@marblely

@marblely 7 August 2021

Spotted a yellow spider on the car windscreen as we walked back to the car on a rather sunny day. It didn't look scary and poisonous but I do not know. I stayed quite far away while zooming the camera to try to capture its photo. It was hopping and walking around quite a bit, and these were the best I could do :D

@marblely 6 August 2021

Step by step “Step by step and you will get there.” Words we often hear as a child and even now, as adults. When we were learning how to walk, our parents or if there was any adult looking, they would be on standby or on guard, waiting to catch us in case we fall. Each of us started our lives by taking those baby steps. When we walk, we have a target route or a destination to go to or a goal to achieve. Each step that we take, gets us to where we want to go to. If we do not take those steps, we would stay put at where we are. When climbing a hill or a mountain, step by step takes an almost a literal sense. Every step forward brings us closer to the peak or to wherever it is that we are hoping to get to but whether or not we reach there, takes a little more than just step by step. It takes courage, discipline, perseverance, patience and motivation. It takes stamina too, lots of it. I once climbed a mountain with a group of friends. We were divided into groups of five and there were about twenty of us. We made it a point to remind each group that nobody was ahead of anybody and that we were as fast as our slowest member, that was to say that we do not leave anyone behind. The climb was divided into two main parts. The first part started from morning until late afternoon through the forest trail while the second part of the climb started at two in the morning until sunrise through the rocks of the mountain. The earlier part of the climb was fairly easy. It started at around nine in the morning and it was quite a relaxing walk and hike inside the forest trail, passing by little rivers and man made bridges. Then it came to a point that it was climbing steps, going upwards toward the mountain. The steps were of different height, some higher than another and it came to a point that it started to be quite a difficult climb because the air was thinning but still manageable. We took our time, trekking slowly and rested whenever any of us felt like they needed to take a breather. We would stop to have some snack to regain our energy and we enjoyed the scenery as we climbed up. Although tiring, it was fun in many ways. Birds could be heard chirping, crickets making its crickety sounds and sometimes, it was only silence except for the sounds of our footsteps. We could see how the plants changed from green thick forests to pine trees as we went up further. After a six-hour climb, we reached our first pit stop, which was a rest and lodging house. It was just a simple lodging area managed by the locals there. The weather was nice and cooling as breeze caught up to us towards the end of the climb. We stayed there for the rest of the day, enjoying the beautiful view there and mentally tried to prepare for our next climb up to the peak at two in the morning the next day. We were pretty much in the middle of the clouds and they were so close that we could almost touch them if only we could fly. The rest of the groups arrived almost the same time. We had our lunch and dinner, slept for a bit and a quick supper before moving out for the next part of the climb in pitch darkness, apart from our headlamps and a cold weather. It was much harder than expected because the air was really thin. During the first half hour towards the peak, there were still man-made wooden stairs made out of the roots of the trees there, that we stepped on to climb but in no time, it came to the rocks and boulders where only a rope guided us along the way up. We had a local guide for each group and they made sure each of us was climbing safely. But after an hour, some of us started to become dizzy as Oxygen level was low. We huffed and puffed more with each step of the way and for myself, I had to stop to catch my breath every few steps. It was really hard to breathe up there and it took a lot of effort just to walk a few steps. Plus, we were in our full winter climbing gear because it was so cold up there. We pushed and motivated each other to keep walking and not give up. Quite frankly, some of us had wanted to give up, lie down on the rocks and stop walking. Step by step and we’ll get there but it was so hard. But we pushed on and forward. We kept going. Some of the those who had much better stamina and resilience managed to go up and down within two hours. My team had been climbing for four hours and we were almost there. We wanted to catch the sunrise but we missed it by half an hour. But the moment we reached the peak, the feeling was amazing. It didn’t matter that we missed the sunrise. The view up there was breathtaking and spectacular. No words could describe the joy we had, after going through the challenging climb. Step by step, we got there. But after that, we realized that we had to go down. Step by step, we would get there too and we did.

@marblely 5 August 2021

Hidden intentions I get a little weary when someone I haven’t heard from for a long time and one whom I am not close to, suddenly appeared out of the blue and asks how am I doing. I become wearier when they start asking personal questions as though we are old friends although we were not to begin with. I get cautious too when someone I just knew becomes too nice to me and too close for comfort. I have had experiences with ex-colleagues who would find me through social media platforms, or if they knew my mobile number, would suddenly leave me a message to ask how I was doing. At first, I thought it was harmless and I would reply without thinking much about it until… until… they started to sell me things indirectly. They don’t usually start off the conversation straight with it but would beat around the bush first, talking about the weather and try to appear concerned about our wellbeing. Then, when it starts with “Have you heard of ….” or “Do you know I am selling this now?”, that is when it all starts. They would go on and on about it for as long as you entertain them. I do want to support them, don't get me wrong but sometimes, the method which they choose to approach, is just too superficial and pretentious. It becomes too obvious and insincere. It is a tough balance to achieve. Each time, I had hoped it to be different but it was always the same story over and over again. The story usually would be that they had started a new business venture, either in direct selling company or in wealth management or a new product line. Sometimes, it was just to get some information from me about someone else or about a gossip that they have heard from someone else about something that happened somewhere. It was last week when I received a voice message from an ex-colleague. It started with a very warm greeting of hello and how I was doing, the kind that goes “hey, how are you dear” with a lot of enthusiasm. A little too warm I thought at first but I continued to listen to the message. Then, she started to give updates about herself and what she has been up to. She moved on to her current business, a therapy service to help stressed minds and how it was doing quite well. She also took the time to highlight her clientele and how well she was doing. Mind you, this was all in a voice message. She took the time to leave me an almost five minute voice message and at the end of it, she asked to not be a stranger and to lets catch up. I was speechless by the end of the message, unsure what to make of it. I had wanted to be happy that she thought of me and called me up or rather bothered to leave me a long message but what exactly was she trying to tell me in that long message? Did she really want to catch up with me or was it just a put up front to sell me her service? I wasn’t sure but I couldn’t help but to lean towards the angle that she had ulterior motives of wanting to sell me her service. I was trying very hard to think positively that she truly wanted to catch up with me but I can’t help but think that it wasn’t the case. I didn’t return her call and I was glad she didn’t call me back. One of my ex managers used to employ a method with those he met and that he would first give a hundred percent mark to all he meets. Then, slowly, as he got to know them better, he would either add more points or minus them based on their actions. I quite liked the idea and I tried to employ the same strategy with all of whom I met, either face-to-face or online. But the challenge nowadays is the growing number of people who scam or has ulterior motives or intentions, each with an agenda of their own, each wanting to achieve a goal by their actions that by the time we realize it, it may be too late. Some things that sound and look too good to be true, most times are. When someone calls to say we won something or we are in line to win something that is when the alert antenna shoots upright straight and we should become very weary ad cautious. Most of the time, I try not to over think things. I would give a benefit of the doubt and listen to what they have to say and offer. Who knows, it could be something worth listening to or something that may be good after all. But so far, my doubts have not been cleared. It has come to a point when I would just avoid them altogether. I would just stop replying. Why is it that most people have intentions or some may say, hidden agendas? Is it inevitable? Can we not have simple conversations without any ulterior motive? It is saddening to see how the world has become sometimes. I guess it is the state of the world that we live in currently. I have no doubt there are some who are truly genuine and I know in my circle of friends and acquaintances, who do call just to say “hi” and nothing else. Those who are genuine and just wanted to know how we are doing. I appreciate them and I do that too to some of my friends from childhood, college days and from my ex workplace as well as long distance relatives whom I have not met for years, people with no other intentions but a genuine heart.

@marblely 3 August 2021

A gift of positivity It isn't always easy to know what to give as a gift to someone in need, especially when it is something beyond our skill and capability. When one has been diagnosed with a terminally ill condition, what can we give to them, to help them ease their pain and to help them feel a slight bit better? Sometimes, there is really nothing much we could give that could help ease their pain. But one thing I knew from several resources was that diseases such as these feed and grow faster on negativity. The one thing we could give is a gift of positivity. Someone close to me was diagnosed with a stage four cancer a few years ago. She was admitted into the hospital because of a growth that was obstructing her kidney functions. After she was operated on, the doctors found the growth cells but only managed to remove parts of the growth, which they sent for a biopsy. The doctors highlighted to the family that the growth was too spread out and could not be removed entirely. It was then discovered that the growth was malignant and that it was an aggressive one. She was later told that she had just about a month or two to live, at max maybe three and her family was advised to prepare themselves for the worst. It was devastating to the family, to her relatives, to her friends and to all who knew her. She was the most positive person we all knew, the most jovial and the fit one, or so we thought. Nobody could believe and accept that she had cancer, even until today. She went to the gym almost every single day. She was friendly, caring and always giving. She made the most delicious dumplings and cookies, giving them away and sharing them, just as quickly as she made them. She would spend her weekends to make them and the foods that she made, were not easy to make and usually took hours to make. But it made her happy to cook for others and to care for others. That was the kind of person she was. For one who was close to her, it was saddening to be in her shoes. All we could do was to give her words of encouragement and that it was not the end of the world, and that we will fight this with her, supporting her all the way. We asked around, we researched, and we tried to find other means of treatment. We were giving up, not yet. After seeking a second opinion, she was given an option to try, an experimental treatment at a research hospital nearby. It was a different variation to chemotherapy and was said to be less damaging to the body. She went for it. However, before she could begin her treatment, she had another problem to fix. The cancer cells were squeezing her urethra tracts and the doctors had to insert a separate stent and connected the tracts to a bag externally to enable her to dispose off her urine. By the time she got that fixed, it was three months after she was diagnosed with cancer. The good thing was that she could start her experimental treatment and hey, she had lived through the three months max limit told by the first doctor. Although she had to walk around with a bag by her side while she went for her treatment, she strive on. Most of the time, she was hospitalized due to numerous complications. It was tough on her and for us who saw her suffering everyday; it was devastating. She could only go home a few days every few weeks. It took a toll on her physically and emotionally but she tried to be as positive as she could because it was her nature to be positive. Us being around her, seeing how positive she was trying to be, continued to be positive for her too, although we knew it wasn’t easy. Whenever she was hospitalized, I visited her whenever I could, almost every alternate day. While I was there, we would laugh and joke about the past and present memories. We would talk about the latest dramas, movies and variety shows on television. She loved watching dramas and singing competitions, and would ask who managed to move forward to the next round, who sang better and who went to the finals. I knew she was in pain but just for that few hours, I was happy to at least be able to keep her mind off the pain. I massaged her hands and legs while she lay in bed; I tried to give her words of comfort and tried to distract her mind with stories and updates about everyone. I combed her hair, tried to make her look good because she liked to look good. While I was there, she would ask me to read to her, to update her on things and I would gladly share with her. She was always worried that her hair will drop as a result of the treatment but it didn’t. But it came to a point that she found it hard to maintain a long hair while lying down the whole time. She could see her hair dropping everyday and decided to cut it short one day when a volunteer barber dropped by the hospital. After a year plus, she started feeling better and was able to go home for a few weeks. It was such a relief for everyone and we thought she was getting better and she would be able to fight the disease. We continued to support and encourage her. Her husband brought her to her favourite places to eat and relax. But sadly, it relapsed and when it did, she was hit hard. It spread to her stomach making her bloated all the time and she was in too much pain that she decided to give up on treatment. At this point, there was nothing anyone else could do for her because she didn’t want to listen anymore. She passed away a few weeks after. Although she has left us, I was glad that we managed to give her gifts of positivity and she stayed positive while it lasted. We got to spend a little more time with her, creating more memories. Who knew our time with her was this short? We thought there was still tomorrow but there wasn’t. How precious and fragile life is. Every second, every minute counts and we should appreciate the time we have with each other for as long as we are able to, creating hopefully wonderful memories before it is too late.

@marblely 3 August 2021

When kids are young, the chances of everyone sitting together in front of the telly is high and it is a truly family time when the whole family enjoys a drama or movie. But when kids are grown up, each having their own plans and mindset, the chances of sitting together to watch something on telly slowly diminishes. They would rather look at their phones instead. Enjoy the time you have with your kids before they grow up :)

@marblely 1 August 2021

The whys and hows I think teaching kids between the ages of five to eleven can be thought of as one of the most interesting learning experiences anyone can have. Kids are curious by nature and at around four to five, when they begin to learn to talk, their curiosity becomes outspoken and continues to be enhanced throughout the years. Kids around that age begin to understand and comprehend some things that go on around them. They wonder a whole lot about many things and they are not shy to ask questions usually. Everything they hear and see, it is question of wonder in their curious minds. It usually starts with a simple observation or sharing of a fact or a little something. It could be as simple as birds fly in the sky or the leaves wither after some time. The response, for a curious kid would be just as simple as the fact, which is a “why?” Many years back, I had the privilege to tutor kids of that age, a pair of siblings, a brother and a sister. The brother was ten years of age while the sister was six. It was my first experience home tutoring kids that young and what an amusing experience it was. At that time, I was only tutoring teenagers and the whys from teenagers are fairly predictable based on logical understanding and conclusions. One of my students was a cousin to the pair of siblings and had asked if I could tutor them too. My first thought was “why not?” and that it couldn’t be that hard, could it? Boy boy… I was so wrong. The arrangement would either be that the students come over to my house or I go to theirs. But considering these kids were young and they lived just behind my house, I decided to walk to their house. It was the first session and I made it a point to reach their house early, taking into consideration some get-to-know each other time. When I reached, there was an elderly lady in the house and she invited me in, showing me the way to the dining hall, which would be where the session was to be held. I found out later that the elderly lady was their grandmother.  I sat waiting for the kids to arrive. Their grandmother had earlier called out for them and shouted that the tutor has arrived. Within a few minutes, a boy and a girl came running. When they saw me, they slowed down almost immediately, looking shy and each took a seat next to mine. After a brief introduction to get to know each other’s names and a quick “how was school” and “how old they were”, I started to look through each of their school workbooks and worked my on-the-spot teaching plan with them. My job was mainly to help them with their homework from school and to make sure that they complete them. At first, they were both very cooperative, just quietly doing their homework while I worked with them to understand what the questions were asking for. I guessed they were shy and were still trying to get used to me. Soon after, the little girl started to warm up to me and moved closer to me. She turned to a page of her workbook and began asking questions softly. The brother was still a little distant at his spot, concentrating on his workbook. The page of the girl’s workbook showed a coconut tree illustration by the beach. Nearby the coconut tree, there was a hut and a man with his monkey. It was a simple context to illustrate the lifecycle of a coconut, from a coconut tree, the coconut falls to the ground and picked up by the monkey or human who would then open, eat the flesh and throw away the seeds. The seeds would be thrown back to the sea and washed ashore to another beach before its lifecycle starts all over again. The girl asked that I explain the illustration to her and I did according to diagram and some text on the page. Then it began. After every stage of the lifecycle, the girl asked me why. Why does the coconut fall from the tree? Why did the man and monkey pluck the coconut from the tree? Why did they throw the seeds into the sea? Why did the seed get washed ashore to another beach? Why did the seed grow again? So many questions from the little mind of hers and some, I could answer, or so I thought. But some, seriously, I have never asked the questions before myself and had no idea. In fact, I thought she asked pretty good questions. I was literally sweating trying to figure out an answer to each question. When the brother saw how warmed up his sister was getting with me, he started to ask questions too. His questions were more in-depth and were added with another layer of how. How did the coconut fall by itself? How did the monkey pluck the coconut from the tree? How did the seed get washed to another shore? I was feeling quite nervous at one point, trying to think of answers but I think I managed to answer them all, best to my imagination and understanding. I think by the end of the session, they were satisfied by the answers, I think. One thing I found out about kids asking questions is that they would not stop until they are satisfied with the answer. It was a two-hour tuition session and I think by the end of it, I was exhausted. But I was very impressed by their level of curiosity and I learn from them too, without a doubt. It was just the first session and I couldn’t wait for the next but I was nervous too. I felt challenged really but I was motivated to do my homework the next time I do my session with them. What a wonderful learning experience and I knew I must encourage them to continue asking questions because it is how they learn and grow. As we grow older, we must not stop asking the whys and hows for whatever reason although many times, as adults, we tend to do so. When the whys and the hows stop coming, when we stop asking questions, when we start to feel that it is all pointless or when we start feeling shy to ask, the learning takes a halt. We must not go there. Always ask, search for answers and feed our curious minds.

@marblely 30 July 2021

Of passion, heart and soul Just the other day, I watched a debate. It was a debate between politicians. One was from the opposition side, bringing out points and highlighting concerns, emphasizing what action and steps that the government side should have taken to help the people. Instead, they took too long to execute their actions and many people in the country suffered as a consequence of it. Apart from that, the actions seemed as though they were not thought through and they seemed haphazardly carried out. The politicians had other priorities in their minds and it was quite clear that it was not for the people. How “exciting”, you may think such a debate can be, and quite frankly, I was thinking the same too. We somehow had the channel on auto play mode while I was doing my usual house chores when suddenly one particular speaker caught my attention. I am not one who is drawn to political debates but this particular one was different. It was when this politician from the opposition side spoke, and my heart literally paused for a bit, watching the speaker in action. I could hear it in his voice and I could see it in his body language. He tried to be as calm as he could but he couldn’t because he felt there was so much the government should have done for the people. At one point, he slammed his stack of notes onto the table, his voice and hands were trembling and he was very obviously furious at the rate that the government was doing things. People were losing their jobs; their livelihood affected terribly and some resorted to taking their own lives because they couldn’t take it anymore. The people surrendered and hoped for the best. If only steps were taken at the very beginning and if only help was given much earlier, they could have saved many, many lives. When the opposition politician spoke, I could see, hear and feel the passion, the heart and soul of the person. It was overflowing with anger and it was clear that the person has thought long and hard, to express his points across as professionally as he could. The points were heartfelt, the choice of words, the body language was heartfelt and it was heartbreaking to realize how true the points were. Passion cannot be faked nor can one pretend to be passionate. When one is passionate about something, it shows. When one pretends, it shows too. When one speaks, we can hear it in their voices and we can heart it from their speech. It can be of any topic and it doesn’t need to be a rocket science topic. But it can be a rocket science topic too if it is the person’s passion. In all that we do, when there is passion and there is heart in it, it would show somewhat. We may not realize it but it does. And it is passion that drives us to go beyond, to reach beyond our boundaries and to achieve our goals. When I watch documentaries on how ordinary people went above and beyond to do what they love, facing all challenges head on and having all the patience to overcome it all, for themselves, for their family, for their love in what they do, I would cry silently listening to their stories. There is just so much love they have in the things they chose to do and their goals are usually simple and straightforward. In cases where artists, musicians, athletes, putting all their hours in practice, their hearts and souls in achieving their dreams or in cases when people reach out to others, sacrificing all they have to help others, it totally breaks me but in a good way. I am a sucker for stories like these and I love reading, watching and listening to them, especially when I learn that things have not been easy for them and the hardships they go through to achieve them. Stories like these are so inspiring. When one sings, or when one plays a musical instrument of their choice, just watching them, we could feel their passion. It is wonderfully frightening sometimes to watch how immersed they are in their performances. You know the kind where they would close their eyes as though they are being transported to a different world altogether. Usually I would have goose bumps and sometimes, I would cry too. How powerful one can be by their voices and their talent. I think it is the same when it comes to writing.  When I read an article, I find myself drawn to articles or posts that are heartfelt and written like it was spoken, nothing too official and nothing formal. It may well be a short story, an experience, a novel, a fiction, a tutorial, a biography, a description or just a simple comment. It may be a life story, a technical paper, an introduction to something the person believes in or a simple sharing of one’s experience. It is the kind of writing that makes my heart skips a couple of beats or the kind that pauses the heart or pumps the heart to beat faster, the type of writing that can be felt as though they are truly guiding you every step of the way in their article, not a mere step by step manual. When one writes from the heart and with passion, be it of love or anger or anything of any sorts, as a reader, I think most of us can feel it. It need not be a complicated topic, nor need it have bombastic words. Quite frankly, I wouldn’t understand most bombastic words. I would need to look for the word in dictionary each time and it can get pretty tiring to do that each time. It is not pretentious. It is just plain and simple, coming from the heart to the blank sheet for which the article was typed in or written on, something written passionately from the heart and soul of one to another.

@marblely 28 July 2021

Self-confidence, in moderation Self-confidence is a funny thing. We need a substantial amount of self-confidence to have faith in ourselves, to build our self-esteem, to believe in ourselves and to be able to push ourselves to do the things that we wanted to do. It is with self-confidence that we have the courage to speak and sing in front of an audience, to believe in what we have to offer, in our talent or skill. It is also with self-confidence that we are able to lift our heads up high, in living the life that we want, the life that we possibly dream of. Self-confidence can build a child’s self esteem and help in a child’s development through their life, in growing up to be strong, emotionally and mentally. For each action a child does, parents and teachers boost the child’s self-confidence by giving them words of encouragement and positive feedback such as “well done” or “good job”. It is through these words of encouragement, that a child sees that what they are doing is correct, that they are on the right path and thus help them to be independent, to have faith in themselves and to continue to do it, to get better at it. Practice and joining contests or performances help boost self-confidence too. For example, if we play a musical instrument such as guitar or piano, the best way to be better at it is to practice to a point that we perform either for contests or concerts, to improve ourselves, to become better and better at it. The more we practice, the lesser mistake we make and the better we become in order to feel good in presenting our work to others. In meetings, having a good amount of self-confidence helps in giving us the courage to speak our mind, especially one that is dominated by the outspoken ones. To voice out, to share our thoughts, to seek clarification, to ask a question, it takes some self-confidence, courage, bravery and calmness to organize our thoughts and speech. It is not always easy to speak out loud, for fear of what we say might sound stupid. I do agree that it can take quite a bit to build self-confidence and there is a need to go through stages of encouragement and feedback to build it. But when we start to have confidence, it is necessary to remember that confidence must continue to be paired with hard work and humility. When we have a little too much of self-confidence and when we start to become lazy, self-confidence may slowly destroy us in ways we do not necessarily realize until it is too late. In school, one of my favourite subjects was math and I became pretty good at it. I was taught the fundamentals by an amazing tutor. He made sure we understand the foundation because once we understood the fundamental concepts; we could apply the same concepts and methods in all scenarios with different numbers. It didn’t matter how different the numbers were because the fundamental concepts would apply and when we work them, the outcome would be similar, just different numbers. We were given workbooks that contained past years’ questions and scenarios. As I practiced everyday, I became better and naturally, I was more confident in working my numbers. In exams usually, I would work the questions up as quickly and carefully as I could and then go through them to check one round. If I had the time, I would check another round. There came a point, I got a little too comfortable, a little too confident that I started to become lazy. In one particular exam, I became too complacent and I didn’t practice as much as I would usually. When the exam started, I worked the questions slowly for some reason because the brain was not working and calculating as fast due to lack of practice. I didn’t have time to check the questions thoroughly and only managed to choose a couple of random questions to check. But even with that, towards the end, I realized that I have made a mistake by becoming lazy and I started to get anxious that I didn’t get to check through the questions properly. As a result, I did relatively badly for the exam. It was after this incident that I started to become weary and would lose confidence each time I take my math exam. It made quite an impact in my life. I started to doubt myself in most parts. In another subject, one that I dislike which is history, our teacher was giving us tips on what specific topics to study for the finals, a college entry exams. Out of seven main topics, the teacher was confident that only four topics would be asked in the exam based on her analysis across the many years of exams. We respected her; we believed her as our teacher and we had all the confidence in her analysis. This was confidence on several levels. We focused only in the four topics and ignored the other three. There were a few others, who decided to study all the topics. On exam day, only one of the topics came out along with the other three, which the teacher was confident will not be asked again. One can say it was stupidity and laziness too. The number of us who chose to focus only on the four topics and not study the other three topics, we were practically whacking ourselves on our heads. It was an important exam and a number of us didn’t do well quite obviously while those who studied all the topics did well. Yes, self-confidence is good for our personal development but we must never forget to always and to continue to couple it with hard work and humility. We must not slack off just because we think we are good at it and no longer need to do much anymore which is a recipe for failure. Self-confidence tastes better in moderation, just like the many things in life.

@marblely 25 July 2021

Over time “You will feel better over time.”  So I was told when I was hurting from a pretty bad car accident a few years back. But that was after I went to see a doctor. When I was involved in the accident, I thought I was okay except for a couple of bruises. I did notice my rib cage hurt each time I moved a certain direction, especially when I lie down or stand up. It felt like a sharp pain that left me breathless sometimes. At first, I was thinking it was muscle aches due to the impact of the accident. But after three weeks, it didn’t get any better. My family told me to go see a doctor but I was quite stubborn thinking I was okay. When it was the third week and I still felt like shit, that was when I decided that I should see a doctor.  It was time. “Did you know that you have three cracks at three separate bones of your rib cage?” It was the first thing the doctor asked with a clearly shocked face after he saw the report of the MRI scan. When I heard that, I could feel shivers down my spine. Almost instantly I was glad I listened to my family to see a doctor. My rib bones at that time was like a time bomb and my condition could have gotten worse without me realizing what had happened. There I was, thinking it was a muscle ache the whole time. What a doosh. I was given prescriptions to bring down the inflammation and calcium supplements to assist in reconstruction of the bone. I was told to wear a rib brace belt at all times for at least a hundred days because the bones need that amount of time to heal and they needed to be immobilized. I was also asked to go back to the hospital for follow-up visits every two weeks to scan and monitor the progress of the bones. When I experienced my first death of a loved one more than ten years ago, I was hurting too and the heart ached terribly. The feeling was indescribable and the heart just squeezes each time. I read somewhere that time would heal and I would feel better over time. True enough, after a few months, the heart didn’t ache as much and over time, I did feel better. Life continued, the mind got distracted with many things and I did not think about the death as much as I did at the beginning. Then, when I experienced my second death of a loved one, I sort of knew what to expect. Without a doubt, it hurt at first for a few weeks and months but over time, it did feel better as I went on with my life. The memories of my loved ones will always remain in my heart and I remember them ever so often, thinking about when they were alive, when we did things together and appreciated the time we spent together. Over time, things do get better. But there is also the other side to it, in which things can get worse over time too. For example, if I were to have continued to be stubborn and not see a doctor for the pain around my rib cage area, things would have gotten worse, wouldn’t it? It was a scary thought. If I hadn’t gone to see a doctor, the cracks would have gotten worse, a hairline crack would have become bigger cracks. And by the time it became worse, it may have been too late or the medical fees to treat it may have been more compared to if I were to treat it earlier. The same goes with the wear and tear of things. Over time, they do not get better. In fact, they would get all worn out and in time, we will no longer be able to use them anymore unless we preserve them at an earlier stage. In the case of, for example a house, over time, paint on the walls would chip and the electrical wiring would deteriorate, the metal parts would rust, the wooden pieces would rot, unless of course, we do something about them, to preserve the house. We would need to repaint, rewire, rebuild. How about that for a thought? Not everything becomes better over time. It depends on the context, what it is and what the situation is. If it is things that will deteriorate over time due to nature, it may not get better. If it is feelings and emotions, it might. If it is sickness, and illnesses, it depends. I guess for things that can potentially to get better over time, the catch is, we will need to do something about it. If we remain in the same state and in the same conditions without doing anything to improve or change it, things may not get better. In fact, it may get worse.

@marblely 24 July 2021

Do I care? Do they care? Sometimes I catch myself when I get all worked up over something, when I over think things, when I over do things. I would ask myself, why do I care or why did I care? Do I care? Do they care? The answer is usually no. Back in the days when social media platforms have just started, when everyone I knew was very much into them, happily posting their updates daily, letting those within their circle know what they were doing, day in, day out, what they were eating, where did they go, I too thought it was fun to post too. I would choose photos to share and tell my circle of so-called friends, where I went, what I did, what I ate. I remembered one day, I was mopping the floor in the morning, before I got ready for work, and I was actually in a hurry but my phone beeped a notification. It was notification of new updates from my circle of “friends” in the social media platform. I pressed to view them and time just flew by. My mind got distracted. I spent half an hour scrolling and scrolling, looking at photos, to see the happy faces and reading thoughts of my circle of “friends”. I read what their postings were, what they were thinking of, what they were doing and even what did they have for breakfast that particular morning. Then all of a sudden, I realized geez, the time just flew by and I did nothing but looking at updates of other people’s lives. It dawned on me, did I just waste half an hour of my time doing that instead of getting some mopping done and preparing to go to work? Why did I do that for? It was such a striking moment for me at that point, a self reflection that screamed out loud. Why did I bother? Why did I care? Seriously, do I even care what they had for breakfast, where did they go for dinner last night or what they were thinking, these “friends” and “family” whom I hardly meet or probably never will meet again. We only got to know each other from some years in school or college or work, or found out that we are distant cousins of some sort, and not even close to begin with, and only met or would usually meet once a year or once in a few years. It is during hard times, that you figure out who your real friends and family are. Real people who genuinely care about you and would ask how you are doing, be it good times or bad times. Throughout my life, I have had “friends” and “family” members who would only call when they needed something, when they needed a listening ear, when they were facing problems. But when their life becomes good after, when they have achieved the happiness that they were seeking, I don’t hear from them anymore. It is quite funny how people are sometimes. After each incident like these, I grew up. I realized that they didn’t really care about me and probably, maybe I didn’t care about them either I guess. I would think about the time that I spent, listening to their problems, when they cried and I would try to cheer them up. It seemed so easy for all that to be forgotten. There were times too when the so-called friends and so-called family asked for monetary help, to pay the bills, and I would help them. But after that, I don’t hear from them again until if they need something again from me. I wonder sometimes, why the heck did I care? I think experiences like these slowly change me, from someone who used to care to someone who don’t care as much. Sometimes I feel it is much better to help strangers and animals who genuinely are grateful for any help given. When it comes to “friends” and “family”, there is a certain expectation I guess that they would care too when I needed help or perhaps, just a quick call to chat, to ask how things are, when times are good. Not just appear when they needed something from me and disappear when things are good for them. Things do not make sense most time and nowadays, I feel happy not having to meet people, thanks to the on-going pandemic situation. I am in my little world at home, I care for myself and I care for those who cares about me too. I finally get to see who are the real friends and who are real family. The numbers are small but I am okay with it. I prefer it that way too. It is pretty sad to think about it this way but when it comes down to it, I can’t help but think maybe I have been taken advantage of. It is not something nice to be thought of it that way but it is hard not to think about it sometimes. The only consolation I have is that I have managed to help them in their times of need and that they are leading a happier life now. There are many things we do in life that do not necessarily matter to others and vice versa. I think it is important to make sure that the things that we do should matter to us first. If it is something that is right to do, that makes sense, that is morally right and should be done, that makes us happy to help, we do it. I tell myself not to be bothered about the reciprocal part of things, silence is golden. It applies to many things in life. As long as we do what is right and what feels right, then we should be alright. Most importantly, I must care about me.

@marblely 22 July 2021

Just keep swimming I will always remember Dory, the adorable, absent minded and forgetful fish from Finding Nemo who helped Nemo's dad, Marlin find Nemo. They went through a whole lot of adventures, fun, scary and sad, to find Nemo and it was one of my favourite computer-animated adventure film produced by Pixar Animation Studios and released by Walt Disney Pictures (*source*). https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Finding_Nemo “Just keep swimming”, my favourite quote by Dory and not surprisingly, it continues to be one of the most motivating quotes that I say to myself in times of stillness and in times when I felt like giving up, felt like quitting. It has helped me to keep moving, to keep going. It has helped me to move on, to move forward when I find myself stuck - stuck in motion, stuck in thoughts, stuck in action. I think of it as a life mantra sometimes. For example, when I swim, when I do my laps, I do get bored with the repetitive strokes. It is the same thing over and over again for each lap, to and fro and to and fro. This to me, is the best time to think about Dory’s words and it helps wonderfully. I would talk to myself, sing to myself, telling myself that I am toning my muscles, that I am training for a happy heart and that I am getting a nice tan from the sun. I find that talking positively to self is a great way to keep moving and much thanks to Dory’s quote, I would keep going, keep swimming. Every other day when I do my not-exactly-yoga-stretches, I would use this quote too. In between the stretches, I would do half push ups because I don’t have the strength to go all the way down. The thing with working out is that the physical body would sometimes play tricks with the mind. In the midst of it, the physical body would want to quit and stop. But if in my head, I tell myself to just keep going, that I can do it, if I tell myself just a little bit more, just a few more rounds, just sweat a little more for a healthier me, my physical body could actually go on for that few more rounds. And quite surprisingly, I would be more pumped up for that additional few rounds and at the end of it, it would feel really good to do that few extra rounds. The same goes with jogging. Jogging requires a certain method of breathing so as to not go out of breath. When I start jogging, there is a point that I would need to reach and get past, to be able to reach a point of controlled breathing. The time taken for the breathing to stabilize can take between ten to fifteen minutes. But to reach that point, it can take quite an effort. This is another good situation for this mantra to just keep swimming or jogging in this case. There are times too when it gets a little lonely, when I don't get what I had hoped for, whether it is some form of support or some kind of reaction or when I have secrets that I can't share with others. Everything is cooped up and all I can do is to keep it all within myself. Sometimes, it is inevitable. The thought of quitting, of giving up would come and there is no way of stopping it nor is it preventable. It can turn up any time, anywhere, and anyhow. There are times that I could be having the best time of my life and suddenly, poop, the thought turns up. There is no telling when or why, there is usually a trigger point, something I do not realize and when it comes, I am pretty much stuck. Nothing moves, and sometimes can be thought of as a form of depression but I do not wish to go there. I would try to remember Dory. The quote may not necessarily work every time but it is worth a try. In times when there is no direction, and it feels like we are just going through the daily motion like a robot, and when things get boring, it is a good quote to tell myself. Just keep swimming until I find something new, something different or something better. In times I needed to hang on, to keep going while waiting for something better or while waiting for something to happen or for something to come. When the light at the end of the tunnel looks bleak or seemed dark, but I know that I still need to go on, to keep moving, to keep working. The only way to to do that, to push myself forward is to tell myself to just keep swimming.

@marblely 21 July 2021

Cheating, indirectly In high school, there would always be a group of students who did well in almost every exam and would score with flying colours. For every year of students, the school allocated 6 classes in total, each between twenty five to thirty students and students were divided according to their exam results. The top students would be put into one class and the rest would flow through the other five classes within the same year. When it came to the final year of school where students were preparing for the college entry exams, Jill was one of the students in the top class. She was one of the teachers’ favourites or rather teachers’ hopefuls to enter one of the top colleges or universities. It was usually the case, when teachers start to pick their favourites and would give more attention to them with such hopes. One would think that Jill was arrogant to have achieved such standards but Jill was down-to-earth and humble. A school prefect, president for a number of societies and she was always chosen to lead in assignments and such. I worked with her in a number of assignments back then and I enjoyed it. She was easy to work with, friendly, caring and had a big heart for everyone around her. Everyday, we would hang out after school, visiting cafés nearby and chatted until it was time to go home. Jill had a kind heart and was always helping students out. As a prefect, when the duty called to punish students for detention class, she would give them a warning first, at least for the day unless they continue to make the same offense the next day, before issuing them with a detention class slip. After school finished, Jill went on to college and furthered her studies to study medicine overseas. I didn’t hear from her much except during birthdays when the group of friends would just wish each other happy birthday without dwelling much into each other’s lives. I heard she was doing well with her studies and was into her final year of her medical school. During a reunion gathering, one of our schoolmates mentioned that Jill had returned home. We thought she was back home after her studies but it turned out that she was caught cheating in her final year exams and she was expelled from her medical school. We were speechless because it didn’t sound like the Jill we knew, who was honest, kind and she was good in her studies. Why was there a need to cheat? We tried to get to in touch with Jill but she didn’t return our calls. We kept trying to ask her to join us but she could not be reached and most certainly then, didn’t want to be reached. We didn’t hear from Jill until one day, I bumped into her at a neighbourhood shop. I asked her to join me for a cup of coffee at one of the cafes we used to go to when we were in school together. I ordered a cup of coffee, a cup of hot chocolate and 2 pieces of fluffy cranberry scones with clotted cream, just like old times. We found a corner with comfortable looking chairs and sat there. As we chatted, it felt like school days again. We reminisced the past and laughed at all the silly things we did before. That was when Jill started to open up. I asked how she was in the last couple of years because we could not get in touch with her. She explained what had happened to her in medical school.    Jill was in her final year and her last exam was a few weeks away when one of her good friends asked for help. Before the last exam, there were a couple of minor tests that they needed to pass too. It was on that fateful day she made a mistake that changed her life for the worst. Her good friend had asked for her help to share answers in one of the minor tests. Jill didn’t think much of it and thought it was okay considering it was just a minor exam and it wasn’t the actual final exam. But little did she know how strict the medical school was. Jill was clearly not good at cheating and she was caught red handed. The school expelled both her and the friend whom she was trying to help. After that incident, she didn’t dare to tell her parents back home. She stayed on where she was at another friend’s house while trying to figure things out. During that time, Jill met a man there and the man turned out to be someone’s husband. Jill was dating a cheating man and she was an accomplice. The man had promised that he was going to divorce his wife but as cliché as it sounded, the outcome was also as cliché. He didn’t divorce the wife and in the end, Jill left him and returned home. It was a question of morale and integrity. It was cheating on different levels and different forms essentially. It was cheating but indirectly in some ways. It was not something easy to digest knowing the kind and honest person that Jill was back in school and the situation she was in, or indirectly brought to herself, knowing well what the possible consequences were. It turned out to be a good meet-up and I was glad to have bumped into her. Jill had been picking herself up after she came back home but she was in depression. Her parents had been wonderful in supporting her in every way possible, to bring her back to the person that she was. It wasn’t easy but Jill managed to. She found a job back home and although she had not been able to entirely let go of her past, she was determined not to be affected by it. She learnt her lesson and at times felt like a fool at the end of it all. I was quite speechless listening to her throughout the conversation but at the same time glad that Jill rise up again from it all. I was happier that she came back. I could see it in her teary eyes that it had been very tough on her and she kept trying and fighting. I admired her courage and honesty too sharing her story with me. I simply said, what didn’t kill her would only make her stronger and she did grow stronger. I hugged her as we said our good byes and I made her promise that she would not go unreachable again. Another late entry to @JonicaBradley’s Writing Prompt #6: Cheating: https://read.cash/@JonicaBradley/the-writing-prompts-linked-in-order-5002007d

@marblely 21 July 2021

It is not Friday yet but I felt like reading this again. One of the feel good, happy books, a chick lit. Although I only knit just a wee bit, it feels good to read about a group of ladies, strangers at first, coming together to knit and in the end, became close friends, supporting each other through life. As I read, I like imagining myself in their shoes, following their characters and I like imagining that I could knit up a dress, in my dreams.

@marblely 20 July 2021

Occupational consequences It was a simple drama. The story revolves around the lives of a group of firemen in a fire station. It was a small team of twelve. The firemen doubled up as paramedics depending on their shifts and at any one time, two will team-up to work together in their shift, to a point that they were overworked most times. I wasn’t too excited about the drama at first because it seemed like any other dramas that moves along with each of the fireman, focusing on a few characters, saving people’s lives from burning buildings, forests and so on. After watching a couple of episodes, one episode caught my attention. It was related to the first episode, which means, it was a couple of episodes along before I started thinking deeper into it. One of the characters in the first episode had braved into a burning apartment, to save an elderly woman trapped with her legs stuck underneath a fallen cupboard. It took a lot of effort for the firemen to pull her out of the rubble and they did in the end. But during that time, the elderly woman wasn’t too keen to be saved because she knew she would be paralysed as she could not feel her legs and she didn’t want to have to rely on others to live her life. She had asked the firemen to leave her there and to let her die. But firemen have a mission to save lives that can be saved and they would do whatever they can to save lives.  A couple of people debated on whether the firemen should save the elderly woman if she didn’t want to be saved. It was an on-going debate across a couple of episodes. Then, came the episode that got caught my attention quite unexpectedly. The same group of firemen was called to a location where a woman who was on the verge of committing suicide. She sat by the edge of the roof with her legs outwards, looking down to a growing crowd. The firemen started work to lay a foundation of mattresses or something of that sort, in anticipation of the woman jumping. The head fireman assigned a couple of his guys to go up to the roof and to try to save the woman. One of the firemen assigned was the one who saved the elderly woman who didn’t want to be saved in the first episode. When the group of them reached the woman who was at the edge of the roof, the woman was clearly depressed. She cried that she has lost everything. She was the owner of the apartment that burned down and she was the daughter of the elderly woman who was saved by the fireman. While trying to coax the woman to chat, the fireman got to know that the woman had lost her apartment from the fire, and she was then tasked to take care of her mother even though her house was burnt down because her brother refused to take on the responsibility. She had to find a temporary rented place and stayed "home" everyday to take care of her paralysed mother, and because of that, she lost her job. At the same time, her boyfriend dumped her, The woman was pushed to her limits and she couldn’t take it anymore. She cried why did the firemen save her mother and she wished she was the one who died in the fire. At the end of the conversation, she said she felt better and that it was time to go down. The fireman thought she was going to step off away from the edge back to safety but instead, she jumped off the other direction, down the building and killed herself. Before she jumped off, she asked the fireman has he ever regretted any of his actions? The fireman who saved the elderly woman earlier couldn’t comprehend what had happened. He couldn’t help but think if he had made a mistake saving the elderly woman who didn't want to be saved because he has indirectly driven the woman to kill herself. Quite frankly, I was quite speechless myself when I was watching them, how an action could lead to such an outcome, how every action and decision that we make, could lead to both a favourable and unfavourable outcome and how every action has its consequences. In the case of this fireman, he was doing his job. He has a responsibility to save lives as long as they are save-able, and whether or not they wanted to be saved, was a secondary point. In the subsequent episodes, the fireman started breaking down, caused by the incident and he started to question his own actions. He started to question his profession and asked himself what was the point of it all at the end of it. He began to hallucinate and it started to affect his work. I couldn’t think about it myself, how do we comprehend such a situation and how do we neutralize or come to terms with our emotions knowing that our occupational action and responsibilities have caused the life of another? It was an internal battle within, between a professional responsibility, what was right, and what made sense or not. *Dramas can be thought provoking and it is one of the reasons why I enjoy watching life dramas. Every now and then, when something triggers my thoughts, I would think deeper into it and question, what would I have done in that situation? Sometimes, I would think of my version of an answer and sometimes, I would not have an answer but still, it is something I'd like to think about.*

@marblely 18 July 2021

Written words Words as we know it, is a powerful tool of communication, whether they are spoken or written. Words have the power to inspire, to motivate and words can also do just the opposite. Words when spoken can never be taken back but can sometimes be forgotten over time, maybe not entirely but parts of it usually. Words when written on the other hand, has a similar effect. When words are written, sent or published and when read by the other party, they cannot be taken back or cannot be undone. Some can be edited and deleted but if someone screenshots what is written, it will be saved in their storage unless the screenshot is deleted. But digital evidence can still be retrieved for someone who knows how. Nowadays, we spend most parts of our lives writing or rather, typing. Text messages, blogs or articles such as these, comments or quick messages are daily occurrences unless we choose to take a break from technology. Many times we type whatever that comes to mind and send them. But when it comes to jobs where emails and online publications are the primary form of communication tool, it is pretty crucial to think about what we type before we send or publish them. There are email and publishing etiquettes that provide guidance on the dos and don’ts, mostly so that we do not piss people off with what we send or publish. But not everyone cares. I used to vet through emails from my team as part of my job before they were sent out. This is a particularly sticky thing to do when issues arise and when the sender made allegations based on emotion rather than facts. Emails or any written words for that matter, translates our emotions in ways that we may not realize. There were days when we have disgruntled requests and the email was written with harsh words and full of caps, ending with exclamation marks. When it comes to email etiquette, I would prefer to look at writing etiquette. One of the main pointers was to be careful with the use of caps and exclamation marks, which represents shouting. From a professional level, it is unpleasant to read a ‘shouting’ sentence. The reality is, whenever we type, words that flow are a representation of our emotion at that point in time, whether it is full of anger, full of sorrow or pure happiness. We may not see it at first and one important thing to do whenever we write is to take a breather first before coming back to the email. For example, when we are full of **ego**, what we type can be filled with ego too, sometimes bursting with ego. There are times when we think we are sharing information but by the mere choice of words and the way words are written it may read boastful. The same goes with anger and frustration. Sometimes, when I read comments that are hurtful, I would wonder, did we really need to go there? What good does it do, other than bringing down ourselves to that level? But I agree, we do need a channel to vent out our frustrations. We can’t keep everything bottled up or we can go insane. I guess if we truly needed to release some steam, we can write a diary, to rant and to pour it all out. A diary is for our eyes only and would cause no harm, unless someone reads the diary. Then, we can get a diary with a lock. That might work, right? Maybe, just maybe. At work, we used to read each other’s emails before we send them out, particularly emails that needed to deliver a strong message across without sounding rude in situations whereby allegations were made against the team. This was one of the toughest things to do. We needed to sound professional yet direct, polite yet strong.  The words needed to be on-point but not cut like a **knife**. We do not want the receiving end to be upset out of spite but we do want them to feel that they should have thought it through before making accusations. We had to train ourselves to write without beating round the bush. If it was a response to a question, we would need to include facts and numbers, and proof of why or where did we find the information to support our statements. An email can take a whole day to write as we work on our choice of words and way of writing. As tiring as it was, it was good that we have a **tree** to look at from our office window, just to rest our mind and our eyes for a quick while. A great emphasis was put into what we write and how we write them because every email that was sent out can be used as proof against the work that we do if problems arise. The intonation, the choice of words needed to be diplomatic but stern. It was quite a tough balance to achieve sometimes. I remembered the days when we would ask each other if our emails sound angry, if the message was clear, if we understood the words. We would try to put ourselves in the receiver’s shoes, and ask if the email made sense, would we be angry if we were to receive the email. Questions after questions would pop into our heads, to cross check, to double and triple check, to make sure that we write a proper email. It is pretty much the same as if we were to write in a complaint on something that we are dissatisfied about. It is the very same question we ask ourselves, how would we want our complaint to be addressed. We for one would get upset with lack luster response and it was something we wouldn’t want to dig holes into. We would prefer our complaint be responded to with urgency and apologetically because the moment we read them, the fume that may have existed in our hearts would have diffused slightly and it would make things easier to deal with. Both parties would be happy and it can be a win-win situation. When I think about it now, it was easier to look for answers, to find what was the root cause of problems, to analyze data, to calculate what was needed compared to writing to respond to issues. It is a question on our written words, on what we write and how do we write them. It is the choice of words and the way they are written that represent us as a person. How do we want to be represented? Prompts from:https://writingexercises.co.uk/take-three-nouns.php Timer: 45 minutes using mobile timer

@marblely 17 July 2021

Water colour pencils are fun to use. Couple of years back, when in need of some therapeutic me-time, I joined colouring contests. The contest hosts would share a stencil every week and we would colour before posting them. Here was one using water colour pencils. Compared to water colours, these colour pencils are easier to control. After colouring them with the pencils, we can just dab a brush with water and start to smoothen out the area to create a water colour effect. It was fun!

@marblely 9 July 2021

To plan, or not to plan? Sometimes, just sometimes, before I start the day, or before I sleep, I would think about the day or the next day. What do I need to complete, what tasks bother my mind and what is it that I need to do to ease my mind or get rid of the little voices in my mind? I realized, that on some days when I do plan my day, things get done and my energy throughout the day is in abundance, right from the start of the day until the end. Then, on days when I have no plans, on days when I wake up not knowing what I should be doing and end up not doing much, I would feel sluggish and unfulfilled. How very odd. I have been staying home everyday the past few months due to the restrictions set by the authorities and going out was just too much effort and tiresome, mentally and physically. And being home everyday, I can’t help but feel that there is always so much to do around the house. Everything I see, there is something that needs to be done. When I look at the floor, ooo it needs some sweeping or mopping. When I look at the kitchen, ooo there are things to wipe, to cut, to blend, to grind, to be stored in the fridge. When I look at the dirty laundry, ooo it is time to do laundry. When I sit down to type, I look at my table and oo it needs some wiping. Is that dust that I see? Gosh, it has only been a few days since I last wiped. It is never ending really. On days that I planned my day, I would complete each chore like a robot. The mind doesn’t think, the hands and legs just move like they have been programmed to complete the chores. Once I was done with cleaning after breakfast, I would collect the dirty laundry and start the machine. While the machine runs, I would mop the floor of every room and space from the inside to the outside. When the machine sings its melody to mark completion of the spinning cycle, it was time to hang the laundry out to the balcony to dry. Then, it would be time to stretch. Nowadays, line dancing became part of the plan. If you have not tried line dancing with weights, do give it a try. It is quite some workout. When it comes down to this, when my days are planned with chores to be completed, my time will need to ***sacrifice*** some activities such as writing. The sad part is, on days that I decide to not to do any chore related stuffs, I would feel quite crap somehow, maybe because I did not sweat. I have a thing, when I do not start sweating from chores, I would not feel like stretching nor doing anything physical. Another “how very odd” moment. There was a day, we watched some Irish ***flute*** music that appeared in our video feed. We love listening to music and Irish music has a special effect on us somehow. Somehow, video tutorials started popping into our feed too. Intrigued and excited, we dug out our old flutes and recorders from the cupboard to give it a try, playing and rewinding the videos a gazillion time. It was not easy at all but it was all fun to learn, even for the wee bit that we could get it right, which was nothing much really. Just the first few notes before the instructor sped up the finger movement. Interestingly, on that day, I didn’t plan the day, it was a spur of a moment thing but I didn’t feel crap. Everyday, we would let videos in our feed run on our screen. Feeds are usually based on our previous search results and the things we watch most often during that time. After the Irish flute feed, we went on to discovering line dancing and we gave it a try, following the steps, which was just a random video of a street performance. A band was playing and people who were watching the band, started dancing in unison, with easy to follow steps that looked as though they were forming a square. Since then, we included line dancing into our daily or almost daily staying at home workout routine. Once, out of the blue, I decided to go through my ***bookcase***, scanning through every book that I bought but haven’t read. I have a collection of books on crafts which I bought, just because the photos look really pretty and I wanted to try the projects (but haven’t had the time or mood, more mood than time). But while sitting down in front of my bookcase, I saw dust and I went to take my piece of cloth to start wiping the books. Old habits die hard, don’t they? Once the books are wiped, the heart becomes happier. At the end of the day, the question remains. To plan, or not to plan? I guess I can conclude that on some days, it is good to plan while on other days, it is better to let things flow and see where the day brings us. Whether I feel good at the end of the day or I feel the other way round, I shall let it be (let it be, let it be, let it be, Beatles’ tune in my head). C'est la vie! Prompts from: https://writingexercises.co.uk/take-three-nouns.php Time taken: 40 minutes using mobile phone timer

@marblely 8 July 2021

No matter how little space we have for a garden, it is refreshing to add some greens here and there around the house. I like experimenting plants to see if they survive in water and here, I am trying out oregano. So far, oregano has been very hardy in soil and they can grow just about anywhere and very easily, just by sticking the stem into the soil. Lets see if this works :)

@marblely 5 July 2021

I had this delectable warm chocolate brownie, crusty on the outside and oozingly soft inside, with a scoop of chocolate ice cream, sprinkled with Hershey's chocolate syrup and almond flakes in 2019 before it all started. Each time I see this photo, I was brought back to the day and I wonder if the restaurant survived. Many businesses suffered and is still suffering. I hope they do because I would like to visit them again.

@marblely 30 June 2021

I was worried that my turmeric plant would not make it as the leaves were turning yellow. Did it get too much sun, too little sun, did I give it too much water, too little water? But when I saw this little baby curling out, a new leaf means life continues and my turmeric plant is still alive and growing. Phew!

@marblely 29 June 2021

In darkness, not I switched off the lights and counted till ten, Pitch black at first, a little less after that, I closed my eyes and counted again, I opened my eyes and saw darkness then, But in moments later, I saw again.   Darkness is frightening most times. When I think of darkness, the thought of it or even reading or saying the word itself gives me the creeps. But the truth is, it is in darkness that we can hear better, we listen better, our other senses are more attuned to our surroundings and it is where we sometimes learn to find light, literally and figuratively. I used to think that when in darkness, we won’t be able to see but I realized that when we open our eyes and wait for a bit, our eyes would readjust itself to be able to see again. But I do realize that it is only when there is a glimmer of light, shining from somewhere, that our eyes are able to adjust itself. But in pitch black darkness, I am not sure if the eyes could readjust itself. I tried to remember if I have ever been in total darkness, where light was nowhere to be found and seen. What happens when your eyes can’t see, when they cannot open anymore? It is a frightening thought but it is what the blind has to live with everyday. For one to be born in darkness or to have their sight taken away from them, either due to an accident or illness, I admire their courage to keep going. I am not sure if I am able to do the same. Once, my brother and I challenged ourselves to swim in a public pool without goggles. We wanted to try and ‘see’ in the water. We dipped our heads into the water, swam like the way we usually would but with our eyes opened in the water. It wasn’t easy but we kept trying. I would have preferred to wear my goggles but just for the fun of it, we continued in the pool with our eyes opened. We were quite proud of ourselves, having able to swim without goggles and being able to see in the pool. We couldn’t wait to tell our parents. But when we were about to step out of the pool, my eyes started to sting. I tried to open them but I couldn’t, no matter how hard I tried. It gave a similar stinging feeling as when I cut onions. It hurt to open and all I could do then was to keep them closed. Even when they were closed, it stung and my eyes were tearing so much. My parents rushed me to the hospital and although it was a short journey, it felt excruciatingly long. All the way there, I just saw darkness and I felt darkness. There was no certainty then that my eyes would be all right and I remembered then, I was on the verge of losing my mind thinking I could lose my eyesight, no longer able to see. Every step was agonizing because I couldn’t see. My imagination started running wild and it wasn’t a happy one. The emergency doctor on duty helped to clean my eyes by gently spraying water and he gave eye drops to help relieve the pain. It was the chlorinated water he said. When there was too much chlorine, which was what the pool had, the eyes may not be able to take it. My brother could take it but I couldn’t. I was asked to continue with the eye drops every few hours for a few days until the eyes got better. I was in darkness for a day or two and I had to be led to everywhere I needed to go. It was one of the most frightening experiences for me, not being able to see, feeling useless throughout the duration and that was only for a day or two. The eyes is one of the most sensitive and delicate parts of a human body and when we do not care for them, we risk losing our sight for good. After that incident, I made sure I wore goggles when I went swimming and I stopped opening my eyes in the chlorinated water. I was lucky because the eyes could heal with medication. But how about those who were not? I sometimes tried to imagine what would happen if I lose my eyesight which I almost did. I couldn’t and I don’t know if I ever could. I know it takes a lot of courage, a great amount of will power and patience to pick oneself up in darkness, to live again and I admire those who do. Darkness, whether it is in literal sense or figuratively, when we are in it, we need to find our glimmer of light, to keep trying and to not give up. If we do, the moment we give up, the moment we stop doing anything about it, that is pretty much the end of it and in darkness we shall be for a long time, especially so if we stay on a spot and refuse to do anything about it. We can only be in darkness for that long, after which, our brain would start to imagine things and it is not somewhere we would want to go to, if there is a choice. This is my freewrite to @JonicaBradley’s Writing Prompt #4: Darkness: https://read.cash/@JonicaBradley/writing-prompt-4-darkness-30499827

@marblely 25 June 2021

Things do look different with googlyeyes. They change the outlook of things and they make the heart happy looking at them, and they give life to objects. :) Although I think these fellas look afraid to be eaten soon. I do like Ferrero Rocher. Slurrppp.

@marblely 23 June 2021

The price of freedom I grew up in a very strict environment, and my childhood was full of restraints and constraints to a point that I was afraid to do many things. There were many rules to follow and I was a timid one. One memory that lies vividly in my mind was how afraid I was to eat one of my favourite snacks – chocolates and sweets or anything sweet. Chocolates were usually kept in the fridge for fear of ants lurking around. Chocolates were off limits and can only be opened by my mother. Even when the chocolate bar wrapper had been opened, I wouldn’t dare to touch them unless my mother said it was okay to do so but I do love chocolates. As I got older, I learnt to buy my own chocolates from the school canteen using my weekly allowances from my father. It was the only place I had the freedom to do so and I would buy them with the little money I had, keeping them in my bag, with hopes that my mother would not find out. I ate chocolates in secret in school during recess or after school, before reaching home and at home before my mother came back from work. I continued this secret chocolate getaway until I was old enough. In high school, and in college, I had much more freedom to buy and eat anything I liked. Chocolates were always at the top of my list.   I didn’t go to the dentist often as a kid but there was one day, that was after I started work, I had no choice but to go to one because I was having funny and uncomfortable sensations each time I ate. That was when I was told that I needed 7 fillings! No wonder my teeth felt sensitive all the time. Freedom comes with a price. It was one of those moments I realized that, and if uncontrolled is not necessarily good for us. My little chocolate rendezvous wasn't. The same goes with freedom in eating anything in general. We have our favourite foods, snacks, which may not be good for us. Too much of anything usually has a negative impact, some of which may turn into allergies and illnesses, especially if we do not have sense of control over the freedom we have of the food that we consume. If we are not careful, the freedom can become a burden later in life. Freedom comes with responsibilities. As a working adult, I always thought it was cool to have a place of my own, decorated the way I liked and a kitchen to be called my own, without having to follow rules. When I finally got a place of my own, I had the freedom to decorate my space, the freedom to use the kitchen the way I liked. But of course, it came with a price. I had to pay my own bills, worry about the finances, cook my own food, do my own laundry, worry about a fused light, learn what to do with a leaked pipe and many other house related issues. There was once I decided to change a fused light on my own and the circuit board tripped, my heart almost tripped too! Freedom is a powerful word and has a greater power in action. Freedom comes in many forms and some forms of freedom. My little freedom of eating chocolates in secret, is a freedom of a small scale. On a more serious note, when we read and watch the news, we see the struggles of many around the world, seeking freedom for many things, freedom in a broader and deeper sense. Freedom of speech, freedom of expression, freedom from oppression, freedom to vote and freedom to their own rights to live in their own country. It is sad and heart wrenching to watch how many in the world suffer through many acts of violence from those who think they are far superior than others. It is a freedom that many of us take for granted sometimes. On the other hand, we also see how there are those who fight for their freedom in ways that pushes the boundaries and in the end goes against the law, which then result in their own disadvantage. But if freedom is fought at the expense of others, it leaves a question on whether the action is acceptable. When we read history, or watch biographical movies or documentaries about freedom fighters all around the world, the fight for freedom was on a much deeper, higher and broader sense that many of us may not understand. Freedom is also a touchy subject. Freedom fought by one party may not be recognized by another and as a result, actions can be taken against them . Today, I appreciate the freedom I have in my little domain, to be able to eat my favourite foods, to be able to write, watch and listen. I remind myself that freedom comes with a price and it is important to keep the freedom I have within control and practised with responsibility. This is my late freewrite to @JonicaBradley’s Writing Prompt #1: Freedom: https://read.cash/@JonicaBradley/writing-prompt-1-freedom-372a053d *All images are my own unless stated otherwise*.

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@marblely 19 June 2021

Motivation, detoured When @JonicaBradley wrote this in her article “Writing Prompt #2: Motivation”: “I once read somewhere that people are not unmotivated. We are really just motivated to do something else.”, she got me thinking, hey she was right, it is not that we lack of motivation, it is because we have focused our motivation elsewhere or the motivation has evolved or changed to something else. https://read.cash/@JonicaBradley/writing-prompt-2-motivation-2905952f I think most or everything that we do, does need some form of motivation. Else, there is no drive and we probably wouldn’t have ventured into it. Curiosity is a motivation, monetary gain is another and let us not forget, a peace of mind and a happy heart are motivations too. In a platform like this where earning is a potential goal, monetary earnings is one of the main source of motivation, apart from our love in writing. For some who has not tried writing before, just by a mere thought of being able to earn from writing can be pushing factor for one to start. Someone once asked if I would keep on writing when the platform no longer rewards us. My answer back then, was an immediate yes. But little did I know, the answer was not a resounding yes. At that time, I was still able to earn quite a bit but now that I hardly do, in reality, I would have to amend my answer. I would still continue to write but at a much slower pace because the monetary motivation has decreased or none existent. I would rather shift my attention and energy to somewhere else where the monetary motivation is higher. In some parts, my motivation is to be able to keep reading a few friends whom I have made along the way. As someone new (on anything for that matter), we would have the motivation to give it a try first, maybe for a month or two and see how it goes. If and when we start to see what we hope to see and gain, we would keep going. But if and when things do not go the way we hope it would, we would divert our attention to something else that is potentially better. We all need to earn a living and it is no wonder that people come and go. When it comes to cleaning, it is not that I like cleaning, which I am always mistaken of because I clean an awful lot, but I like the **t**hought of having a clean floor to step on, clean sheets to sleep on, clean surface to lean on and clean clothes to wear, plus I am allergic to dust and all sorts of unknowns. That is my motivation. And just like @JonicaBradley, I too start many projects, at the moment, about a hill high, but I don’t finish them, plus many more planned in my head. I have motivation to start projects, usually to learn something new, like a new stitch, or a new creation, well not really new because I learn from books and online, but it is new to me or to prove to myself that I can do it. But once I work the project about a quarter or a third of a way, I lose interest when it becomes repetitive and I would move on to another project or skill to learn which is my motivation. Sometimes, I have a stronger drive to complete the project, because I wanted to use the item created or if the project is a gift for someone on a special occasion, that would be the motivation. Surprisingly, when there is such motivation, I was able to complete the projects quite quickly but having to stay home these days, I don’t get to see my family whom I usually make things for. There goes my motivation for the projects for the time being. In school, I studied with a goal to pass exams and I had the motivation to get good grades so that I was able to study a course of my choice in college or university and hopefully get a good job. Then, when I started working, on bad days when the work over demanded my energy and time, working around the clock, I would think of pay day and it would help me carry on. Even on days when I got scolded by my bosses or clients or when something failed in the systems I implemented, my motivation was my monthly pay. When I was teaching part time, my motivation was seeing happy students, who understood better the subject they were struggling with, students who excelled in their studies and succeed to achieve good grades. I remembered a few of the students I taught were failing in their studies. My motivation then was to get them to pass and they did. When I was an emcee, my motivation was the crowd. The more the crowd responded to me in bringing them together, the more pumped up I became. There was a free flow arm wrestling competition once held at work and in order to get volunteers to participate, I pretended that it was a boxing ring. I spoke with the voice of a ring master and the crowd went crazy. The excitement and exhilaration was my motivation to put on a good show for them. It is interesting how motivated we can be when there is a definitive source of motivation, be it one of a dream or one that is achievable and obtainable. And sometimes, a motivation need not be complicated. A simple desire to be able to enjoy a cup of coffee and watch the sky everyday is a motivation too. This is my freewrite to @JonicaBradley’s writing prompt “Motivation”. Sorry, I am late as my motivation was elsewhere :P All images are my own unless stated otherwise.

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@marblely 16 June 2021

It is not always easy to find the drive to do the things that you wanted to do. Lots of ideas in the head but... Distraction is one of the culprits. It takes will to keep at it, to be focused and to be dedicated in completing the something you have set your mind to do. Mind, focus and will power, that is what I need. Hope your day is good wherever you are!

@marblely 10 June 2021

One of my favourite kitchen tools, the mortar and pestle. Although an electric blender is available and would have made things much quicker, I find the action and flavours from pounding accentuates the taste and smell. And there is something about reaping what you sow, or in this case, tasting what you pound :)

@marblely 5 June 2021

These cutie koalas were in the Healesville Sanctuary, located at Healesville in rural Victoria, Australia. It was a wonderful experience seeing these animals being taken care of well at the sanctuary. When in in Australia, it is a must to visit their zoos or wildlife parks or sanctuaries like this one.

@marblely 1 June 2021

Frustrating... My second entry to the Curation Duo #1 hosted by both @wakeupkitty and @heartbeat1515 . I have no idea what genre of poetry this is but it is my personal expression of what is happening and it is frustrating. @heartbeat1515 mentioned in her post that: "*For* *Curation Duo #1**, I would like to read your* ***thoughts, feelings or experiences*** *about the* ***current pandemic, Covid-19*** ***through poetry.***" https://read.cash/@heartbeat1515/curation-duo-week-one-through-the-screen-2cdb3217 Here goes... Selfishness…. Irresponsible… While we take heed, Many didn’t.   They thought it was a joke, They thought it was a hoax, Is it that hard to just do it, For the sake of all?   Nope, they didn’t care. “Oh, my son is positive, but he didn’t want to stay home, so I brought him to the mall”   “Oh, we just had a birthday party, at a restaurant, a small group of 10” Guess what, all were tested positive, after the owner was found positive.   Seriously?? Really?? Honestly, I am speechless.   Is it that hard to stay home? Is it that hard to wear a mask? Is it that hard to not have a party? Is it that hard to not go out?   It is hard for some, I know, It is against their principles, It is against their rights, they say, It is up to them, I say.   Nowadays, I feel safer to just be home. It is tiring to go out, But if I need to, I feel safer with a mask.   We had it under control but incidents after incidents, increased the numbers again. It is frustrating to hear stories like these.  Some may not believe that it is true but this is no joke. Many have lost their lives, their loved ones, for what? For that moment to celebrate? For that moment to have a party? For that moment to go out because we are too spoilt to live minimally in consideration of the situation?  I am tired of hearing people complain, people whine, about how it is their freedom to not or to do things and how they couldn’t wait to go for a vacation after all this is over, and how they could no longer stay at home. Have we ever taken a moment to think of the doctors, the nurses and medical officers, all the frontliners risking their lives for the rest of us? They risk their lives everyday, in the midst of ignorance of many. They can’t go home to their loved ones without worrying if they would infect them or if they would lose their lives some day. Have we ever taken a moment to think about how lucky we are to get to stay home? Sure, life is unfair. Thank you for dropping by. I appreciate it. I appreciate you.

@marblely 30 May 2021

After dinner snack and once I start, I couldn't stop. Dangerous snack. Don't let them melt on your fingers, the colours are quite scary. There are quite a number of variations these days but not all are available worldwide. I have only ever tasted the plain ones, peanut ones and the one with crisps. I still prefer the good ol' peanut ones.

@marblely 30 May 2021

A view of Mount Fuji from a town nearby, more than a few years ago. It was a spectacular view, especially when the wind moves the snow. I stood there watching for a few minutes and it was totally breathtaking. Wonders of nature.