Father's Love

Another Father's Day, those 37 years had passed without Celebrating it.

Year 1987. My Family was broken. My mom won't no longer tolerate the doing of my Father.

For being a drunkard, no job and no determination for the family. My mother left my Father.

Well, of course this is just a one side of a story. Until now I don't know what's the story on my father's side. But I guess I will never know at all.

From San Fernando Pampanga, we moved to Fairview, Manila. And there we rented a very small house.

Time passed by and I'm 5 years old. Studying kindergarten not just far from our house.

Then one day my Father arrived. I can't remember what was really happened till the other day. My mom brought me back in her hometown. Here in Lapu-Lapu City, Cebu.

But before we left that Day. My father stayed in our house and the only remembrance from him is the 2 peso coin that he gave me.

I didn't remember his face at all. What was he looks like. There is no memory of his face. No matter how I recalled. I will only end up remembering only his silhouette.

Life must go on. And I continued to study. Sometimes my classmates and my friends will asked me. Where is your father?

I don't know! I'm speechless and can't answer the question because I really don't know.

I even experienced being bullied. Kids will always keep on telling me that my Father was "Nalumos sa Sabaw". In our native language. Which means my father was drown in the soup lol.

But I really don't know how to translate this in English but it sounded like that.

At first, I will always cried whenever kids will tease me about my Father. But later on I became immune on this topic and didn't mind it at all.

I graduated Elementary without a father by my side. Seeing my classmates happily taking Photos with their Father and Mother makes me feel sad.

But what can I do? I'm just a kid. I can't control what is already happened. And I can't turn back time. If ever I can, what will I do? I still don't know. God has a purpose so I let it be.

But despite all of this I still passed my studies with flying colors.

Until I finished and Graduated in Highschool without a Father by my side. Never experienced a piggy back ride from a Father. Never experienced how to be loved by a Father.

Is it good? Is it warm? Is it comforting? That, I don't know. And will never know.

And now that I have a family on my own. God let me experienced not being alone.

I'm just an only child. No one to talk to except for my self. And playing with my own especially when I'm at home.

Now God gave me three kids. And whenever they will all quarrel I cannot relate at all. It's too chaotic and noisy.

I cannot relate because I'm alone by myself. And now my kids is the sound and music that makes my life noisy.

I'm not perfect but I'm still trying my best to be a good mother that they should be proud of.

This Family that I keep holding on despite of being hanging in a thread.

And Hoping that this thread will not breakdown. Still trying and holding the very last thread in order for this Family not to be broken.

But Fate is cruel and playful. It will keeps on teasing you and testing your limits and patience.

I'm good at being patience. And it's one of the reasons that they still have of what they called a Family.

Deep down inside, I know that it's already broken. For the sake of them I need to stay alive even if I'm already dead.

Father's Love, I don't know if I failed to give it to them. But as much as possible, I don't want them to experience the process that I've been through.

I wanted to give them a complete Family that they can call as their own. But change of religion is the biggest hindrance of all.

Their Father that they used to know has changed. No Birthdays are allowed. No celebration of an special occasion.

He is completely changed. No greetings for them. As long as he can provide financial support he thinks that was all enough.

Last New year of 2019. My daughter asked me. " Did my Father call? Because her friend's father called and greeted a Happy New Year to his kids through video call.

And it happened my daughter was there. What do you think she felt back then? It's obviously the feeling of hurt and pain.

And all I can say is just " Let's watch the fireworks." And we watched the different colorful fireworks up above the terrace to divert their attention.

And I failed on this aspect. Their heart has already scars on it. But I keep on trying to filled those emptiness that they felt.

They are very abundant and Full of Father's Love before.

But now where is that Love?

If you are a Father would you change just because you are following some religious traditions?

If you are a Father would you change and forget your love for your children just because you are very hook and crazily in love in chat?

I didn't felt being loved by a Father. But what's more hurt is letting your children experience it.

I didn't hold our Fate and Destiny if there is truly like that.

Because I still stick on my very first motto."We are the Captain of our Soul, The architect of our own Destiny."

I tried my very best for them. And they knew it. And now in this Father's Day. As usual there is no greetings at all. WhatsApp is very silent like a grave in the cemetery.

Only time can ever tell. What's lies ahead in this Journey. But I'm praying and Hoping that my kid's Journey will be smooth because I will try to throw the debris and paved a way for them to pass this Journey that is called LIFE.

And for all the Fathers out there. Happy Fathers Day!

Even if one day you may fall out of Love. And will love somebody else. Just don't forget that you have your precious children.

They will comes first before anything else. For those loving Fathers out there. Keep up the good the work.

And for those people like me who never felt what was a Father's Love is. Just keep on going. Life is too short, Just enjoy it and make the very best of it.

Just recently. I received a news from my Mother that My Father is already dead. But the source is her Faith Healer.

I don't know if I will believe it or not. But this Faith Healer is very good in healing those who got curse and poison.

And if ever, he is truly dead there's no way he will not show himself in my dream. Sounds fun but yeah. I always dream of Ghost.

So far I cannot say if he is dead or not. As I said I forgot his face. But in my Dreams I already dream of people that I don't know.

Whether he is alive or dead. Still Happy Fathers Day to him.

And thank you for those who are reading this Article of mine.

leejhen 💞

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