Christians: End of the line.

Have you ever felt that God does not care about you because you have committed a lot of sins?

I did, a lot of time and I still does at a time. It does not mean that I lost my faith. Even so, there are several times that I almost lost my faith and my heart are filled with anger that almost turn to hatred. I have a lot of time said the sentence, "I hate you" though I never did felt it. It just a matter of expression through words.

I remember the story where Jesus has been given trials by satan and he managed to pass the test. He gave an undeniable answer to each test and in the end, the satan give up.

There is also a time in the Bible where Jacob has been given trials by the satan and he went through it all with faith. He never did let go of his faith though he suffers a lot.

Both of them have a heart and faith that impossible for me to achieve. I have become like Peter, one of the 12 disciples. Trying to ignore God as much as I can but I failed.

I tried to hate God but I can't. I am just tired of all the challenges in life that happen to me now and then. Even so, God keeps on letting me notice a fraction of miracles and His love in every day of my life. Each day, I will always be able to see His live through others.

I end up praying, "Dear Lord, that is enough, I am totally tired. I am sorry for all my sins but I can't promise that I will not commit sins again. Please let me rest."

What do you think is the result of that prayer?

My life is slightly better but then still I am in deep debt troubles. I might lose my job and I do not know that will happen to my family.

Did I start hating God again?

No, I did not. I always believe that he will never have me challenges that I can't handle. Even so, I still do not know what will happen now because I am unable to pay my credit card debt. Yet, I still have faith.

This happens because of my own decisions, my action. My mistakes.

Will I be alright?

Will everything becomes better?

I currently have no answer to that now. I put my faith in God.

It might not sound right to put faith in an unseen God. I can't even hear His voice or is he a man? Faith is one of the things that keep me going. I keep on be living that someone is watching over me.

The real me.

I do feel insane sometimes, unrealistic or perhaps impossible but that is what faith are I guess.

Unexplainable.

If it is questioned, the only answer will be the matter of the heart that kept on believing.

Will, you still have faith if life has stomped on you a lot of time?

I am unsure but now I still have it. It is not about going to church or praying every day. I can feel it deep inside of me, the trust that I am giving to God. Someone that I live with only the trust that God is real.

In conclusion, I have no real evidence.

I am tired but I will go on.

This is my life that I carved on my own. What happens afterlife is unexplainable therefore I will keep on moving forward with only faith to pay my bills.

The last sentences are not even logic 😂😂😂

How does faith pay my bills?

Maybe I will write about this soon. No promises.