Coping with Loneliness

Date: Wednesday. 20th of April 2022

I wish I didn't care. I wish it didn't hurt, but it does. My heart aches from the loneliness and being unwanted.

How can I make my self happy when I'm sad? Why do people expect me to be happy and understanding all the time? Why should I care about people who doesn't even care about me? Why should I understand people when they don't understand me? Why is life too complicated? I'm tired.

My authenticity started to decline when I began trying to please other too much. At first, giving one piece of myself, the next moment several pieces, until I realize, that I already bargain away every single piece to everyone.

After giving away those small pieces, I suddenly panic. I tried to ask these people to return the pieces, but they won't ( or they just could not do so). I am left with this void, a void that cannot fill whatever I do.

This is where my anger started, I hate to say but I try to do what any stupid human wanted do, to take revenge. I try to take away pieces from other people too, one piece after another, eventually creating the same void within them that they, too, will never get fill.

I accepted the fact that I will never be enough for someone, but that didn't mean I deserve nothing. Not everyone will learn to appreciate me, but I know my worth. But what I realized is that, it doesn't make me a less person. I am still worthy despite of being not enough.

I don't waste my valuable time with people who have nothing but negativity in them. They criticize everything and everyone in the most damaging ways. I choose to stay away from toxic people at all costs.

"Disconnecting from them is the key for my mental and spiritual growth".

Maybe we could say a lot of things, not so much because we are loud, but because we also have spent considerable amount of time listening and paying attention, giving us plenty stories to share.

I really don't care how people perceive me anymore. I've spent my whole life trying to make everyone happy and ignoring my own needs in fear that I won't be accepted by others. No more pleasing. I don't need to be accepted by anyone as long as I accept myself. I got me, my family and God is with me.

I'm learning and I'm not get bored. I'm learning to know people, I'm learning how life works, how friendship works. I'm learning how to appreciate every little thing without whining. I'm learning how to be happy with someone who wants to spend time with me.

I've been there. Trying to be happy all the time because I was afraid of the very notion of sadness. Sadness is tough to deal with when I first experience it, but I get accustomed. So now I learn how to balance.

I chose to be happy regardless of my predicaments. I also do the things that makes me happy and I am excited.

So, this is my life. And I want you to know that I am both happy and sad and I'm still trying to figure out how that could be.

Help me figure it out.

Thank you for dropping by.

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Author's Link:

• read.cash

• noise.cash

Note:

The lead image is made from Canva