As a child, I never really felt happy if my birthday was coming up. I could only remember the date not my ages or the month and some children in my class bullied me because of it. I guess what was an important day for them was not to me. That's how it is in life we do not share the same experiences, feelings or values. Those children only found me interesting enough if a party was organized. A party where they were invited and in exchange for that promise I was allowed to show up at their party and bring them a present. Most of them were extremely spoiled bullies and I cannot say I ever felt comfortable or really welcome. It is what the life of an abused, molested and unwanted child looks like.
As a young child, I still had uncles, aunts, cousins and although we never really stayed in touch they showed up at birthdays and celebrations and so did we. At these parties, I never felt welcome either. I had to tiptoe and watch my behavior and... words, although most of the time children and adults were separated.
From the moment I had children, I celebrated their birthday. Presents, a cake with a candle(s), a card and they could choose what they like to eat. I decorated the house although the father called it nonsense and a waste of money (the child is too small to notice, blah blah). I kept celebrating because if you do not, you never will and the most important thing is a child feels it is wanted, it knows it's fine to be in the center of attention once a year. I do not want my children to feel as miserable as I did and still do after all these years of fights and being beaten up just before the party started. A party I was forced to like with people and cake I didn't like, covered with bruises and my presents thrown away by my mother.
My birthdays were never special. I never was the center of attention. There was never a surprise party and the only great gifts or gifts I like I receive from my children since they are older. It doesn't matter they cannot afford much. My parents never thought I was worthy enough, my ex never gave me anything but they all demanded expensive gifts from me. These days are over.
For a while, I took the children out to a good, real restaurant or we went on a short vacation. Just us, people who do care. I no longer see the need to beg people to visit us and waste money on them. Last year I had a contest on Steemit and gave bigger prizes. This year I do nothing. With closed borders, I can not be with all of my children and I couldn't celebrate one of my children's birthday either. Of course, the presents were given and we stay in touch but there's no option to eat cake together and spend some quality time. It feels bitter because it means I have to give up on a value important to me, to our small family.
This is my entry to the giveaway hosted by @Macronald in honor of the birthday of his two youngest siblings. I wish both a great birthday and above all a good health and live.
Pls support me. I am new here.