"Untold Story: Me First!"(Part 1)

[#65]

How much do you know about yourself? Are you Happy and Contented with it? Are you willing to give up something precious to you, to find your self and its completion? What risks you are willing to do?

Hi!👋

My name is Trina, 25 years old, currently working as a Call Center Agent in one of the well-known CC companies in our country. I am living a simple life on my own but I have my family whose living in the province. I would say, I am happy and contented with it, especially when I met my boyfriend.

His name is Patrick. He is also a Call Center Agent, but his working in other company. We've met three years ago during my nephews birthday. He was introduced to me by my co-worker, as a best friend of her boyfriend.

That day, since it was our first meeting, I felt a little awkward or something unusual feeling for me. I don't know, maybe its just because I was mesmerized by his looks. Well, he is handsome, indeed. A lot of girls would probably want to have him to be their boy friend. Just a guess. In fact, before working in the call center, he was a freelance model. As perfect as he could be, he is also smart and has a good personality. Everything you could ask for man, I will proudly say, its all in him.

Our relationship starts with a simple, "Hi-Hello" and followed with "chit-chat thingy", "Video callings" and "Dates". Until such time, I gave my big "YES" to him for almost 3 months that he tries to pursue me to become his girlfriend.

Our early stages of being in a relationship as boyfriend-girlfriend was full of fun and sweet memories, not until, I decided to quit into it and my reason, the common thing, "I want to find myself!"

I don't know, its just, I felt that there was something missing in me. I am happy in our relationship, but I was thinking that it will just give me a hard time to think what's been missing. Patrick on the other hand, was against to it. He asked me what was my reason/reasons for quitting and just decide to end it, but all I said to him was, "I'm sorry, but I want to find myself first."

"Selfish?" You can say that, but how am I supposed to go on in such relationship when I still don't know my true self? How am supposed to love him wholeheartedly, if I still have my own issues about myself. I just don't want to bother him. I'm afraid to hurt him more if I will keep our relationship last longer. There's nothing wrong with him. He's very loyal to me. He never hurt me once or even made me cry. The problem is myself! I need to face myself without risking his own happiness and that is why, I decided to gave up, maybe, just easily as it is.

"Why Trina? Why?" He asked me in tears.

"I'm sorry for hurting you this way, but I have to do this." I said to him.

"I need to find myself first. I know I may look selfish on doing this, but this could be good for the both of us." "I don't want you to hurt you more babe." I added.

"You are hurting me now Trina!" "But what else could I do? You have decided to gave up on us already. I want to sue you, for hurting me this way, but I love you so much." He hugged me tightly.

"I promised to love you even better, soon enough, if I completely find myself." "Please be willing to wait for me!" That's the last words I left to him.

We have parted ways. I can feel his pain but I never looked back. My decision was final. It was so selfish of me to asked him to wait for me, but I am holding on to it. I just think that he will do that, probably, but Yes! I'm holding on to it, even though I didn't heard his confirmation. After that, we ended all our communications. I blocked him in all of my social media accounts, I did all the necessary things just to cut ties with him, and focused myself to find what's been missing in me all this years.

TO BE CONTINUED...

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[August 09, 2021]