It's been a while... Let's treat ourselves sometimes a good reward.

Have you ever received gifts from your friends or your relationship aside from your parents?

Do you get jealous when your brothers/sisters received something but you don't?

I do get jealous or envy to my siblings everytime they received something beautiful from their friends, their relationship or even some relatives. I never received anything like that from any of them.

Example when they have new phone. Our aunties from the states bought them new phone and I am not, the old phone will be given to me and their new branded was for them. Kinda unfair, I'm the oldest one, why am I not receiving new phone? Is it because I don't socialize with other people?

Another example, when our cousin who visited to our country and bought my new sisters new Sandal. And I am not... I know, I'm not wearing sandal but... You know... Its... Its kinda really unfair. My brother received something from my cousin. Though she just give money. Not the same worth as theirs... So I just let it be and trying to be happy even though I'm not.

Another example they received graduation gifts from my uncle and aunties from the states. Even my 5 cousins who graduated also received gifts... I know.. I'm not graduated... Well I guess, it's my fault too for not continue my studies. Wait... Was it really my fault? I don't know... I guess so.. They never knew what happened to me back then. After they found out that I stopped. They scolded me and my parents. They didn't tell them the whole reason why..

Here's the link why I stopped going to college.. It's very traumatic experience for me. And I had no choice.. but we couldn't tell them.

https://read.cash/@jiroshin/april-fools-gone-wrong-the-worst-month-9d8a7238

Lastly... When everytime they're going out. They always said excuses that they just going to stroll around or buy something. Until you found out, they were already having a family dinner. They said they were only the 3 of them like window shopping. But they were like more enjoying.

My auntie from the next door always said. 'Oh? You're the only left again in the house?'

I answered her with a joke haha. 'haha yeah. Well same as usual.' Even though she think its a joke, for me its not. Its... It makes you mad.

Same as usual.. this is not the first time they do this. It's more than 10 times do this to me like... Am I still part of the family? And theyre saying excuses its already late. We just met or whatever. Why? Can't they just call me and say, 'come here its his/her treat.' 'Come here we're all but. But its not. Its like... My mother and my father was still mad everytime they came home and rant about it. Why? Is it my fault again.

The last one is the day before the ECQ season 2 starts. I just found out from their youtube channel. My sister treats my siblings and I wasn't there. I also heard talking to mama. 'Why is Mariele was not with them.' my mother just answered. 'It's just a sudden date.' even though its not. I even told them that I want to come. Because I also missed going to the mall. But they didn't let me come. Saying excused they are full lol they are only the four of them..

https://youtu.be/K11qArzLi

I was like... So Okay. This is what you want. I'll try to live on my own. I'll only depend on myself. Since you don't care or you don't trust me.

Honestly speaking... I don't know anymore. Am I really still part of the family or not?

I am really envious/jealous ever since I was kid...

But not anymore. Like I said, I will going to rely only myself and nothing else.

Last year, December 15, my birthday. I went to the mall alone to buy my new phone. I used my own money. The money that I earned from the online networking site.

I didn't asked them money because I know they won't give, specially pandemic, our money is almost fading..

I also bought my new headphone. Though, I know it's from Online Shopping. Since I don't go out often. So I'll just buy it online.

Then lastly, I finally bought an electric portable Drum for my self..

I ordered this last week and came just now. I got excited so I tried it as soon as it came..

Okay... Testing testing...

Wooh!. Its been awhile.. I'm actually a drummer and a bassist. I already have my real drum before, its from my money. The money that I earn from my aunties who gave us monthly, every year that time. But we sold it after 2 years... You know my parents... Very strict sigh...

So I just bought this portable drum first. My next next next goal will be that, the real drum very soon..

By the way, you must be asking where I got this money? Of course I earned them from online site. As I said, I will rely on myself. I earned this from noise and here in read.

After joining this Noise and Read, my past me is changing. My past me who always get jealous or envy, now I can also prove to them that I can also buy from my own..

The dog cake, my Yoona's party was also from the noise and read's earning.

https://read.cash/@jiroshin/dog-mini-birthday-party-dc16e271

The bills I paid in the hospital where I admitted last month, was also from my earnings.

https://read.cash/@jiroshin/what-happen-to-me-in-the-past-2-days-a3a191cf

Ah the 1BCH that I won from ChefSanches giveaway. I gave $400 to them and the rest is for me. I've transferred and turned into Gcash. This is how I bought my drum. And some other things like, new watch for myself (on the way/shipping) and some stuffs for my pets.

Its not bad. Sometimes we should also treat ourselves some rewards. This time. I have to do it for my self. Of ourse. If I got thst big amount, I will still share some to my family. But not all haha. I don't wNt to depend to them. I'll now rely on my self..

End...

Noise.cash/u/Joshua14

"Jiro the Crazy Artist of #Club1BCH"