Filipino culture: How can we disagree to elders respectfully?

We, Filipinos are very loving and sentimental to our family. We value our parents, grandparents, and elders so much. They are like a big statue in the park that we look up to. However, sometimes we cannot deny that we will have a disagreement and argument with the elders. Most of the time, children and young people like is the one to blame for it.

Growing up in a religious family, there are certain values, core values to follow and when you break any of those. You know what will happen next. It is either you will received punishment or long-lasting double-edged painful words from them. I cannot blame my parents for that because that's how my grandparents raised them as well. In fact, I was raised by my grandma too when I was young.

There are situations where you will have to raise your voice and speak up for yourself because you know they are wrong. It is a fact that our parents are not perfect and they make mistake raising us as well. I know some of the users here are parents and I would like to ask you. What's the difference between you, as a young people back then speaking for yourself and now, as a parent hearing what your child argues when you both have a misunderstanding?

How do you disagree with elders respectfully?

I have noticed that sometimes our parents are being forceful to what they want for us even if we really don't want it to do. I know some of you experienced being dictated by your parents, and you voice out your opinions about it. The time you started answering back, expect that their moods will suddenly shift. Some parents become aggressive, some will frown and some will act violently.

What are the things that I have done when I want to argue with my parents with respect. I listed few list and I hope you learn something from it.

• When speaking truth becomes destructive.

Always remember that when you want to response back with your parents in an argument. State the truth. Always state your honest feeling and opinion about it. It helps them to understand what you really wanted and they will realize that. It may be hard to speak truth, but when you start voicing it out. It feels like a big burden has been out from your body.

• Hear more about their perspective.

It is very important that you will listen first. Do not try to react and retaliate without knowing what's their perspective about it. In this way, you are learning about their intention and why they are mad about it. Sometimes, we tend to answer back quickly than listening to them. I know it's hard to accept their perspective when you really don't want to listen to them. But you have to do it so that the situation will calm. Thus, you cannot win over them. That's it!

• Don't spice things up.

I have tried to lie about an argument so that I can win over them. But later on, when the found out the truth. The only person to blame is me. Meaning, you don't have to lie. Tell it frankly. I believe parents want to hear a honest response from their children than hearing white lies.

• Speak calmly with moderate voice.

This is the main problem why the conversation ends not well. When we start raising our voice to them, they will interpret it as if you are rude. Don't ever raise your voice. Speak calmly and moderate as much as possible. Be patient. If you want to win the argument with them, you have do it in peaceful way. I know, we know exactly what happens next when the conversation with them ends not well.

To sum it up, always be patient and nice when you are debating or discussing something with your parents or elders. We, Filipinos hate rude and disrespectful person a lot. We do not care who they are but as long as they disrespect us. We will no longer have a good relationship with them and that's a truth.

If you want to bring a sensitive topic that might break rules in your family so be careful. If you don't want their decision and choice for you, then speak up for it. Because at the end, you will not be happy and the burden is in your shoulder not to them. I hope that what I learn from my experiences will help you. But remember, you know your family more than anyone else here, so you know what's the best decision to do.

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