New Plan to Start a New Life.

Friday. March 4, 2022

When I was accepted into the Pegaxy Scholarship of Chad’s P3 Racing, I had already decided what I would do with the money I would save on my scholarships. I have already decided to go back to my home town, to start a new life there. Yeah, I wanna go home with my kids, because I'm not sure if my hubby will come with us but for me, it's up to him if he comes with us or he will stay here with his family. I just can't take the stress here in Manila anymore. Honestly, I wanted him to come to us too though because I'm still hoping that he might change when we live in the province. Maybe there, his vices will disappear or be reduced somehow. I just feel like as long as he's here in this place, he can't really avoid his vices like drinking alcohol and gambling. I told him already, that whether he will come with us or not when we returned to Baguio, we would still leave this place as soon as possible. Because I'm so tired and I can't take it anymore, because of his vices we are suffering even more and drowning in debt already. Instead of spending my earnings to buy food or essential needs, we would have had no choice budget everything just to pay off his debts. Debts that I even didn't know about because he just spending it secretly on gambling.

In fact, last Valentine's that we were supposed to be celebrating, he just gave me a surprise gift of resentment. He did something silly again on the 1st week of February. He spent his cousin's border's payment on his boarding house. His cousin entrusted him the payment of his borders for the rent and all he need to do is just sent it through Gcash, because his cousin is also in the province right now. So yeah, he spent the money again instead of sending it to his cousin. He gambled the money again which is worth 3k PHP ($60). It hurts right? Another problem while he knows that until now I'm still paying for that 60kphp ($1.1k) money of my Facemask buyer last year, which he also used to gamble. I still have less than 30k PHP ($580) balance to them that I'm still paying until now. Then he caused another new headache again. So imagine how I spent my Valentine.

Just to help him pay his cousin I even accept that job as a helper to him on his courier job in Shopee. But what sad is that when we received our salary for 6days of driving, his boss took all his debt already and all left from 7kphp salary is 800plus PHP. I almost cried when I saw our payslip imagine they less away our 300php everyday allowance including all his debt which is 3k plus also. Debts that I didn't even know what he did again. That's what his gift for me on Valentine's Day, headache, sadness, and pain.

This is the message I received from his cousin, that even with me he seemed angry because I did not fulfill the date I asked him to pay for the money my husband spent. I did beg and promised to pay that money but I didn't make it on time. Honestly, it hurts me to receive such a message, because I did nothing but to work hard and make a way for us to survive. Then he still has the guts to make such things, without even thinking about all my sacrifices. It hurts me to hear such words. But I could do nothing but accept it because it was really my husband's fault. And I have no choice but to find a way to pay him as well. As of now, I have already paid the bills of the apartment and land tax that his cousin wants me to pay. I have 1kphp plus that I still need to pay him

With so much chaos and stress in my brain from what he did, I decided that we should just go home to the province in case our lives change and maybe he will change if he comes with us. My brain is really tired of all the problems here in Manila that seem to have no end. I am also tired of everything my husband does, I am tired of understanding and forgiving him for all his vices. That's why I asked my aunt in Baguio, my aunt who raised me if we could go home there. She said if it's only me and my kids we can stay in our house (Grandma's house) but if my husband is going with us too we need to find a place to rent because I have my own family already. Since I still wanted him to go with us so that he might change there, I decided and asked my aunt a favor to just find a place for us to rent temporarily, since my aunt also said that I could build even a small house next to our house there once I can manage to earn already.

After a few days, my aunt messaged me and told me that our new place is ready. My uncle (her husband) talked to one of his friends to reserve one room for us in their apartment. Since it was my first salary too in Chad's P3 Racing Guild, I just decided to use it to pay the rent. Good thing the rent is just 1k PHP ($20) it is already a cheap price to rent there so I sent 2kphp ($40) for my one-month deposit and one month advance to my aunt. It's ok with me even if we only live in a small room since my eldest daughter can live in our house, my aunt said, it's just close to us. Maybe I'll just be a little patient until I save up for building a small house there. It's better to suffer in a small house than to stay in this place, where I get nothing but problems and troubles.

Hopefully our lives there will change forever. I hope that little by little I will fulfill all my dreams there. I know that my family will not leave me there, since my Mom is no longer here, that I can run here in Manila, I can only run to my family on my Dad's side in Baguio. I know how much my Aunt loves me plus my Grandma is also there so I know that somehow someone will guide me there. Someone will help me in the new life I want to fulfill. I really want to live quietly and away from trouble.

I have already packed our things. Tomorrow I will just take my children to my stepdad's house to say goodbye to him. Then on Monday, we will travel home to Baguio. I am also excited somehow because I will finally be away from the chaotic world of Manila. I just hope that my husband will learn there and change his life forever. I know it's hard to change someone, especially in what they are used to doing but I still hope that I can really change him for the better. Even though he is like that, I still love him and I also don't want to have a broken family.

May God help me with my plans. And thanks also to my Chad's P3 Racing Guild Scholarship for making a way for me to start a new life there in my hometown.