My Muse

I still remembered the day I started seeing you differently. It was a day that started like the other days. The world appears monochrome to me ever since I lost the will to live, the day I lose myself. I have become used to it and had even accepted that I can no longer paint beautiful sceneries because all I could ever create since then was sad imagery, fully reflecting what is happening in me. However, that all changed when I saw you that day. Making people laugh and you seem so incredibly clueless about how you make others happy. Just for that instance, I saw the colors bloom around you.

As I write this, I am reminded of that moment and I can not stop myself from crying just a bit. That day, you changed me, whether you know it or not. I did not mean that I wanted to be with you, or I wanted you to be mine. I knew back then that I have my own problems to take care of before I even thought of relationships, and I would never dare bring you into the dark world that I face everyday.

You changed my world, and I gave myself a second chance to live again. I wish I could have told you how grateful I was that you exist. I hope I had told you that it was because of you that I can still write and paint again.

It is because of you that I am still alive to find new interests to try. My wonderful muse, no one ever comes close to what I felt back then. I hesitate to call it any word for I fear that my limited vocabulary is not enough to capture the essence of that moment. Still, I remember it and sometimes I wish I could forget, because the memories are starting to get a bit too much. I want to live without needing a muse.

I think I have not needed you for quite some time but I still remember you, and it leaves me feeling melancholy. I am still filled with regrets that the only thing I did to thank you was to write you one letter. I hope that I was able to be more confident to tell you thank you.

I want to be like you someday. I want to make someone feel like life is worth living for. You were my muse for a long time, but I feel like I could finally let you go now along with the regrets of the words I should have said.

Thank you for the memories. Thank you for giving me strength when I was so close to giving up again. If our paths crossed once again, I wish I could tell you that your existence helped me stay alive.