Changes for the better part 2

Blog 31
Date:March 02,2022
Time : 4:35pm

For everyone who has read the first part of the changes of my husband's traits and behaviors thank you so much for your precious time.

Elmo is a barkadista (a person who has lots of friends). But of course, as they say, "tell me who your friends are and I will tell you who you are " most of his friends love to drink "palainom" in our dialect. At first, it was fine with me. I was still trying to get to know more about him through his friends. When our relationship started I asks him if he ever uses prohibited drugs and he told me that he had already stopped using them over a year ago. I believe what he has said but there was one incident that made me doubt him. I found out that he was hanging out with drug addict friends. How did I find out? Through his messenger. I've read his old conversations with his friend. They're talking about illegal drugs. Well, thanks to his old conversations in messenger I slowly knew his secrets and I slowly know him through reading his conversations with other people.

When I confronted him about using illegal drugs that time, he denied but I already knew that he did use it. One of my clues is. Elmo is not a morning person. He doesn't wake up early like 5 am. He loves to sleep but that morning He wakes up so early around 5 am and seems he's not sleepy at all knowing that he sleeps late that night from their drug session. So later that day I ask him again and he confess that he uses illegal drugs, his reason is he was drunk, which means nagalgal(nadala or got influenced) with his friends. So I told him if that's his reason then he should stop drinking cause he does stupid things when he's drunk. He promise that he will lessen his alcohol intake but it didn't happen because whenever his friends invited him to drink he will definitely accept their invitation.

One time he was having a drinking session in his parent's house with his Co workmates (known to be drug users) he was totally drunk that time. Since our houses are just close. His uncle told Elmo to minimize their loud voices as it was already late. He felt embarrassed and he started shouting to his uncle. He started to act violently. I was trying to calm him down but he doesn't know me anymore. I was honestly shocked. I was crying so hard telling him that I run away from my parent's place of my drunkard father but then I married a man who is just like my father. I never wish to have a life like that. I honestly wanted to go back to my parent's place and bring my 2 kids. I don't wanna live with him anymore. I don't wanna live with a person who doesn't listen to me or respect his wife. He felt sorry for what he did and he promised that it won't happen again but of course, promises are made to be broken.

It happened not once, twice but three times. I am almost giving up on my plan to finish our house those times. The 3rd time was the worst one because he committed suicide by hanging himself because he was too drunk and he can't even do what he did. Before that suicide incident. Elmo and his family have been into a major family problem. That causes Elmo to almost lose his mind. I tried to talk to him but as I said he doesn't know anyone when he is totally drunk. Since I know what I am capable to do if am really pissed off I choose to live with him and bring my kids to my parent's house. I told him I never wish to have a terrible life with him and I don't my kids to experience that kind of life. I managed to travel with my motorcycle with my kids even if it was already 12 am. My parent's place is around 10kilometers away from where we live. When we arrive at my parent's place I received a chat message from his sister telling me that Elmo committed suicide. I told his sister why did they leave Elmo alone in our house? They already knew that Elmo is capable of hurting himself. Anyway, before I meet Elmo, he already told me that he already had a history of trying to kill himself by climbing on a coconut tree. (see suicidal talaga siya) They know Elmo better than me. Honestly one of the reasons why I choose to leave him is because I can't just stay there watch my eldest daughter shaking because of her fears for what's happening. My daughter already experienced trauma when she was a kid because of my drunkard dad. Because of that incident, Elmo lost his job. He was working at the Water refilling station just near our house at that time but because of the incident, he wasn't able to work after that incident. I choose to stay at my parent's place. His sisters tried to convince me to come home. Elmo also wanted us to come home. Elmo decided to visit at my parent's place and I told him that I decided to stay at my parent's place for a couple of days. I still don't want to see our house. Especially the exact area of the house where he tried to kill himself. I honestly don't wanna hear about suicide. My ex-live-in partner died hanging himself. I've been through so much about that incident and I don't want to experience it again. So after that incident, his parents told him not to drink anymore because he cannot control himself and he usually do stupid things when he's drunk.

However, when the time I was trying to help him forget and overcome what he has through He got addicted to Mobile legends. I've already written an article about his addiction and you can read it here.

We were financially unstable at that time, my husband is jobless and I am just working for our family, and then what he was doing was not helping me at all. I came to the point of freaking out at work. It's been a long time since I acted that way. What I really hate about his attitude when I always tried to talk to him about our problem, he will just ignore me, he doesn't even say words that could make me feel better especially since we always had a fight because of his actions. He wanted us to be okay without him doing nothing to make me feel okay. And what I really hate most is the feeling of being taken for granted. But he keeps on doing that over and over again. A lot of people will say, you just need to talk heart to heart. Well yeah, it's so easy to say that but why not try to talk to a person like Elmo? Talking to him sometimes or most of the time is useless. He doesn't even know how to say sorry and tried to accept his mistakes. Every time I tried to talk to him, I am always the bad one. I always told him that I am trying to talk to him because I wanted us to have a fight but I was trying to talk to him because I wanted to fix whatever problems we have. What makes it funny sometimes is if I ask him his answers are always palpak(flap). Just like when I ask him if will he ever use illegal drugs again? His answer was "Nah mahal na Nah kaayo run oi di nako ka afford Ana" (drugs are expensive now and I can't afford it anymore) and I was like what? What if someone gonna invite you to give it to you for free? I told him I didn't expect Him to answer that way. He should answer me like he doesn't want to use it again because he doesn't want to do stupid things that will make our family be broken. I honestly don't want drug users or drug addicts. They are the people that do stupid things like killing other people. Rape their on kids and knowing that I have a teenage daughter I honestly don't trust my husband about my daughter. They are not related by blood. Drug addicts even raped their own kids how much more if my daughter is not his real daughter. I know mommies out there can relate to me.

For now, whenever we have misunderstandings I always remind him that he has to understand that I am not trying to start an argument but I am just trying to fix whatever problem we have.

the end

Closing thoughts

Life with Elmo is really tough but I still choose to fight and stay with him. I just hope that we will finally realize things in life before it's too late.

Photos used in this article are all owned by yours truly unless it is stated.

Big shout to miss@Micontingsabit miss @Talecharm and Dear @Lucifer01 for renewing your sponsorship on me.May God bless you more blessings in life.

and to @Melissa_1998 please do accept my sponsorship kahit maliit lang hehehe