And I am standing still

For years, I have been plagued by the same nightmare. Someone is chasing after me, sometimes I escape, most times the creature caught me and I fought for my life. There were many explanations and interpretations for this kind of dreams.

Some claimed that it is a manifestation of my desire to run away from my problems. When I read that I thought about it long and hard. But I am still left wondering.

I wonder why I always run away in my dreams when during the day, I stay mostly in one place, unwilling to go out. Just yesterday, my sister asked me to accompany her but I refused even though she tried to lure me out with free food.

Would anyone believe me when I say that I want to run away from this place? This life that I have to live? This name that I have to carry? I do not want the burden that I have to bear.

My happy memories are fading, intermingling with the other memories I have and still I stay just watching. In my dreams I would have done something about it. In my dreams I felt powerful enough to try and outrun destiny. But here, when I am awake, I am just a mere wallflower. Still, and ignored even when everything else is moving.

Sometimes, I wish that my dreams will seep into my reality so that I may gain a little bit of courage to go out. Then, I remembered that I am now trying to do things I would have never done before, so maybe my dreams really are mixing with my reality.

One day, I would like to be able to stop running in my dreams and face what is chasing me head on. I would like to be able to ask, "Why do I feel like I have to run when I have the strength to take you on?". That would be the day I know that I finally started moving again.