Mental Breakdown

Disclaimer: This article written during the hell week. As of now, I can finally rest and complete my requirements without much pressure.

From the first week of the month, I wasn't able to treat myself on stress. Even let's imply that I have some things that I need to commemorate like my verification on Binance, passing the requirements on time, and getting picked on Axie after a month of waiting, I can depict that I'm having a mental breakdown.

If you already read my article about the hell week that I need to face, you would see that I'm getting busy. I'm not that busy through the past few weeks, but I can declare that this week is the busiest.

Oftentimes, I'm asking myself if I didn't prioritize my modules. Do you think that this week would be worse if I won't manage it well? I reduced my cramming era where I'll just do the modules before the deadline, and I can conclude that I did it well. On the other hand, do you think that my decisions for the past few days are right?

However, there have different problems that I overcome personally, academically, and financially which affect my emotion and mental state. To further elabrate it, here are some of the stuffs lead me to mental breakdown.

I sold 0.33 BCH because of my father's wants and "utang na loob".

For the very first time, my father told me to borrow Php. 10,000 on me. Of course, I rejected it. However, he called me madamot because I centered more on the future rather than the present. He's always teasing me and disturbing him to borrow money every time we met our destiny, and my mother also told me madamot or selfish in English term just because I didn't accept their personal needs. I think that I shall need to accept that harshful truth.

I was stressed very lately in schoolworks, and I want to lessen my problems, especially I need a motivation to write about our family which we need to pass to my teacher. Therefore, I agreed with resentment, and I don't know if it's the right decision.

Fortunately, my father lets me create his Binance account which I didn't expect. I asked his permission to tell his name, government-issued ID and his face for verification process. In just five or fewer minutes of waiting, I'm finally verified. No more sana all. At least, I already gained back the loss or I used that opportunity as a collateral to his liability even I'm certain that I'll just issue it as a bad debt. I feel awful to myself.

Academic Hell Week

If you are my subscriber on noise, you will have an idea how much I'm busy from the past few days. Aside from writing here, I also need to prioritize my studies since I'm aiming to hit the title of being with honor studies for this academic year. Since I want to lessen my burden from school works and turn it into cash, I utilized that platform to alleviate my stress.

From the very first day of the month, I'm already feeling the busyness I should look forward. I was late waking up that day, so you would determine how much time I need to rush. In addition, my mother commanded me to fold the clothes, so it ate up my time.

As a result, I hurriedly began my performance tasks in Understanding Culture, Science and Politics class since the deadline will be two days after. Subsequently, I did my Business Finance notes, and I need to perform it neat if I wanted to have a good grade. Since I don't have an artistic and neat handwriting, I just exerted my effort for putitng design on the collage.

I also passed my two LAS on Fundamentals of ABM because I need to pass it on time. Consequently, I did my module in UCSP, pass many Google Forms, and check my notebooks since it will be passed in Friday.

I failed the AxieBCH scholarship because I'm too busy.

I joined on AxieBCH last October 1, 2021, and I finally acquired to be one of the five scholars last November 2, 2021. If you don't know the reason I took over a month to be picked, the possible reason is the busyness and obligations that I shall do. I'm not active unlike them, but they are aware that I'm doing my overall best. Nonetheless, I'm glad since I got the chance even I initially failed. At least, I can still commit a second chance according to the coach. Someone replaced me on the spot, and I think that failure would not be my biggest regret. At least, I can be more familiarized with Axie hub.

After I finally saw my name on the list, I was so happy. No one could contain my happiness when I finally saw my name on the list. I replied all caps lock laugh on the messages, and the coach became confused why I was laughing. On the other side, I immediately feel the panic attack where my legs started to tremble and cold because I suddenly reminisce that I didn't learn anything. While I was answering the questions, I know that I'll fail. I didn't review much due to the other stuff I shall do, and I know that I'm not totally good on the game.

He told me that I committed three mistakes, and he advised me the things I shall do. So far, I'm currently writing the basics even I know that it is not all included in the test. I need to perfect it by this round. Here is the current reviewer I have.

Since I don't want to fail on the second try, I need to review and review. I'm always telling it to the chat room, so they would have an idea how determined I am to pass. Like they'll support me morally through my hardships and happiness haha. Anyway, I'm certain that I'll get the chance again, and I need to review for good future hehe.

Anyway, another week of priorities is waving at me. I know that I will pass this time, you know. Just keep burning the positive spirit.