I finally managed to see the exact day of my monthsary in read.cash. For the past 2 months, I have just celebrated it together with my noise.cash account because I forgot to take note of when I made my read.cash account.
But today, I have successfully saw the date which is my 3rd month staying here.
Before I go on the things I have realized, I want to encourage you guys to check out my amazing sponsors. Their kindness enable me to do my best each day.
Anyway, as I said earlier, this article will be about my 3 months journey here to learning how to love myself.
A look back
When I started this account, I did so because I have some longer thoughts to share that seem out of place in noise.cash.
I was feeling lost and I did not know if I am on the right path. I remember that my main focus back then was to make artworks during my free time or read webtoons. Most free time is also spent on playing Stardew Valley.
Those things are not bad per se. However, they only bring me temporary joy. They were just distactions to what I am truly feeling. I do them so that I will not have time to dwell on the emptiness within me.
My first month here is full of trials and errors. I was trying to find the rhythm of my words again. I was learning how to let my mind work together with my hands to bring my thoughts to life without interference of my ego.
Back in May, I did not really know what I want to write about. I had so many ideas but none of them are as fun to write as it is in my mind. So I scratched them off my list.
During this time, I managed to publish 31 articles even if I started a bit late and I missed a few days.
I managed to do this because I wrote around 2-3 articles when I can. I dedicated the whole afternoon back then to just writing.
I also wrote a lot of things that I do not feel proud of as they sound forced and they do not make a lot of sense. However, those articles became my stepping stones into learning what topics interest me and what topics should I stay away from.
This is also the time where I did not think much of supporting others. I was only here for myself is what I say in my mind.
While the truth is that I just wanted to make this account a diary of some sorts, I have also found great company in this place.
Everyone is nice and supportive. This is what I thought during that time.
I also barely upvoted article, preferring to like and comment only. I mostly keep what I received for myself.
At the end of this month, I feel so burned out and wanted to quit. Why? Because instead of learning about myself, I started to be more interested in having BCH.
I learned in this month that it is important to never lose sight of my reason for doing something.
This is a memorable time for me as I received my first 2 sponsorships this month. I learned how to be more grateful for others' support of me and I did my best to support others too.
In this month, I have managed to become a part of the Top 200 tippers in the last 30 days. Upvoting has become part of my routine which is why I slowly managed to steadily be part of the top tippers. I always set aside a part of what I received to give to other users instead of keeping everything to myself. I managed to be a part of the top 120 when the month ended.
I also managed to share articles about my hobbies, specifically the ones where I tackled the progress in my art journey.
However, the burnout from last month affect me. Instead of the 30 articles goals that I had, I only managed to publish 26 articles (28 if the summaries are included) that month.
I remember that this was during the hell week of the 2nd year in college so I was tired in trying to learn every concept that we need to for our tests. The only thing that kept me going then was the fact that the vacation is nearer than ever.
I am so glad that I managed to push through. And I even earned a place at the Dean's List that 2nd semester. Although, I would not know it until next month.
In this month, I learned how to listen to my body. Instead of forcing myself to be "productive", I learned how to rest when my body needs it.
This month is a roller coaster ride. At the start of this month, my articles were not noticed by many users and Rusty barely pays me any visit too. I was sad about that which is why I could not interact as much as I wanted to.
This made me focus more on crocheting instead of writing more articles daily. I missed a few day then compensated the next with a good article and a not-so-good one.
I felt pretty low this month so I tried to chase away the feeling by distracting myself with multiple things. In the outside it looked like I was my most productive self but I was breaking apart slowly.
The good thing is that I managed to catch it early enough that I can do something about it. I took a few days break where I let myself just feel things and admit the things I am feeling. I felt angry and envious of seeing other people's success. I asked myself why, and that is when I relearned an important lesson that I forgot. I remembered how to clap for other people's success. This little lesson managed to get me into a better mood for the second half of July.
Here, I managed to invite a few crochet friends who are also looking for some extra money to buy some yarns or other necessities.
Seeing them succeeding and having money to buy the things they needed like milk for their children brought a lot of happiness to me. Which is the one push I needed to start changing my routine again.
There is also the issue back then which ruined my rose-tinted view of this platform. I realized that everywhere, I went, no matter how chill the place seems at first, it will always hide some toxicity. So instead of trying to find a perfect place, I learn how to make the place comfortable for me.
In the second half of the month, I became more active again in the platform. Instead of feeling sad about a $1 total upvotes to 3 articles I write, I became thankful for it and I gave it to other users too.
I started to comment on articles where I wanted to share my thoughts. And then the interaction in my posts followed too. I made sure to treasure each interaction and tried my best to reply and upvote as much as I can.
With this little change, I ended this month feeling happy and proud of myself.
Another achievement I had is that from 120th I became 75th in the top tippers.
In this month, I learned that everyone do what they think is best. Even if I may disagree with their views and their ways, I must remember that they are just doing what they believe is right. Also, I learned that being contented feels much better than always wanting more.
August so far
My August so far started in a very nice way. I managed to finished the crochet goals I set for myself.
I even got half of the 0.20BCH of my August goal. Unfortunately, I would need to convert it to fiat because my sister is borrowing some money. I feel sad but it is kinda okay. I just need to grind more in the upcoming days.
That is the BCH I have managed to accumulate this August. But now, I am back to zero. Good thing that it is only the first week.
I am not super sad because of another achievement this month.
I am now part of the Top 50 tippers, yey!
When I was a new here, I promised myself to one day have the diamond badge too. Even if only for a few days.
And now, the dream has become a reality.
I was not even aiming for it this month. I have this goal as part of my goals I want to achieve by the end of 2021 but this works as well.
I remember that when I was starting here at read.cash, I was surprised to see how much the top tippers give to other users. It was unfathomable to me back then. Because giving is not required, right? So why are they giving large amount of BCH to others? Why not keep it for themselves? But now I understand. The feeling of having been able to support other users is not really comparable to the value given.
Anyway, that is all that I want to share today. My three months here is so eventful. I learned so many things and met so many wonderful people. I am grateful to have been part of this community.
Thank you so much for reading this article!
Telegram: @zehrasky
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