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An anxious month for me. Am I okay?

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Written by   436
1 month ago

The beginning of this month is not so good to me as I experienced a lot of problem resulting that I became anxious and to be honest this is one my worst anxiety that I have experienced since I gave birth.

As I am typing this now and not yet starting to share some of the reason why I'm anxious I am already crying. You know the feeling that you are so tired and you want want to be gone but you can't because there's a people who depending on you.

It's been 10 months since my mother left the house. I didn't made a single article about it because I don't want to share it as I am not comfortable that you guys judge my mother but my virtual friends knew those down moments of my life as I shared it to them on Telegram.

First week of September when my brother called me and he was crying and I told him why. He said our mother called him and asking for help because she leave the job as a maid and she has no place to live. As an eldest among my siblings I am incharge when it comes in decision making because they are also relaying to me. My brother called Sunday and my father was here in the house. I don't know what to do , should I tell it to my father or should we do our action without telling him.

So my brother he will take good care of my mother but he will be renting another apartment in Manila. I told him that Mama will be bored there and it's not safe to live in Manila now because of Covid cases. I told him to asked Mama if she wants to go home but my brother said she don't want because our father will only throw hurtful words against him.

Then I started to opened it to my father and he said my mother is already forgiven but make sure if she will be back here she's willing to change her attitude. Maybe you are wondering what happened to them? My mother committed an adultery and you know what worst? She even spend money for the guy which was my father's hard earned money that why my father is so broken until now but my father is still a good man to forgive my mother.

After I told that to my father I saw in his eyes that he still not okay. It seems like that pain brings back. You know the feeling of you are in the process of moving on but destiny will not allowed you to be. I said to my father that what we need to do is to accept our situation and if my brother wants to take good care of my mom then let him. After all she's our mother and it will never changed even if she committed something bad.

Last November , I am the one who did the role of my mother in the house. I am the one who look after on my niece because my sister is working , I am also the one who always check on my father from time to time because I know he is going through something painful. I am a mother and a wife also And there's an other stress to me because of our younger brother who always borrowed some money.

It's been 10 months since my life is like that. Same routine , same vibes. It feels like I am the one who is suffering because of the problem they created but still I manage to be positive. I find ways to look forward positively. Despite of what's happening on me in real life , I still manage to make an article and make some noise because aside from earning it is also my outlet to released my heavy feelings like now that I created this one.

Maybe I interacted less , I'm sorry for commenting on a few articles and not engaging with lot of users but that's what I can. I am busy in the house all day taking good care of my son and niece and the only time I can interact is when they are asleep. If only I can always find time then I will but sadly I can't that's why I accepted that I will be a user here who got a small views and likes and to be honest I am just fine with it because that's only what I can for now but like what Madam @Ruffa said , be like BDO. I will find ways too.

So last September 12 , my brother and I had a conversation again and he said our mother will stay temporarily in our Aunt's house in Bataan until their house in Bulacan will turn over to them. Our situation is not okay now and no one wants this kind o situation but we have no choice. You know the feeling that you can't do anything? I am not a bad daughter to my mother , I love her that's why I always make sure that she's safe even if she's not in the house anymore. What I can do is to pray and wait for the time that my father is already healed.

I also send some money to my brother for my mothers allowance and that money is my noise.cash earnings.


It's my first time to write this one. I choose to be silent so that no one will be affected. I didn't post on social media nor opening to my friends except to my slightly BFF which is @Kai09 . She knows all of what I have been through. This is one of the problems I am facing this month. There's more but I think I will make an another article about it.

I will end it here as my pillow is so wet because of my tears.

Update: After I wrote this article earlier I saw my memories on my Facebook account and here's what I saw.

I know God is with me all the time ♥️ I really feel His presence and He find ways to make me calm. Indeed He is so amazing God.

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Written by   436
1 month ago
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Comments

Magdasal lang po tayo sa panginoon miss yen. Magiging okay din po ang lahat. Tiwala lang po tayo. Sa buhay may problema po talaga kailangan lang po natin maging matatag. Malaking tulong din po dito kasi nailabas niyo po yung dinadamdam niyo. Matatapos din po to miss yen.🙏

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1 month ago

Oh my! Sorry about your experience 😔. Trust God he is your sufficiency, he would be your wisdom and strength....May God see you through this ordeal

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1 month ago

Nabasa ko po last time yubg chat nyo sa noiseristificastionism about sa pagiging anxious. Want to tell something about it pero nahihiya po ako mag approach.

Take some time to rest. Mabuti po na naiidentify nyo agad yung emotions nyo at nairerelease nyo agad thru writing at making noise sa noise.cash. Continue nyo lang din po yung pag-oopen sa mga taong pagkakatiwalaan nyo. Hirap po kasi pag sinasarili at naiimbak sa loob; nakakabigat po sa pakiramdam.

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1 month ago

Dito Lang din Naman ako nag open saka Kay @kai09 , ayaw ko din Kasi maging pabigat pa sa. Iba ,

Medyo sanay Naman na ako sa ganito. Simula nung nanganak ako been experiencing this pero lumalala Kasi dahil sa situation

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User's avatar Yen
1 month ago

Randam ko un bigat ng nararamdaman mo momsh, as panganay, sa atin halos lhat nakadepende. Pero laban lang, family is love di ba nga. For sure mabebless ka pa dahil sa mga sacrifices mo.

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1 month ago

Yes Mommy. Kapa na Naman .

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User's avatar Yen
1 month ago

Pray lang Yen..

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1 month ago

Ouch ang bigat nga sa loob niyan mare, don't worry those days and this coming days pa, andyan si God kasama mo, kaya mo yan, kaya niyo yan. Godbless you and your family 💎

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1 month ago

Thank you Mareng.

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User's avatar Yen
1 month ago

Naku madam, inis na inis talaga ako sa mama mo. Nasabi ko naman na un sa tg dati kasi grabi din naman talaga ginawa nya. Sarili lamg nya ang inisip nya kamusta naman kaung family nya diba tsk.

Basta wag ka papadala jan mga negative thoughts mo na iyan. Paytsss lang and BDO 🤗🤗💪🏿. Wag ka masyado mag isip at talagang nakakabuang iyan. Basta think positive wag kang aayaw. Revicon Forte!! 💙💪🏿

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1 month ago

Haysss. Pinipilit Kong maging positive madam. Minsan talaga Kasi bumibigay din ako Lalo kung sabay sabay

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User's avatar Yen
1 month ago

Ate I feel you 🥺 pero may mga bagay talaga tayo na kailangan nating ilaban at di dapat sukuan. Maski rin akl diko alam kung okay bako o ano, habang tunatagal mas lumalala namamagitan samin ng ate ko kasi di nya matanggap na kapatid niya ako. Ang sakit masyado, diko alam pano pa itutuloy palagi pero iniisjp ko na may taong nangangailangan samin, kaya laban lang tayo. Dasal ko sana maging okay kana 🥺

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1 month ago

Aw. Bakit? Ang harsh Naman non.

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User's avatar Yen
1 month ago

Hang on there, everything will be fine... ❤️❤️ Pawer!.. 😊

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1 month ago

Pawer hahaha.

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User's avatar Yen
1 month ago

Eto po pala ate ang reason ng sinabi momg anxiety. Okay lamg naman po mapagod part po iyan ng life. May kanya kanya po tayong sitwasyon ng buhay buti nga po at inopen po ninyo dito. Dasal lang po sa panginoon ate , magiging okay din po ang lahat. Tiwala lang 😊 kaya mo yan ate! Alam kong strong ka.

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1 month ago

Naku. Isa palang Ito sa mga reason. Isuaulat ko pa Yung iba Bukas

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User's avatar Yen
1 month ago

That's God's way of telling you that he's always there to help you my yen. Don't give up. All of this will be worth it. ❤

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1 month ago

Naiyak nga ako ulit after ko makita sa memories ko Kasi diba coincidence lang ba or tlga will ni God na ngayon ko to isulat

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User's avatar Yen
1 month ago

I feel you mamshy kasi panganay din ako. Di basta basta responsibilidad. Di kalang nakapagbigay once marami ng reklamo

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1 month ago

Totoo Yun. Yung parang Kasi ikaw Yung inaasahan.

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User's avatar Yen
1 month ago

Okay lang sana kung di palagi eh no

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1 month ago

Pati ako naiinis sa mama mo 😅 pasalamat tlga ako na hndi ganyan mama ko.. Matanda na pro nagpapaproblema pa..
At yun nga, matanda na, kaya dapat baguhin na ang sarili,..kc kpg magkasakit, wala ibang mag aalaga kundi yung tunay na pamilya.
Yun ang narealize ni papa kya sya nagbago..

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1 month ago

Yap. Yun din nmn sinasabi nmin. Wala sya iba lalapitan kundi Yung pamilya nya. Yun nga nangyari.

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User's avatar Yen
1 month ago

You don't have to weep but embrace yourself and believe things would be okay. It is better to open up than keeping it to yourself and that alone can cause depression to someone. You don't know who is out there willing to help you. As for your Dad, he should be strong always and accept your mom back. Everything will be fine over there with you family.

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1 month ago

That's why I'm writing it all here after I keep a silence a while.

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User's avatar Yen
1 month ago

we may sometimes think of giving up, pero laban lang tayo hanggang sa huli. For sure magiging maayos din naman ang lahat

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1 month ago

Yep. Laban lang ♥️

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User's avatar Yen
1 month ago

Awww. Sending virtual hugs po. Stay strong lang. 💚

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1 month ago

Salamat 💚

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User's avatar Yen
1 month ago

Ang bigat din nang responsibilidad mo Yen noh, kapagod nga pag panganay.. haay be strong na lang at pray always for guidance. God bless you..

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1 month ago

Oo. Hindi nga ako prepared Kaso Wala man din choice. Kung magiging selfish ako paano sila. Minsan namamanhid nalang ulo ko kakaisip e plus mo pa Yung Wala mag Isa ako dito lagi hays

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User's avatar Yen
1 month ago

Haays nakakapagod nga yan, yung sister mo ba matagal pa rin nauwi para naman matulungan ka rin?

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1 month ago

On time Naman na umuwi kaso negative sa pagtulong Kasi laging cellphone hawak at kavc Ang jowa jusko

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User's avatar Yen
1 month ago

Ayyy waley rin pala jusko, may time pa ba sya sa anak nya? Naku naman talaga. Asar nila ako nang mama mo kaloka tas yung kapatid mo pa na nangungutang sakit din sa ulo jusko, laban lang talaga.

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1 month ago

Yun nga kinaaasar ng asawa ko Kasi minsan diba kakain na kami ng hapunan sa Amin pa magpapasubo e nandon Naman na mama nya. Dapat mama na nya Kasi parang bonding nadin nila kumabaga kaso Wala jusko.

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User's avatar Yen
1 month ago

Oo nga dapat sya na magpakain, siguro ang bata nasanay na rin sa inyo.. parang ikaw na nanay nya.

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1 month ago