The beauty of pain.

Pain is not something beautiful but at some point, we can call it beautiful. Sounds impossible? Especially for those who are living in pain. Uncontrollable pain.

Things that are painful on my list.

1. Being pregnant for 3 months just to know the baby died and I have to go for an abortion.

2. Unstable financially even after 10 years of working due to debts.

3. Broken car.

4. Questions regarding people that unlikely to see me live well or be happy.

5. The feeling of being lonely while carrying the heavy burden of responsibilities. Am I alone?

6. What in the world are my husband's thoughts?

7. No savings.

8. Half privacy in my own house.

9. Having a salary but living like unemployed.

10. Working overtime yet barely enough.

11. My positivity is ruined by negativity around me.

I think that is all for now for the bad parts. Let's see if I can list more good things in my life than the bad ones.

Things that make me happy.

1. I have a beautiful daughter from my second pregnancy and a caring husband.

2. I can earn extra money by writing blogs.

3. Perhaps I can buy a car in a few months if I successfully learned to trade.

4. Those people do not feed me and my family. I feed myself.

5. Though it does feel lonely sometimes I still manage to accomplish my tasks one by one.

6. I never understand my husband thoroughly even after 7 years of marriage but he is always there when I need him the most.

7. I have a little bit of savings thanks to cryptocurrencies. A bit scared because I am not sure where this will lead when the market is down.

8. I own a house registered under my name.

9. Still can afford daily needs even if it is not luxurious. Enough is happiness enough.

10. Lucky to be allowed over time compared to those who did not get any payment for extra work.

11. Even if my positivity is almost ruined, I still can brighten my days with positive thinking.

12. I am blessed with wonderful friends near and far.

13. I am still alive and things are going to be better. (Hopefully...)

Life will not always be as I wanted it to be. It will not always be a happy day. I kept in mind that I am happy yet I am not sure if I do.

One thing I am sure of is that I am grateful for all the things I have now.

It made me clueless if I am losing my peace which attracted all the negative thoughts my brain was capable of thinking.

I am not sure if it will be alright tomorrow but the only thing I can do is to do my best for today. As a good friend once said, "That is all I can do".

My best is all that I can do.