Don't be Insensitive. Show Some Respect, Care and Love

How much pain do you feel when someone doesn't consider your feelings yet you have to keep mum? It is because you're not only hurting but you're tired of trying to explain your side yet it seems no one cares to understand. Sometimes you even feel like being mocked by someone who tries to joke of the situation you're in. Most often than not, people are just not sensitive enough to think of how you feel when they ask about your situation.

There are many situations wherein one shows his insensitivity rather than showing respect and asking in a nicer way. Though one's intension is a good one but delivered a direct question rather than saying it nicely, the receiver will be hurt.

This article is about being insensitive or be sensitive to couples who doesn't have a child given the fact that they have been married or living together for years not to mention some have been for a decade.

I personally knew more than ten couples who have been married for more than five years and still childless. Three of them are my friends in elementary while the others are older than me and some younger. One of my friend and her ex-husband were married for 5 years but didn't have a child. However, they adopted a beautiful girl because there was no hope for the wife to get pregnant, she has PCOS. The guy eventually cheated and impregnated another woman whom he is living right now. It's mind blowing to hear of such. It's not the girl with a difference but the guy himself. There are others out their who have been together for more than 10 years and despite being childless didn't dare do anything to cheat on their partners or spouses.

On the other hand, the other friend of mine and her hubby are also trying their best to conceive. They've been married for over seven years now. I don't ask them about their situation but when they message me I just allow them to open up. Because I know couples like them have been asked the nth time why they don't have a child after a couple of years being married. It hurts to see your friend or another woman badly wanting to conceive that's why I don't asked them. I used to asked others who are still childless but as I mature in age and already had 2 children, I dare not asked something like it because I came to realise it's being insensitive. Nonetheless, no matter how down I am I still try my best to uplift their spirit.

There are times that we encounter some older people or even those who are with the same age as ours who can asked directly a married woman or man why they don't have a child yet. Not even considering that it is a public place or gatherings. I can only tell inside of me how shameless a person like that could be. How insensitive he/she is not thinking of a better way to ask and it should be in a better place, not just anywhere where "marites" loves to chime in.

"When do you plan to have a baby?" And if they already had an older kid, "When do you plan to have another one?" Is one of the nicer questions you could asked in conversing with someone who is in a situation like this. We know that couples don't get pregnant right away after getting married. Some have other plans and having a baby is not their top priority at the moment. With a question like that there is respect and care. It also allows the other party to get comfortable with the conversation and open up what's bothering them.

Don't asked them, "You're not pregnant yet?" "What are you waiting for?" "Are you weak (in bed)?" "You keep working and getting richer, who would inherit it when you don't have a child?" "So you're just like your aunt who is barren or you're no different with your sterile uncle?"

These are some of the questions couples with no child have to deal with everyday. But do you think there is respect in those kind of questioning?

You don't know how much pain they feel especially when they see their friends or relatives have bunch of kids. You don't know their struggles. You don't see their tears behind close doors.

There are those who have hormonal imbalances, had multiple miscarriages and some have to undergo operations because of other differences in their reproductive organs.

Couples especially the women even cry and ask the heavens why they don't have at least one child. They question themselves of their ability of being a mother-to-be, are they not good enough to take care of a child? Why or how other women could dump their newborn baby heartlessly? Why it wasnt given to them to love, cherish, protect and care instead? Even so, they still express their optimism that one day their heartaches will be healed.

Yes, I know these because my friends also told it. It is heartbreaking. If only I could exchange my reproductive organs with theirs, then I could've done so a long time ago. All I could do is pray for them that their hearts desire to have a child will be granted in time.

Closing thoughts

I was thinking, is there a link to the upgrading of technologies and our exposure to radiation with situation like this? I mean, just look at young couples who are healthy but are struggling to get pregnant. Not only one couple but you can see lots of them. Some even try IVF but also failed. I also personally knew one couple who have gone thru it but had to try thrice before it succeeded.

Anyhow, this is a reminder that we have to be more cautious of our words because we may hurt someone even if it wasn't our intention. It's offending, too.

The world is filled with lots of chaos. Everyone has his own struggle and inner battles and you might not know you are adding salt to the wound. Just like someone, don't give unsolicited advices because it is not needed. Let's try to be more mindful of our words to show respect, care and love. Not an insensitive idiot

10-14-22

Z_Graeden