Why should I care?

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Avatar for DocLayla
2 years ago
Topics: Friendship, Introvert, Change, Care, Love, ...

Hallo folks. Good morning from this side. First I'd like to say sorry for being absent on read all through yesterday. I remember telling you some time ago that I was engaged.. πŸ’... .. In a feeding program!πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

The program kept me busy throughout yesterday. It consists of contributing food to primary schools within the area. I hadn't been participating due to school but since we're on strike now, I thought it good to give a helping hand. Today I am part of the cooking team rather than the distributing team I was part of yesterday. So I am mostly free.

So, a friend of mine from long ago just called me this morning, randomly. We haven't been communicating for some time now so it was quite a surprise. We greeted normally but her tone seemed a bit cold. I asked if something was the matter and she started ranting about how I haven't been a good friend and have abandoned and forgotten all about her. I took it as a joke as some of my friends jokingly do this when we haven't talk for a while. It later seemed to me that she wasn't really joking about it and I was kinda shocked when she started calling me unreliable and disloyal. Well... What do I do? I tried explaining to her about school pressure and how a lot has changed and keeps changing. She said that I was just looking for an excuse for why I don't care. I apologised because I am a person who do not like picking fights with her friends, especially for reasons that are irrelevant as the example above.

Well I must admit that, there was a time when we were so close that we chatted all day about stuf, but that was when things haven't piled up. Then, we used to have a lot of free time in our hands but as things began to mount, we had to face tasks that needed to be sought out. We began growing distant but that was not because we lost interest in each other or that one person offended the other, it's just because of the reason stated above. I still care about this friend of mine a lot. Even when I don't call regularly. I still do.

Some of us still don't know the difference between feeling cared for than actually being cared for. People can make you feel that they care about you but they do not really care about you, they might only be doing it to get something from you. Same thing with feeling loved than actually being loved. The fact that I call you everyday or chat with you everyday doesn't necessarily mean that I care, about you. I may only be doing it to get something and once I get it, I disappear without a trace!

Personally, I make it a duty to send goodwill messages to all my friends and family every Friday just to make them know that I wish them luck in all their endeavours. Those who really know me know that even if I do not call very often, I still care. If there's anything really worth addressing, like a family problem or a situation of a friend who needs my help, that's a different case. You might not speak for months but if you need anything from me you're free to call and if I can help you in anyway, I would. I won't even think of it as "so it's because you need my help you called, you don't even call to check up on me!". I understand that everyone is busy living life and we all need to understand that please.

There's this male friend of mine who once called and here's how our conversation went:

friend: Assalamu Alaykum

Layla: wa Alaykum Salam.

Male friend :How've you been all this while?

Layla: fine thank you!.... You?

friend: fine thanks... Are you really okay?

Layla:yeah sure!

friend: are you sure?

Layla: well to be honest, I am not okay...

Friend(taken aback.. Stammers) : so what's the problem?

Layla: tells him the problem

Friend : wow.. Okay bye!

This is a friend I know doesn't really care about me because of something that once happened, he simply asked to know if I am alright just to know what I am facing at the moment, not to offer any help, not to offer any advice, just to know for future references. I know that's what he wants and I still told him he problem because I do not really care. Some people call you to "check up on you" not because they really care but because they want you to feel like "this guy called to check up on me, therefore he cares about me, therefore he's my friend". I guess a lot of us know this but we choose to remain silent about it.

The point I want all of us to not in the above conversation is that just because someone calls you often doesn't mean they care, and just because someone doesn't call you often doesn't mean that they don't care. Not to brag, but whenever I pray, I pray for all of my friends and family, including those who do not speak to me any more. Even those with whom I haven't spoken to for a long time, and to me that's the greatest amount of love and care you can show anyone. To talk to God about them, because sometimes even those who say they are fine aren't really fine. They don't just want to stress you but God knows all that's wrong with them, and He is in the best position to help them... not me.

I am not sure what the reader's take on this is, but it's just because I am a person who isn't very interested in irrelevant and small talks generally. Sometimes I can be very talkative, sometimes I prefer utmost solitude. Sometimes I just want to be left alone. Sometimes I don't like picking calls, not because I am busy or snobbish, but because I don't just want to talk to anyone at the moment. Sometimes I don't even like people asking me how I am because most people are expecting pti to say "fine!" just like when they tell you "good morning" and you reply "morning!". "How are you? " is like a form of greeting nowadays and if you reply otherwise than "fine!" you appear weird.

As for my friend who got offended because I haven't been calling to check up on her, I will ensure that I call her at least three times every week henceforth. If that will make her happy then I think it's worth it. Besides I can understand where she's coming from, she is someone who has told me a lot of her darkest secrets and you know, there tend to be a form of attachment to those with whom you share your secrets and it feels devastating when these people abandon you.

Thanks for reading guys. Don't forget to include your loved ones in your prayers. Thank to all my subscribers, readers, up voters, commenters and awesome sponsors.

Special thanks to @Khing14 for the sponsorship renewal. I am very grateful.

Yours Layly,

❀❀❀❀

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Avatar for DocLayla
2 years ago
Topics: Friendship, Introvert, Change, Care, Love, ...

Comments

Hmmm. There are people I am not really friends with but as a human being, I will show I care through my words, or my actions when possible. Real friendships defy time and space. You're there for each other, even when you don't talk often. It's a connection between two people. Compassion, however, doesn't only have to be among friends. If someone needs help or just a shoulder to lean on, let's be there for them if we can.

$ 0.02
2 years ago

That's nature. It's our nature to be good to others as human beings.

$ 0.00
2 years ago

Wow you just made me think about how people acting like they care about you is different from people who actually care about you. Yes life happens, people change and so does their situations and responsibilities, to me you will remain close friends with some even through those changes, with others you might how apart, in some situations you might seemingly grow apart from current friends because you've changed and your mindset has changed and you get to connect with new people with whom you feel an alignment of your current mindset and personality. I can totally relate when you say people expect the pre- set response of ' I'm fine' 'I'm good' and when you deviate from that they don't really want to really hear the truth and that just makes you sometimes stay away from talking sometimes. I think its being intentional, transparent and honest with our friendships, relationships and intentions.

$ 0.02
2 years ago

Thanks for this. Some of the people with whom we started our journey fail to evolve, they forget that it's all about growth. We have no option than to leave then In their reverie and move on. That's their duty not ours.

$ 0.00
2 years ago

"People can make you feel that they care about you but they do not really care about you..." I very much agree with this, a lot of people actually pose to be our friend but they really aren't. And also, friends don't actually have to communicate every day to still have a very good relationship

$ 0.01
2 years ago

I agree with you. Some friends can get really clingy and then the friendship gets toxic and then it ceases to exist. Because people who aren't our friends pose as them, we need to be very careful.

$ 0.00
2 years ago

The thing with people telling me I have forgotten them or abandoned them, isn't it the same thing they did? They are also guilty of the thing they are accusing me of, why didn't they check up on me as well? People will just be claiming victim for something they are guilty of as well

$ 0.01
2 years ago

That's it haha. Me these days when you say I abandoned you my instant reply is "but God didn't..". The werey will just shut up. πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

$ 0.00
2 years ago

πŸ˜‚ I love that reply

$ 0.00
2 years ago

I might not have heard from you for a long time, but that doesn't mean we have stopped being friends, you can always reach out if you need me. One can only hold this mindset when we come to the understanding that we are busy building our lives

$ 0.01
2 years ago

Exactly. Real friends are meant to help one another out not talking stupid things for hours

$ 0.00
2 years ago

You gave another insightful look on this, people calling you doesn't mean they care about you, and people not calling you doesn't mean they don't care about you. I had a different perspective on this before.

$ 0.01
2 years ago

I'm glad you found it helpful. Things aren't always as they appear you know.

$ 0.00
2 years ago

People don't look for people without need. The fact that you are always looking for people close to you makes you look good.

$ 0.01
2 years ago

Correct.

$ 0.00
2 years ago

My dear friend, you said very well, I completely agree with you. Like you, I don't like useless and long conversations, I hate calling and talking. But I am ready to do everything for my friends, I am ready to be behind them, and I am sympathetic. But many times, like your case, it has happened to me that my friends call me and complain about my unfaithfulness and unkindness, that I don't ask how they are, while this is my character.

$ 0.01
2 years ago

We need to be very grateful for the few people who understand us. It's not their fault that others do not understand,sp let's bear with the.m.

$ 0.00
2 years ago

I couldn't agree more , we only see what people show on the surface and we can only guess how they truly feel on the inside. I also agree with you saying there is no free time as we are in school now , absolutely...I can relate. We pray to have friends who really care for us and love us

$ 0.01
2 years ago

We don't even need to guess. A person can't hide his true nature for long. It eventually surfaces.

$ 0.00
2 years ago

You are πŸ’― right. People here also living who just message you to check otherwise they don’t really care in real life but just to show that they care they always follow you. Living in this world is not easy nowadays, we have to become a strong.

$ 0.01
2 years ago

We have to become strong. For ourselves and for others. Thanks Niazi for the input. 😊

$ 0.00
2 years ago

You are welcome mate.

$ 0.00
2 years ago