Trauma, malala.

I am single for 4 years before I met my boyfriend right now. It's been so long since I feel loved. I miss this feeling. The reason why I have been single for a long time is because of trauma.

My ex-boyfriend hurt me physically and emotionally, he wasn't like that when he was courting me. He never says hurtful words even though he was angry but then one day he suddenly changed, and it got worse. Then I found out that he has another girlfriend. I asked him why he didn't tell me that he no longer loves me and why he needs to cheat. Many questions were in my head, am I not enough? I give my all and he just said "I don't love you anymore. Please, don't come near me again."

It really hurts ang magmahal ng ganito. XD I questioned myself for a year and I can't think of answers. It is not easy before I totally get over him. I've been wasted for almost every day felt like throwing my life. Such a fo*lish me.

Back to my present, I told this guy that I can't be in a relationship, and we should stay as friends, but he waited for me to be ready. He came at my lowest. He kept saying that I'm worth it, that I don't deserve to be treated like that and my ex-boyfriend doesn't know how to be contented. He kept reminding me that, every single day. He is always there for me, gives me comfort, and makes me feel so special. So, sino ba naman ako para mag-inarte pa? XD

Because of his consistency, I found myself falling inlove with him. We dated and became 2 years in a relationship. He took away my trauma.

Fast forward...

We were both working but in different companies. I was promoted and assigned to a project in another country. I discuss this with him and asked for his consent if it was fine. He said, "of course, I know we gonna miss each other but it's an opportunity for you, and I don't want to be a hindrance. I'll support you." then he smiled.

It's a less than 2 years contract. I can get back when we finished the project. From the time I get there, we seldom had a video call because of different time zone. But nothing changed, he was still consistent. He updates and greets me with 'good morning', 'good night', and 'I love you's and reminds me to eat. He never misses. In my mind, I was so lucky to have him.

A year passed, and I didn't tell him that my contract was about to end. It is earlier than we thought. When I arrived at the airport, I immediately headed to his apartment. Luckily, I still have the spare key he gave to me. I quietly open the door and amble to not make any sounds but then I saw unfamiliar sandals, it made me stop and think. I shook my head and mumbled that maybe it was her sister. I continue to walk and saw his room wide open, he is naked, and there is a woman under him which he passionately kissed.

I want him to surprise but I was the one who got surprised. (Wow, magic. XD) No more words come out of my mouth even though I am mad. I was speechless. I can't move. The river flows through my eyes. I trusted him. He then saw me and shockingly called my name. At that moment, my feet started to move. I ran away while crying. How long he has been doing this? A lot of questions ran through my mind. It is like a dejavu, eh?

He took away my trauma... but brought it back doubled... the man I thought will be with me for the rest of my life. The man I planned my future with. I'm stup*d! It seems like he is a professional actor who has been acting since the first day we met, and I am like a kid who amazingly believes in a clown which in fact was making me happy by fooling me. I am not sure if he had been true to me all this time.

That's all! Kapapanuod ko 'to ng kung ano ano sa Facebook e. 😆

Eyyyy! Annyeong, readcash pips! How's everyone?