We went out to Presikhaaf. First I had to walk to the main road which is uphill. Next grandmother asked how I liked to go over there by bus or trolley. I choose the trolley. It's a kind of bus too but it's attached to wires and the sound it makes is different. She let me push the button twice as we had to go out. Once at Presikhaaf and once back home. It was a lot of walking and why we went to Presikhaaf I don't know. There are shops but where grandmother lives are shops too. Many of them and most she never visits. Perhaps it's because people know her. She always says everybody knows her. How can everyone know you?
I still feel sick in the trolley but it's the only way to travel. It's too far to walk and I guess too far to bicycle plus it's all uphill. There are no hills where I live now. Everything is flat.
Saturday
April 10, 2021
Dad came to pick me up today so Sunday is later. He drank coffee with grandmother and they talked a bit and next it was time to go. Dad carried my suitcase downstairs and I didn't feel too well. I like my dad but he looks different and I don't want to go back home. He came by car and said we had to hurry.
It feels as if a stone is in my stomach. I kissed grandmother and thanked her for everything. She nodded but didn't hug or kiss me. I didn't know what more to say do I followed dad outside and didn't look back. I felt like crying and wished granddad was here to make everything better. Make me feel better but that won't happen because granddad died and he needs to rest. It's what auntie said. Grandpa needs to rest. He was ill you know, sick for a very long time and no one knew. He never said a word about it only told once in a while he had a headache. Bad eyes the doctor said but his eyes were fine and the special chair didn't help him. I tried his glasses they are still there. I do not see the difference if I put them on.
Outside the car, dad strapped the belt around me and next he fastened it to the backseat. He didn't say much and I waved at grandmother who stood behind the window but didn't wave back. She didn't even raise her hand.
I tried to sleep but it hurts my neck and the belt over my shoulders is itchy. If I can sleep I don't feel as sick and don't need to vomit.
I closed my eyes and prayed it was all a bad dream and my mother wouldn't be home. I know these prayers are useless God will not help me and if dad drives the car she can not leave. She has to be home.
I didn't see her so I unpacked the suitcase and his my diary while dad cooked dinner. His food is better as what my mother cooks. It doesn't make me sick.
Sunday
April 11, 2021
Everything is back to... normal. I couldn't sleep last night because of the feeling inside of me. I tried not to cry because crying makes my mother angry.
At 5:30 my day started. I made my bed, polished shoes and next we had breakfast. My mother didn't ask me how I am doing and she didn't tell me what she did or where she had been.
At 8 a.m. the housekeeper arrived and she greeted me and I brushed my teeth and made myself ready to leave for school. I don't like to be alone in the schoolyard but being at home with my mother is worse.
I told her I would go to school and she nodded but as I turned around she yelled at me to wait. She gave me a letter for the teacher to explain why I hadn't been to school. Grandmother said there was no school or?
I had to kiss her goodbye and said: "yes mother". She wants me to speak with two words but it's hard. There are more words needed if I have to say mother, father, grandmother, ma'am or...
I don't like to kiss her but I did because I have to. I never feel like kissing or hugging her. She's not a nice person plus I don't like the way how she smells. She kept talking to me and repeating what I had to do and say. As I finally was allowed to leave I had to walk fast and arrived too late at school.
I live nearby but I still am late for school. The teacher said nothing as I gave her the letter but I feel what the other children think, how they look at me.
Monday
April 12, 2012
Today was not such a bad day. The dogs are back home my mother brought them home from somewhere. They were happy to see me but dogs are always happy even if their life is miserable. There's no snow left and they are outside on a chain. I am not sure if they guard us or if it's because of the hair. Once the house is cleaned they can come inside the kitchen. My mother washed and brushed both of them and I vacuumed their basket. The dogs don't like to go in the bathtub but my mother wants them to. She uses towels to dry them but they are still wet. It's dirty if they try to shake themselves inside. I don't like it if they do that. I don't like those cold fog water drops on me.
Tuesday
April 13, 2021
The wind kicked up and I saw how the trees went up and fell. It happened this afternoon as I was home alone. My mother visited clients and my dad is still gone and the housekeeper went home. I don't know why she left earlier. She didn't tell me. Perhaps it was because of the weather? She has no car and left on her moped. If the wind is strong enough to lift trees, pull them out of the earth it can lift the housekeeper too. She's a small, young girl.
I kept an eye on the roof of our garage and shed. I remember how the wind blew it off once and the entire roof shoves into our garden. The new roof didn't move and everything is okay. Just the trees. They were lifted and landed somewhere. I went upstairs to look outside my bedroom window but I couldn't see where they landed. I am not allowed to use the phone so I waited downstairs and watched tv for one hour. It became later and my parents still didn't come home so I sat underneath the table with the dogs. I took them inside because the housekeeper didn't do it. I think she's afraid of them. She has to pass them if she enters the back door. They recognize her and are happy but she never says something kind to them.
I couldn't set the table because the dogs are inside so I waited till dad came home. I told him about the wind and the trees. He said he saw trees on the road and asked me where my mother is. I don't know where she is because she never tells me so I shrugged.
He shrugged too and told me to have a quick bath while he set the table. We ate together. I had bread with cheese and chocolate sprinkles and some tea because the housekeeper didn't give me any. Dad and I cleaned up and after that, I brushed my teeth and went to bed.
I know dad was in the small room next to mine. Later she came and they fought again. I pulled the blanket over my ears and prayed she would not come inside, she would forget me.
I miss my grandmother's house.
Wednesday
April 14, 2021
It's Thursday so after school I had gymnastics again. I am still not good at it. I didn't see trees on the road but there were roof tiles everywhere. I wonder if our house lost them too.
A girl stepped on and tried to walk over the bicycle storage in front of the gym. She fell and there was blood everywhere.
Thursday
April 15, 2021
The teacher said next year we might have school swimming classes too. She will not be my teacher next year. I don't like swimming classes, I don't like water and I didn't forget what happened as auntie took me out to a swimming pool. She said she didn't know I couldn't swim but I nearly drowned.
Friday
April 16, 2021
A kid's diary
I don't know when 'later' is
It's too crowded
Carbuncle sounds ugly
I am sloppy
Why do adults behave like bullies?
