Why you should learn to say No
Hi Guys! Today I want to talk about "no," or why sometimes you have to say no instead of yes. No to others and no to myself.
I used to have a huge problem - I was categorically unable to say no to people. I always wanted to help, to help out, to give advice... At a certain point in my life I began to think that I was no longer living for myself: I was helping to solve other people's problems, or doing something that I did not even like, or reading completely uninteresting books. In general, trying to please everyone, completely forgetting about his own interests. It came to the point of ridiculousness - I had no time to do my business, trying to help others. At some point I was smart enough to realize my own stupidity, and start correcting myself. Yes, not right away, but gradually I learned to say a confident "no" to people-parasites, whose personal affairs and requests I, in fact, should not care about at all.
But more and more often I become convinced that there are many people I know who find it very, very difficult to learn to say no. I'll try to share the practical advice that I used to follow. So, if you are asked to help, bravely say "no" if:
The person asking you is not doing it for the first time. And every time you need his help, he ignominiously leaks, hiding behind non-existent affairs. He is just using you, because he saw that you do not know how to refuse.
You really have higher priority and even important things to do, related to your direct responsibilities, family. Remember, even if helping out is a mere trifle, finish all your personal business first. If it's at work, always remember what you're paid for, and what you're evaluated by your supervisor. Always prioritize only these things. If you have free time and desire, help, but not to the detriment of your direct duties.
Fulfilling a request will not benefit you in the future (at least in terms of moral satisfaction). When you are blatantly used - you need to send the person to the woods. So answer yourself honestly the question - you can not refuse the person because you have an internal barrier and you can not say "no" or because you really want to help him?
If the second option is true, then do not hesitate. Such an action will not be senseless. And in the first case, however, squeeze out "no".
You just do not want to do what you are asked. And you have no objective reasons for doing it. You're surprised, but the refusal with this wording works fine. There is simply nothing to respond to it.
When someone comes to me with a request, I do not want to refuse completely, but I am also not willing to do what they want me to do, I give them a so-called delayed "no". So it looks something like this:
Could you come up to me and talk to me about my project? I need to do it right now, because in twenty minutes I have to go on a very, very important case.
Of course, I agree. But I need your help in return, too. Tell me later about your situation and when I am free and we will discuss your question.
That's how I get the information I need in the here and now. I finish my business without saying no to the person ;-).
But at the same time, I do it without detriment to myself. Believe me, saying "no" is difficult only the first time. In most cases, people won't be offended by you - they'll just go find themselves a friend who is a victimless victim. So be confident in yourself and learn to say no.
When we are young, flexible, and just ...we're just beginning to learn how the world works ...the world, out of curiosity (...and a growing sense... of freedom), we're always we say yes to everything all the time! Because we want to try everything... all at once, and find out for ourselves what it taste, feel, and to hear, and in the end, just because you finally can.
It's the beautiful adolescent maximalism that... that allows you to get the right bumps in time the right bumps in time.
Then we get older, and the inner scales come into play of experience, desires and principles. And if we gradually learn to say "no" to the world around us. To the world, then saying no to ourselves becomes more difficult. People in general are very prone to pity for themselves and go along with their emotions and desires. In my opinion, it's not always about with discipline or willpower.
If you've decided to stop smoking, but you still secretly smoke a few cigarettes cigarettes when no one's looking, or if you sneak off at 1:00 in the morning at 1:00 in the morning and order a pizza, cursing the damn pepperoni damn pepperoni, it's certainly a lack of motivation and a vague awareness of the path to your of your goal. And while these are typical cases where we can't to say no to ourselves, I'd like to talk about more sensual situations.
A friend of mine likes to answer all questions with a joking reply:
"I've become a hostage to the situation. Well, we often become hostage to a situation for one simple reason is because we can't say "no, stop, stop." It's a classic story: we get caught up in relationships that make us feel small, unnecessary, not good enough good enough,ushurt and generally make us unhappy, but who we still support all the same. Because we love them, we can't leave, "he'll die without me," "where are we "and where are we gonna put the dog?" and a bunch of other reasons. We are very hardy creatures in this respect: a person can live in a relationship that destroys them for months and years!
How many times have we heard from our friends, our girlfriends, and even from ourselves: "I can't take it anymore, it's not going anywhere, I'm I feel bad, I can't stand it, I'm I can't stand it, I can't stand it, it hurts," and when asked, "Why don't" Why don't you leave?" they didn't wait an adequate answer. I can't, and that's it. I can't say to myself: No.
I love, I want to, but no. People often break themselves into pieces, to make others feel good, to keep them whole. This is fundamentally wrong, because a relationship is a dialogue. A relationship is not should not hurt, should not humiliate one or the other. You're either going in one direction or you don't go anywhere at all!!!
And very often, realizing that we're unhappy in this relationship, we don't go anywhere in the hope of to change things. Clearly hope dies last, but for one thing, a relationship with the to change the other person is already is wrong, and secondly, with a hope that's been dying for years, you can suffer for years, and you can spend years torturing yourself for nothing. And so, in essence, to say to yourself once "no" once and suffer a little bit is so much better than wasting time in a relationship that's... that hurts and generally hurts morally.
So there you go, don't let yourself be raped, tell yourself "no" and walk away. You can't, never- ever!
leave people in your life who are destroying you. It's just not allowed. No matter how they may seem good, and smart and funny. Life, it seems to me, is made for goodness, for love and for happiness.
To do good, to share love and to be and to be happy. And one such one small and complicated "no" can make all the difference everything from a minus field to a plus field. Maybe not right away, but very quickly.
And then there's about love. We often can't say no because.., because we love. Like, why should we walk away from our own when we can tolerate our own love.
A dog who is beaten by his master doesn't run away from him, either. But you are not a dog!!!! And while many of us tend to believe that if
love is one and for life, we must not forget that at the end of the day one life for all love!!!
I once saw a program on TV where the host of a TV show was talking about how he was invited to be to be a judge on some show, I think it was "Decide for Me". It was and people would come in and they would talk about their problems, pouring out their souls.
The members of the jury were always giving advice, and they were always offering solutions, and he would always say, "Go away. Because if you feel bad, if you have doubts, if you have if you have a pull under your heart, that's it, that's the end, so just pack up and go, run away, rush off and don't...never come back."
If you have other effective ways to learn to say "no," please share them in the comments, it would be very helpful!
I thank God for his help in writing this article, and you, dear readers, praise him if your reading has been helpful to you.
I want to know your opinion.
If you are interested in my content,then I invite you to read my other articles:
I have a bad habit its hard for me to refuse people when they ask any kind of help from me, i can't say no to them. I really want to Change myself here