childish and immature that I lost him because I didn't know how to express my feelings for him? What if I already found the one but I was not yet the one for him?
And now, this thought is haunting me.
At some point, I feel like I already found the one before. He was such a gentleman. He is loving and caring. He is generous. He is so understanding. He was there when I needed him the most. He knows how to make me smile and make me laugh. He would always chat me with Good morning greetings and Good night messages. He was supportive of my dreams. He was willing to go the extra mile for me just to prove his intentions. He has goals and dreams too. He was a simple person with a big heart.
I know, at some point, he was already the one I want, but I lost him because of me. I didn't know how to keep him and make him stay that's why he left. Maybe, I was still too immature for him.
Now, I'm at the stage where I want him back in my life again to the point where I'm thinking of contacting him. It's not like I'm going to beg him to come back. I just want to know how he is doing, and see if there is a part 2 in our "almost kind of relationship". Don't judge me. It's not like I'm going to actually send a random message to him. I don't have the courage to do that, and I might only be ignored in the end. Or maybe, he also found a girlfriend already, then it would be a shame on my part.
Perhaps, these things are just running in my mind again because I am a little pressured. Or maybe I am just bored in life again that getting to talk to a guy would excite my whole being.
Don't worry. I'm just bored and not yet ready to be in love. My education and my goals are my top priority now.
And I believe that when the time is right, the Lord will make it happen.
I drafted this article about a week ago and the person I'm referring to in this article just sent me a message asking how am I. Within a few seconds, I immediately replied. Then I got ignored after my reply so I sent a reply the next day. Now, I'm ignored again. Hahaha! Bahala ka na jan. 🤧🤣🤣
"I want my first relationship to end up with marriage."
We have same perspective. Great minds think alike. Charot HAHAHA NBSB din ako. Sometimes nakaka-pressure din talaga pero feeling ko pinaka-ready ako mag-commit na sa relationship pag-graduate na. For now, studies muna and work on goals. Tsaka pandemic pa naman. Hirap makahanap ng jowa. Hahaha.