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Father's Love

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Avatar for leejhen
Written by ย ย 454
2 months ago

Another Father's Day, those 37 years had passed without Celebrating it.

Year 1987. My Family was broken. My mom won't no longer tolerate the doing of my Father.

For being a drunkard, no job and no determination for the family. My mother left my Father.

Well, of course this is just a one side of a story. Until now I don't know what's the story on my father's side. But I guess I will never know at all.

From San Fernando Pampanga, we moved to Fairview, Manila. And there we rented a very small house.

Time passed by and I'm 5 years old. Studying kindergarten not just far from our house.

Then one day my Father arrived. I can't remember what was really happened till the other day. My mom brought me back in her hometown. Here in Lapu-Lapu City, Cebu.

But before we left that Day. My father stayed in our house and the only remembrance from him is the 2 peso coin that he gave me.

I didn't remember his face at all. What was he looks like. There is no memory of his face. No matter how I recalled. I will only end up remembering only his silhouette.

Life must go on. And I continued to study. Sometimes my classmates and my friends will asked me. Where is your father?

I don't know! I'm speechless and can't answer the question because I really don't know.

I even experienced being bullied. Kids will always keep on telling me that my Father was "Nalumos sa Sabaw". In our native language. Which means my father was drown in the soup lol.

But I really don't know how to translate this in English but it sounded like that.

At first, I will always cried whenever kids will tease me about my Father. But later on I became immune on this topic and didn't mind it at all.

I graduated Elementary without a father by my side. Seeing my classmates happily taking Photos with their Father and Mother makes me feel sad.

But what can I do? I'm just a kid. I can't control what is already happened. And I can't turn back time. If ever I can, what will I do? I still don't know. God has a purpose so I let it be.

But despite all of this I still passed my studies with flying colors.

Until I finished and Graduated in Highschool without a Father by my side. Never experienced a piggy back ride from a Father. Never experienced how to be loved by a Father.

Is it good? Is it warm? Is it comforting? That, I don't know. And will never know.

And now that I have a family on my own. God let me experienced not being alone.

I'm just an only child. No one to talk to except for my self. And playing with my own especially when I'm at home.

Now God gave me three kids. And whenever they will all quarrel I cannot relate at all. It's too chaotic and noisy.

I cannot relate because I'm alone by myself. And now my kids is the sound and music that makes my life noisy.

I'm not perfect but I'm still trying my best to be a good mother that they should be proud of.

This Family that I keep holding on despite of being hanging in a thread.

And Hoping that this thread will not breakdown. Still trying and holding the very last thread in order for this Family not to be broken.

But Fate is cruel and playful. It will keeps on teasing you and testing your limits and patience.

I'm good at being patience. And it's one of the reasons that they still have of what they called a Family.

Deep down inside, I know that it's already broken. For the sake of them I need to stay alive even if I'm already dead.

Father's Love, I don't know if I failed to give it to them. But as much as possible, I don't want them to experience the process that I've been through.

I wanted to give them a complete Family that they can call as their own. But change of religion is the biggest hindrance of all.

Their Father that they used to know has changed. No Birthdays are allowed. No celebration of an special occasion.

He is completely changed. No greetings for them. As long as he can provide financial support he thinks that was all enough.

Last New year of 2019. My daughter asked me. " Did my Father call? Because her friend's father called and greeted a Happy New Year to his kids through video call.

And it happened my daughter was there. What do you think she felt back then? It's obviously the feeling of hurt and pain.

And all I can say is just " Let's watch the fireworks." And we watched the different colorful fireworks up above the terrace to divert their attention.

And I failed on this aspect. Their heart has already scars on it. But I keep on trying to filled those emptiness that they felt.

They are very abundant and Full of Father's Love before.

But now where is that Love?

If you are a Father would you change just because you are following some religious traditions?

If you are a Father would you change and forget your love for your children just because you are very hook and crazily in love in chat?

I didn't felt being loved by a Father. But what's more hurt is letting your children experience it.

I didn't hold our Fate and Destiny if there is truly like that.

Because I still stick on my very first motto."We are the Captain of our Soul, The architect of our own Destiny."

I tried my very best for them. And they knew it. And now in this Father's Day. As usual there is no greetings at all. WhatsApp is very silent like a grave in the cemetery.

Only time can ever tell. What's lies ahead in this Journey. But I'm praying and Hoping that my kid's Journey will be smooth because I will try to throw the debris and paved a way for them to pass this Journey that is called LIFE.

And for all the Fathers out there. Happy Fathers Day!

Even if one day you may fall out of Love. And will love somebody else. Just don't forget that you have your precious children.

They will comes first before anything else. For those loving Fathers out there. Keep up the good the work.

And for those people like me who never felt what was a Father's Love is. Just keep on going. Life is too short, Just enjoy it and make the very best of it.

Just recently. I received a news from my Mother that My Father is already dead. But the source is her Faith Healer.

I don't know if I will believe it or not. But this Faith Healer is very good in healing those who got curse and poison.

And if ever, he is truly dead there's no way he will not show himself in my dream. Sounds fun but yeah. I always dream of Ghost.

So far I cannot say if he is dead or not. As I said I forgot his face. But in my Dreams I already dream of people that I don't know.

Whether he is alive or dead. Still Happy Fathers Day to him.

And thank you for those who are reading this Article of mine.

leejhen ๐Ÿ’ž

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Avatar for leejhen
Written by ย ย 454
2 months ago
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Comments

I knew it. From listening to your song in yt, convo in noise and now this. What a sad story ate๐Ÿ˜ข may mga bagay na hindi natin gusto pero nangyayari but isipin nalang natin, everything happens for a reason. Pakatatag lang para sa mga bulilit. Hugs for you te๐Ÿ’•

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2 months ago

Yes Thank you๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ’š

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2 months ago

Kudos to you po! Even without a father, you were so strong and brave enough to live this cruel life. It did not bother you for being fatherless to achieve your goals in life. I just feel sorry for all children who grew up without a father or those who haven't felt the father's love despite their presence. It's sad to know that not all are blessed to feel and experience the love of a father because I grew up well-loved and well-cared by my daddy. Nonetheless, we all have our Father above, watching over us.

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2 months ago

Yes thank you and God bless you๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ’š

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2 months ago

Uhm. I can somehow relate coz I grew up without a Father. The only difference is that he's now in heaven so I know where he is as I grow up.

I cannot imagine the pain you're feeling seeing your kids longing for their father's affection but I know you got it. You can give them so much love that they couldn't ask for more.

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2 months ago

Oh there father is working outside the country but some things happened. He converted into other Religion. But I don't know why he is so abiding with the law to the point that every occasion he is always silent ๐Ÿ˜…

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2 months ago

yeah, I figured that out as I was reading your article earlier.

I was pertaining to your father when I said that I can somehow relate. hehe

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2 months ago

yeah thank you. We need to go on๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ’š

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2 months ago

true. stay strong for the kids ate! :)

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2 months ago

Thats okey po๐Ÿ˜Š Maybe later you will get a fathers love Or maybe the father of your children will change his religion ๐Ÿ˜…

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2 months ago

Hahahaah He is so devoted. I doubt he will come back to his Religion.

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2 months ago

Sending hugs for you! Personally, I do have a father beside me but I don't feel father's love that much. People who experience father's love are so lucky. Btw, I am new here and hoping to gain friends :)

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2 months ago

Thank you and welcome to read.cash๐Ÿ’š

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2 months ago

I had to find a hanky reading this. Hugs to you, sistah! Your father must be so proud of who you have become!

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2 months ago

Thank you๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ’š

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2 months ago

Ateeeee! It's your fault. You made me cry with this article. Huhu

Well, I cried because I somehow relate with your story, too. Not because I and my siblings doesn't have our Father on our side. But because our very own Papa grows up without her Father on his side. He grows up with his step-father who used to abuse him way back when he was young. He beats Papa that results Papa to have a disability in walking. And, it saddens me whenever he talks and say that he wants to have his own phone so that he can find her Father. Kahit sa social media lang but I tried to do that, many time. But, I just found nothing. Maybe his Father was not into it or maybe he was already gone. I was feeling like a crybaby whenever he was saying that he wants to see his Father, but we can't do something. And, I will just keep on silent rather than cry in front of him. :(

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2 months ago

Oh it's a sad story for you too. Let's just cheer up. ๐Ÿ’š

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2 months ago

Yeah. Need to cheer up for him! :)

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2 months ago

Always is a bad thing that we get, and all of it must have its own meaning for us in the future. I know how you feel, because I too was not accompanied by a father or mother since I was a child, because they had left me alone. Even though I didn't experience what you feel, I know what it's like to live without a father, and I don't even know what a mother's love feels like.๐Ÿฅบ May your children always get love from their parents, so that your children do not experience bad things like you, give them happiness.๐Ÿ˜Š

May your little family be a family that always feels happy.๐Ÿ™

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2 months ago

May you find happiness too. Thank you and God bless. ๐Ÿ’š

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2 months ago

I'm already happy to have friends both here and at noise.cash, basically the first meeting was not as smooth as I expected, but after passing and getting to know each other. I feel like I have a new family here who always encourage me in any way and can be friends to chat with, and my days become more colorful.๐Ÿฅฐ

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2 months ago

Hello, my friend.

I'm sorry to hear about the sad relationship that you lived with your father, as well as the situation that your children also suffer because of religion.

Well, as you said, life is short and you have to move on.

I don't know if I have been a good father myself, but I try every day. Sure, my children are already adults and independent, but in my opinion, fatherhood never ends.

My father died ten years ago, and I still miss him very much. I have the best memories of him. A man whom I saw cry like a child in my arms when my grandmother died.

My father was a great father and son. He continues to be an example for me. Like anyone, he had flaws, but in my eyes, he was a noble person who helped others.

I do not celebrate the day of the father, mother, child, etc. Pure marketing campaigns for you to spend. I think honoring parents is an everyday affair.

I do not understand what religion the father of your children professes, but truly I tell you, God does not approve of the lack of love between parents and children. It has nothing to do with market dates.

God is not in the religions of men, God is in those who seek him with their hearts and learn his ways.

God bless you and keep you.

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2 months ago

Wow I'm glad that you have a good relationship with your father. I think you are a good father too. He is a converted one but he is also very devoted too. I meet people here in the online world of the same religion but they are very kind. I don't know what happened to him. Maybe it's because of his chatmate that he falls in love๐Ÿ˜…

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2 months ago

Sissss, I want to hug you right now!!! Know that you are doing great for being the father and mother of your kids. Your kids may not understand it fully now, they may have unanswered questions but I am so sure that you are doing you best for them. Di mo man nakilala or matandaan ang itsura ng tatay mo or wala man sa tabi mo yung hubby mo pero sis, si Lord, tingin ka lang sa kanya kasi Siya ang Tatay nating lahat.
God bless you๐Ÿ™โค๏ธโค๏ธโค๏ธ

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2 months ago

Salamat ๐Ÿ˜Š God bless you din๐Ÿ’š

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2 months ago

I'm sad after reading this. Una, dahil hindi mo na experience yung father's love. Second, dahil sa mga anak mo. Anyway, alam kong strong ka lalo na for your kids so carry on. Btw, ano religion ni hubby mo ngayon?

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2 months ago

Thank you๐Ÿ’š nagpa convert na siya into Muslim ๐Ÿ˜… At masyado siyang devoted to the point na lahat ay Haram at bawal pati pagiging kaliwite ko magsulat mapupunta daw sa impyerno haha. Gusto Niya magsuot ang mga anak niya ng hijab eh Hindi sanay at ayaw masyadong mainit. Ewan ko sa kanya masyadong nagpalamon sa pagka relihiyoso.

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2 months ago

Pero kayo hindi nag convert diba? So hindi need ng mga bata or kayo mag adjust. Ang hirap niyan so walang celebrations na sa inyo. Tsk.

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2 months ago

No never ako magpa convert. Siya wlang Celebration pero dito tuloy lang Naman. Wla siya dito dipa umuuwi.

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2 months ago

Things happen so fast in this world, a person you know today can just turn to someone's else in a moment. However, a father who loves his family would not be too far from them no matter what may come over. Job, religion, friends are not enough to take a father away from his family. Even, my bible told me any man who cannot take care of his family is worse than an unbeliever. Care is more than food and drinks, but love, support, affection, being there when you are needed. I pray that God will continue to strengthen you to keep your family together, and also heal the children's father's heart to think towards his family.

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2 months ago

Thank you๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ’š

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2 months ago

I remember our conversation before in noise.cash about your husband. It must have been so hard for you but I gotta salute you for being so strong. โค

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2 months ago

Yes I need to be strong. And i will be forever single lol๐Ÿ˜… Thanks ๐Ÿ’š

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2 months ago

There is no day with father. Father is God best blessing after mother. Sad to hear this. Yeah!You can find and buy each and every thing but Father love is too rear๐Ÿ˜ถ๐Ÿ˜‘

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2 months ago

I felt sad knowing you were alone for those years, God will always be there for you and sustain your home.

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2 months ago

I felt so sad reading your story. I can't imaging growing up without a father. And more so your children to experience it too. Stay strong for your kids. ๐Ÿค—๐Ÿ˜˜

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2 months ago

I also didn't experienced the love a father (biological father) since I was born. My mother and him were separated since they were too young to marry way back then. However, I am so fortunate because all of the things my father was supposed to do, it was taken care off by my grandfather. Because of that, I never felt empty, ever since. Happy Father's day to your dad and husband.

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2 months ago

Alas! Hope everyone get the love of father.

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2 months ago